#mr-dcoyne

[fuckyeahsimplygold-blog]

We give you the last DOLLY J Story~

"No matter what has happened to us in the past, there is still this light that sparks up in my chest when you’re around, and I know it’s there for you, too."

The Degrassi Community School sign beamed at Holly J from it’s perch atop the school. Holly J approached it slowly, her hands linked behind her back as she admired the school she could no longer call her own. The dusky air was painted pink by the setting sun and the campus was empty, except for one very solemn Holly J. She walked the sidewalk outside the stairs for what she knew might be one of the last times. It was hard to believe it was all over. The “high school experience”. Gone. It seemed as though four years had gone by in the blink of an eye- but at the same time a sense of growth came with graduating. Unshed tears threatened repeatedly as Holly J shared a private moment with the school she had come to call her home. She continued along her way, trailing her fingers against the pavement until she came to the recently dried cement, the caution tape now removed. Three sets of hand prints smiled up at her, hastily scribbled initials below them. A smile crept across Holly J’s face as she lowered herself onto her knees, leaning forward to press her own hands into her now dried prints. “Goodbye, Degrassi.” Holly J sighed, sitting back and wiping her cheeks free of a few escaped tears. “I thought I might find you here.” A voice interrupted her. Avery familiar voice. Holly J jumped to her feet while quickly trying to smooth her hair in one awkward moment. “Uhm.. What are you doing here?” She asked, trying to contain her surprise. 

Declan stood before her, hands in pockets, looking put together as always. His hair was freshly trimmed and his trademark smile gave him the air of absolute charm. “What am I doing here as in Toronto or here as in Degrassi?” Holly J tilted her head and chuckled lightly, swallowing back shock. “Both.” The boy strolled toward her as he replied. “Toronto - getting Fiona settled into rehab and spending some long-needed quality twin time. Degrassi -” He stopped close to her and watched her face, considering. “Inquiring about a little note I read on the internet.” As Holly J looked down awkwardly, strands of strawberry fell in front of her face. Declan’s automatic response was to tuck it back behind her ear. She glanced up, and he withdrew his hand quickly. “You keep bringing me back here, Holly J.” The girl tossed a look back at the school. “To Degrassi?” Declan laughed. “To you.” His eyes were full of questions, fears, urges that he held back, but he did not look away. “You are always bringing me back to you. You’re a very powerful woman, Holly J Sinclair. Degrassi won’t be the same once you’ve left. I should know.” His smile was softer, quieter, just for her. 

Holly J blinked, dropping her gaze briefly as his words sent her stomach plummeting. He had seen her letter. “What are they going to do with out me?” She joked, hiding her anxiety behind kidding words. Declan cleared his throat, “Fall apart?” He offered, only a drop of humor in his words. Holly J winced and fumbled with her fingers, her eyes still fixated on the ground. Pull it together, Sinclair. She told herself. Summoning all the courage she had, Holly J tore her eyes off the pavement, meeting Declan’s blue eyes. “You read the letter then?” She asked, struggling to keep her voice even. Declan nodded simply. Unsure what to say from there, Holly J reached for one of Declan’s hands instinctively, her fingers toying with his. “I meant every word, Declan.” She said softly, keeping her eyes trained on his. “I was just thinking about how far I’ve come at Degrassi and I would never have been able to do it without you.. So.. yeah.” She finished somewhat lamely, exhaling sharply. The tension in the air was practically tangible as she studied Declan’s face carefully for a reaction. 

Declan huffed a little laugh and tilted his face up to the evening breeze. “What are you doing, Holly J?” He rubbed at the back of his neck absently as the girl before him tried to puzzle out what he meant. “When you ended things in the spring I told you I didn’t think I could let you in again.” Holly J bit her lip, nodding reluctantly. “And I said I couldn’t expect you to wait forever. Of course. I understand. I just wanted you to… I thought you should know, Declan. You deserve to know what you mean to me. I know I’ve put you through a lot and we haven’t exactly had clean breaks, but I… I’m sorry. I should have figured…” She trailed off when she caught sight of the curious humor in Declan’s eyes. “Are you finished?” He was biting back a laugh. She nodded again, confused. “Alright, then let me finish.” Declan flung his arms wide. “Here I am. In Toronto. I got on a plane right after my grad party and let me tell you, it’s tough getting a flight out of New York with hurricane precautions still in place. So what are you doing? How do you do this, draw me here like this?” Holly J opened her mouth to respond, thought better of it, and shrugged. “I said I didn’t think I could let you back in,” Declan soldiered on, his heart hammering faster and faster. “I was terrified back at the sound booth. I was terrified at the beach. I was terrified on the plane ride here. But I’m not now, Holly J. I’m not scared at all. You turned around and the second I saw you, I wasn’t afraid. No matter what has happened to us in the past, there is still this light that sparks up in my chest when you’re around, and I know it’s there for you, too. I see it in your eyes. That sounds really corny and stupid, and maybe I am corny and stupid, but it seems to keep working for me.” He stopped, suddenly aware of how quickly the words were tumbling out. Hardly his suave self. Turning to face Holly J full on, Declan cocked an eyebrow and queried, “So, can I kiss you now, or do you want me to pick you up and spin you around first? 

“What do you think?” She quipped back lightly, trying to mask the elation spreading through her body like helium filling a balloon. She trailed her fingers down the lapel of Declan’s jacket, but before she had gotten more than an inch, Declan’s arms were around her waist, lifting her feet off the ground gently. With one large palm on the small of her back and the other supporting her, he spun her around like they had done so long ago in the hall. Holly J wrapped her arms around Declan’s neck loosely, knotting her fingers in his hair and pulling his face greedily to hers. Their lips met quickly and the two hungrily kissed away the sorrows that had plagued the two of them since their separation. Holly J pulled away, showering his lips with smaller kisses as he lowered her to the ground and cupped her face with his hands. Holly J finally pried her lips from his, keeping her face close to his. “I just can’t seem to say goodbye to you, Mr. Coyne.” She said with a small smile. “Thank you… for never giving up on me.” She murmured quietly, keeping her arms tightly twined around his neck. The thought of letting go of him then was more than she could bear. She had sent him away so many times, only to rejoice in him coming back. But this time was different— there was more urgency in the way they held each other than before. Seeming to sense her mind was elsewhere, Declan tilted her chin up so she was facing him once more, pressing his lips back to hers again. 

“I love you, Holly J Sinclair,” Declan murmured between kisses. “I love you, too, Declan Coyne.” Holly J smiled against his lips, enjoying the patterns that his fingers traced down her back. “I’m going to stay in Toronto this summer,” he told her, pressing their foreheads together. “Dad will ship my things to Yale for me. I want to be here for you while you’re recovering. And don’t you dare say that it will be boring for me,” he asserted as she began to interrupt. “There is nowhere in the world I would rather be.” The girl in his arms felt tears welling up in spite of herself, but her smile beat them to the surface. “Well, I can’t really argue with extended Declan time.” He captured her in another kiss, lingering and warm and right right so very right. “Hey, what do you want to do? Anything you want. Your wish is my command.” Holly J laughed. “You really are corny.” The answering grin disappeared from sight as Declan lowered his mouth to the soft of her neck. “A walking, talking Hallmark card.” She tugged his face back up to hers for yet another kiss, never wanting to stop. “I’m supposed to lay low - big day tomorrow.” Kiss, kiss, kiss. “Movies at my house?” Kiss, kiss. “Anything you want,” Declan repeated. He unwound to walk beside Holly J but kept an arm wrapped securely around her shoulders. His Aston Martin waited in the parking lot. “Oh, Holly J?” He looked down at her - the beautiful, mesmerizing, incomparable love of his life tucked into his side. “Yeah?” “Happy graduation.” She popped up on her toes to give him a quick kiss and they strolled toward the car. Together.

