STAY.

chae hyunmi ; maknae of element. ❝sometimes when i look at you, i feel like i’m gazing at a distant star. it’s dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago. maybe the star doesn’t exist anymore. yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.❞

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdlyra! }

( txt ; hyunmi 🔥 ) uh no not if she is trying to trick me into giving her a spot in an mv ( txt ; hyunmi 🔥 ) why have someone star in the mv when i can do it myself? ;-) ( txt ; hyunmi 🔥 ) ah but didn’t u know? killing the good vibes is my thing 8)

( ——— 📩 → lyra unnie! ) because gold star is family. we should support one another. ( ——— 📩 → lyra unnie! ) i won’t even charge you appearance fees. ( ——— 📩 → lyra unnie! ) unnie, now is not the time to be a murderer!

[blackpink]

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

blackpink

Sleepy Jennie Hyunmi 😴 and annoying Jisoo Mina 🤪

@fmdmina

[jenniekofficial]

[chaennieisbae]

➳ CHANEL MUSE

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdtristan! }

[ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] it’s so like you to write r-rated lyrics lmao [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] i was cleaning the practice room once and a trainee came in and insisted they finish cleaning [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] i think they were scared of me 😂😂😂 [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] i didn’t complain. i went out and got dessert.

{ ——— 📩 to my bfg } you know me so well. <3 { ——— 📩 to my bfg } i’m ignoring the fact you cleaned like some janitor... { ——— 📩 to my bfg } and moving on to the fact you did not share dessert with me! { ——— 📩 to my bfg } you reminded me of a giraffe when i first saw you.

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

open starter.

good company and a ripe bottle of red wine summarized a friday evening.

she didn’t drink much nor acquired the thirst for alcohol, but this was once in a while. this was a mandatory escape from problems festering. this was a slice of freedom, sitting atop a throne and watching the circle of life culminate, watching it prey upon the weak. hyunmi felt struggle in her bones, between her joints where it ached with every reaction, every shift. calcium matter chipped away at one another, burning. but it was so much more than physical fatigue.

it was exhaustion everywhere.

she feathered fingers through a fringe too long, trapping semi-dried ends between fingertips as she pretended to inspect their dilapidated state. “how’s life? i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages besides the small run-ins at idolized. but how’s everything? how are you? are you good?” and hyunmi poured red wine into a tall glass as she pestered, talking silence away, filling the void with hollow chatter.

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdxsamsoo! }

And what was worse? The snacks they provided were horrible. But he was hungry, so he didn’t have a choice but to eat them. “Oh, hey Hyunmi.” He was a little amused by her quick correction, not really bothered by the lack of formality in the first one, but he understood why she had changed it. “I’m just here to get one of these lovely looking snacks here.” He gestured towards the table, trying to keep his frown off his face.

things were calmer where she sat, where she stared up at samsoo with insight bubbling in her ochre eyes. sarcasm was easy to recognize. hyunmi liked to entertain the thought she was vigilant, reading people as if they were open books. more over, she shared the same sentiments. her sight followed the path of his disdain where it culminated on the table, on the snacks offered to them. nothing substantial, nothing delicious either---to her palate, as biased as that was to savoury dishes and sweet desserts. 

chuckles moiled, she caught them on the edge of knuckles. the cameras were watching. “there are so many great choices. i don’t know which one you’ll choose.” palm-side-up, hyunmi gestured at the empty black plastic chairs nearby but not too close because distant proximity was key. an idol had to be careful; she didn’t want to offend. “have a seat, sunbae. how has preparing for the concert been? i’m excited to watch your stage!”

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdsooyeon! }

━━ 12.19PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : selective amnesia… cute. ━━ 12.19PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : conspiracy theory: your mom actually IS bloody mary ━━ 12.20PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : i’ve never been sarcastic in my life~ ━━ 12.20PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : me?? are you sure? why didn’t you ask one of the gold star songwriters instead? ━━ 12.22PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : but i’d be happy to help, of course <3 ━━ 12.23PM [ 💌  mimi unnie 💖] : we can just order in if you’d like!!!! i just released a new song so a paycheck should be coming home huehue

( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) all things i do tend to be on the umberella term of cute. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) i... that could be legit. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) that right there was sarcasm. my spidey senses are tingling. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) gold star songwriters don’t pay attention to me. there’s that. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) i prefer you, anyway. my talented cream puff. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) you will? i’m fucking estatic now! no lie. ( ——— 📩 → sooyeonie! ) no, save your money! i’ll just borrow a credit card. it’s black and fancy. 😏

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdjoohyuk! }

( to hyunmi ) you just said i was puny. wow. ( to hyunmi ) is that a happy “oh great” or a sarcastic “oh great” i can’t read it through the screen. ( to hyunmi ) NO. LEAVE MY BABY PICTURES ALONE. ( to hyunmi ) well, i AM immortal. ( to hyunmi ) you too can be immortal if you eat your vegetables ( to hyunmi ) have you been eating your greens?

( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) puny is a synonym for cute. ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) unless you wanted to be called handsome. ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) it’s a little bit of both? ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) but you were so adorable then! let me have my fun! ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) are we the only immortals? do i want to live with you forever? ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) decisions, decisions. ( ——— 📩 → joojoo oppa! ) green apples! do they count? i hate vegetables. 8(

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

{ fmdtristan! }

[ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] hey old song or not, i’m flattered [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] imagine hearing a song you wrote in a cafe ^^ [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] p sure i heard manager hyung say we have things coming up [ ✉️ →  japchae 👑 ] yep, you’re right. btw, our fans are the best imo

{ ——— 📩 to my bfg } i have a feeling any song i wrote would be banned. { ——— 📩 to my bfg } like cleaning the dungeon? { ——— 📩 to my bfg } i love aether for staying loyal despite gold star forgetting us.

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

idolized part four --- task four ; the interview.

she sits in a room known as second home. the chair protests her weight as she shifts one knee over the other. (”be a lady,” chants in a stuttering demonic slang in her head.) a smile is chosen, one she thinks conveys a sweet, amiable image --- something on the brink of likeable, and she clears her throat in dulcet fashion.

HOW WERE THE CONCERTS?

“the concerts were a lot of fun and vastly more hectic than what i’m used to, but i greatly enjoyed myself. everyone worked so hard for their performances, it was a pleasure standing on stage with such talented artists. definitely an experience i won’t forget.”

WHICH PERFORMANCE WAS YOUR TO WATCH FROM THE STAGE MONITORS BACKSTAGE?

“my favourite performance would have to to go to femme fatale. everyone else did a splendid job, but femme fatale caught my eye. they’re always such a treat to watch, and for a fairly young group, their charisma is astonishing. i feel inspired... like i want to get up and dance, sing and even rap along with them.”

WHICH CITY (OUTSIDE OF SOUTH KOREA AND JAPAN) DO YOU HOPE YOU GET TO PERFORM IN NEXT IN A CONCERT OF THIS SIZE?

“a city i hope to perform in with a concert of this size about have to be... hmm, there are so many places, really! it’s hard to choose just one. but maybe... oh! london? maybe even some of the royal family will watch us if we ever get the chance to! i’m kidding, of course. it’s all wishful thinking. i just really want to meet the fans there, and i’m sure we can make their weekend as well as ours if an opportunity presents itself. maybe we can even perform at the O2!”

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF BEING A PART OF IDOLIZED?

“my favourite part of idolized would have to be working and interacting with idols i admired and listened to while growing up, training, practicing. as well as getting to know a few i haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. it’s always wonderful being surrounded by others who can relate with you. and of course, catching up with friends i made in the industry and cheering them on.”

WITH ALL THE TIME SPENT WITH OTHER IDOLS DURING THE SHOW, DID YOU MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDS?

“i did make new friends! i’m never one to back away from introducing myself to new people. from greeting anyone i laid eyes on. everyone was so kind and friendly, and i’m lucky enough to have gained new friends along the way.”

WHAT DO YOUR FANS MEAN TO YOU?

“my fans mean the world to me. i love them to the moon and back — no! actually, i love them more than that. i love them eternally.”

WHAT DOES BEING AN IDOL/CELEBRITY MEAN TO YOU, BOTH IN DEFINITION AND HOW IT’S AFFECTED YOU AS A PERSON?

“being an idol means... oh, this is tough to word. hmm... well, truth be told, being an idol means you’re a role model for others. you — we make others happy. and with that comes great responsibility to be the best version of yourself. others look up to you — to us, being an idol means it’s our job to set an example. be an example. so, i do try hard in all that i do because i am giving strength to someone somewhere. possibly making them smile. and they are returning that to me ten folds, i can’t let them down.”

WHAT IMPACT DO YOU HOPE TO HAVE ON YOUR FANS BY THE END OF YOUR CAREER?

