mornings were mundanely started with insistent alarms set by her the previous night or mina’s mellifluous singing (“wake up, hyunmi-yah. we have schedules today.”). none of which hyunmi detested; in fact, she welcomed each ring, each lyrical croon with a groggy ‘mhm!’ and perhaps sneak in a few extra minutes of stretching in bed, rolling until she was a helpless mess in her blankets while mina showered.
today was different; today there was no mina. solo endeavours hauled mina away from sunrise to sundown, while hyunmi had leisurely time to sleep in and not do anything productive. the contrast but hyunmi didn’t grumble over lack of jobs. out of the seven deadly sins, she was gluttony. hunger woke her up that day (morning was long over, but hyunmi still sandwiched between reality and her subconscious), stomach wailing for bread, maybe scrambles eggs or simple cereal. anything.
all she saw in the kitchen was benjy (enough to snap her out of delusions), his backside looking determined. “are you awake?” hyunmi gave the back of his knee a push with her feet, curious if he would topple over (and reward her a funny sight). “what’s there to eat?”
first days were notoriously tricky. do you go about instilling an image that greatly differed than what your immediate family, community and society bestowed on you? do you captivate unsuspecting foreigners with whimsical smiles, ones that reached the starry glisten in your eyes? do you release extravagant greetings and compliments for the sake of serving a comely impression irrespective of how meaningless they were?
of course. she entered gold star with a plan of action: be as amicable and likeable as possible, fool them, don’t let them see the scales or the forked-tongue but most importantly, don’t let them see beyond that—that you were in fact someone capable of being sweet, of having a heart and genuinely caring; it was a weakness.
hyunmi wandered the unknown corridors of gold star, passing each door with an inquisitive bat of her eyelashes. small windows allowed her a gander in studios and dance rooms, most occupied by strangers, potential friends and even more damning, future group mates. the prospect tickled her sides, an uncomfortable shiver sending the hairs on her nape to stand on edge. how many futile dreams of similar origin wasted her time? far too many; her heart was battered.
there was one person remaining in her life, however, whom hyunmi allowed the façade she wielded to cascade away like water rolling off her body as she emerged from a sea of water—an ocean of hiding.
a real smile graced hyunmi’s face, gaze softening. she gave the door a cautious push, head poking between the crack just enough. “hana unnie!” what she felt the entire morning of training was manufactured glee; this time, it was the purest of happiness—unadulterated, explicit joy. in a spritz of energy, hyunmi skipped through the room, minimizing distance until she encaged her physical embodiment of paradise in her arms. “ah, you’re here! i’m so, so happy!”
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } mina says morning.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } she forgot to charge her phone last night.
Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } do you wanna accompany me to buy mina’s christmas gift?{ ✉ to jae oppa. } wait you’re not even in the country. :\
Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } im sroryry i left youbon read for idk like 2 months{ ✉ to jae oppa. } but pelease get me imagine dragon’s signatiure whiel you’re in america k???{ ✉ to jae oppa. } thsnks!
Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } hey, so mina will kill me.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } but she came home a bit tipsy.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } i’m worried she might have a hangover tomorrow.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } know any remedies?
Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } did you and mina share the same bed in busan?
Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } mina says. fkjhksjgks.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } good night! her phone is dead. -__-
Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } hdu not reply to me.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } hdu not get me their autograph, too.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } you are nothing to me.
Send “#” for a RANDOM text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } i want a narwhal.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } the unicorns of the ocean!
Send “@” for a SCARED text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } i’m scared.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } i can tell halmeoni is very sick. { ✉ to jae oppa. } despite the smiles.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } i’m worried.
Send “&” for a LOVING text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } you.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } you’re alright.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } thanks for the autograph.
Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } did you see rihanna by any chance???!?!?!1{ ✉ to jae oppa. } or bEYONCE??111?!11
Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } guess who has more acorn jelly!
Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } yah. { ✉ to jae oppa. } buy me ice cream.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } oh. oops.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } but you buy me ice cream, too, oppa.
Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.
{ ✉ to jae oppa. } it’s about halmeoni again.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } she told me to look after mina.{ ✉ to jae oppa. } and she told me to tell you that, too.
she sits in a room known as second home. the chair protests her weight as she shifts one knee over the other. (”be a lady,” chants in a stuttering demonic slang in her head.) a smile is chosen, one she thinks conveys a sweet, amiable image --- something on the brink of likeable, and she clears her throat in dulcet fashion.