[fuckyeahsimplygold-blog]

Camping Trip: Holly J/Declan Story~

“You will be in the ultimate dog house if you..."

Holly J leaned forward, subtly sucking the sauce off of the tip of one finger, quirking one eyebrow at Declan. Declan smirked back, leaning forward as well to take her free hand in his. “So, Miss Sinclair, are you ready to get your camp on?” He asked mischievously. Holly J grinned slyly, “But of course! You know I wouldn’t miss seeing Fiona camp for the world.” Declan laughed and stood, tossing some money on to the table, “Well let’s get going then,” He offered her his hand and she took it gladly, smoothing her blouse and letting him lead her out into the car. The drive to beach was a short one, spent in comfortable silence as Holly J leaned against Declan’s shoulder. He pulled up next to Drew’s car, unloading their tent and grabbing the duffel bags. Holly J reached out to help but Declan shooed her help away, “I got this, J,” He smirked. Holly J rolled her eyes, following a clearly struggling Declan to the beach, “Men.” She muttered. The tents were everywhere, various Degrassi students sprawled out in the sand. Chantay ran over to the pair, giving Holly J a quick hug before Marisol dragged her away. Fireworks were bursting to life and Holly J skipped to catch up to Declan. “Set up the tent later! Let’s enjoy the fireworks,” She pleaded playfully, slipping her feet out of her flats and digging her toes into the sand. “As you wish,” Declan smiled, scooping Holly J onto his back piggy back style and leading her towards the water as the sky above them lit up with every color under the sun. 

“Declan Coyne, if you dump me in that water…” Declan gave the girl on his back an impish grin and swung her down as though to drop her, skillfully catching her close as she let out a little shriek. Laughing, he set her on her feet and she swatted at his arm. Hard. “Hey, now!” Declan exclaimed, mockingly appalled. He swatted back at her and in an instant she had jumped onto him. They both fell in a tangle to the sandy ground. Declan slipped a gentle hand behind her neck and pulled her down for a lingering kiss. One of the Degrassi boys nearby wolf-whistled as another firework crackled over head. Holly J rolled onto her side next to Declan, his arm around her waist, and glanced up at the budding stars. “Beautiful,” she commented with a gesture skyward. “That’s my line,” her boyfriend retorted, deft fingers tracing the soft rise of her cheekbone. She laughed, hair shimmering and shaking in the light thrown from nearby sparklers. “That’s it; you need to stop watching chick flicks with Fi during the week. They’ve turned you into a…. a  moosh monster.” “A moosh monster?” Declan echoed, amused. He let out a low, silly growl and attacked her with nuzzling kisses. “MOOSH MONSTER?! How old are you, Holly J?” His smile widened as he bumped an additional kiss against her jawbone and felt the girl in his arms shiver slightly at his breath against her throat.

Holly J squirmed underneath him, her face lighting up with laughter. “Moosh monster! Moosh monster!” She shrieked accusatorially, rolling over so she was on top of Declan. “I win.” She declared simply, placing her hands lightly on Declan’s chest. She remained perched atop her love for only a second more before swinging her leg off of him. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy coddling her incredibly cute boyfriend on the beach, it was the PDA aspect that was a turn off. “We better go get that tent up unless you want to freeze to death tonight.” Holly J suggested, standing and brushing the sand off her jeans. Declan rolled his eyes, “And by ‘we’ you mean me,” he teased, standing as well. Holly J planted her hands on Declan’s back, guiding him to the tent playfully. Declan dragged his bag next to Fiona’s unmistakable tent. “That thing could fit my whole family,” Holly J whistled, impressed. Declan gruffly cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing to keep an eye on Fiona before setting up the tent next to Fi and Adam’s. When the tent was done up, Declan sank into a seated position in the sand. Holly J curled up next to him, “Don’t worry, Fi is a big girl.” She reassured him. Declan nodded, “I like Adam, it’s just after Bobby…” He trailed off, his fists tightening. Holly J winced, resting her hand tentatively on his shoulder, “I understand.” Declan’s fists relaxed, and, although it took a moment for his jaw to un-stiffen, his face shifted back to joviality and he leaned over to plant a kiss on Holly J’s cheek. “Hey you two, enjoy your night!” A passerby whooped, tossing two beers onto the sand in front of them. 

Declan made an instinctive reach for the bottle closest to him, hesitated, and turned to Holly J. This hadn’t come up with them much, just the occasional glass of wine if they were out with his parents, a bit of champagne if the moment called for it. In New York he ran about with some unruly guys who often had something a bit stronger on hand for a rambunctious night, but how much did Holly J party? He knew the answer was not much. “Erm… do you mind if I…? I don’t have to. I’m perfectly fine either way. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Holly J surprised him by scooping up both bottles and handing him one. “Why not? It’s not like I’ve never had alcohol before, and it’s a party.” Declan leaned over, kissed her lightly, and expertly uncapped the beer. “To fireworks, sand that will be in our hair for weeks to come, nights at the beach, and to us.” “Us,” Holly J repeated with a smile. Clink. Drink. The beers didn’t last them long, and soon the pair were bounding hand in hand over near the fire to fetch more. Even as the alcohol disappeared and all the lights became more sparkling in his faintly-hazed vision, Declan kept a secure arm around Holly J, glancing up every once in a while in search of Fiona, just to be sure she was alright. Soon even this precaution slipped away as distracting, beery kisses became deeper and sloppier between Declan and Holly J. “S’mores!” Declan declared out of the blue. “Good lady, will you accompany me in the making of such delicious treats?”

