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What was that about "enough marriage misadventures for a lifetime"?

Battat takes a deep breath and adjusts the red bowtie of his costume. Putting one hand on the door, he psyches himself up, before finally pushing the door open. "Heyyy! Boss! Tenna!" He opens his arms wide. "You called?"

"𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞!" Tenna beckons with a smile. "Come here and sit down! I want you to read the 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓹𝓲𝓮𝓬𝓮 I just wrote!"

Battat walks over to the desk and sits down in front of the CRT. "What did you write, boss? Some story?"

"A contract!"

"A contract? For who?"

"Spamton! It did take some sweet talk and convincing, but he finally agreed to marry me!"

"Marry???" Battat's heart nearly stops. How did he not know about their romance? This kind of thing would be hard to hide from him, given he's... well, Mike.

"Yes, MARRY!" Tenna giggles. "The most binding of contracts. I've even convinced him to drop the idea of a prenup!" Tenna extends the contract for Mike to take and read.

The disguised pippins seems confused about what he reads on the piece of paper. "Hold on... is this marriage about love or..."

"Don't be silly, Mike. 𝕷𝖔𝖛𝖊? In showbiz? 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗜𝗠? God no. I just want his little secret... and his assets. Everything he owns, mine. Including his little... 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛..." He lets out a low chuckle as he taps his screen with a finger, feeling like a genius.

"I... see..." he scratches the back of his head. "That sounds... splendid!" His tone is not very convincing, but Tenna is too into the moment to notice.

"Is it not!?"

"Hey boss... what are your thoughts on...." Battat lets his personal curiosity slip. "Extramarital affairs...?"

"...What?"

"Tato. Are you gonna drink that?"

Battat snaps out of the deep contemplation he's in and looks at Payoff. "Uh, yeah. Actually, no, do you want it?"

"Sure!!!" The orange pippins gladly takes the unfinished drink, wondering if drinking it in the same spot as Battat counts as an indirect kiss.

"You know, I've been wondering if maybe there were some actual feelings in that marriage between Tenna and Spamton."

"How come? Seems pretty obvious it was all just about greed from what you told me..."

Battat furrows his eyebrows. "Tenna has been shut in his room for a week now. And he doesn't even let me in. He doesn't let any of the Mikes in!"

"That's rough..." Payoff tries to imagine what he would be like if Battat divorced him, but gets too caught up in the fantasy of getting married to him first.

"And when I knock sometimes, he goes silent. Cause I do hear him yell and... maybe throw stuff around? It's hard to tell since I've not been inside. And..." Battat cuts himself off after looking at Payoff, whose face is now red and who is so obviously currently in daydreamland. Battat thinks, "His ass is not listening..."

"𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙼𝙴?"

Tenna is on the floor on all fours, his claws digging into his carpet.

"𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚂𝙲𝙰𝙼𝙼𝙴𝚁. 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙲𝙾𝙽 𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙸𝚂𝚃. 𝙷𝙴 𝙺𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙳𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙶, 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝚃𝙾𝙾 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙵𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙻𝚈 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴𝙳."

He pulls his hands down, ripping the carpet. Though, that does not change much to its already beyond destroyed state. The entire room's floor has scratches all over it. His walls, dented, covered in holes punched into the drywall, with visible item impacts, wallpaper in shambles. Nearly all his furniture lies in ruin, most of it unrecognizable.

Tenna lets himself fall on his side, exhausted. Once more, he will be sleeping on the floor. Not out of a lack of bed, but out of a lack of energy and will to get in it.

"𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚖𝚊𝚗… 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝? 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝…" He has echoed those questions like a broken record spinning in his mind's phonograph for a week now. "𝚆𝚑𝚢? 𝚆𝚑𝚢? 𝚆𝚑𝚢? 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚏𝚏? 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎? 𝚆𝚊𝚜 𝙸 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚎𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚛? 𝚆𝚊𝚜 𝙸 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚌𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕? 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝙸 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚢 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚔? 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝙸 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚞𝚜𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑? 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚎?"

Only silence replies.

"Tenna's coming, split!"

The kids run off to hide behind the nearest corner. Tenna walks into the backstage hallway in emotional shambles.

"𝚆𝚑𝚢… 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜, 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝…" He notices the pipis on the floor. "What are you doing here, dear? I am pretty sure I..." He looks to the side at the closet. "You fell out." He leans forward, grabbing the pipis.

A 'ping!' comes from Kris' pocket and all three teenagers' hearts drop. Susie whisper yells "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"

The dealmaker flies out, and Kris tries to grab it, then Susie, then Ralsei, but they all fail as the pair of glasses dodges all their attempts. It flies off towards Tenna, and they all silently elect not to follow it, staying silently in their hiding spots, hoping that Tenna won't come check where that thing came from.

The dealmaker stops a few feet away from the CRT and turns into Spamton. "[TRASH HEAP] YOU KEPT IT."

Tenna looks at him. There is a long silence, and then, Tenna starts laughing. "Mailman!" His laugh echoes in the empty hall, making him sound louder than he actually is. "What a shadow crystal will do to a man, huh?"

"You [knowledge is power!]?"

"Of course I know. It's fairly obvious just looking at you. I've got myself one too." Tenna crouches. "It's been so long, hasn't it?"

"IT HAS. YOU ARE NOT [Deals That'll Turn You Mad]?"

"Mad? Why would I be, my love?"

"I [Run the Risk] away without a [WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS]."

"Hey. The past is in the past! C'mere now." Tenna extends his hand for Spamton to jump in, and the spam mail doesn't wait to do that. Tenna stands up, bringing him closer to his face. "You've changed so much, big shot. Barely recognizable. But, look. I've kept her. Our daughter."

Tenna shows him the pippis he's holding with his other hand. "Spamton, do you know what happens now?"

"What [Happening Of The century!]?"

Tenna chuckles, before shutting his hand on the pippis. The cracking sound only lasts an instant, but its echo resonates. Spamton stares at it, horrified.

"𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞…"

Spamton turns back into the dealmaker, attempting to fly away, but Tenna closes his hand faster. The glasses crack, and Spamton turns back into himself. Tenna's fist barely moves from the change in size happening in it, but multiple cracking sounds escape it.

"𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢?" Tenna turns his hand downward, letting go of the broken puppet. "𝚆𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚕𝚢, 𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚊!" He laughs as the corpse hits the floor. "𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕, 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚞𝚜𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝙱𝙸𝙶 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚃. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚠." His screen turns off. "...𝙾𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝙸 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚗."

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