They spent four days in her bedroom, Azriel was the one that went for food down to the kitchen and she could hear Rhys and Mor’s remarks.
Warnings ;; none
Author note ;; I know people will say or are going to think, how can they like her if they had never met her before? well, the same things goes for feyre in acomaf, so why not do the same thing for reader? i don't wanna make this series too long, this is chapter 7 and we are still in the beggining of acowar, soooo... also, they know for feyre how her sister is and how much she needed the love and warmth of a family sooo... :)
Word count ;; 1902
They spent four days in her bedroom, Azriel was the one that went for food down to the kitchen and she could hear Rhys and Mor’s remarks.
She’s new here and you’re keeping her to yourself Az.
Brother, I hope you’re being safe with her.
Are we going to meet her or not?
She’s my sister in law, keep her safe Az if not Feyre will kill me when she comes back.
And Azriel’s only answer was to growl at them and he always found her smiling when he came back, only for him to jump on top of her when he entered the bedroom.
It was her idea to leave the room, even if her new instincts told her to stay there with him, but she needed to go out, she needed to see her new life and on top of that, she needed to see her sisters who were living in the House of Wind. The wardrobe had every cloth she would have chosen for herself and she knew that it had been Feyre’s idea as if knowing that one day she would live there. She missed her. In the moments of peace between their frenzy, she told him her relationship with Feyre and he told her how they had all helped her heal but the one that had truly helped was Rhys and that was one of the reasons she wanted to go out.
To see her brother in law, to thank her for saving her sister, and for saving them.
With his usual clothing, Azriel stood behind her as she watched herself in the full body mirror. She looked at her cheeks, round and pink, her eyes had a new glow, something magical in them, and her body… she felt lighter but stronger, but there was a little bit more muscle. The exercise we have been doing is the reason behind it. Az had said with a smirk in his stupidly handsome face when she had tried one of the lace sets on her drawer.
“Are you ready?” Az asked as he hugged her from behind, arms on her waist while his face hid on her neck, kissing and biting softly.
“I.. think I am? I’m kind of nervous, I mean, I haven’t met any of them properly and the first few days I’m awake I found my mate and stayed in the bedroom.”
“That bad?” he asked with no malice in his voice, only a playful remark of the days between the bedsheets.
“Of course not silly, you know I would love to stay here with you but… I need to see them and I need to meet my new family, I really want to.”
“I know.” and kissed her forehead.
With one last kiss and a few words of reassurance, they made their way downstairs to the living room where Rhys, Mor and Cassian were sitting eating breakfast. As soon as they appeared, Cassian was smirking as well as Mor, Rhys eyes were full of mischief and tried to hide it, but as the civilized one, he stood up and walked to the door frame, knowing that his brother could hit him easily being near his mate, but Az held back, one hand in her back as she bit her bottom lip. When Rhys was standing before them, he looked at her and smiled softly. “Welcome to the family, sister.”
Unable to stop herself, she hugged his torso. Az tensed a bit and Rhys froze, he looked at his brother and he nodded to him, he could handle Rhys giving her a hug, for her he would back off. Slowly, Rhys hugged her back, one hand on her shoulders while the other went to her head, a hug a brother would give to her younger sister, and for Rhys, she was already that, she was not only her sister in law, she was her sister. He could feel her dead sister smiling at him.
“Thank you, for saving my sister.” she whispered, her voice full of emotions.
“You don’t need to thank me for anything, she also saved me, so I think we are even.” A dragged chair told her someone had stood up, moving from Rhys, Mor came to her with a fiercely hug that made her yelp in surprise, but she returned it with the same fervor. “Oh Mother you smell like him, gross.” Mor complained while she laughed and Az only smirked.
Cassian, with his wings still healing, smirked at his brother and Az erased the smile on his face and gave him a scowl. “Oh so Rhysie here gets approved to hug your mate and I get the scowl?” Cassian teased him.
