I came out to my mom and she thinks that she isn’t homophobic/biphobic but she is. I know that she tries really hard to be supportive and not let me notice how uncomfortable she is about me being bi, but there are some things that she says that make me cringe. Whenever I try to correct her about something she dismisses it and says she doesn’t understand why it’s a problem but also won’t let me explain it. How do I help her learn without coming off as passive aggressive?
Well.... personally I think you have every right to be passive aggressive...
But I can see how trying to be polite can make her more receptive to information. I would sit er down and calmy tell her that she does say offensive things here and there even if she doesn’t like to admit that they are offensive. Let her know you realise that she’s trying her best to be supportive but you would like her to give you the chance to explain when she does say something that hurts you - especially when she explicitly says she doesn’t understand.
Maybe ask her something like “do you want to understand why it hurt me what you just said or do you rather want to keep saying this and risk alienating me?”
If she’s a decent enough person she will start to listen. If she’s not then it sucks to say this but: you deserve better people in your life and she’s not being supportive of you at all, she’s failing at being a good parent or even just a decent human being.
Maddie
