Not My Monkey, Chapter 5 - HOT ZORO (Isekai, reverse trope, SHP / reader)
18+ MDNI | on Ao3
The other chapters
Summary: You've woken up on a strange sailing ship, to the complete non-surprise of the crew. You're their 23rd isekai'd reader, they're used to dealing with your type. The only problem is - you have no idea who they are or what they're talking about. All the readers before you have been superfans, knowing every little detail about their lives. But you only read non-fiction and watch documentaries. Who is Luffy and what the hell is a One Piece? Why do ALL of them have mommy issues? You're about to find out!
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An update no one asked for lol Idc I love this fic. I'm worried Franky is OOC (maybe Sanji) but pls be nice to me if they are this is just self indulgent fun.
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Franky and Jinbei docked the ship and everyone started preparing for disembarking. You weren’t sure exactly what to do so or how to be helpful so you mostly stayed out of the way. Watching everyone made you wish that you’d joined girl scouts as a kid, maybe you’d know all those knots everyone was making and throwing all over the place. Finally, everything seemed to be done and the crew’s excitement was practically palpable as everyone prepared to disembark. You were rolling your kit with you down the deck towards the Mini-Merry as Usopp stopped you.
“Hey, you don’t have to bring all that stuff, you can leave it on the ship. No one’s gonna take it. We rotate who stays behind to defend the ship and it's Jinbei’s turn - he’s the second strongest member of the crew. Well, right now. Apparently Zoro’s gonna be second and then Jinbei or maybe Sanji but its hard to say,” he mused as he put his thermos into his brown snap bag. The bag reminded you of the coin purses your grandma always had when you were growing up.
“Oh, I don’t think anyone’s gonna steal it. I’m gonna make some money,” you said, picking up the train case in your arms. As soon as the weight settled it was promptly taken from you by Sanji, who had come up behind you.
“You don’t need to work, dearest Misty-chan. Your days are meant for relaxing and leisure, not toiling. I’d be happy to do whatever it is you require,” Sanji stated, loading your case for you into the boat and extending his hand. Taking it, you stepped into the small boat, careful not to rock it. You’d capsized enough canoes in your time to know where to step to avoid having to swim ashore. You were eager to swim in the ocean but not in your clothes.
“I know, but there are things I want to buy. And you guys don’t seem to have a lot of spare money, I gotta be honest,” you added. You didn’t want to be a burden on the crew even if your days were limited. And in a way, doing hair would be a great way for you to get a feel for this world since people’s mouths tended to open as soon as the cape graced their shoulders.
“That’s not entirely true, Nami has -” Sanji started to say but was interrupted by the navigator herself.
“If she wants to work, Sanji, let her! That way I won’t lose money when she d-”
“Nami-swan, please!” Sanji interrupted, his hand flying to rest on his chest in offense as he cut off talk of your demise. “Nami-swan, I know that you can commit no wrong, but please don’t speak ill of another Mellorine. I simply can’t bear to think about parting from our Misty-chan,” Sanji said with dramatic flourish. There was no way to know for sure, but Sanji had big theater kid energy.
“Sorry Misty,” Nami said, seemingly abashed at her own statement.
“It’s ok, it’s just facts. You don’t want to lose money and I can respect that,” you said. It did make sense - you were using supplies and you most likely wouldn’t be paying Nami back. “Besides the stuff I want to get are extras, luxuries. But that reminds me - Zoro, you want a haircut?” you asked the swordsman. He was wearing all three of his swords to Widow’s Island even though it was said to be peaceful.
“No,” came the terse reply as Zoro got into the small boat.
“Hmmm. You sure? I could shave three lines on the side, would look cool,” you said, dropping the bait. You saw his three earrings and three swords, maybe he wanted three lines shaved into his head too. It was a stupid idea but you did need his help - for a little while at least.
“No.”