“You are the prick here, he’s not.” Az said with his teeth clenched at which Cassian only laughed. Once they were all sat at the table, conversation started again. No awkward silences, or gaze that told her she was a stranger, that she didn’t fit there, no. She felt more than welcomed already. She ate whatever she wanted and nobody said anything to her, she talked and laughed with them as if she had been here many centuries like them, she felt loved and welcomed. And Azriel sat beside her, he never said anything about what she did or said, he was a comfort presence, with a hand on her thigh, sometimes moving and other times squeezing it a little when she laughed.
Mor made her promise they would go shopping one day and accepted, she also accepted the offer from Rhys, to help her use her magic and of course she accepted Az and Cassian’s offer to train. She had found a purpose, a new path to walk it, she had found a family that welcomed with open arms, she had her sister Feyre and at the top of all of that, she had found a mate. A beautiful male who wanted her as much as she wanted him, who hadn’t run from her broken parts, who even in a short period of time had made her feel more at ease and safe than in her whole life.
_______________
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I need to do it, Az.” she sighed. “Better now than later.”
Standing beside her, Azriel’s wings moved lightly to free some tension. They were about to go to the House of Wind, where Nesta and Elain had been sleeping and living for the past days. She didn’t know what was going to happen, the crippling anxiety trying to paralyze her. Mother saved her, she couldn’t recall a time where they had a proper conversation without trying to bite their necks, and now she had to be calm and polite, not that she wanted to, but maybe they were scared, maybe they needed something, even though she had given everything to them when she had nothing.
A hand came to her lower back and she felt her body and mind leaning onto his body. Azriel’s lips kissing her hair softly. “Are you okay?” he asked. In the few days of being fully with him, and the occasional meetings, she had found that she came first to him, always asking what she wanted, what she needed and if she was safe and sound. Nodding, he moved to stand before her, a small smile on his face. “Are you ready to fly with me?”
Flying.
They needed to fly in order to see her sisters, the memory of their night together at her house came to her mind vividly, where she told her how envious she was of his wings and the fact that he could fly away, but now he was going to make her dream come true. “I don’t know, should I be?”
“Well, it’s very high.” smirking, he crooned “are you afraid of heights, Archeron?” She bit her bottom lip, both her hands pressed to his chest, feeling the heat coming from him and the toned muscles beneath his leathers. “Are you going to drop me, Shadowsinger?” she murmured, and Azriel leaned down to meet her lips but not kissing her fully even though their lips touched. “Not a chance in hell, angel.”
“Then it’s a good thing I trust you.”
His hands gripped her waist and before she could say anything, they were in the air. Yelling, she clinged to him with all the strength she could summon and a few minutes passed before Azriel spoke to her ear. “You can look.” And she did, she looked at the city underneath them. Houses, stores, people laughing and living, she could cry at the beauty of that place. She wanted to see it all, to feel everything with an open heart, to welcome it and cherish it.
Soon, they were landing in one of the many balconies that the house had, and now that she had her feet on safe land, she took a step towards the railing and embraced all that her senses were catching. Azriel hugged her from behind. “One day, I’m going to take you shopping, I’m going to take you out to every place your heart tells you to, I’m going to buy you nice things, take you to dinner, everything you deserve until your room is full of things and you can’t stand there.” Giggling at the thought of it, she took his hands and played with his fingers. “Are you going to spoil me?” Azriel bit her neck sending goosebumps to her body. “You deserve every damn thing in this world, even the smallest of the flowers.”
She turned to face him and looked at the face of the male that had changed her life upside down for good. “Do I have something in my face?”
“Only beauty.” Smiling, Azriel returned the smile and kissed her softly while his hands gripped her hips, her waist, everything they could find on their way. A soft moan slipped through her when his tongue ventured her mouth and danced with hers, but the sound of wings made them break apart, reluctantly. Rhys landed beside them “You both should have found a better place to stay.”
“Are you one to speak?” Azriel said, lifting an eyebrow while his eyes told him to say one more thing if he dared. Rhys lifted his hands in surrender. “Guilty,” he smiled, “too many years with Cassian.”
