Vent post//Probably not that interesting
Last night my bf was being such a douche. And he's the kind of person who always gets upset at you when you're upset at them and so he did not apologize and I just cried silently all night and didn't like participate in cuddling. But like neither did he, and that made made even more upset because I'm the one who he was being a dick to all day?
He was in a bad mood overall because he has a cold and we there was more traffic than usual for the parade (but not even a ridiculous amount? We could still get where we wanted to go it just wasn't as instant. He was negative and not really participating in conversation while we drove, everytime I said something he made it about how angry he was. When we got home I got a call that my grandmother had a stroke and I was talking about how my sister was at my moms and she was very upset and he really hates my sister for a lot of reasons but it wasn't supposed to be about her, but he kept turning everything I said about her into something terrible, like "oh those tears are fake, if she goes and visits your grandmother she'll make it all about herself" which I genuinely don't think is true. My grandmother is one of the few people my sister actually cares about. Just because she's terrible doesn't mean he knows her as well as me. He just wouldn't listen to anything I was saying and kept taking about how awful my sister was and I just wanted to talk about my grandmother's situation.
And I said something like, "I feel you are too blinded by your hate for my sister to listen to me talk about my grandmother right now." Then he denied that and got all quiet and distant and wouldn't look at or touch me at all. So I followed suit. Then he picked up the laser pointer to make my cat Wanda stop scratching the couch. Which by my house rules they are allowed because I really don't have anything else for them to scratch on right now and the parts that they've been scratching are destroyed anyway. But it annoys him and he sometimes spends like all night with one arm over the couch to stop her because she likes to prickle her claws into the couch and lay down and look up at us. But he sometimes gets genuinely pissed that she won't stop and he was, and that makes me really mad because I really feel like he doesn't even like my cats sometimes. He picked up the laser pointer because all my cats gather when they hear it jingle and they think they're gonna play but he just wanted to distract her. So I said if you're not gonna play with them give me the thing so I can because if you pick it up you have to. And he said no multiple times and then started shining around, at which point Silky jumped up on the arm of the couch and I thought he shined it directly into her eyes intentionally, because it REALLY looked that way and I'm sill not convinced he didn't, so I got mad and tried to take the thing from him bc no one disrespects my babies 😤 I will start a fucking fight with the person who disturbs their peace and happiness. And so he got mad at me for trying to take it and then decided to sort of chuck it at me. Not very hard but the energy was really negative and aggressive, even if the action wasn't that bad. And that's the part that made me cry. I don't really know why.
It's usually not like this. But it just feels even worse because I feel like I didn't deserve any of it? Like yesterday I went to his house and took care of him while he was sick and I was just sick and I had to basically beg him to just get up off the couch and get my cough medicine? When he can simply ask for a bottle of water in perfect health and I run and grab that shit no problem? Even when I'm sick, or I'm the only one who worked that day, I make dinner, do the dishes from dinner, take out all the trash, clean up the house and the messes he makes.
Also doesn't help that he had just slept with me before he decided to be a dick about my grandmother and the cats and the laser pointer shit. Like it just makes me feel like an object. Like yeah your body is nice and all but fuck these feelings man