“HOW DARE YOU TURN DOWN MISTY-CHAN’S OFFER OF A HAIRCUT YOU IDIOTIC MOSSBRAINED -”
“Sanji, calm down. It’s fine, he can say no and keep that…style,” you said, giving him a harsh side eye. You weren’t sure if the trick would work but Zoro seemed to have some measure of pride so he might take the bait. Sanji smiled broadly, more than happy to pick up the mean girl vibes you were putting down.
“You’re right, Misty-chan, let the brute keep his nasty, crusty, dusty, moldy -”
“I want the 3 lines on the side,” Zoro said with finality, crossing his arms as his swords clacked together.
“It would be my pleasure,” you said with a smile. Hook, line, and sinker.
About an hour later you were set up with your kit in the town square, a now shirtless and lightly misted Zoro sitting in front of you on a crate with his arms crossed. You quickly scribbled a makeshift menu of your services and rates on the backs of some old bounty posters after discussing pricing with Nami. You needed quick cuts for quick bucks and you weren’t above using a little eye candy to get what you needed. Zoro wasn’t your type but he was sure everyone else’s.
“Why do I need my shirt off?” Zoro asked as you used a razor on his now trimmed hair.
“So no hair gets in it. Would be itchy and I don’t think you brought a change of clothes,” you said with a hum, focusing on the three lines you were shaving. In fact, you were humming a tune that played a lot at the salon - HOT TO GO. But you’d changed the words and were quietly humming them as you worked. H-O-T Z-O-R-O you can take him hot to go H-O-T Z-O-R-O slash and clash and body roll...
“You have capes, I saw you use them on Nami,” he griped.
“Didn’t think you’d like something tight around your neck,” you replied distractedly, stepping back to make sure the lines were even. That was partially true, but the line of women interested in seeing the buff and shiny swordsman was another reason you’d kept him cape-free. Zoro grunted as you set down the razor.
“Guess you’re not so dumb after all,” he said, his arms still crossed and eyes closed.
“I have my moments,” you said in a light tone. Zoro didn’t bother you, you’d worked in enough kitchens with guys like him to know the vibe. You had to earn his trust and respect and you weren’t sure you’d be able to do it before you expired so the best you could hope for was semi-companionable silence. Zoro’s haircut was now complete as you brushed him off. A lot of the hair was sticking to the water you’d doused him with but he could figure that one out for himself.
“Whaddya think?” you asked, holding up a hand mirror. Zoro turned his head to look at the line art on his left side. He gave a nod before standing up.
“Good enough,” he said dismissively. Based on the gruff guys you’d worked with before, you were guessing he was pleased.
“You wanna stay and-” you asked as you began cleaning your instruments for the next customer. But by the time you looked up again he was gone. You shrugged your shoulders, you didn’t have time (or desire) to babysit Zoro.
“Next in line!” you called out with a smile as you shook out the black plastic cape. In your mind you were still singing HOT ZORO as a young woman came to sit on the stool.
Six hours later and you were completely drained, sagging against a stone wall. You’d done a lot of trims, some larger cuts, given a lot of women bangs, and even done some more line art. You ached to sit down and munch on some food, which you could now do with all the berri in your pockets. The bills were incredibly strange and featured a skeleton, a man with bunny ears, and a demon man. But hey, money was money even in this strange world. You’d packed up your kit and were just about to roll it away when you saw the unmistakable profile of Franky.
“Hey! Franky!” you yelled, waving your arm to get his attention. People were more than happy to part in order for you to contact the cyborg. If he noticed, he didn’t seem to care as he looked at you over his sunglasses. He was carrying a crate on his shoulder but stopped up short when you called for him. You’d never seen him in anything but a speedo but maybe Florida man was a state of mind.
“What’s up Misty? You need me to carry something?” You smiled at his offer but declined.
“Nah, the case is on wheels. I was gonna get some food, you wanna come with me?” you asked. You’d picked the brains of some of your many customers and gotten the name of a tasty sounding place. You hadn’t spent much time talking to the cyborg but he looked like he’d make for interesting conversation.
“Great idea. Got no money though. Spent it all on parts,” he said, pointing to the box.