“Are you ready?” Rhys asked, unable to find her voice, she nodded. The three of them walked inside, and she took in the rustic beauty of the house. Meanwhile Rhys explained that the house provided everything they needed with magic, and that her sisters could stay how long they wanted to. Stopping at the library doors, she felt the magic emanating from them, something similar but never equal. They have been made by the Couldron, and that was the closest thing they would ever come to because even if they were family, their differences had always been there. It would take her sometime to forgive the things they did and didn’t do throughout the years.
Her light shadows were edgy, she could feel them get ready to defend her, how? She didn’t know, but they were her companions now and forever. A shadow from Azriel grabbed her wrist like a bracelet.
Not daring to look at the males behind her, she grasped the door handle and walked into the eye of the storm.
“The great joy and honor of my life has been to know you. To call you my family. And I am grateful—more than I can possibly say—that I was given this time with you all.” ->a court of wings and ruin, ch. 69
Happy birthday to @itsblobross !! Here is your favorite rareship Mor x Nuan, drawn by me as I watch old The Bald And The Beautiful episodes (very fitting for lesbians lmao)
I hope you have an amazing day and you are a very sweet, funny, lovely, and talented friend 💕 your blobs bring people so so much joy, you’re a coding genius, and everything you write and draw is just so amazing!
Also a timelapse below the cut because they’re fun
carry me slowly, my sunlight (all these colors fade for you only)
azriel and his best friend - chapter II
series masterlist
azriel x reader
word count: 4.5k
warnings: mentions of bad family dynamics and childhood trauma. angst + comfort
i have no idea how to conduct a summary but this is a star fall fic! as mentioned in the drabble earlier
enjoy and, as always, make sure to give me feedback and let me know if you want a continuation of this!
a/n: sooo this is coming out so much later than i intended for it to but school is killing me currently, so sorry for the wait! also the title is a lyric from hozier’s sunlight :)
Three hours before Rhysand’s starfall party was scheduled to begin, she was sitting in the vanity in her room, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was glad to be here, she really was. And she hadn’t done anything bad, she was well aware. But still she couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in her gut. The guilt. Azriel had spent the last few days trying to make that feeling go away - but it stuck like dirt and grime on her skin.
Maybe it was the upcoming anniversary that made her go into survival mode at the mere thought of her blood relatives.
Or maybe it was the letters they kept sending.
Either way, nothing seemed to be able to make the bad memories go away. She tried to solve it all like an equation - look at the situation from start to finish, list out all the reasons why she was not some villain in her family’s story - but acting like she was guilty only cemented her feelings more.
Tonight is supposed to be good, she reminded herself. Don’t ruin this. Starfall was the most important holiday of the year, for her family - in the new definition, the one that didn’t make her want to puke her guts out - for Azriel, for her best friend, and for herself. Or so it used to be. Before Amarantha, before the war, before everything got so complicated. Don’t ruin this. Then why did the holiday make her want to lock herself inside her closet and sit in the dark until the end of time? They finally got peace in Prythian, after everything. Don’t ruin this.
She sighed and started combing through her hair. Maybe the presence of her family, the real one, would make it easier tonight. That was what starfall was for anyway, right? Holding the people who loved you, knew you, and vice versa, close. Shaking her head, she decided she would focus on her friends tonight and everything would be alright.
The hair was haphazardly brushed through as, alas, unwanted thoughts still kept recurring like waves crashing over her mind. Clean golden-brown curls cascaded down her back and shoulders and her newly made dress was laid out on her bed. She tried to win that fight with her mind, but a reprieve arrived soon in the form of a brown-eyed female in a blood colored gown.
“Please tell me you didn’t do your makeup yet, you promised I could help!” Mor was almost shouting as she came tumbling into her room. She looked her up and down and exhaled.
“Oh, good. You’re not even dressed”
“Don’t we still have like three hours?”
