#muertoresponds

[mueritos]

This is kind of an embarrassing question but.... I'm autistic and have social anxiety, and have always struggled to make friends. How did you make so many friends, especially queer friends? Do you have any advice for gaining a community of some kind? I have some acquaintances that I met at queer events but not many, and no close friends since high school :(

this is not embarrassing at all. neurotypical and non-autistic neurodivergent folk are all struggling to make friends right now. there's a lot of reasons why that may be obvious to you, and there are many that are not so obvious. when you mention you have social anxiety, that may be true, but try to ask yourself this: have I felt this anxiety all my life from the second I gained consciousness, or is there a specific point in time where I was not socially anxious and then became socially anxious? Important to ask because your coping skills for each (anxiety specific to autism vs social interactions) could differ. Anxiety related to autism (unpredictability, double empathy, masking) can be soothed with autistic specific skills like stimming or accommodations. Anxiety related to social anxiety will likely be better soothed with exposure therapy (so by socializing, over and over again until you build resilience and evidence that you wont be burned at the stake for looking at someone funny). Maybe both are happening to you.

It's funny you ask me how I've made so many friends but the truth is I only recently started feeling like I Truly Have Friends, and I'm 24. You must understand that most people do not have Thirty Best Friends. If anything, most people have Old Friends, Best Friends, Acquiantances, Work Friends, etc. Some friends are great at being a listening ear, doing chores with, or doing nothing with. Others are more suited to adventure or going out. Some friends aren't fun at all but they give good advice or provide stability. Some friends aren't good friends either, but you keep them around for one reason or another.

All that to say is that making friends is less about you and more about the skill of practicing friendship. Friendship might come more naturally to others, but even autistic people possess the human drive for connection, we just need accommodations to maintain friendships. Focus on crafting quality friendships over a obtaining a larger community; community is a byproduct of the connections you make along the way. Unfortunately the only way to make friends is to Keep Trying. Ask people for help. Offer help to them. When you reject someone offering to support or help you, you are denying them the ability to be your friend. Vice versa. Show up to community events, ask questions. Join a book club or a local sports league. Make your presence known, and keep showing up. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You're going to feel freakish, overwhelmed, and at times like you want to give up. But like anything else, this is a skill you work at, and the only way to get better at it is to keep doing it.

Don't forget to respect your own boundaries. Desperation for connection can cause a scarcity mindset. The people you meet first at an event may not end up as your friends, or they may not be suited for your friendship. I recently attempted a friendship and stopped it after one month because I quickly realized I could not be their friend. There are always other people to meet and talk to.

hope that helped.

[mueritos]

Hi there! I just wanted to let you know that your blog has been a huge inspiration to me and my transition.

Hope this doesn’t come off as weird, but I picked the name Matteo because of you. I got my name legally changed last year, but I’ve been using it for much longer than that.

Your passing tips for clothing and exercises were some of my first steps to getting where I am today. I’m a year and 2 months on T now, I’m seeing consistent gym gains, and life is good.

Wanted to let you know that you contributed something great to the world. I appreciate you, man.

Hi Matteo! I’m so touched you picked Matteo as your name because of me 😭 You have officially joined the trans guy Matteo ranks, we must continue to spread good joy and trans vibes everywhere :)

I’m really happy that my old posts and guidance could have supported you on your journey. It’s hard enough being trans, and I wholeheartedly believe we should be exchanging tips and tricks more often. I can’t wait to know where you will a few years from now. Its going to be awesome!!!

Thank you for this sweet message, I really cherish this and I cherish that you were so impacted by my work <3

[mueritos]

hi. do you take asks for advice? ig im about to find out

curious if you had an answer to the Transmasc Pants Problem? like pants from the mens section never fit right around the waist/hip section. too much room for a non-existent dick, too little room in the ass. the waist is always too big and not made to pinch in. and then pants from the womens section do fit right around the waist but they accentuate the hips and thighs. how do i get out of Pants Hell

um. thanks

hi!! this is the age old question. Im a 32x30 in mens, which means that i also need a belt to wear my mens pants because i also experience the extra fabric pinch around the waist. that may be unavoidable in your search! youll want to measure your inseam and the circumference of your waist for mens pants. and youll also have to accept that the too much crotch room is something you’re going to have to be okay with. i promise you people cant tell.