“Parts for what?” you asked as you wheeled your case away towards the location you’d been told. “I can pay for lunch - er, dinner - I made some money this afternoon.” Franky lifted it off the ground with ease and set it on top of the crate without so much as a glance. It was a little strange to have so many people help you without asking, but it reminded you a little of your grandfather. Acts of service as a love language seemed to be pervasive on this pirate crew.
“H-hey, thanks. Alright, well, I heard about this place called Yaya’s and I wanna go. Everyone says it has the best - well, it sounds kinda like tamales, but I’m not sure what it is exactly-”
“They got burgers?” Franky asked, adjusting the load on his shoulder.
“Dunno. Definitely got fries,” you replied with a shrug.
“Nami scouted and said the best restaurant on the island was a few blocks over-”
“Look guy, I may not be from this world but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that if there’s a grandma with a name like Yaya serving food out the back of her house, it’s gonna be good. You coming or not?” you snapped, getting hangrier by the moment.
“You know it, Mama,” he said with a smile and a wink.
Half an hour later and you and Franky were chowing down on indescribably tasty food in the shade of a tree near Yaya’s house. The locals had been right - it was absolutely scrumptious. It wasn’t quite as perfect as Sanji’s cooking, but it came close. Yaya served three items and you and Franky got two of each. You were munching and enjoying the tamale-ish food while he enjoyed the hamburger-ish meal - and both of you snacked on the fries. Turns out people of all worlds liked to deep fry potatoes. Things were quiet between you at first while you inhaled your food, but as it settled in your stomach you’d started talking to Franky more.
“All I’m saying is like, why don’t you put some Murphy beds on the ship? Yanno, then we can have the beds at night but more room in the day. Robin says the guys prefer the hammocks, but in the womens’ quarters it would save a lot of space. Obviously it's your ship, I’m just thinking out loud,” you said, wiping your mouth on a napkin.
“What’s a Murphy bed?” Franky asked, licking his hand with the last bite of his food.
“You know like um, you can fold it up during the day into the wall or it can look like a cabinet? Legs extend from the bottom - er, top - to make the frame for the bed?” you said, swinging your arm at your elbow from parallel to the ground to perpendicular. “I’m not good at explaining it, but I can probably show-”
“No, I got it,” Franky said as his eyes became unfocused. He stood up abruptly, taking his garbage and yours as well. “I’m gonna get more supplies for the beds-”
“Well, I mean, it’s not- I don’t know anything about ships or furniture, you don’t have-” you stammered, sorry that you’d made more work for Franky.
“It’s a good idea, Mama. Thanks for the grub, owe ya one. Murphy beds…” he mumbled, his mind on calculations of some kind. “I’ll take your things to the ship with the supplies if you’d like,” he offered, picking up the crate and your cart.
“Oh, thank you! I do have some errands I still want to run before heading back,” you said brightly. Franky started walking off before you remembered your question and ran after him.
“Franky! Wait, I was wondering-”
“Hm?” the cyborg asked, looking at you again after breaking his intense focus.
“Would you be able to make me a hair dryer?” you asked, raising your hands together as if in prayer. Franky just grunted and looked at you over the top of his sunglasses. You gave half a smile - maybe he didn’t know what it was from the other Readers. “It’s a machine that, well, really, like the name says it-”
“I know what a hair dryer is. Already have one on the ship - how do you think I get my hair like this? All you hadta do was ask,” he answered with a smile, running a hand up his mohawk. “I’ll show you how it works later, I’ve got new projects I wanna complete,” he said with a finger gun pointed at you. You gave a nervous smile back - you weren’t sure if the crew was going to thank you for the new fixation on murphy beds. You bid your goodbyes and set your sights back on the town.
After Franky left, you went to the markets to purchase a few things with your hard earned money. You weren’t all that familiar with how much things would cost but you’d haggled your way through markets before. You stopped by the snail service store and bought some snail treats and a larger shell, and made your way to the tobacconist as well. Wishing yourself luck, you went into the clothing store to try and buy yourself a few things that were more in your style and size than the other clothes on the ship.