HOW WERE THE CONCERTS?
“the concerts were a lot of fun and vastly more hectic than what i’m used to, but i greatly enjoyed myself. everyone worked so hard for their performances, it was a pleasure standing on stage with such talented artists. definitely an experience i won’t forget.”
WHICH PERFORMANCE WAS YOUR TO WATCH FROM THE STAGE MONITORS BACKSTAGE?
“my favourite performance would have to to go to femme fatale. everyone else did a splendid job, but femme fatale caught my eye. they’re always such a treat to watch, and for a fairly young group, their charisma is astonishing. i feel inspired... like i want to get up and dance, sing and even rap along with them.”
WHICH CITY (OUTSIDE OF SOUTH KOREA AND JAPAN) DO YOU HOPE YOU GET TO PERFORM IN NEXT IN A CONCERT OF THIS SIZE?
“a city i hope to perform in with a concert of this size about have to be... hmm, there are so many places, really! it’s hard to choose just one. but maybe... oh! london? maybe even some of the royal family will watch us if we ever get the chance to! i’m kidding, of course. it’s all wishful thinking. i just really want to meet the fans there, and i’m sure we can make their weekend as well as ours if an opportunity presents itself. maybe we can even perform at the O2!”
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF BEING A PART OF IDOLIZED?
“my favourite part of idolized would have to be working and interacting with idols i admired and listened to while growing up, training, practicing. as well as getting to know a few i haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. it’s always wonderful being surrounded by others who can relate with you. and of course, catching up with friends i made in the industry and cheering them on.”
WITH ALL THE TIME SPENT WITH OTHER IDOLS DURING THE SHOW, DID YOU MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDS?
“i did make new friends! i’m never one to back away from introducing myself to new people. from greeting anyone i laid eyes on. everyone was so kind and friendly, and i’m lucky enough to have gained new friends along the way.”
WHAT DO YOUR FANS MEAN TO YOU?
“my fans mean the world to me. i love them to the moon and back — no! actually, i love them more than that. i love them eternally.”
WHAT DOES BEING AN IDOL/CELEBRITY MEAN TO YOU, BOTH IN DEFINITION AND HOW IT’S AFFECTED YOU AS A PERSON?
“being an idol means... oh, this is tough to word. hmm... well, truth be told, being an idol means you’re a role model for others. you — we make others happy. and with that comes great responsibility to be the best version of yourself. others look up to you — to us, being an idol means it’s our job to set an example. be an example. so, i do try hard in all that i do because i am giving strength to someone somewhere. possibly making them smile. and they are returning that to me ten folds, i can’t let them down.”
WHAT IMPACT DO YOU HOPE TO HAVE ON YOUR FANS BY THE END OF YOUR CAREER?
“simple. i want my fans to be happy. truly happy. whether it’s from our music music or performances, i want to be able to bring them joy. that’s the kind of impact i want, beaming smiles and contagious laughter.”
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU’D LIKE TO DO OR ONE ACHIEVEMENT YOU’D LIKE TO OBTAIN BEFORE THE END OF YOUR CAREER?
“there is one thing i do want to achieve before the end of my career, and i don’t just want this for myself but for ELEMENT. there aren’t many co-ed groups in the industry, so i hope as ELEMENT continues, we can inspire others to debut co-ed groups. i want ELEMENT to make a mark in the industry not by winning some prestigious award but by pioneering a new, innovative concept.”
(OPTIONAL QUESTION) IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANTED TO SAY DURING THE COURSE OF THE SHOW YOU DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE TO? OR DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS AS THE SHOW’S FILMING COMES TO A CLOSE?