Holly J leaned forward, giggling childishly. “Fine gentleman I thought you would never ask!” She declared, tossing her hands in the air before putting the hand that didn’t have a beer in it around Declan’s bicep. The two skipped over to the fire, stabbing marshmellows with skewers and holding them over the fire. “I like mine not to burnt,” Holly J cautioned, turning her marshmellow slowly. Declan hesitated before pushing her stick down with his, bringing her marshmellow dangerously close to the fire. “Declan Coyne don’t you dare.” Holly J cautioned, “You will be in the ultimate dog house if you burn this marshmellow,” She continued very seriously. Declan’s eyes widened in feigned innocence before he pushed her stick down, roasting her marshmellow. Holly J pulled her stick back, plucking the melted marshmellow off and smearing it across Declan’s face. “Ass. Hole.” She giggled, taking a swig of her beer. “Hot! Hot!” Declan complained, fanning his gooey face. “C’mere,” Holly J smiled, pulling him away from the fire so they had a bit more privacy. “I’m so very sorry,” she said slowly, kissing his face between each word, getting the marshmellow off his face with her lips. “I’m not sure I believe you’re sorry,” Declan teased, taking a sip of his beer and crossing his arms across his chest. Holly J’s eyebrows shot up, “How should I prove it to you?” She asked, her voice turning low and husky. Tossing her now empty beer into a nearby trash bag, Holly J grabbed Declan’s shirt collar gently, and pulled him closer into a deep kiss. She could feel Declan’s lips curve into a smile next to hers. Declan swept Holly J up into his arms bridal style, staggering over towards their tent unsteadily, the beers were starting to go to both of their heads. The two fell into the sand in front of their tent in a fit of laughter, their hands interlacing. Holly J crawled forward, straddling Declan in the cover of the dark. She wrapped her arms around Declan’s neck, her hands caressing the back of his neck, and pulled his face to hers, hungrily kissing his lips, cheek, and throat. Declan’s hands slid over her body hungrily, the heat between them growing. Holly J pulled away suddenly, a thought crossing her mind. More specifically a somebody. Possibly the only face absent tonight. Sav and her’s prom night kiss flashed through her mind briefly. Declan had in the meantime gone to work kissing her neck and chest, his hands sliding towards the hem of her blouse. “Declan— wait,” She said abruptly. Declan pulled away obligingly. “Is something wrong?” He asked worriedly. Holly J shook her head, her gaze dropping. “It’s not you. It’s just something I need to tell you…” She trailed off. 

Something twisted in Holly J’s eyes, though exactly what was unidentifiable to Declan in his tipsy state. He propped himself up on his elbows, gazing expectantly at the girl seated on top of him. She bit her lip. Heat rolled in his stomach as he thought how much he wanted to be biting that very lip. Declan gave his head a small shake in an attempt to focus. “What’s on your mind, my darling?” The term of endearment seemed to make her bite harder and she pushed his flopping hair back from his forehead. Holly J let out slurred giggle as her fingers trailed down Declan’s chest. He wasn’t sure when his shirt had been tugged off, but then the last couple of minutes were merely a heated blur. The giggle came again, as though she was nervous, and then Holly J spoke. “You remember when you didn’t come to prom?” Blunt. Declan nodded, lolling his head to one side and taking her hand. “I’m so, so sorry about that still, babe.” She waved the apology away, smiling again. “No, no it’s fine now. But that night it wasn’t fine and I kind of… well I was upset and I guess I sort of kissed Sav. A little.” Declan sat up entirely now, nearly knocking Holly J over backwards. “You what?” She shuffled off of his lap. “He kissed me! It wasn’t my fault! I just was sad and he was… there.” “You said you kissed him. That was the first thing you said.” Holly J tried to shush him, for Declan’s voice had raised considerably, a slur at the curve of each word. He struggled to his feet, sweeping up the discarded shirt as he began to pace, kicking at the sand. He avoided Holly J’s eyes. The alcohol was blowing everything out of proportion in his brain and something threatened to sting at the back of his eyes. “What…” he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what he could say. “Did you want him to?” He finally asked plainly, standing away from the red-headed girl in the sand, feeling suddenly small.

Holly J sank back so she was seating on her knees. She picked up Declan’s shirt off the sand, fumbling with the fabric between her fingers. “Well…”  she started before she became suddenly aware of the heavy lump in her throat. The alcohol was upsetting her, she wanted to be clearheaded enough to explain this properly to Declan but all she could see was the upset boy before her. Seeing the mistrust in his eyes made her chest feel like it was constricting her and before Holly J knew it tears were streaming down her cheeks. “No!” She wailed through her tears, beginning a very rapidly spoken, tearful explanation. “I-it’s just you didn’t come! Declan! I wanted to see you because— because I love you so much. And I loved you every day since we broke up the first time and I wanted you there and then Sav was there and he was— he was so nice to me and and he kissed me and I didn’t know what else to do but I wanted you! I came home and  cried over you because-” Declan cut off her drunken ramble, placing his hand gently over her mouth. Her tears tracked trails over his fingers and she stiffened; waiting for him to dump her. To her surprise, Declan’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “You know you’re pretty funny when you’re drunk, Holly J.” He informed her matter of fact-ly, a hint of laughter edging his words. Holly J pushed his hand off of her mouth, wiping her nose with one hand. “You’re not mad at me?” she asked. Declan sat back, linking his arms around his knees, “I can’t say I’m thrilled to hear you guys kissed… Has anything happened since then?” He asked her seriously. Holly J dried her cheeks, smoothing her hair self consciously. “I saw him the other night. He - he wanted me back,” She said nervously and Declan’s face hardened. Holly J shook her head, “Declan I told him no. I promise.” She moved forward onto her hands and knees, crawling forward between Declan’s legs and taking his face in her hands. Her eyes were still puffy from her little outburst, but a new somber expression took over her face as she lifted Declan’s face so they were eye to eye. “Declan, I love you. And I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future for us, but right now I know that I love you so much. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m a better person. Like I can do anything. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.” 

Declan paused for a moment, just letting the words settle over him, then crushed Holly J close and kissed her, hands firm on either side of her face. He wanted her - needed her - and her use of the word “future” scared him more than he could ever admit, especially intoxicated. Need, love, and an overwhelming surge of manic joy helped him to pull her into their tent. One or two beers too many combined with the heat of her body between his legs and another flame ripping across his heart that he could not identify held their kiss in place, even as he struggled her out of her shirt and slipped a hand inside her jeans. “I love you, Holly J,” he murmured gruffly, keeping direct eye contact with her as his fingers pressed into her thigh. “I should never have left you to fend for yourself at the prom. I should never have been so insensitive and stupid about money back when we were apart. I should never have left you in the first place. When my mom said we were moving back to New York, I should have insisted upon staying here in Toronto.” Holly J’s eyes were wide, concerned behind her drunkenness but distracted by the way his hand was moving on her skin. “Declan, it’s oka-” “No,” he interrupted, stealing another kiss. “No, it’s not okay. I practically pushed you on to Sav. You couldn’t help it, the way I treated-” “Pushed me on to Sav?” Holly J’s voice was riddled with offense, and she extracted herself from Declan’s grip. “What the hell do you mean, I couldn’t help it? I made that decision, Declan. I wasn’t being mindless. I cared about Sav. And he cares about me.” The words weren’t helping and she knew it, but the beer was moving her mouth faster than her brain could process the words. Declan’s chest seared again, and this time he understood the fire to be a burning hatred for the man who swooped in and took his Holly J.