Thankfully, you were able to buy some shirts, shorts, a one piece swimsuit, and dresses that were more suitable for the warm weather. Usopp had warned you that the weather changed rapidly from island to island so you reluctantly bought pants, long sleeve shirts, and a coat. By the time you finished purchasing clothes, you’d run out of money.
After changing into some of your new clothes immediately, you wandered the boardwalk of the town aimlessly, taking in the scenery. Carrying all your bags made you feel like that scene of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but you wanted to unload them immediately. Your arms were tired from working all day and you wanted to take a nap.
Ideally, you’d be able to get back to the ship and put them there but you weren’t sure when the little boats would be going back. Looking around, you tried to find anyone from the crew who could maybe help you get back but you didn’t see anyone. Sighing, you sat down on a bench and set down the bags next to you. There weren’t any cell phones as far as you could tell, you’d have to wait by the shore until someone came by.
“May I offer my assistance, mon coeur?” you heard a familiar voice say as you felt a tap on your shoulder. Sanji’s smiling face appeared to your side as a cigarette puffed smoke into the air. His eyes were barely open with how wide he was smiling, his frame leaning over so far you worried he’d topple the groceries precariously perched in his shopping bag.
“Sanji! I’m so glad you’re here,” you exclaimed with a smile of your own. His grin only grew as he reached for your bags, setting down his own.
“It’s my honor, Misty-chwan, to help you in any way that-”
“I got you a present!” you interrupted, cutting off his annoying prattle about being of service. Sanji’s smile dropped immediately, though he continued collecting your bags.
“A present? Bu - there’s nothing I need-” you waved off his concerns as you dug around your new purse for the surprise you’d been planning.
“Hush. I found the tobacconist and bought you some fancy cigarettes. Look, they have colored paper barrels, isn’t that cute? The guy assured me they’re high quality but I suppose you’ll be able to tell if that’s true or not,” you said, pressing the box against his chest. Sanji’s eyes were wide as his mouth hung open, his cigarette hanging off his lip. If you had to guess he was going to burst into tears imminently.
“Sanji? You alright? It’s really not that big of a deal,” you asked quietly, biting your lip. Had he never been given a gift before?
“I - I thank you, mon ange. Thank you for the precious gift,” he said, turning the box over in his shaking hands to inspect it. He opened the lid to look at the colorful cigarettes before closing it just as carefully and slipping it into the breast pocket of his suit. You cleared your throat and gave an awkward smile - Sanji clearly had some kind of self worth issues he needed to work through but now wasn’t the time.
“I’m tired from working and wanna take a nap on the ship. D’ya think I can-”
“I am heading back myself with groceries. I will accompany you,” Sanji said, a familiar gleam coming to his eyes. You didn’t say anything and allowed him to deflect from his inner turmoil by carrying your groceries to the dinghy still docked on the shore.
Sanji he set his own groceries as well as your bags in the boat, offering to carry you into it. You declined, got in and he took the oars in his hands. You hummed HOT ZORO again as Sanji began rowing you back to the ship. Normally you’d try to get him to let you row but you were beat after taking so many back to back clients followed by all that shopping.
“What’s this island called again?” you asked Sanji as the shoreline grew smaller.
“Widow’s Island. They say that husbands die easily here, but that’s just a rumor,” Sanji replied, looking wistfully back at the shore. You didn’t reply. Soon enough the dinghy hit the side of the ship and Sanji tried to help you climb up the rope ladder back to the deck.
The distance between the ship and the dinghy wasn’t tremendous but you didn’t feel confident in your ability to not fall into the ocean while climbing upwards. You climbed as quickly as you could, only reassured that Sanji was right behind you and could help you if you managed to fall. He was somehow carrying all your shopping bags, his own groceries, smoking a cigarette, and climbing the ladder all while making it look incredibly easy. After successfully climbing up, you leaned back against the railing of the ship and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down.
“Excellent work, mon bichette. Stay here for a moment and I will prepare a snack for you.” You nodded as Sanji walked off, graceful as ever. He looked like an elegant prince even while carrying groceries , you thought to yourself. Your thoughts started to churn about your circumstances as you zoned out staring into the middle distance, tired from the work of the day.
