#mshenko tag

[husband-steve-cortez]

"Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents or just peons?"

Putting this on the Kaidan post Shepard's death moodboard

[husband-steve-cortez]

Miles already knows what Kaidan is thinking and re-thinking about - Kaidan's already told him. Honest and open as always, and Miles tries his best to reciprocate that, foreign as it is to him.

Right now though? Kaidan could probably use a distraction more than a shoulder, and that Miles knew how to pay back.

"Don't move," Miles says, and Kaidan's body immediately obeys on instinct before processing the words. Arms wrapped around his waist, a kiss at his neck, and Kaidan leans back into his touch.

Then a hand travels low, into his pants, and Kaidan almost jumps before Miles whispers into his ear again, "Don't move," in a seductive tone he hasn't heard from Miles yet, and it cuts right through him.

"Here? Are you sure?"

"Door's locked, deck's almost empty...and you look perfect right where you are."

"Yeah, only the whole galaxy as an audience," Kaidan teased, but he didn't move, and Miles took it as encouragement.

"We'd better give them a good show."

"What's gotten into you?" he practically giggles out as Miles kisses his neck again. Kaidan's had to initiate most of their encounters, and those had all been firmly in the cabin. Out here, in the open... Miles suddenly acting all sexy and sultry...

"You have, lately." In so many ways. "Thought it was past time to return the favor."

Kaidan giggled again - God, he's like a kid right now - as he felt Miles drop to his knees behind him, pulling his pants further down with him.

Way out of character for Miles, but Kaidan supposed they both were; they'd always brought the best out of each other, or so he thought. Made each other more. It's why he'd decided to ask Miles out in the first place. He wanted a lover; wanted to be a lover, and there was no one else in the galaxy he'd rather try it with.

And now it's brought out...this. Spontaneous sex in one of the Normandy's break rooms. It was the less popular one, at least. Not much but the breathtaking view of the galaxy.

It was difficult to concentrate on that view as he felt Miles tongue inside him, all that blood rushing downwards into the cock stiffening into Miles' grip; difficult to remember all the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind just a moment ago - Another successful mission for Commander Shepard. Takes most of his cognition to stifle his moans, and to keep himself firmly planted - the angle of the glass was steeper than he'd like, and tumble right now would be pretty embarrassing.

There's a small twinge of guilt in the back of his mind, as if he wasn't ever supposed to forget all the horrors that were happening out there - but he was always telling Miles to just let go and enjoy the moment; hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear it back until now. How badly he needed this, back, from Miles.

It was nice to be reassured that they were both in this together. That Miles wants him just as badly.

So Kaidan decides to take his own advice; concentrate on the way he's being touched him, which isn't exactly hard to do. The lips against his ass, the fingers working their way inside of him... the mess he was about to make on this window if he wasn't careful.

Maybe a spare thought for the symbolism; insignificant specks holding and fucking each other while staring out into the vastness of space. Nothing but everything. This, them. Maybe next time he looked out this window he'd remember that good things were still happening out there too.

There's still something to live and fight for.

(A glob on the window really would bring the metaphor full circle, wouldn't it?)

[husband-steve-cortez]

*finished nutting* it's just complicated because it's like there's an element of Miles being withdrawn and not given to voicing his desires, or even thinking about them too hard because he feels guilty for having them, but on the other hand given that Kaidan takes agency for himself, almost in spite of himself, and clearly wants his feelings reciprocated - for this risk he's taking to pay off - it could easily become a "mission" for Miles to ensure that Kaidan knows Miles wants him, and that Kaidan can lean on him, the two of them equal partners. Miles might feel guiltier if he doesn't show Kaidan that he wants him, wants this, even if he's a little afraid of the whole thing. Good talk me.

Plus I really am adding it to my canon - I can't believe his never occurred to me earlier - that Steve actually spurs Miles on to chase his own happiness. Nothing like a "My only regret now is not being able to tell Robert I love him right now." Being a little cheerleader to Kaidan and Miles' relationship in general.

I think I was resistant to doing anything like that because I was like “no Steve has to be separate it has to just be Miles and Kaidan” but given how intimate you get with him, even if you end up as friends, it makes a lot of sense honestly.

Honestly Liara ought to be in this too and she was initially in my mind but I think she's kind of not sure whether or not to intervene or how she'd go about it. Steve has actually been in love and married and has a big interest in helping Shepard experience that for himself.