“simple. i want my fans to be happy. truly happy. whether it’s from our music music or performances, i want to be able to bring them joy. that’s the kind of impact i want, beaming smiles and contagious laughter.”

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU’D LIKE TO DO OR ONE ACHIEVEMENT YOU’D LIKE TO OBTAIN BEFORE THE END OF YOUR CAREER?

“there is one thing i do want to achieve before the end of my career, and i don’t just want this for myself but for ELEMENT. there aren’t many co-ed groups in the industry, so i hope as ELEMENT continues, we can inspire others to debut co-ed groups. i want ELEMENT to make a mark in the industry not by winning some prestigious award but by pioneering a new, innovative concept.”

(OPTIONAL QUESTION) IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANTED TO SAY DURING THE COURSE OF THE SHOW YOU DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE TO? OR DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS AS THE SHOW’S FILMING COMES TO A CLOSE?

“oh, there is something i’d like to say! “hello! this is chae hyunmi of ELEMENT, and i just want to thank everyone who tuned into idolized for all their support. i also want to express my gratitude to those who made idolized possible. please do continue to cheer us on. we wouldn’t be anywhere without you!”

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

idolized part four --- task three ; development / self-para.

setting: hyunmi returns to training at gold star after quitting at BCE due to her heart issues almost eight months later. word count: 445.

she hasn’t trained in seven months, two weeks, four days and — hyunmi loses track of the minutes, of the seconds. the ticks are incessant on her watch, on the clock holstered on one wall. hyunmi matches them to the beat of her heart. no murmur, no lazy drum. it sounds normal. for the past seven months, she is nothing but normal.

but hyunmi can’t stand the uniformity. there has not been a moment in her life where she stilts at average, and she’s not about to start now — conform now. too long has she spent cooped in the hospital, listening to the machinery strapped to her bed, the sporadic beep that reminded her she is still alive, then in her bedroom, staring at bromidic skies of grey bleeding to blue, today extending to tomorrow in a vast, never-ending cycle. too long has her feet itched to dance, to prance and leap across rooms in valiant strides with all the elegance and graced bestowed onto her by her maker.

it has been too long, and hyunmi feels rusty. her bones quiver, joints ache and muscles burn. she’s not used to the endless hours of dance practice, the fatigue housed in her throat after matching vocal lessons — not anymore. all she’s ever known and done has become a distant stranger she has difficult recognizing this — training was her life but the surgery in her heart changed routine. changed her. disheartened her. shattered her dreams. broke her apart and left her on the cusp of something fragile.

to her face, they bow and smile; they bend their backs in compliments. behind her back, they call her the LIPSTICK reject or the WISH reject. (whatever seems fit, whatever they think hurts her more.) doesn’t matter, she’s a reject no matter how the tossed coin lands. hyunmi doesn’t let petty words bother her. sticks and stones.

fatigue is a taste of habitualness. dehydration, insomnia, hunger come side by side. this is the life hyunmi is used to, the kind she strives in. her mother raised no quitter; she brought up a go-getter, chain around her neck and a whip to her back. pain is nothing. pain is life as hyunmi knows it. while others break, she flourishes. she’s flexible, tough, created to twist but never snap. obstacles, spikes on the road, even a birth defect and less than supportive mother, yet hyunmi withstands all thrown at her.

she hasn’t trained in seven months, two weeks, four days, and she is stronger than ever. now years later (hyunmi stopped counting ages ago), preparing for her performances she temporarily lost faith in seeing herself participate in, she is indestructible.

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

idolized part four --- task two ; thank you self-camera.

setting: hyunmi covers a song as a thank you to her fans, as well as an actual thank you. words: 402.

there was a sheet of paper set on her lap. scribbles of handwriting obstructing white serenity. she looked down, mumblings phrases, tasting them on her tongue, fitting them against the roof of her mouth. her hotel room served as a backdrop, bed neat and untouched. next to it was a large window, curtains drawn back. the sky was dark blue with swirls of midnight clouds and snowy stars. spring breezes flitted by and a teaser of summer twirled in heat, hyunmi could almost feel the cool air dancing in her hair, through the negative spaces of her fingers, kissing her coral cheeks.

when tranquility was tangible, heart no longer a gallop but trotting, she reached forward and pressed record. she took a deep breath, counting to three before smiling as naturally and brilliantly as she could. not an ounce of fatigue littered across a freshly washed face. then, rehearsed words in a practiced voice ebbed as they were meant, intentionally dulcet and sentimental.