“Hiya new reader,” said an unfamiliar voice from right behind you on the railing. You screamed in frightened surprise and did the only thing your muscle memory had been trained to do after years of being pranked by your siblings and cousins. You planted your hands on his bare chest and pushed the person as hard as you could.
His eyes opened in surprise as he lost his footing and fell into the sea with a yelp followed by a splash. You barely got a glimpse of the person before he sank beneath the depths of the water, his orange cowboy hat floating on the surface like a buoy. The young man wasn’t flailing or swimming, just sinking down into the water as if he was losing the will to live….like Usopp had described people with Devil Fruits…
“Oh fuck!” you swore, your hand balling into a fist as you grimaced. You were struck with indecision - what if he was a bad guy? They did have those, Usopp had told you about bad pirates, Marines, 800 year old men, and plenty more. But if he was good, you’d have a lot of explaining to do if you let him drown. Besides, you couldn’t just watch someone drown, you’d feel like a murderer.
Bubbles were coming up more slowly from below the waves as you made your choice - you were going to have to fish him out. You scrambled to the railing and stood there for a moment, your fear of heights returning ten fold. You’d never jumped from such a high place but you didn’t give your mind a chance to revolt against you - someone was drowning and you needed to save them. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and jumped in after him, clothes and all.
You swam down beneath the waves, looking for signs of the man. Locating him, you swam as fast as you could towards him and wrapped an arm around his middle. Kicking upwards towards the surface, you hoped you’d made it in time as the man sagged in your arms. Breaching the surface was harder than you anticipated - your clothes and shoes were dragging you down even without the dead weight in your arms. You popped your head above water and took a deep breath, trying to tread as the weight threatened to drag you back under. You pulled the man’s head up - thankfully he started sputtering - and did the only thing you could think of.
“JINBEI! HELP ME! JINBEI HELLLLPPPPPP! ” you screamed at the top of your lungs, your own head barely above the water. You scarcely had finished yelling before the helmsman was over the side of the ship, swimming to you in under a second. You’d never seen anything move that fast, it was absolutely incredible to watch him slice through the water. He hoisted you and the stranger over his shoulders and jumped back to the deck of the ship from the water.
He set you down gently on your hands and knees as you sucked in deep breaths, your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Jinbei must have recognized the man because he rapidly started giving him chest compressions, the water shooting out of the man’s mouth like an old timey cartoon. You’d give it more thought later but your eyes burned from the sea water and your wet clothes were clinging to you. The man started coughing and Jinbei stood back up to give him space. After a few minutes, the man rubbed the back of his head and gave Jinbei a bright smile.
“Whoa, I thought I was a goner. Thanks Jinbei,” the man said casually, like he hadn’t nearly died. He didn’t seem particularly put out by the experience of drowning, so at least there was that. You started to stand up, you wanted a shower and a change of clothes.
‘Would you like some assistance?” Jinbei asked from above you. You gave him a shaky nod and he reached down to give you his hand, waiting patiently as your fingers wrapped around his own.
“Thank you for saving me too Jinbei,” you said sheepishly as he pulled you to standing. Jinbe hadn’t let go of your hand and you didn’t try pulling it away either. It was surprisingly warm for a cold blooded man - or would he be warm blooded? You’d have to ask Robin later, she’d probably know.
“WAHAHAHA, it is no matter. I have dived after Luffy countless times. Ace too,” he said, pointing at the man who was now rubbing his stomach.
“Hey, is Sanji here? I’m hungry,” Ace complained, ignoring you completely. Jinbe dropped your hand to cross his arms into his robes. He gave Ace a stern look for a moment before speaking.
“Ace, this is our new reader, Misty. Please introduce yourself and thank her for saving you.” Ace rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing the hat Jinbe had somehow retrieved as well and setting it on his head.
“Yeah right. First of all, she pushed me in-
“You startled me!” you interjected with a huff.