Declan shook his head with frustration, “Wait Holly J! Don’t twist what I’m saying it’s not what I meant!” He pleaded with her. Holly J crossed her arms across her chest angrily, still bristling at Declan’s words. “I’m not some helpless little girl who ran off with Sav because you didn’t show up when I needed you.” She snapped. “I don’t think that of you!” Declan answered quickly. “Can we just enjoy this night please!” Declan begged, moving forward. Holly J shied away from his outreached hand, “I really liked Sav, Declan. Don’t flatter yourself into thinking I dated him as nothing but a rebound. He meant something to me.” She said coldly, turning and climbing awkwardly out of the tent while pulling on her shirt, before storming away. The alcohol buzz hadn’t start to wear off yet and she felt no concern whether or not she was being rash. She scanned the beach for someone she knew, yet in the cover of night she couldn’t put any names to any of the faces of the numerous Degrassi students there. “Holly J! Come back! Please! Let’s just talk about this!” Declan’s voice carried from the tent and Holly J turned, seeing him standing shirtless outside of the tent. Holly J reluctantly slunk back, stopping a good way’s away from Declan. She opened her mouth before snapping it back shut, unsure of what to say. “I just want things to go back to the way they were.” She finally said, her brow furrowing in consternation. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. 

“I know,” Declan moaned, face in his palms. He peered over his fingertips at people running around and laughing, the crackling fire, a few tents that seemed to be shifting, sparklers still sizzling here and there in the darkness. This was what they should be doing - playing, having fun together. They were teenagers, after all. They should be all about love, lust, dancing around the fire, being stupid and silly. Instead they were stupid and angry. “We keep getting these amazing moments and then we - I - mess things up. The truth is that I’m scared, Holly J. Scared that something is going to happen and I’ll lose you again.” She looked at him helplessly, too proud to voice her own similar fears. “Do you remember what I said before we started dating, that day I locked you in the sound booth?” Holly J allowed a small smile for a moment as she remembered this infuriating new boy who thought himself so entitled, the boy who chased her all over until he finally made her stop and give him a try. “You said you never tried that hard,” she recalled. “And that… you were terrified.” Declan nodded, taking tentative steps toward her. “You were worth everything I put into this relationship. You are worth everything. And I’m still terrified because as you said, we don’t know where this is going. I do know that I will never try for anyone as hard as I tried for you. And it’s not because I think I’ll never love again or because I’ll neverwant to again; it is simply because you dragged me up out of my pool of ego and showed me that I have to pursue passion if I truly want to possess it. You showed me that just by existing, and no one is ever going to have that sort of pull over me again.” He hesitated, then raised a hand out toward Holly J, his face weary, pleading, mouth dry and buzzing from his rambling, slurred speech.

Holly J stood deadly still, her mouth agape due to Declan’s drunken speech. She was very conscious of a few things; the sweat gathering in her palms, Declan’s desperate gaze on her face, and most of all, the thudding of her heart as it pounded against her chest. She worked her way slowly through his words, shell shocked. “Declan. I don’t belong to you, I’m not a thing you can buy,” She started slowly. Declan nodded, his face showing he was unsure of where she was going, “I know that,” He murmured nervously. Holly J nodded slightly and mulled over her thoughts. After a long pause, she finally said, “I… I love you doesn’t feel like enough right now to be honest, I’m not sure what to say.” Declan gave her an odd look before the two both began to try to fight a smile. A small giggle rose out of Holly J. “Why are you laughing!?” Declan asked, struggling to keep his serious face. Holly J stepped towards Declan, running her fingers over his bare chest. “Because you are going to drive me absolutely mad, Mr. Coyne.” Holly J could feel Declan release the breath he had been holding as a deep sigh of relief came out of him. Declan stepped closer, brushing Holly J’s hair back and hesitating, his lips barely out of her reach. Holly J smiled slyly before connecting their lips, lacing her fingers in Declan’s hair and keeping their lips firmly together. “I profess my love for you and you laugh? Typical,” Declan murmured, keeping their lips close together. Holly J smirked, “Shut up,” She mumbled playfully, pressing her lips to his once again. The future loomed over their heads ominously, but for now all Holly J wanted was to be as close to Declan as physically possible. Declan hoisted her back up by the bottom of the thighs, carrying her back to their tent and lowering her carefully onto their air mattress. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He whispered between kisses. “Declan,” Holly J whispered, feeling safer in the darkness of their tent. “Yes?” He mumbled, his lips caressing her neck. “I’m glad you locked me in that sound booth. I’m glad I took the risk because you are 100% worth it. You showed me everything I could be.” She confessed, feeling her cheeks flush red. Her mind flashed back to her night at Fiona’s condo, “I used to think just being in love made you feel like you had superpowers. But I’ve realized it’s being in love with you. It’s you.” She stammered, shocked to feel warm tears beginning to trace down her cheeks. 

“Superpowers?” Declan asked, placing a kiss on her nose and rubbing her tears away. “Like Wonder Woman? Could you get one of those outfits, because-” Holly J laughed through the lump in her throat. “Oh shut up.” She kissed him with great force, but he pulled back again. “And the boots. You’ve got to get those boots,” he teased again. “I’ll think about the boots. Only if you get a cape and be my superman.” Declan smirked. “You have been watchingway too many movies, Miss Sinclair.” “I blame you,” she retorted. “I blame Fiona,” Declan whispered, nuzzling her neck with his teeth. “Yeah,” Holly J murmured dreamily, her eyes closing in pleasure. “Let’s blame her.” From there they did not speak again, except to whisper endearments to each other as clothes were removed, flesh met flesh, and the familiar ebb and flow of their intimacy took its course. After a long while in the humming night that could never quite be silent, they curled together in the middle of the air mattress. “I love you,” Holly J murmured against his chest. “I love you, too, Holly J,” Declan replied. “Always.” Fingers twined together and in that moment, all was as it should be. 

[fuckyeahsimplygold-blog]

Dolly J Story~

“So what you’re saying is I haven’t lost my touch?” 

The Sinclair house glowed happily with yellows and oranges from inside, evidence of where Holly J had been and what lights she hadn’t turned out on her way. A smile twitched at the corners of Declan’s mouth; she must be busy with something if she was forgetting to hit light switches. Her parents clearly weren’t home, either. Double-checking the locks on his car, Declan sauntered up the walk, on the porch, and let himself in the front door. The clatter of fingertips on keys met his ears - Holly J’s laptop. Living room, he thought. 

And there she was on the couch, typing away at something or other. Not wasting any more time, Declan casually slid over the back of the sofa and into the spot beside her. Holly J jumped before punching him lightly in the arm. “Don’t do that! You could have been anyone!” Playfully she tried to fight him off, but he claimed a kiss anyway. “Maybe you should lock your front door, Miss Sinclair.” He indicated the computer. “What are you up to?” “Just a bit of school work.” She shut the laptop and pushed it away. Suddenly they were all hands in hair, lips on blushing lips, an arm around her waist - a proper greeting.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Declan kept her close, foreheads touching. “You said something about watching tv? It had better not be Pretty Little Liars again. I haven’t heard the end of it.” Holly J let out a burst of laughter, and Declan silenced it with another lingering kiss.

