Becoming Beautiful
This is the beginning to becoming beautiful. And no, I don’t mean going on a diet and losing 50 million kilograms and getting plastic surgery to haul everything back up to where it should be.
I am talking about waking up in the mirror and seeing myself as a beautiful person of worth. Sounds so simple, and yet, it is one of the most difficult things to achieve. Women are their worst enemies, constantly judging themselves against someone else, whether it is a friend, sister, mother, person on the street who happens to have thinner thighs than they do therefore is TOTALLY a better person who deserves to be on this earth more than she does, right?
No, this is unhealthy thinking. And I am absolutely a perpetrator of this abhorrent mental abuse towards myself. How often have I stared at food longingly, deprived myself of all the good things, to only end up scoffing an entire block of chocolate by myself, followed by the thoughts of ‘You’re a disgusting person, this is the only thing that you have in life’ No one should ever think like that, if I heard one of my friends mention such stupidity I would bring them up on it and remind them how perfect they are and what they have to offer. Yet, I can’t do this for myself.
I came to realise just how bad this has got lately. They self harm I involved myself in as a teen didn't show me, the eating disorders I suffer from didn't show me, the multiple disorders and medication I have to take for them didn't show me. What did show me? When I am sitting across from my boss and she asks me; “What are you good at?” I realised then that I had no clue. I couldn't tell her what I was good at, I wasn't able to believe I was good at anything.
How down on myself must I be to not think I am good at anything? I am now resolved to change this. For each day of the rest of this month, I will find something good about myself and work on particular things. Whether that is studying harder to gain my Diploma, work harder in my job to gain a promotion, or work harder at smiling at everyone I meet to spread a bit of happiness, I shall work my hardest.
Read this if you will, or fly past it without a second glance. But to whoever looks or does not, I wish you peace, happiness and party poppers.