“Well, that isn’t very much time, really. Show me that dress you made” the words were thrown over her shoulder as Mor was looking through the makeup drawers, evaluating products and pulling some out, some away.
“Here it is”
“Oh! You really outdid yourself this year, babe,” Mor’s chocolate eyes and smile were shining as she looked the dress up and down, having turned away from the vanity. “Put it on and let’s get started on your makeup”
By the time she was laced up and out of her bathroom, Morrigan had laid out just about every single one of her makeup and hair products on the desk of her vanity. Soon her cheeks and lips were rosy, eyelashes long and darkened with kohl, and her friend was standing behind her brushing out her hair.
“Please don’t tell me you’re making me do the same hairstyle you wear everyday” the joke was light in the evening air, and she let out a soft laugh, meeting her friend’s eyes in the mirror
“I did actually think we could try something different”
“I’m all ears”
“Maybe just regular waves? I think a whole intricate hairstyle will be too much with the dress?” Morrigan hummed at that, parting her hair down the middle. Then after a beat of silence
“Tonight will be fun, right?” the blonde’s eyebrow quirked up.
“Why wouldn’t it be? It’s starfall” another beat of silence, she sent her friend a tight smile and looked down
“Yeah…”
“Is everything alright? Anxious to see a certain spymaster, maybe?” her head snapped up, green eyes wide
“What?”
“Oh, come on,” Mor laughed and met her reflection in the mirror, mischief dancing in her eyes “Everyone sees the eyes you two make at each other. And this has been going on for decades! Free me from the torment, please” her cheeks were getting redder by the second
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she mumbled, averting her eyes
“Hey, head straight forward, now.” Mor’s fingers moved her head back in place “It’s cute how shy you get about this”
“Mother’s sake, stop now, please” she watched in a new found horror as her friend threw her head back laughing, musing
“Fine, fine. But seriously, have you never thought about this?”
Fuck’s sake. Of course she had. How could she have not? But he was her best friend. So, so good to her that sometimes she felt like her entire heart might burst. Like something in her ribs will pull so hard, she will snap and just stop breathing altogether. Because he changed her whole perspective on life, on the world.
That night he found her aimlessly wandering through the night court’s forest after travelling for days on end on a ship between the continent and Prythian. Tired and malnourished, both physically and emotionally, she quickly got lost after leaving the port.
Things could have ended badly, especially considering her lack of plan and any survival skills whatsoever - where was she supposed to get any after growing up dressed in tight dresses, locked inside a pretty manor? Raised to be a wife and mother under the cold, scrutinizing eyes of her parents and the town.
But then Azriel found her, in so many ways.
She took his hand, and still to this day felt as though she never let go of it - and hoped she never would.
“Gods, fine if you’re just gonna space out on me like that, I’ll drop it” Mor’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts
“Sorry?” but Mor was snorting, looking at her with something in her eyes that she couldn’t quite place. And then she was shaking her head.
“Hair is all done. Do you like it?” she met her own eyes in the reflection, and she really did look pretty tonight.
The curls of her hair were framing her face, the rest falling down her shoulders and back. Her eyes trailed down and followed the curve of her neck down to where a dainty golden chain with a small pendant was resting a little north of the swell of her breasts.
She stood from her seat to make sure everything was sitting right on her, and sighed, about to voice the thoughts she was torturing herself with before Mor’s appearance.
But then her friend sat on the bed, hands smoothing through the pink duvet cover and resting behind her to support her back. She snapped her fingers before grinning, and out of thin air appeared a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“I thought we could start the party a little early.”
And maybe she was right earlier - tonight would be a fun night with her friends, and she didn’t have to think about anything bad.
Rhysand’s party was well started by the time the two females made it to the main hall. The sea of bodies seemed never ending, the amount of people the high lord and lady invited was astounding - as always. But quickly she noticed two tips of Illyrian wings peaking out above the crowd, near the corner of the room. She looked around to find Morrigan already gone, and started to push through the crowd.
Azriel was leaning against the wall, two drinks already in hand. Cloaked in shadow, dressed in all black and already smiling softly once their eyes met, Azriel seemed to have already known she was coming.