Holly J pulled away, shifting down the couch so Declan could twine one arm around her shoulders. Being with Declan again ignited a sort of childish giddiness in the pit of her stomach and she happily linked her hands behind the nape of Declan’s neck. Declan leaned forward, kissing from her  cheek to her collarbone and back again as she pondered aloud, “So that must have been someone else calling me on Tuesday to remind me to watch.” She said coyly. Declan scowled, “You know everyone online is teasing me,” He pouted teasingly. Holly J rolled her eyes, a small smile crossing her lips. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise,” she assured him invitingly. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to Declan’s again and tangling one hand loosely in his hair. Declan’s hands slid securely to her waist and the two of them fell back easily onto the couch; Holly J on her back and Declan eased over her. Holly J reconnected their lips once more, savoring the moment before pulling away, her cheeks flushing. “Missed me?” She chuckled, toying with Declan’s hair in her hands. “More than you know,” Declan breathed into her ear, kissing down her neck. She was so soft, so warm, so lovely beneath him. His strawberry angel. He shifted to one side so he could rest beside her and traced the contours of her cheek with a gentle fingertip. “You’re beautiful.” Holly J flushed pink and nuzzled at his hand. “You’re pretty cute, too.” “Gee, thanks,” Declan scoffed jokingly. He tickled her side and she squirmed. “Decs!” Her voice squeaked. “Decs, cut it out!” She laughed breathlessly, curling in on herself to block him. Giggles vibrated against his skin as he let up and held her close. “Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t resist.” Declan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear to place a kiss on her temple, her cheekbone, her jawline, the fluttering pulse at her throat. She hummed a contented sigh. “So,” Declan said between kisses. “You sounded urgent on the phone.” Kiss. “Even desperate,” he teased. Another kiss. “Just wanted me here that much, Miss Sinclair?”Holly J wrinkled her nose, pretending to look hesitant, “I mean I guess,” She teased, shrugging casually. Declan feigned a look of deep offense, sitting up. Holly J tilted her head back and laughed. She sat up and moved forward, hitching one leg over Declan’s lap so she was situated comfortably straddling him and cupped his face in her hands, tracing the contours of his jaw with one finger. “Of course I wanted you here, that much,” She said, half teasingly, leaning in so her face was just inches away from Declan’s. “Much better,” Declan grinned, standing and lifting Holly J by the back of her thighs, walking carefully into her bedroom. “What happened to watching TV, Mr. Coyne? Don’t tell me you’re trying to corrupt my innocence,” Holly J teased. Declan rolled his eyes, kicking the door shut behind him. “Am I that transparent?” He smirked. Holly J giggled, burrowing her face in Declan’s neck, inhaling his familiar, comforting smell as he lowered her onto her bed.  

Declan resumed their deep kisses, slipping a hand beneath the hem of her blouse to find the sweet soft skin that awaited his deft touch. Electricity seemed to crackle at each brush of contact. She made a small noise of protest when his fingers left her torso, but when they began to unbutton her blouse he felt her grip tighten in his hair. She shrugged the shirt away and onto the floor once he had made quick work of the buttons. Declan paused to kiss her collar bone lightly, fingertips making a path down her sides that made the red-head shiver. “You are perfect,” he whispered. He kissed down her pale stomach and back up again to the clasp at the front of her bra that remained - as of yet - untouched. Impatiently, Holly J pulled his face back up to her mouth and Declan obliged, reveling in the feel of her body pressing up against his.

Holly J pressed her body against Declan’s, their lips still dancing passionately together. The feeling of Declan’s tongue tracing her lower lip sent shivers down Holly J’s spine and the heat of the moment had her fingers quickly thumbing at the hem of Declan’s shirt, pulling it up over his head. Holly J hesitated, pulling away from Declan’s lips just to fully appreciate all of him. She rolled Declan over so she was straddling his lap and leaned forward, placing her hands lightly on his chest and kissing his neck. “I love you,” She mumbled between kisses, going to work on the soft skin between his neck and collarbone. Declan closed his eyes, a slight moan escaping his lips as Holly J kissed down his chest and stomach, sliding her hands down his sides as she did. She straightened up, unclipping her bra and allowing it to slide off her shoulders. Declan sat up underneath her and Holly J rested her hands on his shoulders, shifting so she was seated more comfortably in his lap. “Have I mentioned that I love you?” Declan smiled, kissing her more softly this time. “Maybe once or twice, but a couple more times wouldn’t hurt,” Holly J mumbled back, reconnecting their lips. 

“I love you,” Declan repeated, kissing and biting gently at her neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” One hand wound in the hair at the base of her neck, the other cupping her breast, Declan kissed Holly J fiercely. Tongues collided, bodies fit into each other, and nothing else in the world could possibly matter beyond him, her, and the bed that held them aloft in their own private, drifting universe. Declan’s fingers trailed down to the top of Holly J’s jeans and rested there, not wanting to rush her. He ducked his head to kiss her chest and she rocked against him, her heartbeat quickening near his ear.

Holly J’s pulse raced, they hadn’t been this close like this since they had gotten back together. But this was Declan, her Declan and it felt so right. Holly J closed her eyes, tilting her head back and exhaling sharply in pleasure as Declan kissed her chest. She rocked forward, pressing her lips against the top of his head in a more tender gesture amidst all the heated passion. Her nails dug into Declan’s back as he continued to kiss her, his hands sliding down to expertly undo the button on her jeans. Holly J slowly bent backwards, lying on her back on the bed while Declan helped her out of her jeans. She stretched down, grabbing Declan’s hand and pulling him so they were face to face and he was over top of her. Their fingers laced together, resting on the pillow, and Holly J tilted upwards, kissing Declan, “Don’t worry, I want this, I want you Declan. It’s different this time,” She quietly assured him. “I just don’t want this to be like last time,” Declan admitted, his eyes dropping from hers. Holly J lifted her free hand, smoothing Declan’s hair before cupping his cheek, “I love you Declan. You’re the only person I want to be with,” she promised him in a soft spoken voice, tightening her hand around Declan’s. The walls in her room seemed to fade away, leaving just them as Declan’s adoring gaze met hers. 

Declan took a breath to steady himself, for his hands had begun to tremble. It was not nervousness; he wanted this to be just right. He discarded his jeans and left them to tangle in the folds of Holly J’s on the carpet. The evidence of her effect on him was unavoidably clear when stripped to only his boxer-briefs, and Holly J blushed a little, a coy smirk making her dimple stand out. “Why, Mr. Coyne, I never,” she murmured. A low chuckle rumbled from Declan’s chest as he leaned down over her again. “Hush, you,” he mumbled into the soft skin of her breast, kissing in circles. His fingers found their way expertly under the lacey band of her underwear and then she did hush, indeed, save for some light gasps and aroused thrums that she could not seem to control.

Holly J closed her eyes, tightening her hand around Declan’s as they connected. She nestled her face in Declan’s shoulder, savoring the feeling of being truly connected to someone. A slight gasp slid through her lips and she pressed her lips against Declan’s shoulder to silence herself as Declan’s breath grew heavier. A small smile crossed her lips as she heard Declan murmur her name against the soft skin of her neck and she raised her free hand to run her fingers through Declan’s hair, tangling themselves in his tussled locks. Her other hand remained tightly in Declan’s, his fingers tightening around hers as the pressure between them increased. A more pronounced gasp escaped Holly J as pleasure seemed to course through every vein of her body, heating her entire body and rising goosebumps along her skin. Declan rolled off of her, lying on his side next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her into his chest. Holly J turned willingly, her face was close enough to Declan’s that she could easily kiss the tip of his nose without having to move. Declan’s fond gaze traveled over Holly J once before re-settling on her eyes. “That was amazing, Declan.” Holly J admitted, her cheeks flushing slightly. “So what you’re saying is I haven’t lost my touch?” Declan teased. Holly J slapped him lightly on the chest, “Don’t be gross and ruin the moment,” She joked, scooting closer to him and snuggling into his hold.  

