Everything that comes together || Jude and Mr. Kent
[11/11/2013 22:14:48] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He was fine.
He was fine, Jesús told him. Practically everybody was hurt on the breach, /don't get up, it's fine, I'll be back in an hour, a nurse will look me over, go back to sleep./ And he'd argue if not for the fact he was wrapped up comfortably in the sheets and the soothing sound of his voice. Soothing enough to lull him back to sleep, and by the time he woke up it was long past an hour. Maybe he'd gone to get food, shoot the breeze with someone; it didn't matter. He had to get to work, too. He'd find him later. Like always. Lots of patients in intensive care. Some a lot worse than others, but--
"No, no, it's his boyfriend," he heard a nurse say as he looked over the cot. He'd been given some kind of anesthetic. Concussion from blunt force trauma, cerebral edema. An ugly bruise up his side., from under his arm, black and blue blossoming across his ribcage, to his hip.
"So he didn't figure it out?"
Those marks he'd treated like a joke, practically. Jesús telling him it was fine, he'd be fine. How he decided to give him a break, quit henpecking, how he'd tell him he was hurt if he meant it.
Or if he even knew.
He stayed by his side long past his shift, tending to him as best as he could. Bringing him back to sleep, checking his vitals almost every half hour, and by the end of the night, trying not to fall asleep. It was in one such moment that he caught his head slipping forward as he heard footsteps behind him, and he sat up straight, turning around.
[11/11/2013 22:42:56] GABS WALTER BLANCO: The sight of patients badly hurt or in severe states of health had slowly become somewhat a part of his visits to his friend Abel. Dare he say, he was becoming slightly used to it. But, of course he still didn't feel fully comfortable wandering about sickbay. Hurried little steps took him from point A to point B, and such was his routine that he tried to stick to it no matter what. Avoid seeing blood or bruises or sickness. Avoid people.
It was what he was doing, that day, his hands in his pockets, fidgeting with the crumbs of some old snack he had smuggled in the lab, or the worn ring on his finger. But he didn't expect to see Jude.
Sure, it wouldn't be unusual to see him there, really. It was just--the whole picture in front of him. It wasn't right. Oh dear.
A small moment of hesitation later, and he awkwardly shuffled closer to him. "H--hello," Randy rubbed at the back of his neck, eyes flickering from Jude to the man on the bed and back to the physician several times. "What's--who--is everything okay?"
It was a stupid question. But he still felt the need to ask. "You look really tired, Jude."
[11/11/2013 22:57:37] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude's shoulders sank as soon as he saw Randy--he'd registered him as safe in his book, if not a little overbearing. It didn't change the look of fear in his eyes, his shakiness that even he wasn't entirely aware of until he started speaking.
"I--I /am/ tired," he mumbled, rubbing at his temples. "But it's fine. Really. I'm always tired." He realized he'd given himself an excuse to leave, and kicked himself mentally for doing so. He'd already waved a handful of other people off. "It's fine," he repeated, turning back and trying to rub out the knots in his neck. "Abel's in 4A, I think."
[12/11/2013 09:21:44] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "It's fine," Randy said, "I'm not--I mean, he can wait," he probably already knew about the young man's, ah, predicament. (And he wouldn't mind being left on his own if said thing happened because he stayed for a minute or two with Jude.)
One more glance at him had him frowning, worry clearly etched on his expression. God knew how long he had been there. What if he hadn't eaten anything? Unacceptable. "I think," and here he was careful, because he was completely unaware of how he'd react, "you should--ah, take a break. I mean I'm sure he'll" his boyfriend? "be fine. You've--you've been doing a good job in taking care of him, that much I can tell."
[12/11/2013 09:41:35] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: In the back of his head he recognized that no one had actually suggested he stopped; just asked why, or looked at him as if to ask why and then found an answer somewhere else. His shift had ended hours ago. He knew he had to leave--things wouldn't be looking up for hours, and this ritual of falling asleep for a few minutes and then forcing himself back up could only really last a few more times before he collapsed, probably. He remembered the warmth of the sheets from that morning, the hollowness of his stomach, the lack of caffeine in his system, and felt absolutely pathetic as he turned back to look at Randy.
"I guess," he muttered, frowning. He blinked and struggled to open his eyes again for a few seconds. "But--I can't. Shouldn't."