She stood a few paces in front of him, anxiously smoothing down her hair and softly panting from the trudge through the room, already overwhelmed by the heat of the overcrowded hall. But before she could say anything, Azriel was handing her her drink and putting an arm around her shoulder in order to lead her out of the hall and into one of the balconies.
Velaris was always breathtaking at night, but especially this one. Even before the stars started to fall, the holiday made the sky look enchanting, somehow. The pair leaned against the railing, and her eyes were immediately glued to the city.
“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is” she turned her head in his direction, only to find him already looking at her.
His expression was so, so soft. Soft smiles and golden eyes full of stars staring straight into hers, a wing curled around her and shadows dancing in the air. She felt such warmth in her heart, almost as if it were some external feeling, that even the cold of the winter mountain air would not chill her skin. Her best friend brought his drink to his lips to take a sip, her eyes following the movement.
“Hi” she interrupted the bit of silence that ensued
“Hi” amusement or adoration swam in Azriel’s eyes. No, why would it be adoration? Amusement. For sure. Yes.
“Are you alright?”
“Y-yes, I’m alright. Why would I not be?” her eyes had widened at his question, and for a moment, the thought of telling Azriel everything appeared in her mind- Don’t ruin this.
Why would she go on about all of this now and make him comfort her on Azriel’s favorite holiday of the year, of all nights? As if he hadn’t been wasting half his time lately trying to ease her mind about this already. And even though she knew Azriel would never outright judge her and be annoyed with her, there was some deep-buried shame within her that was scared of that sort of ridicule. She brushed it off as not wanting to worry him-
“Angel?”
“Yes? Sorry, Az, I spaced” Get it together
Her best friend just sighed, his eyes so, so soft and leaned down to brush a strand of her hair behind her pointed ear.
“You’re a great person.” he said, then kissed her forehead “And everyone is glad to have you here”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Az” the scoff she let out at the beginning of the sentence was softened by the look in the shadowsinger’s hazel eyes. As if he knew something she didn’t.
“There you two are! Are you enjoying the night?” Rhysand’s booming voice came from the entrance to the balcony. He neared them, drink in hand and Feyre on his arm, smiling lightly at them.
“It is one of your starfall parties, Rhys. Of course we are.” she teased and Feyre laughed a little, long silver gown gleaming in the moonlight.
“Have you two only just arrived? I saw Mor and Cass are already a few drinks in” the High Lady said, and her ears perked up at that.
“That’s my call, then” she mused starting to walk away from the group “I’ll go find them”
Rhysand’s laughter followed her, and she looked over her shoulder to see the amusement shining in his purple eyes. Azriel was suddenly in her line of sight, a shadow flying down the silk of his black shirt and over to twine itself around her wrist.
“Be careful”
“Sure, grandpa” she teased, walking away “Come take a shot with me later”
This is good, she thought, passing between a sea of bodies. She’d have a few drinks and those vicious thoughts would be well warded away.
Truth be told, at this point the anxiety clinging to her mind made her forget what exactly she was even stressing about in the first place. But if she were to stop and unpack all that - she visibly cringed - well, that was a rabbit hole she was not interested in visiting.
Besides, Mor and Cass appeared before her eyes, pouring drinks at the self-serve bar and she raised her hand to wave to them.
“Make one for me, too, Cass!”
A few hours and drinks later she was standing with a group of fae, the thoughts of her old family now reduced to a buzz somewhere in the back of her mind. Starfall was still a few hours away and Cassian was telling some story that she couldn’t really focus on. The volume at which he spoke almost made the room vibrate, his hands were high in gesticulation and his half tied up hair swooshing around his shoulders. She felt her lips turn up into a smile at the inner circle’s laughter.
“I swear to the Mother-” someone was saying something, commenting on the tale Cassian was spinning but all of the voices in the room seemed to dull to a distant ringing. In her hands appeared a folded piece of paper. She knew who it was from before she opened the letter.
