tw - depressive thoughts, technically bad advice, suggestions of suicidal ideation
“Do you think I’m a good person?”
Echo turned her head to look into Tape’s eyes. They were sadder than usual. The eyes of someone who had been up for days on end worrying, not ready to give up on life but not quite ready to embrace it either. Usually when she took too long to answer, he would make fun of her, but he didn’t say a word. He just sat there. Motionless. Slow blinking as she looked at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Am I a good person.” He repeated. “Do I deserve to be happy, safe, loved, when all I’ve ever done is harm.” It was more of a statement than a question. A phrase with the desire to be confirmed rather than debated. “Am I a good person if I make fun of those I love, or keep secrets from those I befriend.”
She hummed. “I think it depends on whether you regret or learn from those actions.”
“I don’t.” He answers immediately. “Learn from them, that is. I regret them,” he looked towards the ceiling. “I regret so much. More than anything I want to come clean, to apologize, to make amends, to love, but I don’t. I just hurt others more because of how much I hurt.” He looks back towards Echo. “Does that make me a bad person?”
She wasn’t quite sure what to say. Tape was kinda scaring her. She’d never heard him talk like this. She honestly didn’t even think the word ‘apologize’ was in his vocabulary, which she realized only further solidified his point.
“Yes.” She said simply. “That would make you a bad person.”
He stares at her. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t move. He just stares. He looks so tired. So, so, so tired. Then, he nods. Short, once, but nodding nonetheless.
“That being said,” she continues, earning a confused look from Tape. “I don’t think you’re a bad person.” His brows furrow at that comment. He opens his mouth just to be shushed by her. “Let me finish. I don’t think you’re a bad person just because you did bad things. As cliche as it sounds, everyone does bad things. I think you’ve heard that saying before?”
A dry laugh follows the statement. “More times than people than I can count.”
“It doesn’t help does it?” He shakes his head. “Yeah. To be honest, affirmations never really helped me much either. Just because someone says something will be okay, or that everyone experiences it, doesn’t make it easier.” She places her hand over his, gently, should he want to pull away. His arm tenses for a moment, but relaxes quickly after. That’s about consent enough for her. “But, what I do find is helpful for me, is pushing through it. So you’re a bad person? Okay. Just keep trying to do good things. If you don’t succeed, you’re still a bad person. It doesn’t hurt to try if you’re already where you don’t want to be. If you do succeed, you might still be a bad person, or you could become a good person. Either way, the best thing to do is keep going.”
“What if I don’t want to?” His soulless gaze meets hers. “What if I’ve already tried and tried and tried and became a good person just for me to become a bad person again?”
“Does it matter?” He pauses, looking a bit puzzled. “If you’re late to work, and you relize in the car that you have mismatched socks, are you just going to give up on going? No. If it’s too late to change it, you just push through. It doesn’t matter at that point, because you have something more important to deal with.” She squeezes his hand, rough yellow skin meeting smooth tawny. “If you’re a bad person, you’re a bad person. That doesn't mean you can’t still live a good life. That doesn’t mean you can’t do good for the people around you. That doesn’t mean you can just throw your life away, because it’s not worth living a life of greed.”
He chuckles. It sounds warmer than his previous attempts, which Echo smiles at. “You realize how horrible of advice you’re giving right now, right?”
She laughs. It’s quiet, but whole. If her eyes weren’t closed, she would have seen the sudden shift in Tape’s expressions. His slightly amused look making way for a more awed one, cheeks pink as he watches her laugh. It’s quickly masked when she starts to open her eyes again. “Well, I’m not giving advice for the world to live, I’m giving advice to you. No one thinks the same way. If no piece of advice a person gives is going to work for every one, it would much better to just give advice to the one.”
He smiles softly. “You’re good at this.”
“Was alone for a lot of my life.” She replied simply, a smile of her own forming across her lips. “I was the only therapist available for me, so I had to make sure I was good at it.”
“Thank you.”
“What?” She turned, stunned by his words. He barked a laugh at that, his normal personality starting to come back now that he was out of whatever depression spiral he had gotten himself into. Her face grew red, wings curling around her slightly. It was a reaction to her desire to hide herself whenever she was embarrassed. Although she was getting laughed at for a silly little question, she couldn’t help but smile.
She helped someone.
Even a bad person can do that.
What? Katie posts her stories no click bait?
I actually write quite a bit, but this is my first time posting it...anywhere really. Ive always been pretty secretive with my written mosys stories, but I thought, if I'm not going to be writing the book for a while, why not share some bits and prices I like?
Please tell me what you think. It was done pretty quickly, so it isn't nessisarily up to my usualy quality. I guess since I didn't edit it it's technically a raw take?
