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I saw this hat and I was like...yeah, I’m slapping that bitch on Mr. Ocean’s head

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“Dear Mr. Ocean” - A ficlet

“Dear Mr. Ocean,

Elio Perlman, your #1 Italian fan, here...again! I’ve sent you a couple of letters in the past but I never heard back from you. I know Poste Italiane isn’t exactly a premium service though so you probably never got them. Just in case you didn’t, I’ll give you a summary of my predicament--for a predicament it most surely is!

So unlike you sir, I am not a 'gentlemen’s gentleman'. I mean, I have a girlfriend for God’s sake! Not that I have a problem with your orientation at all! I mean, my family has quite a few friends who ‘enjoy the work of Oscar Wilde.’ But I actually have a girlfriend and she’s totally into me. We’ve like, gone all the way. She pretty much said I’m the greatest lover she’s ever had. Not so much in words but with her eyes? Definitely. So, just wanted to clear that up before going further, lest you think I’m THROWING myself at you or something. Haha! No, no. For aside from Marzia (that’s her name btw) there is a boy, or man I guess you could say, who is preoccupying my heart and mind lately. He’s this VERY cocky, loud, slightly boorish American who has come to stay with my family for SIX WEEKS! I don’t know how I’m going to cope?! My wrist is already numb and he’s only been here for THREE DAYS! Basically, I think he's either out to ruin my life and destroy me OR he might actually like me a little. One of the two. No in-between. Here is where I’m hoping I could get some guidance from you: how can I tell if he’s into me? I want to get him 'going crazy, screaming my name!' I wanna be 'the boyfriend in [his] wet dreams tonight!' He’s constantly half-naked too it’s like: are you teasing me? WTF!?

Anyway, hopefully one day we can hang out and shoot the shit bro. Please help me out with some words of wisdom!

Much respect,

Elio Perlman

P.S. I am paying HELLA CRAZY DOLLARS for this to get to you in a timely fashion. Sir, I need a reply as soon as possible!!!”

@cristinasea @ickivay @raquelsantos92 @isitandwonder @694699 @ciavttini @ladyblakeney25 @dekaohtoura @morganwolfe @shes-gone-rogue

#ficlet #Elio Perlman #Call Me By Your Name #a letter to Frank Ocean #Mr. Ocean