[12/11/2013 11:30:12] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Well--maybe he could find a way to coax him into leaving? Or they could just, stay there. Truly, Randy had no idea of what to do. He was absolutely lost, Abel's voice in the back of his head telling him that /this wouldn't have happened if you had more interaction with people/.
As he rummaged in his sweater's pockets for something, he sat down in a nearby chair. He pushed his glasses up his nose, and handed Jude a small candy he had found. "Here. I mean, you need to rest eventually. Get some sleep. Otherwise when he wakes up you won't have the--the energy to stay up with him." Or maybe he would, he didn't know.
Wide eyes flickered sideways to the man on the bed. Asking would be rude, probably. "Can I get you anything?"
[12/11/2013 11:45:19] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He hesitated before taking the candy, staring down at it and then closing it in his palm. Jude thought over his options carefully, and shook his head--the likelihood of his most sensible fear, of the pilot waking up without him by his side, seemed slim now.
He could leave, go eat something, and come back. It wasn't fair, but the man standing above him seemed to want to tell him it was what he needed. Maybe what Jesús would want, too. He didn't know.
He rubbed at his eyes, stretched, and stood up, hesitantly. "I just...need to stop looking at him. Need something to eat, too. You don't have to...I mean, I can go by myself." [12/11/2013 15:07:25] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "I don't have anything else to do," Randy replied gently, shrugging and stepping aside before throwing one last look at the man's readings. "And--I know by experience it's not good to be alone in times like, well, like this. So, not a problem."
At all. So he began walking away from there, half expecting for Jude to remain behind, but on the other hand, it looked like he was really willing to just grab a bite. "I can send a message to Abel, if you want. Let him know if anything changes!" he smiled softly, encouraging. "He's going to be fine."
[12/11/2013 16:45:09] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude glanced behind his shoulder to take another look at his boyfriend, and sighed. Only so much he could do. He folded his arms at his waist, clutching himself, and began to trail behind Randy. Walking out wasn't as cathartic as it should have been, only adding a layer of guilt. He knew Jesús wouldn't be mad at him, but he still ran imaginary conversations in his head anyway.
"That'd be nice," he replied after a few moments, following him out of the medbay. He couldn't bring himself to walk next to him. "I…yeah, he'll be fine."
Or at least he had time to convince himself of that. It /would/ be fine. He'd done his best. He tried to swallow back the last of his negative memories that had been flashing sporadically and gave himself a squeeze to try to calm down.
[12/11/2013 17:04:50] GABS WALTER BLANCO: He took his comm out, sent a quick message to the android, and pausing for a moment to let him catch up, allowed his gaze to drift to Jude.
Everyone in the ship...well were all /so young/, but something about the physician just slapped him in the face, made something ache deep down. Maybe it was longing, he didn't know. He had a brief flash of his own son with a similar look of worry or sadness in his eyes, and his arm had snaked around him to keep him close, invited him to let go of it all.
(It had been so long.)
The familiarity of the sight had him furrowing his brow. And then, without really thinking about it --awkwardly, at first--placed an arm around Jude's shoulders, his hand squeezing as gently as he could.
[12/11/2013 19:10:50] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude tensed, froze, then let his shoulders slowly cave against the older man's arm. He didn't expect it--and wasn't sure if he even liked it--but it was comforting, in a strange way.
He turned his head to him and frowned, feeling something catch in his throat. /Hold on calm down dial it back/.
[12/11/2013 19:43:12] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy's frown didn't deepen, but it lingered there as he felt eyes on him. When he turned to look back, sure enough, two big doe eyes met his.
Just as he was incompetent of even identifying his own thoughts most of the time, he was lost as to what was going on in the man's head. Aside from the obvious worry and concern, and the sleep and food deprivation of course. The arm faltered, he pulled back slightly as they walked, and blinked."Are you--are you okay, son?"
[12/11/2013 20:10:42] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude blinked and shook his head, turning back. "I'm okay. I mean, I'll /be/ okay." The physician grinned bleakly and stuck his hands in his pockets, making himself take deep breaths.
"I just--I just told myself this wasn't going to happen again. Like before. And...and he told /me/ he wouldn't let that happen either." He clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, not entirely aware of what he was saying in the first place. "But it was a stupid thing to promise, for both of us. 'Cause I keep f--I keep messing it up."