“hello, everyone — hello, aether! the first concert just finished. i hope you had a great time. i surely did! i could hear your fanchants loud and clear. actually, i can still here them now. thank you so much! all the support you’ve given me — the rest of ELEMENT, i am extremely grateful for. without you none of this would even be possible. you keep us going, you give us strength. these past few months, we’ve been given the opportunity to tour and to meet you — aether, our fans. again, that’s only made possible because of your dedication. i know everyone must say this, but this doesn’t lose meaning. you are the best fans in the world! and i love each and every one of you. i thought of many ways how to tell you, how to show you. i thought maybe i should dance, but i wanted to challenge myself. i wanted to do something more out of my comfort zone for you. you, who streams day and night. you, who lines up for hours for our performances. you, who unconditionally love us. i decided on doing this. me, singing a love letter to you. thank you, our beautiful fans for walking on this beautiful journey with us. i hope you enjoy this.”

a deep breath, and music rifted from the laptop at her feet. her mouth opened, heavenly lyrics spilling into the solace.

[fmdbenjy]

@fmdhyunmi

“this better be a good surprise you’re talking about!” benjy exclaimed as soon as he stepped onto the girls’ side of the dorm, his eyes immediately narrowing at the figure standing in the living room. he had received a text from the maknae just minutes prior asking him to come over for a ‘surprise’ to which he was wary about, because when it comes to hyunmi, that could mean anything; from finding a potential murder victim on the ground (it has yet to happen and he isn’t planning to cross that off the list anytime soon) to being forced to help do her chores (because benjy is easily swayed if you have the right items; namely fried chicken). he had half the mind to drag tristan along with him for backup but his roommate has yet to come home and though the idea of turning her down was tempting, his curiosity had gotten a better hold of him and so here he was, walking over to the younger female with a slight cautious to his steps. he has a very, very bad feeling about the whole thing now that he was getting closer and closer but something tells him it’s too late to run away.

“you are not going to bribe me with food to clean the toilet again, are you?”

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

“the best surprise this side of the world~!” hyunmi sang, giddy like a child on christmas morning, who had already ripped open layers upon layers of tacky wrapping paper and strewn them across the room. exaggerating was a crime she often committed for the sheer theatrics of it all.

if hyunmi had predisposed interest, she should venture into an acting, make a career out of fake smiles. (wait, she already was.) but excitement was a hard emotion to keep at bay, to attempt to hide with a poker face; her face was wide with a beam when she scurried over and grabbed benjy’s hands, reeling him in. she was ecstatic to show him. (or scare him.)

“don’t be silly, oppa! when have i ever done such a thing?” lying was also an activity hyunmi did quite well. for the most part. she cleared her throat then stepped aside, gesturing dramatically with splayed arms at something on the coffee table. “say hello to charlotte, my new pet tarantula!” and in a plastic container, lid an eye-catching green, a black tarantula the size of a fist gawked at them with beady eyes.

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

chae hyunmi aesthetics ; 002. ( red ) 

“Red is assertive, daring, determined, energetic, powerful, enthusiastic, impulsive, exciting, and aggressive. Red represents physical energy, lust, passion, and desire. It symbolizes action, confidence, and courage. The color red is linked to the most primitive physical, emotional, and financial needs of survival and self-preservation.”

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

setting: jeju island, backstage at the concert venue --- may 24th, 2018 ; 4:01pm. with: @fmdxsamsoo!

concerts were notorious for being a hectic hustle and bustle of too many people in the same place but going multiple directions and saying so many --- too many things. her mother once told her concerts were no place for ladies, and as hyunmi bypassed the scramble of scurrying legs, maybe her mother had a point in her on delusional way. the near suffocating, loud, pressuring atmosphere was quite fun, though. ever observant, she enjoyed sitting back and watching from an untouchable sector, where peace and quet were attainable. 

“hey, oppa! long time no see.” beyond the novel splayed on her lap, hyunmi peered, eyes following the parallel of legs and from the peripheral, she saw the cameras spying on their every move. a clear of her throat, she corrected herself. “hello, sunbae. what brings you here?” at a desolate corner with a few snacks and chairs for idols to loiter in. practically a perfect set-up. 

[you-aholicmp3]

[fmdhyunmi-blog]

you-aholicmp3

my favorite jennie hyunmi looks (pt. 1/2) (x) - for anonymous