Dearest daughter,
It is with utmost urgency that we write this letter to you. You have been the cause of enough embarrassment for our family, and even though your mother and I have prayed that you would soon come to your senses and put an end to the petulance you have been subjecting us to for the last decades, we have finally realized you would not. You can no longer excuse yourself with Prythian’s political situation - the lady that you were supposed to grow into never should interest herself in such matters in the first place. You have caused myself and your poor mother enough embarrassment and worry.
With your behaviour you have forced me to take matters into my own hands as it is now clear that you have no regard for the family that you left, and the consequences we would face for your own act of childish defiance. I have arranged a marriage for you. It is not a proposal, nor a suggestion. The male your mother and I have chosen is of fine breeding and heritage, but you shall find out his name once you come to meet him personally.
You are expected at the estate in two months time, considering the lengthy travel. However, for fear of a repeating of your previous behaviour, we have decided it is wise to inform you now - I will come and collect you personally if you do not obey, daughter. Allow me say this once and for all: so far you have proven to be very little but a disappointment, even though you used to have so much potential. Do you understand the pain that you continue to cause all of us by attempting to escape the role we poured all of our time, devotion and money into?
I hope this message leads to the disillusionment of the modern ways that you have learned at the night court - you are a female and you have an established place in our society. Your games will lead to very little but a loss of your virtue and any prospects a young, promising lady like yourself has within our kingdom
The letter kept going, but all she could imagine was the worn edges of the paper sharpening and cutting into her skin like blades. She felt as though the simmering hot guilt would burn through her gut.
A disappointment. A runaway. A marriage?
If they thought that would be enough to send her rushing back, they were sorely mistaken.
But then why could she feel her palms sweating and her vision tunneling until it was just that rotten letter she could see? Disappointment. Burden.
She had a duty, something she was born and raised to fulfill, and she disregarded it just like that. She had dreams and aspirations and she was more than a breeding mare, she knew that, but suddenly a vision of a life married to a male whose name she learned minutes before walking the altar and being nothing more but the body birthing his heirs flashed before her eyes.
Suddenly all the carefully learned phrases she used to comfort herself dissipated from her memory.
Disappointment.
Who was she to defy the carefully structured society that picked a role for her? The room was spinning and she could hear her breaths coming in short rasps.
Someone was calling her name.
“Sweetheart?” no one was laughing anymore, and Azriel was standing before her, hands stretched out as though not to frighten away a doe “Are you alright?”
She snapped her head up, wide eyes taking in the group of fae she considered her closest family.
How they were all standing there, stars almost reflecting in their eyes and concern shining in them. They stared at her, and she could feel their night being ruined already.
Frozen to the spot, was what she was, lips downturned and breathing so, so shallow. Then someone outstretched a hand to touch her and she was taking off running down the hallway to her chambers, confused and concerned questions following her.
She ignored the fae staring at her in shock. She would’ve heard a scoff or two, if it weren’t for the ringing in her ears. If it weren’t for a certain Illyrian following after her, glaring down those few fae.
She did not remember running through the hallways of the House of Wind. Nor could she remember getting into her bedroom.
All she felt was shame as she now sat on the floor against her bed, knees drawn up high to her chest, hiding her head between them. She faintly registered the urgent knocking on her door as salt streams rushed down her face. She hiccuped and finally heard herself let out a sob.
You’ve ruined it now. Foolish girl.
Maybe if she had never dared to dream in the first place, she wouldn’t be here now. She wouldn’t have disappointed her parents. She wouldn’t have burdened Az with all this baggage. How can he even treat her seriously after all this? He had undergone years of imprisonment, torture and war and here she was breaking down because she thought she had a chance at a life braver than the one chosen for her.
What was she going to do?
She heard herself let out more sobs and struggled to catch her breath, her nails starting to dig into her palms. She can’t come back there - gods she was so miserable there. But what if her father actually came here? By her kingdom’s law Rhysand would be obligated to hand her back to her father since she was unmarried. She could picture it all and she couldn’t- she couldn’t breathe.