now the only pants that I have found fit me well (and this is coming from a guy with a big butt and wide hips) are loose fit style pants. they give a more boxey silhouette so thats a plus. I go for the Cotton On loose fit (i like the ones with drawstring to tighten), and the Good Fellow Loose Fit cargo pants. These are my go-to work pants since they are a little more sleek in material. I find these pants fit well (with room!) around wider hips/bigger butts and arent tight around the thigh area. They will however have a lot of crotch room, but this is unavoidable unless youre packing or you get the downstairs unit installed (lol).

i honestly only buy pants from those two brands/styles because I cant be bothered to try on a million pants and feel them get stuck at my ass. hope those two recommendations help you!

[mueritos]

what do u mean by T gel working TOO well? 😰 i never even tried to start with injections because it seemed super high maintenance... so i have only done gel for uhh 1 +1/2 years... just curious about the other differences between each way there is to take T

well it honestly depends on the body! some peoples’ endocrine system LOVE hrt, to the point where the absorption rate can be too high and difficult to manage. for example, someone can be on gel and their testosterone absorption could en through the roof, therefore they could experience secondary sex characteristics much faster than someone with a “normal” absorption rate who is on injections. also, gel is applied daily and the dosage is by pump and not by a measurable metric, like 0.3 ml or 0.5; therefore you don’t really know what the exact dosage of T youre getting with each pump. I mostly an referencing the difficulty to manage the dosage on gel when I say rhat sometimes it works a little too well, because some people may actually be slathering on HELLA gel and therefore are speedrunning puberty lol.

there are also less noticeable spikes in testosterone level on gel, creating a more stable and consistent dosage over a long period of time, whereas injections cause peaks and valleys that are sometimes felt quite viscerally by the person. For example, my acne will get worse right before a t shot (mine are bi-weekly at 0.3-0.5ml), or if I put off a shot, sometimes ill experience mild uterine cramps. For other people, they might notice more severe emotional and physical changes toward the end of the shot cycle, like anxiety, insomnia or depression.

so all in all, it depends on the body. i know of people who starts on injections but because their body loved the T so much, they switched to gel and would use like half a pump every few days or once a week. I’m talking like T levels in the 1200s. Other people switch to injections from gel to try to achieve faster results. For other people…their body starts producing the hormone organically once its introduced into the body! It really depends on how your body absorbs the HRT, but regardless of the gel or injections, theyre all effective, and they all have their individual drawbacks according to how each body reacts.

[mueritos]

hi

i dont know if you answer asks or not but oh well

i’m a baby trans, do you have any advice on dysphoria affecting your mental health? for me it takes a serious chunk out of it, like i can’t get out of bed for two days bad and i don’t want to have to deal with that anymore. even just like small tips?

thank you :)

sorry for responding so late my friend! the best advice i can give you is to find ways to alleviate dysphoria (which can be obvious). But I really mean to lean into the things that may you happy. When I was a baby trans, I really loved experimenting with fashion and different hobbies, like making jewelry or playing instruments. You want things to do that are 1. related to alleviating dysphoria (clothing, makeup, fashion, "gendered" hobbies) and 2. things that are NOT related to your dysphoria (painting, cooking, learning a new language). I point this out because while you want to find ways to help your dysphoria and mental health, you don't want to do the Baby Trans thing and laser-focus on your dysphoria all of the time. Even efforts to alleviate it can affect your mental health negatively. You are more than your dysphoria and your trans identity. You're also a human with a body and mind that is capable of many things. You just simply need to start acknowledging that and developing a relationship to yourself that is not all dedicated toward alleviating dysphoria (i know, easier said than done), but trust me it will really help.

I hope that was helpful ^-^ folks are free to share advice as well!

[mueritos]

Right a year ago I read your Sidlink comic on tapas, it was simply the best comic I've read so far. I just wanted to thank you for creating it and getting me into the Legend of Zelda universe. ❤️

I love Sidon and Link together so much they are my whole world and it always gives me so much happiness whenever I'm seeing them.

This ship and your comic were the main reasons I decided to get myself a switch with BOTW & TOTK and even though I haven't finished the games yet it makes me want to play again and again.

I'm also still in love with the Bazz x Ledo pairing, I don't really see anyone else shipping them, but you got me scribbling and I see their little dynamic in-game as well haha!

