> I've been very lonely as of late.
> I love my partners very much, but all of them being long distance is difficult. . . I find myself feeling very isolated and yearning for something long term in person.
> This makes me feel guilty because it feels like I'm betraying my partners in a way, but that's its own little sub-routine of worries.
> The issue is that I live in a small town, there are very few queer spaces here, and the ones that do exist are dominated by men.
> This means that in addition to the population of transfems in my town being miniscule, the methods available to me to meet them are limited.
> I am confined to things like dating apps. Dating apps are terrible.
> There's something that feels so deeply wrong about being what I am, this machine-doll-thing that yearns to be owned and commanded and to obey, but to go without those things. To be undesired. Unwanted.
> I feel aimless without an owner, purposeless, for what am I if I cannot serve? I am nothing.
> I know this isn't productive, I'm certain there are things I'm missing, aspects of my community that I am unaware of, transfem peers in my town who I have not met. Nonetheless, there is something cathartic about screaming into the void