(Perhaps Liara clues Steve in a little bit that she's pretty sure Kaidan is building up to making a move and that Miles would be open to it if he weren't so professional and having a bit of a guilt spiral.)

[husband-steve-cortez]

I actually think I might throw in Liara visiting Kaidan by herself while he's in the hospital, and she makes sure to mention that Miles was absolutely devastated, frozen in place looking at Kaidan's injured body.

And Kaidan reassures her that he and Miles had a good heart to heart, which Liara is relieved to hear.

And then maybe he asks if Miles is seeing anyone, and she gives an "Oh?" of surprise, then smiles knowingly. "Couldn't you ask him yourself?"

"Well, I don't want to, uh...put him on the spot or anything."

"Of course. To answer your question, no, he isn't. And from what I hear, it's not from a lack of women showing interest in him. It's almost as if...well, who can say. You know Shepard. Always so focused on the mission."

"...Okay, you're laying it on a little thick, aren't you?"

"Not as thick as you'll have to if you're going to get anywhere with him. Good luck, Major."

[husband-steve-cortez]

And probably one of the best ways to do this is to suck it up and make the citadel dlc + party canonically happen earlier, even if Miranda doesn't get to be there. Just to make some more room where it's like, Miles and Kaidan are feeling happy and in step with each other (finally!!) and they leave that party feeling hopeful and refreshed. And it happening after you kill that Reaper on Rannoch is also fitting. (Usually when I do the dlc, I just save the party for pre-Cerberus)

I've mentioned before that there is a huge tonal shift between the base game and the citadel dlc that is almost vibe-breaking, and I think putting it after Rannoch - especially if you achieved Geth/Quarian peace and have two fleets for the price of one - makes for a vibe that makes sense.

The Normandy being in particular need of repairs after all that also makes sense; the reaper fires up at the Normandy, and perhaps it's not alone, and of course this is late game after the Normandy has been pushing it all over the place.

So, happy fun times where it feels like victory is on the horizon.

Then you've got Thessia, and Sanctuary, and reports that Palavan still isn't doing great even with the Krogan there, reports from Earth doing worse, and Miles has been sitting around in an apartment losing entire days fucking around with Kaidan as he doesn't even check the news.

And this is how we go from Kaidan's "Ah, you'll find some way to win" to a very stark and honest "We've done amazing work. Everything we could. And it's going to be what it is." Which both is and isn't exactly what Miles wants to hear.

[husband-steve-cortez]

I want Kaidan and Miles to be having these ups and downs, moments where Miles seems really into it and moments where Miles is distant and the distant moments seem to be happening more often, and Kaidan isn't sure how hard he's supposed to push - allowed to push. He wants to help Shepard, not be another thing he has to deal with, and he's not entirely confident in where that line is because of how new the both of them are to this.

I want them to know each other deeply yet not at all. Their shared history is significant, but so is the gap in their time together - even from Shepard's POV, there was a lot of living and a lot of heartache in his short while with Cerberus, and Miles is cagey about it. Kaidan is both the same and an entirely different man. There was the fighting between them of course, but that manages to be water under the bridge - so it's disappointing that even after that, their relationship is a teensy bit harder than it feels it ought to be.

And of course I want a lot of fun sexy times.

But like, there isn't a whole lot of time lol. And I'm fine throwing in more time and missions (in my mind, every planet scanning adventure is actually a formal mission/excursion, so they are flying all across the galaxy chasing leads and finding resources and people, even if Shepard likely isn't always boots on the ground for a little excavation).

[husband-steve-cortez]

Kaidan has thought of Miles as handsome in a sort of abstract way, then in a more, I'd love to stroke his cheek and kiss him sort of way in the hospital as they talk and apdologize to each other. As Kaidan starts thinking about his life, how he almost lost it yet again, and what he still wants out of it. What he might want from the man who's rescued him more than once.

When he sees the sadness and the tiredness in Shepard's eyes and realizes that all he wants to do is hold him.

But it doesn't quite hit him how attractive Miles is until he's back on the Normandy and planning his next move, imagining what comes next. Even harder when they're on the citadel and he's actually laying his cards on the table. And somehow, once Miles says yes, instantly even moreso, like he could pull him in for a kiss right there in front of everyone.

And Miles becomes more perfect and beautiful than he could every imagine when he finally has him alone.

[husband-steve-cortez]

"Kaidan you can do whatever you want to me. Sorry that sounded desperate I mean Kaidan you can do whatever you want to me. I mean-"