Naked and intertwined, the pair whispered sweetly to each other. Holly J’s voice became softer and softer, exhausted and utterly content. “Falling asleep?” Declan asked. “No,” she replied. “Just… I love this.” Declan pressed a long kiss to her brow. “I love you,” he murmured yet again, watching her eyelashes flutter as she smiled and closed her eyes. She tucked her face into the crook of his neck, and Declan was happy to feel her warmth against his skin as he lay holding her, listening to her breathe.

[fuckyeahsimplygold-blog]

Dolly J Story~

I miss being yours.

Holly J glared at her laptop through squinted eyes, eyeballing the blank word document with a venomous stare. The only start her essay had was the header “Holly J Sinclair, Period 3.” Holly J tilted her head back and with a groan, she covered her face with her hands. Scowling, Holly J prepared to slam the laptop shut when the shrill ring of Skype stopped her. Her breath caught in her throat as the words Declan Coyne is Calling flashed on the screen. Holly J glanced around at her empty apartment and back at the screen, anxiety twisting knots in her chest and stomach. Her fingers hovered over the mouse pad, uncertain of what to do. “Don’t be a baby,” she murmured to herself, fluffing her hair once for good measure before clicking accept. The ancient laptop took a moment to process before the oh so familiar face of Declan Coyne materialized on screen. Holly J bit her lip, taking in his appearance. Declan looked completely at ease, his hair was longer and tousled and he wore his signature smirk. “Hey Sinclair. For a second there I thought you weren’t going to pick up,” He teased, leaning a bit closer to his screen. Holly J flashed him a smile, “And miss talking to you? Never,” She joked, giving herself a mental pat on the back for keeping her cool. “So what’s the occasion?” She asked Declan dryly, readjusting in her bed. 

“Do I need an occasion to call you, Miss Sinclair?” Declan replied with a sarcastic lilt in his voice. Tipping his head to the side a bit, he considered Holly J’s appearance. She looked tired - no, he corrected himself - she looked mildly stressed. Judging by her hair and the way here eyes kept darting to the side as if reminding herself of the notes that most likely sat there beside her laptop, he guessed that he had caught her in the process of doing work. But she did not look tired; she looked healthy. “You look better than the last time I saw you.” Holly J rolled her eyes at him. “Oh, thanks.” Declan laughed. “You know what I mean. You don’t look sick anymore.” To avoid the conversation getting too serious too quickly, he continued with haste. “Let me guess: you were just wrestling over some sort of paper that is due last minute for spring break kicks in, and I have interrupted completely.” He knew he had hit it right on the nose by the way she stared at him before smiling smoothly. “Give yourself a study break, Holly J. Catch me up on the life and times of the most powerful woman in Toronto.”

Holly J rolled her eyes, “Study break is not in my vocabulary but why not,” She kidded, a coy smile spreading across her face. “Well there’s not much to say,” She shrugged. Declan’s eyebrows shot up, “C’mon Holly J, that’s never the case with you,” He prompted her. Holly J bit her lip, “I’ve been really busy with my work internship, that’s about it,” She brushed him off. Declan gave her a knowing look. Holly J glanced down, picking at the skin by her nail. “I mean, I broke things off with Sav- just last week,” She confessed. Declan’s eyes widened, shock flooding his face. Holly J chuckled nervously, “I’m guessing Fiona didn’t tell you then?” She remarked.

“No, no she didn’t.” Declan ran a hand roughly through his hair, processing this information. Holly J is single again. He reminded himself sharply that this change was not automatically favorable to him, and talked his brain down from making assumptions. This does not mean anything. “I’m sorry to hear that. Are you… are you okay?” He wasn’t sure what he wanted the answer to be. Holly J nodded slowly. “I was the one to break things off, so I’m fine. I don’t know about Sav, though…” Declan allowed a smirk at that. “Getting dumped by Holly J Sinclair isn’t a picnic. Sorry,” he added immediately. “I’m sure he is going to be alright soon enough. Sav is pretty resilient from what I remember.” Holly J nodded again, and they both fell silent. A million questions dashed around Declan’s mind, ill-formed and hasty. He wanted to tell her about how he hadn’t been seeing anyone. How the few dates he had been on were mind-numbingly dull and tedious to the point that he gave up on them altogether, preferring to spend his Friday and Saturday nights watching movies, baking, checking up on his charity. Anything to keep his head busy so it didn’t have to listen to his heart. But he didn’t want to scare her, so he just drummed his fingertips lightly on his desk. “Holly J…” he started, flicking his eyes back up to the screen, but nothing else followed.

Holly J’s eyebrows knitted together in concern and she bit her lip to keep the words from spilling out before she could collect her thoughts. The last time she had seen Declan she had been too sick to focus on anything in particular but now, sitting screen to screen with him, everything felt amplified. The feelings she had buried down and ignored were picking at her thoughts and the look on Declan’s face wasn’t helping. Holly J shook her head, “So… How about you? Any, uhm, lady loves?” She asked, meaning to sound lighthearted and playful but coming off far more serious then she intended. The look Declan gave her pained her, as if it should be obvious to her that him dating right now was out of the question. “Declan is there any reason you called. I mean—is everything okay?” She asked, kneading her knuckles into the palm of her opposing hand, butterflies running rampage in her stomach. 

Declan sighed, a deep and aching huff that closed his eyes and settled some of the nerves in his stomach. Not now, he thought. She’s newly single and hundreds of miles away. I’m not doing this to her again - to us. “Everything’s fine,” he replied unconvincingly. “I just-” love you. “Miss you. I miss talking to you about our lives, no matter how uneventful things can be sometimes. I miss making fun of your insane studying, and I miss you getting on me for not studying enough. I miss that smile you get when you’re sleepy but willing to stay up for a couple more minutes on skype just to say goodnight.” He started to falter, realizing what he was saying.I miss being yours. “I miss being friends.” It came out sounding lame and awkward, and he immediately kicked himself for it. Holly J was looking at him in a way that was half concern and half pity. It felt awful.

Holly J pursed her lips, looking down, “Hey Declan, could you uh, wait a second. I need to use the ladies room,” Holly J stammered, pushing the laptop off her lap. Declan nodded glumly from the screen, running a hand through his hair. Holly J climbed off her bed, hurrying to the adjoining bathroom. She sank down on the side of the bathtub, covering her flushed face with her hands. Standing, she paced anxiously in the bathroom and gripped the edge of the sink, staring at herself in the mirror. He still loves me. There was no denying it. Holly J had always known she was lying to herself when, on the nights where she would lay awake wondering, she would put herself to sleep by telling herself he was probably out with a girl or living his life. She flushed the toilet for good measure and edged out of the bathroom nervously, climbing back into her bed. “Hey sorry about that.” Declan nodded it off, looking at her apprehensively. Holly J offered a timid, half smile, “You know, I’ve been thinking about you a lot Declan. I’ve just been having a really hard time lately, with being sick and stuff. It was hard not having you here is what I’m trying to say I guess,” She cut herself off. Stop rambling! She mentally scolded herself.

