𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬iest 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞
warnings: crack fic, chaotic Michael, celebrity gossip, Michael exposing everybody’s business, cursing, zero privacy in Hollywood apparently, best friend reader
The Jackson house was loud. (my fav opening)
Not unusually loud. Normal Jackson family loud.
People talking over each other. Janet was yelling at Randy from across the room. Plates clinking against the dinner table while Katherine tried very hard to keep some kind of order together.
And in the middle of all of it?
Michael was on the phone.
Again.
Jermaine pointed his fork toward him immediately.
“There he go.”
Michael turned slightly away from the table dramatically, one hand over the phone receiver.
“Girllll No, because LISTEN…”
— — —
“She was NOT supposed to tell him that.”
Janet immediately dropped her head onto the table, laughing.
“Oh, my God.”
Michael lowered his voice, even though literally everybody could still hear him.
“I’m serious.” “He found out backstage and threw his award at the wall.”
“If I were him, I wouldn’t. It's the only one he won in like 15 years
The entire table was shocked.
“M I C H A E L.”
Michael looked offended immediately.
“What??”
Jackie stared at him.
“You are genuinely the messiest person I’ve ever met.”
Michael gasped.
“I am NOT messy.”
“ y’all don’t understand.” “She told me not to tell anybody AFTER she already told me.” “So technically…”
“Michael, it does not work like that.”
Janet was crying, laughing now.(just like me when I see Jermaine's hair, no shade)
Katherine shook her head slowly.
“Baby, everybody tells you things because they expect you to keep it to your self.”
“That is not true,” Michael defended immediately.
The entire table yelled: “YES, IT IS.”
Michael rolled his eyes before going back to the phone.(I love this mental image)
“Anyway…” “Wait till I tell you what happened after that.”
Jermaine pointed at him.
“See?” “HE CAN’T STOP.”
— — — — —
By the time dinner actually started calming down, Michael was finally off the phone.
For now.
Everybody had barely started eating again when Michael suddenly froze halfway through taking a bite.
Janet rolled her eyes.
“…what now?”
Michael slowly put his fork down.
“Oh my God.”
Marlon already started laughing.
“What NOW??”
Michael looked genuinely horrified.
“I FORGOT TO TELL HER.”
Jermaine slammed his hand against the table.
“NO.” “Sit DOWN.”
“I can’t.” “I forgot the BEST part.”
And before Katherine could even stop him, Michael jumped up from the table and practically sprinted toward the kitchen phone.
“MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON…”
Too late.
The whole family could hear the dialing from the other room.
Then:
“Hey its me, Mike.” “Okay, listen.”
A dramatic pause.
“You are NEVER gonna believe what happened next.”
“He acting like this gossip gonna expire.” (guess who said this)
— — — — —
The worst part was
Michael genuinely did not think he was messy.
At all.
That became very clear later that week when you were sitting in the backseat of his car while he casually adjusted his sunglasses and whispered:
“You know they secretly hate each other, right?”
You blinked slowly.
“…what?”
Michael nodded calmly.
“Mhm.” “They almost got into a fight backstage at the awards show.”
You stared at him.
The celebrities in question had literally just done an interview talking about how much they adored each other.
“How do you even KNOW that??”
Michael looked confused by the question.
“Because I was there.”
“…Michael.”
“What?”
“You know entirely too much about people.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You absolutely do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Anyway, he was flirting with backup dancers all night.”
— — — — — — —
You turned toward him.
“You were WAITING to tell me that.”
Michael smiled, “…maybe.”
— — — — —
Award shows were somehow the worst. like reality television.
The second somebody walked past the table, he leaned closer immediately.
“That marriage will not last another year.”
“They literally just renewed their vows.”
“Mhm.” “And he still cheating.”
You stared at him, vowing to never tell him your business.
“How do you KNOW these things??”
Michael looked genuinely confused again.
“Because people tell me stuff.”
“WHY??”
“I don’t know.” “They trust me.”
You laughed so hard you almost cried.
“Michael, nobody should trust you.”
Michael looked offended.
“I’m trustworthy.”
Right as he said that, another celebrity walked by.
Michael lowered his sunglasses slightly. (them glasses worked overtime)
“Ohhhhh.” “Speaking of mess…”
— — — — —
One night, he called you at almost two in the morning, sounding stressed.
“Hello??”
“Okay, don’t panic.”
You immediately sat up in bed.
“What happened??”
Michael lowered his voice dramatically.
“…they broke up.”
Silence.
“…who?”
“Them.”
“Michael, WHO IS THEM?”
And then this idiot went on for a full 45 minutes about celebrity relationship drama like it was world-ending news.
By the end of the call, you were laughing your ass off.
“You are ridiculous.”
“People just tell me these things.”
“You are NOSY.”
“No I’m not.”
“You called me at two in the morning.”
“Because this is serious.”
— — — — —
The only thing funnier than Michael gossiping…
was the fact that he somehow still acted shy in public.
Soft-spoken
Polite answers to invasive questions.
Meanwhile, this guy knew all the scandals in Hollywood.
And every time someone trusted him with information, he always said the same thing:
“Don’t worry.” “I won’t tell anybody.”
Then immediately called you afterward.
I'm backkkkkkkk
@simply-lovley44 @cocomilaa @blcknebula @stiflersbabymama @callmeoncette @needjoekeery @nuttyrebelflower @1eliana123-blog @ladyearthsea @rastharex @darkgreengrl @bananajoeclone @violet0182 @minghaossv @melynex @thebabykashmere @ghoulxeg
@raefoxiegirl @peacemakersbeloved @devynrulesboisdrool @skiicoreee @boredpretty