[12/11/2013 21:26:33] GABS WALTER BLANCO: His hand fell against his side as he listened, which didn't prove to be as hard as he had expected. Before, it had happened before, and he blamed himself for something and both had made a prmise to each other, okay.
It was confusing, but, he could deal. He nodded, a gesture for him to keep talking, or remain silent, whateve he chose.
[12/11/2013 21:58:53] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He wasn't sure where he was going anymore, and the way Randy was so quiet, as if to welcome his dumb story and his dumb inevitable breakdown that would follow. It was only until he found himself nearing the corner to his own quarters--not Jesús's, "theirs", which was considerably bigger and had Coyota inside, probably miserable the poor thing--that he decided it was worth it. Not just worth it, but there was a small chance he could control himself. He didn't understand this man, why he was treating him like a son or reaching out at all. Sympathizing. It didn't make any sense.
It was neat inside--he'd made the effort to make his bed and clean up before he took his things to the other deck. The electric tea kettle that his sister had gotten him as a gift before he left sat full of stale water; he stared at it for a moment before switching it on. "I guess you don't drink? I…I kind of need a beer." Jesús had given him a few--/god damn it god damn it/ he couldn't bear to think about that now--stored under his bed, one of which he drew out and opened, taking a long sip.
He wiped off the corner of his mouth with his sleeve, staring at the other. "It's fine. The…thing that happened before, it's kind of…you don't have to…" /You don't have to be another person who knows about it./ He wasn't sure how many more he could take. He could hardly stand himself.
[13/11/2013 20:37:53] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "Not really. But I wouldn't--I wouldn't object to one of those, ah," he gave a small smile, peeking into the man's stash, then shyly reaching out for one. He briefly considered asking where he had obtained them from.
"As you said--It's fine," Randy shifted the can in his hand, the other making a slightly dismissive gesture that he hoped would make him be at ease, that if he didn't want to talk about it then he wouldn't mind. It had been silly of him, of course, to expect for Jude to act exactly the same as his own son. It was unfair of him to do so, selfish. Randy chastised himself for that, as well as payed attention to the young man. "I might not finish this one though," he pointed at the container in his hand.
Then a dog came out of the bathroom. Amazing. He perked up slightly, and now what Abel told him made sense. (So was it Jude's, or the other guy's?) "Hello," Randy held a hand out, which Coyota sniffed and licked before moving on to the physician.
[13/11/2013 21:40:14] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: "Coyota, /ven aquí/." He slid from where he was on the edge of the bed to sit on the floor, reaching out for the dog and glancing at Randy, trying to read his reaction. At least he seemed to like dogs, because seeing her was the most relieving thing that had happened in hours. "She--she's his, she only gets commands in Spanish."
He cradled the beer in one hand and pet her head vigorously with the other, feeling himself tremble over the whole thing. Coyota was happy to see him, obviously not in the same way she would be to see Jesús, but it was still something. What would he even /do/ if--what if--
He couldn't hold on any longer. He set the beer down to prevent from spilling it on himself, and buried his face in the dog's fur and clung to her, shaking. It would have seemed like he'd forgotten Randy was still there if not for the "sorry"s he mumbled between the deep, deliberate breaths he took in order to calm himself as quickly as he could.
[13/11/2013 22:01:28] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "Oh, son," Randy set his beer aside as well, carefully, and with the same care kneeled in front of him and
(and Bobby cried and his eyes were red and his entire body shook, so Randy quietly gestured for Olivia to leave the room and placed his hands on his shoulders, it's okay son, it's okay, now breathe, come on you can do this, you can breathe, you're strong)
held his shoulder, before gently wrapping his arms around Jude, and repeating those words that he had long uttered before. It was--it hurt. A bit. It brought him back too many memories that had been buried beneath stacks of papers and circuits and systems and cups of coffee. "Breathe," /and take your time/, because Randy wasn't going anywhere.
[13/11/2013 22:35:08] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He couldn't remember when it had been this bad. But he could remember the stricken looks on both his parents' faces, every time, /every/ time, the way he'd push away and think no one would understand or that it wasn't bad enough, that he didn't have enough to complain about for this to happen. How he might have even been asked once or twice what he needed but couldn't ever come up with a good answer or even one that worked.