“Angel? Let me in sweetheart, please. Let me fix it.”
Azriel was still knocking on her door, and without any fight left in her, she rose up to her knees and unlocked the door for him. The next second he was sitting before her, tear stained face in his scarred palms as he wiped them away with his thumbs. More came to follow.
“What happened? What was that?” there was genuine terror in his eyes, as if he couldn’t stand to see her like this. She collapsed into a new-found heap of sobs at that and he let her fall into his chest.
“Sweetheart, please-” he said with a thick voice, gathering her into his lap.
His arms came around her, one stroking comfortingly along her back, one cradling her head to the juncture between his shoulder and neck.
“Okay, shh, there you are. Shh, you’re alright, I promise, alright? I’m right here” he rushed out the words, pulling at strings to comfort her.
He knew about the guilt, the feelings she was hiding away, too scared to show even her best friend. He knew, before she did, that it would come crashing out of her in the end.
What he didn’t know was what was in that damned letter that made her this inconsolable.
When he saw how her face fell as she read over those words - he physically had to stop himself from tearing the thing apart and tucking her away in his arms, letting her forget all things bad. Had to stop himself from flying to that wretched kingdom at that moment and burning it to the ground. All he could do now was bring her closer and start rocking her while she sobbed it out.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she was able to properly breathe again. With time and her best friend's gentle words her sobs turned into hiccups and finally stopped altogether. She exhaled against him and raised a hand to rub at her eyes.
“Gentle” Azriel had captured her wrist in his hand, letting a shadow wipe away at the remnants of her tears. She looked up to meet his eyes.
“There she is” she let out a wet laugh
“Ruined your shirt.” she whispered as she tried to wipe away at the tears and makeup she left there
“It’s okay” he said, still looking at her so, so softly “Wanna talk about it, hm?” she felt her eyes stinging
“I’m really sorry for being such a mess, Az, I really am,” she told him, wide, wet eyes staring up at him “Gods, I ruined Starfall didn’t I? I promised myself I-”
“Stop it. Right now,” her breath hitched “You did not ruin anything, angel”
She looked down at her lap, starting to play with her fingers
“Hey. Look at me” when she didn’t, she took her face into his hands and tilted it up, their eyes meeting “Everything is alright. Starfall hasn’t even begun yet. You didn’t ruin anything”
“It hasn’t?”
“No, it hasn’t” she nodded, relieved
“Okay, then” he wanted to tell her how she wouldn’t have ruined anything for him regardless. She couldn’t if she wanted. But he had a feeling she wouldn’t believe him - and that wasn’t what his best friend needed now.
After a bit of silence she tilted her head to the tear stained letter discarded on the floor next to them. He raised his eyebrows in question, and she nodded in agreement. Azriel’s jaw was already set tight before his shadows handed the letter to him.
She alternated between staring at him as his eyes followed the text and looking down into her lap, where Az’s shadows played with the rim of her dress, curling around her in soothing motions. When she glanced up again, he was already looking at her, something unrecognizable in the hazel of his eyes.
“This is bullshit. You know that, right?” there was urgency in his voice “This isn’t happening”
“But- but what if he comes here? He will come here, Az”
“I don’t care”
“Az-”
“You’re not going anywhere with them, end of story. They can get through me first”
“By law Rhysand will have to hand me over, Az. I’m unmarried and he is my father” he let out a scoff.
Azriel’s shadows seemed to get more and more agitated with every reasoning she gave, starting to rise up and curl all around her - as if they alone were going to act as a shield protecting her.
“You’re no doll for anyone to be handing over. We’re in Night, our law applies here, no one can take you”
“Oh,” he exhaled and brushed her hair down and behind her ears. Gods, she must look like a mess after all this “Really?”
“Yes” he didn’t tell her how even if all the laws in the world were against them, he wouldn’t let anyone take her away from him. Ever.