“And second, get your donut boy jokes out of the way now but keep Whitebeard’s name out of your mouth,” he said with a scowl, his finger turning to fire to lift up the brim of his hat. You didn’t know what he was talking about but it was obviously a sore subject. Glancing between Jinbei’s frowning face and Ace’s sullen one you weren’t sure what to say to dissipate the tension. You wanted to ask about his fire powers but now didn’t seem like a good time.
“Ace, she doesn’t know our world or anything about you. She doesn’t watch the show or read the books,” Jinbei replied, his face softening. “Give her a chance,” Jinbei requested, clapping Ace on the shoulder. Ace pursed his lips but turned to you and gave you a curt bow.
“I’m Portgas D. Ace. Thank you for saving me,” he muttered, still giving you a wary look.
“Sorry I pushed you. I’m Misty,” you said lightly, wanting this awkward and stilted interaction to end as soon as possible. He nodded once again before setting off towards the galley. Jinbei sighed as the galley door banged shut.
“Don’t worry about Ace. He’s sensitive - some readers have been unkind to him in the past based on what they learned from the series. He’ll come around once he realizes you mean no harm,” Jinbei explained, returning his hand into his robe. You stood there for a moment before a gentle breeze reminded you that you were still drenched, your cold, wet clothes now sticking to your skin.
“I’m gonna go change. Thank you again Jinbei,” you said, wringing out some of the sea water from your shirt. As soon as you hit the women’s quarters you let out a groan and hung your head in your hands. It wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to you, but nearly drowning while trying to save a guy you almost murdered wasn’t on your list of desired meetcutes.
A few hours later some of the crew had come back to the ship for dinner. It was a smaller group than the previous night - Nami, Zoro, Brook, and Robin had all elected to stay on the island and drink. Sanji had made yet another incredible meal, including a full vegetarian pasta dish just for you. You took a nap after the events of the afternoon but your growling stomach had you resurfacing for Sanji’s cooking.
“Oh hey,” Luffy said, waving at Ace as he entered the kitchen. He didn't seem particularly excited or surprised to see the man, making you question their relationship in your head. “Sanji! Where’s my food?” Luffy demanded, picking up his fork and knife to bang them on the table in a constant rhythm. The dining table now extended from a wall and could be folded back up - a Murphy table. You hoped the crew liked the addition.
“NOT YET! Be patient Luffy!” Sanji yelled, putting his foot on the side of Luffy’s head and pushing. “Here you are, mon tresor, dinner is served,” Sanji said with a smile, handing you your food first. It was some kind of spicy pasta dish and you couldn’t wait to try it out.
“MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!” Luffy chanted, all while banging his silverware.
“SHUT UP! GUESTS FIRST!” Sanji countered, placing a hank of meat in front of Ace. “Your turn,” Sanji huffed, practically throwing Luffy’s food at him. Luffy took his a drumstick in both hands and started chowing down. Ace and Luffy were both shoveling in their food as fast as they could, as if someone was going to take it away from them.
“Hey Misty, thanks for saving Ace today,” Luffy said with his mouth stuffed full of food. You wanted to stab him with your fork for the disgusting noises he was subjecting you to - maybe Sanji would support you.
“Oh, uh, sure,” you hedged. By the time he said his short thanks, Luffy finished one of his drumsticks and was trying to steal one off Ace's plate. Maybe someone was going to take their food away - each other. They reminded you almost of dogs with food aggression.
“He’s got a devil fruit like me and-OW!” Luffy yelped as Ace stabbed his hand with a fork.
“Don’t eat my food!” Ace growled as Luffy pouted and rubbed his hand. Sanji sighed and handed Luffy another drumstick off the platter. Luffy smiled and licked his lips, the injury already forgotten.
“Shishishishi Ace never let me steal his food when we were kids either,” Luffy said with a giggle. Looking between them, a lightbulb went off on your head.
“Oh! He’s your brother. That makes sense - you two really resemble one another,” you said, trying to smooth things over. Luffy smiled and Ace gave you a quizzical look. You decided to confess to Luffy so that there wasn't any bad blood or miscommunication about what happened.