Before he knew it he was talking, he'd gained some balance and he was talking to him--about when he was fresh from the Academy and how he'd been doing so well and the year had gone by so quickly and there had been a breach, an attack, the trust the CMO had put in him and all the people around him in the panic of the ship, pounding on his chest, watching him go. The captain who had been so old and kind and reckless fading away from him. The look on the CMO's face, the nonexistent time between standing in the medbay and being back on Earth, on the ground, how he tried running but just a year later he was back.
And how it seemed to be reiterating itself.
Jude slumped forward and clung to the other's waist, big tear stains blossoming on his shirt where he buried his face. "Sorry. Sorry." He shouldn't have told him. Randy didn't have to know, even if he was willing to.
[13/11/2013 23:06:32] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "It's fine," he said again, because no other words could possibly express everything going on. Maybe it was overwhelming, the entire load of information suddenly dumped on him. But if that's what it took, then he would gladly listen. And he did. Jude slumped forward, and he caught him, one hand rubbing on his back while the other gently rested over his nape. Even the dog seemed slightly startled.
The stains on his shirt went unnoticed. "I'm here for you, kid. I'm here."
[14/11/2013 13:41:39] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude stayed there and held on for a long time, shaking and letting out the occasional splutter. His throat felt raw, both from talking for so long and crying; under any other circumstances he would have been too ashamed to open up so much, but he'd brought him to his room and explained things so tersely and it felt like he was moving at breakneck speed to that exact moment.
The electric kettle let out a low rumble of steam. He felt calm enough, now. Jude sat back on his knees and rubbed at his eyes, looking around the room and back to Randy, apologetically. He wasn't sure how to thank him for--understanding. He wasn't even sure if he could.
[14/11/2013 21:00:07] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy was about to ask...well, something, anything, but then the kettle was done and he carefully pried his arms away from him, patting down some of the man's locks of hair that had become messy. "I can go get it," he smiled slightly, "stay here. I'll be right back."
He didn't expect to be thanked. He was just doing of the few things he knew how to do that involved human contact. And boy, was he glad he had. Standing up and holding himself up with the edge of the bed, he went for the two cups Jude had left out before. (It would be better than drinking the beer, no matter how good that was.)
As he returned, he noticed Coyota sitting by Jude's side. That was nice. It also made Randy's mind wander back to the man on the biomes in sickbay, but that would be something better to leave aside.
[14/11/2013 22:16:17] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: "Mr. Kent--" Jude cleared his throat a little, and took the cup of tea gingerly. "Did you, um, hear anything from Abel?" His thumb brushed over the rim of the cup, and he contemplated standing back up; however, Coyota sitting next to him almost protectively was enough to keep him there.
He took a sip of the tea, and exhaled slowly. He couldn't even remember the last time he had tea; definitely not on the ship. He forgot how it sometimes made him feel better, calmer, as opposed to caffeine, and he was reminded briefly of his sister.
[15/11/2013 12:34:26] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy sat down with some difficulty as he cradled his own cup. Mr. Kent, goodness gracious, it reminded him of classrooms and impertinent studdents.
"What do you mean?" from Abel he heard many things. Most of it was scodling lacking any subtlety, chatting and misc. Albeit the android /did/ have a tendency for gossiping, unknowingly or not. So maybe that's what he was referring to. Reaching out, he patted the dog's muzzle, the ghost of a little smile on his lips.
[15/11/2013 16:28:16] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: "No, I meant…" He shook his head. If he could just go a few hours without worrying about Jesús, and maybe even get some sleep, he'd consider it a victory. "Never mind."
He held onto his tea with both hands and tucked his knees to his chest. "Well, do you hear much…from him? About stuff at work?" /Is that why you were nice to me?/
[15/11/2013 20:50:10] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "Depends on whether he wants to lure me out of the lab or simply chat," Randy shrugged, oblivious to the boy's reason behind the question. "I like to talk about work. He likes to talk about human behavior," he smiled.
"He had mentioned you before," he said between a sip to his tea, and a pat on the dog's side. "Said you were--that you were good. A good man, basically."
[12:14:44] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: "Oh." People were throwing that around more and more often, it felt. He wasn't sure what to make of it when he hardly felt like either. "That's nice." He kept drinking his tea, occasionally forcing himself to take a few more deep breaths. He felt volatile in those few moments, and knew it wouldn't take much to send him spiraling back.