“oh, there is something i’d like to say! “hello! this is chae hyunmi of ELEMENT, and i just want to thank everyone who tuned into idolized for all their support. i also want to express my gratitude to those who made idolized possible. please do continue to cheer us on. we wouldn’t be anywhere without you!”
idolized part four --- task three ; development / self-para.
setting: hyunmi returns to training at gold star after quitting at BCE due to her heart issues almost eight months later.
word count: 445.
she hasn’t trained in seven months, two weeks, four days and — hyunmi loses track of the minutes, of the seconds. the ticks are incessant on her watch, on the clock holstered on one wall. hyunmi matches them to the beat of her heart. no murmur, no lazy drum. it sounds normal. for the past seven months, she is nothing but normal.
but hyunmi can’t stand the uniformity. there has not been a moment in her life where she stilts at average, and she’s not about to start now — conform now. too long has she spent cooped in the hospital, listening to the machinery strapped to her bed, the sporadic beep that reminded her she is still alive, then in her bedroom, staring at bromidic skies of grey bleeding to blue, today extending to tomorrow in a vast, never-ending cycle. too long has her feet itched to dance, to prance and leap across rooms in valiant strides with all the elegance and graced bestowed onto her by her maker.
it has been too long, and hyunmi feels rusty. her bones quiver, joints ache and muscles burn. she’s not used to the endless hours of dance practice, the fatigue housed in her throat after matching vocal lessons — not anymore. all she’s ever known and done has become a distant stranger she has difficult recognizing this — training was her life but the surgery in her heart changed routine. changed her. disheartened her. shattered her dreams. broke her apart and left her on the cusp of something fragile.
to her face, they bow and smile; they bend their backs in compliments. behind her back, they call her the LIPSTICK reject or the WISH reject. (whatever seems fit, whatever they think hurts her more.) doesn’t matter, she’s a reject no matter how the tossed coin lands. hyunmi doesn’t let petty words bother her. sticks and stones.
fatigue is a taste of habitualness. dehydration, insomnia, hunger come side by side. this is the life hyunmi is used to, the kind she strives in. her mother raised no quitter; she brought up a go-getter, chain around her neck and a whip to her back. pain is nothing. pain is life as hyunmi knows it. while others break, she flourishes. she’s flexible, tough, created to twist but never snap. obstacles, spikes on the road, even a birth defect and less than supportive mother, yet hyunmi withstands all thrown at her.
she hasn’t trained in seven months, two weeks, four days, and she is stronger than ever. now years later (hyunmi stopped counting ages ago), preparing for her performances she temporarily lost faith in seeing herself participate in, she is indestructible.
idolized part four --- task two ; thank you self-camera.
setting: hyunmi covers a song as a thank you to her fans, as well as an actual thank you.
words: 402.
there was a sheet of paper set on her lap. scribbles of handwriting obstructing white serenity. she looked down, mumblings phrases, tasting them on her tongue, fitting them against the roof of her mouth. her hotel room served as a backdrop, bed neat and untouched. next to it was a large window, curtains drawn back. the sky was dark blue with swirls of midnight clouds and snowy stars. spring breezes flitted by and a teaser of summer twirled in heat, hyunmi could almost feel the cool air dancing in her hair, through the negative spaces of her fingers, kissing her coral cheeks.
when tranquility was tangible, heart no longer a gallop but trotting, she reached forward and pressed record. she took a deep breath, counting to three before smiling as naturally and brilliantly as she could. not an ounce of fatigue littered across a freshly washed face. then, rehearsed words in a practiced voice ebbed as they were meant, intentionally dulcet and sentimental.
“hello, everyone — hello, aether! the first concert just finished. i hope you had a great time. i surely did! i could hear your fanchants loud and clear. actually, i can still here them now. thank you so much! all the support you’ve given me — the rest of ELEMENT, i am extremely grateful for. without you none of this would even be possible. you keep us going, you give us strength. these past few months, we’ve been given the opportunity to tour and to meet you — aether, our fans. again, that’s only made possible because of your dedication. i know everyone must say this, but this doesn’t lose meaning. you are the best fans in the world! and i love each and every one of you. i thought of many ways how to tell you, how to show you. i thought maybe i should dance, but i wanted to challenge myself. i wanted to do something more out of my comfort zone for you. you, who streams day and night. you, who lines up for hours for our performances. you, who unconditionally love us. i decided on doing this. me, singing a love letter to you. thank you, our beautiful fans for walking on this beautiful journey with us. i hope you enjoy this.”
a deep breath, and music rifted from the laptop at her feet. her mouth opened, heavenly lyrics spilling into the solace.
“Red is assertive, daring, determined, energetic, powerful, enthusiastic, impulsive, exciting, and aggressive. Red represents physical energy, lust, passion, and desire. It symbolizes action, confidence, and courage. The color red is linked to the most primitive physical, emotional, and financial needs of survival and self-preservation.”