“I still- I feel so guilty, you know? I mean okay, I’m- I’m here and everything is fine while they’re there making amends because I ran. But I couldn’t live that life, Az, I really couldn’t” she moved off his lap to sit next to him against her bed
“I know. You don’t have to live any life other than the one you want. You decide”
“Yeah, but-”
“No buts,” he looked down at her, with such seriousness in his eyes it startled her “I know the guilt you feel because you think you did something bad but it’s them who act like victims after terrorizing you your whole life. It is not alright how they treated you,” there were tears gathering at her waterline “You did not deserve to be treated that way, angel. I don’t think you realize how brave of a person you are. How many rooms you light up. You’re capable of great things and I know you do, but you should not feel sorry for leaving and doing something for yourself when you’ve quite literally spent your entire life living up to their whims. And then they have the nerve to call you a- disappointment” Azriel tripped over the word, and she could practically hear his teeth grinding with how hard his jaw was set “Which you’re not, do you hear me?” He looked down at her and made sure she met his eye “You could never disappoint me, ever. Do you understand?”
“Y-yeah” she nodded, wide eyed
“Good. That’s good” she allowed herself to rest her head against his shoulder
“Thank you, Az” but before he could respond, the sky lit up right in front of their eyes, through the open balcony gates. Her breath hitched and mouth opened in wonder.
“Az! Look at that”
“Yeah, starfall, sweetheart” his eyes were soft as he took in the smile that finally graced her face. Something was pulling hard in the shadowsinger’s chest but all he could do was try to memorize her expression. Engrave it permanently in his mind.
“It’s beautiful”
“It is”
They watched the souls swim through the skies for some time in comfortable silence. The stars were falling in a kaleidoscope of colors and maybe she really hadn’t ruined the night. And maybe it was in her blood to worry and feel guilty for at least a few more decades. And surely Azriel would be there to stand with her through it.
“Angel?” He looked down at her, about to say something, but the words died on his tongue when he noticed her slumped against him, asleep on his shoulder. He smiled to himself.
It was three words Azriel whispered to his best friend as he carried and tucked her in bed, stars falling in the distance. Three words that she did not hear, yet.
Their whole flashback in ACOFAS was really a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Eris did not help Mor because she literally did not want him to, she admits it herself. They all knew if she were to be taken in by them, she’d be bound by law to be a member of the Autumn Court. He even confirms with her that she does not want that fate and says she’d rather die.
Eris did NOTHING wrong here.
Mor is in this situation all on her own. The only people she has to blame is her own parents and family that held her down and put a nail through her womb. Mor chose to sleep with Cassian, knowing how her family would react. She wanted to break the engagement. Eris simply agreed in a way that would keep his father from being suspicious. Eris has no interest in forcing a woman to be his bride.
This petty hatred of Eris for something he didn’t do is so stupid and it makes me not sympathize with Mor.
Side note: I also can’t stand her empty words about wanting revenge for women who were hurt like she was but she gives zero shits about the innocent women in the Hewn City or Illyria. She said it herself before that she’d rather see those people genocided. For someone with supposedly the power of truth, she’s full of lies and bs.
Seriously, SJM, if you wanted Mor to be this girls girl, why is she so mean and dismisses women that aren’t her or Feyre? Where’s the sympathy from Mor over Nesta, who’s been assualted multiple times? Where’s the fight for Illyrian women? Why does she act like she was the only dreamer in Hewn City? Make it make sense.
What do you mean this fandom hates a 12 and 11-year-old child for not being a mother to their 9-year-old sister when their father is literally right there?
What do you mean this fandom hates a 17-year-old child for not doing the hunting when the father is literally right there?
What do you mean this fandom hates a 9-year-old child for not helping Mor when the father who tortured her and dumped her over the border is literally right there?
This fandom is so anti-child until it comes to using baby Nyx to shield Rhysand from any and all criticism regarding not telling Feyre the truth about her pregnancy.
As a mother, this fandom's incessant need to infantalize grown-ass adults while simultaneously parentifying children is abhorrent.