"He needed to get the rest out. He wasn't sure if Mr. Kent had any sage advice, but at least he wasn't too biased. "I…I love him. Jesús. But…but is that stupid for me to say? Was it--just, sometimes people /say/ that but don't know what that means, and I can't…" He couldn't let himself believe something so easily.
[12:52:58] GABS WALTER BLANCO: It started out as cute; love, how he liked when people said they loved each other. Then Randy frowned, shaking his head softly. "It's not a stupid thing to say," albeit he had no idea of how the two of them got, how the other was, hell, how Jude was in his entirety. But, he had just had a glimpse of him, and it had been enough for some sort of fondness to plant itself in Randy's chest.
(Along with that, admittedly some sort of projection. But Randy knew where to start differentiating A from B. Jude was--he knew he wasn't his kid.)
He realized he should probably stop blurting everything that popped up in his head. "I mean--well, everyone loves differently, Jude. It's different for everyone." A perfectly good example of that was Olivia and himself, but that was a story for another day.
[13:57:16] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: Jude balanced the cup between his knees and reached up to rub at his eyes, one hand instinctively hooking around the back of his neck. Everyone loves differently. It made enough sense, but only prompted a whole new array of thoughts. He'd only thought he'd loved someone once, an ex, and even then he was pretty sure he was wrong. It might have been a pattern: something he really wanted, maybe even needed, perpetually uncontainable.
"What if I'm loving the wrong way?"
[14:20:59] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy's lips quirked up, but there was no amusement behind the look he directed at the spot above Jude's knees, averting the other's gaze. Instead, there was doubt and sadness and some sort of desperation for an answer because not even he knew how to react to that sort of question. And he had asked himself that, once. Only once.
"I think--there is no wrong way. Otherwise--" it wouldn't be love? Confusing and he didn't want to confuse Jude even more. "Ah, but, but that's just me," and look where that had gotten him! He didn't mind, though. "You should--when he wakes up, you should talk to him about this."
[14:30:54] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: It seemed fair enough, and he understood, but the idea of it didn't really register under the next hopeless thought: /What if he doesn't?/
But he would, he half-convinced himself; medicine would not betray him. Only the two of them would.
"I guess." He bit at the inside of his cheek. "But I'm still scared."
[14:58:27] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy nodded, leaning against the dog and sipping on his tea, which had become colder, it no longer burnt his tongue. "It's--yeah, understandable."
He didn't know if there was a way to make him feel more at ease with that. Even if there was he'd probably be a complete failure. "Uh, for now though, I suggest you get some rest." He could, however, stay there, and hope Abel sent him a message that would have the younger man feel--better.
[15:32:51] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He drummed his fingers on the side of his cup and glancing at the clock. He'd been at it for over twelve hours, and was guilty of letting his mind wander back to bed, the comfort of the sheets. He wouldn't be alone; at least he had Coyota, who was definitely not allowed on the bed, a rule put in place only as a running joke.
"Yeah. I should." He took his beer from where he'd set it on the floor and placed it on a nightstand. "Get some rest, I mean. I..."
[15:58:28] GABS WALTER BLANCO: Randy finished his tea and set it aside as well, he could probably wash the empty little cups later. "You should."
There was a small pause in which he hesitated. Should he stay there, or should he leave. The latter would have normally been the one he would have chosen. But he couldn't bring himself to just walk out and abandon him, basically.
Yet he stood up, groaning quietly as he rubbed at his knees--sitting on the floor was definitely not his thing anymore--and looked around. Coyota hopped on to the bed.
[16:15:17] MONTY MIGUEL ROSAS: He looked between the two of them and hoisted himself to sit on the edge of the bed, getting rid of his boots and shedding down to his shorts and black undershirt. It didn't feel as weird, then, or he at least didn't put much thought into what he was doing, even as he laid down and tried to usher Coyota into doing the same, even though he couldn't remember the command Jesús had taught him, cupping her muzzle gently.
[16:30:30] GABS WALTER BLANCO: "I'll let you know if anything changes," the man said, rubbing behind the dog's ears for a last time before he carefully patted Jude's shoulder as well.
He took the lack of comments as some sort of permission to stay there, at least until he fell asleep. So that's what he did, he lingered about until his breathing became less labored, until Coyota had comfortably curled up next to him and rested her head on his chest, slowly rising and lowering.
The cyberneticist rubbed at his eyes as he sighed. Not how he would have expected his day to go.
But it changed everything.