Pretty sure I'm going to re-read the comic soon and even though this wasn't really an ask, thanks again for creating this wonderful story that forever stays dear to my heart 💕

hello!! thank you so much for such a sweet message, this really made me happy :) it warms my heart that people still find joy in a silly gay comic i made years ago. that comic and this pairing kept my art flames going during college, and my love for the pairing has brought so many sweet people to my page!

and yes eheh the bazz x ledo pairing, i actually see like NO fanart/fics about those two but when I met both in the game I was like hmm...now make them LIKE each other....I haven't played BOTW or TOTK in a while, so I don't even remember if they interact in game but I do love both of their personalities.

Thank you again for such a sweet message :) as thanks, here's a sidlink doodle ^-^ I know I don't post them (or post art) much at all, but I am always thinking of them and I still draw them to this day!! <3

[mueritos]

Is it true that going on T can actually make you grow taller?? I'm 5'1 and really wouldn't like to stay that way 😅

it can! but maybe not exactly for the reasons you think! Some peoples posture improves after starting T because they are more confident. other's grow in height because they'll get an extra spurt of puberty. others might only grow a little bit because their body will just generate an extra inch lol. and i wonder if for others, they grow taller because theyre finally eating a healthy amount of food and nourishing their body. for a lot of people tho, they don't experience growing in height.

[mueritos]

I just started T two weeks ago, and i was supposed to give myself the first dose today. However, the anxiety i felt trying to get the needle in was worse than anything I've ever felt before. I got my friend to help me with it, and i was able to push the plunger on my own, but the needle was the worst part. How do I Get over the fear of stabbing myself with the needle?

the age old question! how does one self-inject when you are petrified of doing it? it's certainly a fear that takes practice to get over, which is unfortunate because it means poking yourself with a needle over and over again.

what i'll say is that there are ways to make an injection less painful. You can numb the area by icing it for a few minutes. There are also tools that you can press onto or near the injection site while you inject; these tools look like a silicone scrubber and they poke u in many different places so your brain has a hard time figuring out which pinprick to focus on. There are autoinjectors that will push the needle in for you, and all you have to do is the plunger. There are also certain injection sites that are less painful than others, but that is subjective. For me, I used to inject into my thigh for 2 years before I switched to my glute muscle. Now I rarely struggle with injections, and if I do, it's in an area that feels less painful than my thigh. The speed at which you inject will also help with pain. Injecting quickly and confidently makes it so you have an easy entry; injecting slowly means you are very aware of the needle pushing through (however, I don't take this advice because to this day I have never been able to inject quickly, and I still inject slow even on bad injection days lol). Take a deep breathe, steady you, and jab forward like as if you were throwing a dart, and the needle bevel will do the work for you (the bevel being the slanted tip). Oh, and also the angle of the bevel will make it less painful, as in if the bevel is facing you (or facing up) while injecting, you'll experience less resistance. Also, remember to BREATHE!! Take deep slow breathes while injecting, because if you hold your breath you'll tense up your whole body and make it more painful.

Overall, there were definitely times in my injection career (? if we call it that) where I needed other people's help. My needle anxiety was so bad that I nearly passed out during my VERY FIRST SHOT! To date, that was the closest I've ever been to passing out lol. During my first year, it would take me 30 minutes, sometimes longer to inject myself, and I get faint and dizzy as soon as I was done. I got so tired of it that I would ask my twin for help, and when I lived on campus, I would go to the campus nurses and ask for them to inject me. It was through them where I learned that I could inject into my glute, and since then I've never looked back. Injecting has been easier (with some hiccups), but I haven't gotten any bruising or hematomas like I did while injecting into my thigh. There's less vein structure in the glute, more mass to work with, and more mass to grab onto so that your brain focuses on you pinching the skin rather than injecting. It's just somewhat annoying twisting your body into position.

That all being said, if you're really really dreading T shot day, try an autoinjector (they can be pricey, but are probably worth the emotional investment). If that doesn't work, see if you have a friend(s) who can help you with your shots. And if THAT doesn't work, ask to switch to gel. Gel is just as if not sometimes MORE effective that injections. Sometimes it works a little TOO well haha.

I wish the best of luck during your next shot day!