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May 3rd, 2018
I’m so pissed, haha. I spent HOURS and HOURS today studying metric/imperial conversions for our math test, and in the end, all he asked us were easy “KHDBDCM” questions. Like, I’m glad because I did well, but I’m also like... shit. I studied myself into the ground, not even exaggerating here. Fuck.
March 8th, 2018
Had my first math quiz! I made a few stupid errors, but I still came out with a 90%! Mr. Malone is a really good teacher.
Had a bad migraine so I didn’t end up staying for physics tutoring after.
March 1st, 2018
To make up for physics, math ended up being... amazing?! Mr. Malone is awesome, and he doesn’t assume we already know stuff. I love him. ;__;
Got to chat with Sendy and Richard a bit after class. ♡
Morning Routine
5:53am - Mr. Malone’s alarm goes off. (I think about how much I want to keep sleeping.)
5:55am - Go wake up the bean & change the diaper. Yes, we have to wake her up during the week. I feel guilty every time I do it.
6am - FOOD. For Charlotte. (Usually I think about food.) Mr. Malone gets ready for work.
6:15am - Start thinking about what Charlotte is going to wear to daycare.
6:20am - Finally decide on what Charlotte will wear to daycare.
6:25am - My people are packing up and heading out the door, where I promptly turn on the coffee machine & come check the Internet.
Some days, since I don’t have to be at work until 9, I’m slightly resentful that I’m up and not still in bed. Other days, I look at it as a chance to be productive before 8am.
Either way, I like getting that 30 minutes with my girl in before she hangs out with her new friends. Probably gossiping about their parents. “Did you see this romper my mom made me wear today? Ick.”
Some days...
... I feel like I missed out on decorating an actual room for Charlotte, as opposed to our current set-up.
... I just want to sleep all day.
... I think about working out and then think “nah.” (Let’s be honest, this is most days.)
... I worry about my relationship with Mr. Malone.
... I think far into the future and imagine the relationship Charlotte and I will have when she’s older.
Feelings
Everybody said that after the first two months with a newborn, things would get better. "You'll be out of the fog" they said. In truth, I did feel like that, but find myself regressing back into the ugly person I was right after bringing Charlotte home. I snap at Mr. Malone often, for stupid things. I'm tired. I feel dirty and unkempt. I'm lonely, discouraged, and feel like a burden to people around me. I suffer from "mom guilt" any time I want to run an errand alone. (Case and point: I'm currently waiting on new tires to be installed and all I can think about is how I'm keeping Mr. Malone from successfully doing his work.) I'm worried - about money, my health, if I'll ever get back to working. I know I'm all in my own head right now, but dang, it's obnoxious. And I just spilled coffee all over myself. Oy vey.
Flying High
Coming to you from ~35K feet, although I won't be able to post this until I'm back on solid ground. (No WiFi over the Pacific Ocean - #firstworldproblems.)
Currently, Charlie Bean is snoozing. We had a brief meltdown an hour into the flight due to a dirty diaper and the beverage cart was cramping our style. Mr. Malone saved the day and got her changed up in first class - balla! However, no changing table, so he MacGyvered the shit out of that lavatory. (Ha! It was a poopy diaper so the shit reference makes me giggle.)
I have to say, I stressed myself out hardcore over this day. (Keep in mind that we still have about 4 hours left, so things could change.) I think I built up my expectations about the flight attendants, too. Oh well. I'm just happy we made it this far and are still talking to one another.
Aloha, mah friends.
Have Infant, Will Travel
Mr. Malone and I will be embarking on our first flight with Charlotte in two weeks and to say I'm anxious would be an understatement. Any words of wisdom from you tumblr mamas? We've got the basics - nurse during take off/landing, extra clothes, lots of diapers, etc. Anything you brought that was pointless? Anything you kicked yourself for NOT bringing? Would love any suggestions! Please and thank you!