While Holly J was in the bathroom, Declan shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against the desk. Really smooth, he thought bitterly. Well done. He straightened abruptly at the sound of her return. As she told him that she had wanted him there through her sickness and everything else, his heart drummed furiously against his ribs. “I should have been there,” he said quickly. Holly J tried to protest, but he shook his head. “I should have checked in more. I wanted to, believe me. I was afraid of making things more difficult for you. The last thing you needed was more stress.” Even on the laptop screen, her eyes were brilliant and beautiful. He missed those eyes. And her strawberry hair. And the gentle curve of her upper lip. And everything she was, everything she did, everything she said. She was entirely remarkable to him. He struggled to keep his tone light when he spoke again. “You didn’t need me there, though.” A little laugh crept into Declan’s voice, sounding smooth and nonchalant again. “You’re the strongest person I know, and Fiona tells me that you get better and better by the minute. You’ll be completely healthy in no time.” He was glossing over it all, trying to save face from his near-breakdown. She doesn’t need you pining after her right now.

Holly J’s mouth curved down in a dissatisfied scowl, “Declan you are such a moron sometimes I swear,” she quipped. Declan recoiled, looking surprised. “You calling me would have never made anything more difficult or stressful. I don’t want you toever think that, ever,” She told him firmly, pausing to let her words sink in. Declan held her gaze for a moment longer then dropped it, his cheeks darkening slightly. “Just because we’re, you know, broken up,” she stammered over the phrase, “Doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life,” She mumbled. “We could be great friends if we give it a chance,” She lied through her teeth. The word “friend” felt abominable to say. The truth of the matter was that Declan had never been her friend and never would just be a “friend” like Anya or Chantay or even like Sav was. There would always be something more between them that Holly J couldn’t bring herself to face. “In fact, I would really like it if you would come see me sometime. Sooner rather than later, kay?” She insisted, ignoring her better sense. A smile split across Declan’s face at the offer. While he began to answer, Holly J reached across her bed to her bedside bookshelf, pulling the SAT book Declan had given her off the shelf. Fumbling with it, she ran her fingers over the smooth cover of the book, careful to keep it out of the webcam. She flipped to the dogeared page, letting the old picture of Declan and her in New York to fall out. The Holly J in that picture was a rare one; completely at ease, a carefree smile spread gleefully across her cheeks. 

Clouds burst in Declan’s head. Holly J wanted him to come see her sooner rather than later. He knew her well enough to know that this was not something she would say flippantly. Holly J was always very cautious with her feelings around Declan since the breakup, but he saw something in her face now that gave him a soaring feeling, and he could not tone down his boyish grin. “I would like that, too.” Despite carefully reeling his premature enthusiasm back, plans were already unfolding behind his eyes, lending them a genuine twinkle for the first time in a while. “Fiona is already whining about wanting me to come back, though she’s also whining about missing the city so I’m not sure which one is going to win out. But either way I have a feeling we will be seeing each other rather soon.” His hand inched toward the cell phone lying beside him, keeping it out of sight while easily maneuvering to Fiona’s number in his contact list. “Miss Sinclair, it has been a pleasure talking to you, but I’m afraid I am going to have to bid you goodnight now.” His grin softened to an affectionate and timid smile. “Sleep well, okay?” In that moment he wished he could kiss her forehead and cuddle her close for a proper goodbye. Some things were no longer so simple.

Holly J smiled, looking down almost shyly, “Goodnight, Mr Coyne.” She said, lifting a hand to cover her smile. Declan’s buoyant face remained on her screen for a moment more before the Skype disconnected. Holly J covered her face fully now, rolling over in her bed and pressing her face into her pillow. She couldn’t help the feeling consuming her, as though her stomach would fall out at any moment. She rolled out of bed, pacing around her room before stopping and facing herself in the vanity mirror. Her flushed, excited face stared back. “You’re just friends. You’re just friends. You’re just friends. You don’t like him so stop it.” She repeated, trying to stay stern with herself although the bubbly feeling in her stomach seemed to say quite the opposite. Holly J rolled her eyes, flopping back down on her bed and picking up the New York picture once more, gazing at it fondly before propping it up on her bedside table. 

[fuckyeahsimplygold-blog]

Dolly J Story~

“I just don’t want to see another person I care about carted away to a hospital, Holly J.”

Declan drummed anxious fingers on the steering wheel, wondering at the nervous buzzing in his spine. How many times had he parked his car on this particular curb? It would all seem so comfortable save for one significant difference. He hadn’t been in the Sinclair’s house since before Holly J had ended things. He swallowed hard and glanced down at the tupperware of soup mix in his lap. Holly J’s favorite. He had made it for her on the few occasions when she had fallen ill. Again, all of that had been different. Suck it up. Nerves were not his style. Scooping up a modest yet bright bouquet of flowers he had just stopped off for, he left the safe darkness of his car and strode up the front path, shrouded in uncertainty.

At first he did not see Holly J curled on the couch, her hair tousled on one side in indication that she had been writing. She was always absentmindedly tugging at her hair while she worked. “Delivery for Miss Sinclair,” Declan announced smoothly, arranging his mouth into a confident half-smile. The face that turned toward the noise froze him where he stood. Every wafting memory tucked safely away in the back of his mind had not done her justice; Holly J was even more beautiful than thought could serve. However there was a dimness in her eyes that Declan was unfamiliar with. She had said she was under the weather, but right away this seemed to be more than a simple cold. Her face was slightly ashen and purple rings were faintly appearing beneath her wide, determined eyes. “Declan! Good to see you.” She crossed to him and gave him a friendly hug. The scent of her hair flooded Declan’s mind with moments long past. He offered up the flowers to keep from losing his composure. “Mom always says a bit of color improves the health tenfold. And I know how much you love sunflowers.” She accepted the gift with a thanks and something about getting water for them before veering off for the kitchen. Declan followed immediately, eying the careful way she held herself and her uncharacteristically slow movements. Something was not right.

The nausea building in the pit of her stomach was at its fullest, seeing Declan again was just as confusing as the night of his party but there was no denying that she was glad to see him again. Holly J gratefully took the flowers, “Sorry I’m such a mess, I sort of fell asleep waiting for you,” She confessed, turning away from him to hid her weary face. “Make yourself at home, I’m just going to go get some water for these!” She called, grabbing a vase filling it with water. “Alright, not a problem,” Declan responded casually, sliding into one of the kitchen chairs. Holly J stiffened, carefully keeping her back to him. The level of formality between them made her uncomfortable; it felt as though she was speaking to parent’s friend. Her train of thought broke off as the vase slid between her fingers into the sink, shattering at the bottom. Holly J covered her face in frustration. “For pete’s sake,” She mumbled, reaching down to collect the shattered glass. Declan stood, “Are you okay?” The concern in his voice was obvious and Holly J winced and tried to pull herself together. “I’m fine, like I said, just a bit under the weather. You know me, tough as an ox,” She kidded lightly, disguising the strain in her voice as she carefully picked out the glass. 

While Holly J cleaned up the glass, Declan filled a second vase with water and arranged the flowers expertly. His mother had taught him well - possibly too well. “You said you have your internship tomorrow?” Holly J collected the last shard and nodded, slumping a bit against the counter as though she suddenly lost the strength to stand alone. She shook the spell off, but Declan was not fooled. “Come on, Holly J. Why don’t you sit down?” The girl glared at him, albeit softly. “I’m fine,Mom. Just straightened up too quickly, I guess.” It would have been ever so natural for Declan to reach for her, guide her to a chair, and have her rest a while, but an invisible barrier had risen between them. The initial hug had been uncomfortable enough. “Erm… tell me about this internship.” This prompt was all Holly J needed to launch into a long explanation of her work study, distracting her from his worry enough for her to alight in a chair on her own. As he listened, Declan set himself to work on the soup.

Holly J rambled on while Declan poured the water into the soup. She didn’t fail to notice that he hadn’t seemed to have forgotten where anything was in the Sinclair’s kitchen. “It’s pretty tedious, I guess I thought I would be doing more but at least Chantay’s there with me. Bev always just calls me Holly though,” she complained teasingly. Declan’s jaw dropped, “The nerve of that woman! Leaving the J out of Holly J? I can’t even..” He smirked, keeping his eyes trained on the soup. Holly J rolled her eyes, “Don’t make fun Mr. Coyne you know I hate when people do that,” She mumbled, resting her chin in her hands. “You look worn out, do you want to go sit on the couch?” Declan suggested, a now steaming bowl of soup in hand. Holly J nodded silently as Declan offered her a hand, helping her to the couch. “You’ve all got to stop babying me it’s just a cold,” She mumbled as Declan lead her to the couch. “Sit, and eat,” Declan ordered kindly, giving Holly J the bowl. “People are only ‘babying’ you because they care.” He added. 

Declan seated himself on the opposite end of the couch out of respect. He glanced at Holly J’s open planner on the table as she ate. “There isn’t a single gap in your schedule.” Her eyes flickered from the pages to him before resting once again on the steaming soup in her hands. “You know what it’s like. I have a lot to do.” Her fingers were trembling ever so slightly. “It’s chilly in here,” she commented quietly. Declan snagged a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it gently over Holly J’s legs, drawing back quickly once it had dropped. He was closer to her now. The barrier between them held him in place still, though he was overwhelmed with concern and a pulsing need to touch her, if only to check her temperature. “Holly J,” he started, unsure of where his sentence was headed. “Holly J, you’ve already been accepted to Yale. I know there is a lot on your plate, but have you even tried to eliminate anything to lighten the load?” It was a stupid question; Holly J went full throttle. It had always been that way. “You have to be careful with yourself. What good will you be to Yale if you burn out senior year?”

Holly J shook her head, “If I wanted a lecture right now I would call my dad, okay? I don’t have too much on my plate right now. Student Council is important to me and I need the job for money. And work internships and SATs… they look good-” Declan shook his head cutting her off, “You’re already in though!” Holly J looked down. “I like being busy, it gives me something to do and I like feeling in charge. I can’t help that,” She said defensively. Declan pursed his lips, as if to hold back. Holly J shook her head, staring down at her soup. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to snap at you. It’s just been a hectic week.” She mumbled, pulling the blanket off her legs to take the bowl into the kitchen. She passed by a mirror on her way to the counter and winced at the sight of her disheveled hair and sunken, dark eyes. Shaking her head, Holly J rejoined Declan on the couch. “Thank you so much for that soup, it was a lifesaver,” She said warmly in an attempt to at least lighten the mood. She reached out and clasped Declan lightly on the shoulder awkwardly before drawing the blankets more tightly around herself.  

The contact was strange and so off. Declan chewed the soft inside of his lip as he considered the girl before him. She was impossible - strong and impossible. He loved that about her. Whatever illness was setting in on her was driving her crazy, he knew, because she did not want it to be stronger than her. Could her business really be hurting her, or was it something more? Please don’t let it be something more. “Have you seen a doctor yet?” Holly J sighed, shaking her head. “You really should. I’m not lecturing,” Declan raised his voice slightly to stave off her oncoming interjection. “I’m worrying. If anything were to happen to you…” His voice trailed off as their eyes connected - collided, really - catching him off-guard. She did not want to think about what the doctor would say, he could see that. The dimness he had seen earlier was a veil of fear thick enough to strangle Declan’s heartstrings. Never before had he seen her like this. “I just don’t want to see another person I care about carted away to a hospital, Holly J.”

Holly J guiltily dropped her gaze, studying the floor as thoughts of Fiona flooded her mind. She had been so busy she hadn’t even made time to see her own best friend. “I..” She hesitated, looking up at Declan’s concerned eyes. She didn’t doubt her feelings for Sav but Declan was her first love and there was no helping opening up around him. Tears glossed over her eyes, “I’m scared that there’s something wrong with me. I’m scared of what the doctor’s will say,” She strained to keep her voice even. “What if I’m really sick Declan?” She stammered, looking down. Declan’s warm arms wrapped around her and instinctually she buried her face into his shoulder, twining her shaky arms around him. “Holly J, it’s going to be fine, okay? I promise,” Declan assured her, murmuring comfortingly into her hair. “Thank you,” She sniffed, wiping her cheeks. “You’re a good friend Declan,” She said softly.

He winced when she said friend, but continued to hold her. As long as she didn’t pull away, he could protect her for this moment. He could keep her safe in his arms and the world outside would cease to exist. Just for this. Just for now. “If you, uh…” Declan’s voice caught in his throat a bit. He breathed in slowly and tried again. “If you need anything, you know I am always just a phone call away. Whatever you need.” Holly J nodded against his shoulder. They sat there in silence for a while, Declan’s heart rattling against his ribs nervously. Here was the woman he so admired, the one he had messed it up with so badly, sniffling in his arms. But she chose not to be his anymore. It became suddenly obvious that they had been embracing for far too long. With an awkward pat on her back, Declan extricated himself from Holly J. He did not leave the couch, however, nor did he move away from her. The silence was heavy around them.

Holly J blearily glanced up at Declan, her eyes drooping steadily. He was clearly caught up in his own mind and Holly J managed a small half smile. It had been nice to see him again, if only under better terms. Declan steadily became fuzzy until Holly J’s vision went black as her eyelids finally surrendered and slid shut. Declan glanced down as Holly J’s head slid over onto his shoulder. Smiling slightly, Declan slid one arm underneath her back and the other underneath her legs, lifting her carefully from the couch and carrying her to her bedroom. He lowered her carefully, pausing only once to admire how peaceful she looked finally asleep. His whole body ached with unrequited wishes of reconciliation but he knew all he could do was hope for better things at Yale. Turning, he hurried back to the couch, scooping up the blanket and draping it over her. He turned to leave before hesitating once at the sight of her. Declan finally gave in and delicately leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against Holly J’s forehead before leaving her, sound asleep in her bed.