“But yeah, I was the one who pushed him in the first place. Don’t want to kill your brother-” it felt like the air was suddenly sucked out of the room as everyone fell silent and looked at you. There were no smacks, no chomps, no silverware on plates, nothing. The lack of noise from such a rowdy crew was eerie, you looked around at the crew but no one was meeting your gaze. Even Luffy had stopped eating and was staring at you. You swallowed, your throat suddenly dry.
“Ace isn’t going to die,” Luffy stated, his eyes focusing only on you.
“Um. I- uh, I didn’t think he was? I’m sorry- I-”
“Ace isn’t going to die!” Luffy yelled, his eyes never wavering from yours. You cleared your throat, unsure what set him off. Clearly something bad had happened to Ace in the show, but it wasn't like you knew that. You'd gotten used to the carefree, childish Luffy so this was a little frightening. His focus never wavered, centering on you exclusively. Still, you'd defeated many boss level Lindas and Karens, you weren't going to be afraid of some rubber boy.
“Ok, Luffy. I’ll keep that in mind,” you replied in the customer service tone you used when someone asked for your manager. The sounds of dinner resumed but you didn’t feel like eating anymore. You pushed some of the pasta around with your fork, trying to avoid looking at Luffy. You didn’t mean anything by what you said and it wasn't fair to yell at you for things you didn't know.
“Why’re you here anyway?” Luffy asked Ace with a mouth full of food. He was talking like nothing had happened just moments prior, his jovial nature on display again.
“You unplugged your snail again and since I was in the area I thought I’d see what’s up. You know you’re supposed to keep yawn it on all the time in case readers give information,” Ace explained with a sated smile, leaning back in his chair. His eyelids were shutting as he put his hands behind his head.
“No I didn’t,” Luffy interjected, using a long arm to try to steal Ace’s meat again. Ace swatted Luffy’s hand away with his eyes shut, which you had to admit was an impressive feat even if you were pissed.
“Yes you did. It’s offline and no one else would m-mess with it,” Ace said, another yawn coming out.
“I didn’t. For real this time.”
“The snail? The big land snail?” you asked, biting your lip. Ace's head fell forward as he started snoring in his chair - no one batted an eye.
“Yeah, the one in Nami’s other room. Did you touch it?” Luffy asked, shoving the last piece of meat into his mouth. His stomach was comically contorted, like his stomach was a balloon that was going to pop.
“I did,” you stated, your eyes wandering to Sanji. Maybe he’d come to your rescue if you did something wrong, though he hadn’t intervened when Luffy yelled at you so you weren’t sure where the line was. “His attachment was too tight! He didn’t like it, he was uncomfortable! And how was I supposed to know it's a living phone? It just looks like a big snail,” you muttered, crossing your arms. You were tired of getting in trouble for things no one bothered to explain.
“I got Toto a new one, by the way. Next size up, they said our snail was being fed a good diet,” you stated primly. Sanji smiled at you, his womanizing efforts reactivated.
“Oh, Misty-chwan, how thoughtful and kind you are,” he said, his hands under his chin as he swooned.
“Save it,” you deadpanned, still watching Luffy. He didn’t seem to be upset, he was patting his stomach and looked like he was a moment from joining his brother in dreamland. Maybe he got angry quickly and it dissipated quickly? There was so much you didn't know, so much to learn. Your head started to pound, like there was a band wound tightly around your skull. You'd gotten enough tension headaches to know what it was. You started massaging your temples to try and get ahead of the pain.
“Alright. I don’t really care. Everyone else cares about the snail, but I don’t.” With that, Luffy passed out instantly, laying himself on top of his brother, both of them snoring loudly.
“Are they-uh..?” you asked, tilting your head at the pair of brothers now drooling on the table.
“They’re fine. Ace falls asleep while eating all the time and Luffy falls asleep on Ace when he’s around. They’ll wake up in a while and want more food,” Sanji said with a sigh, stacking their plates in his hands. You decided to skip cleaning with Sanji for the time being and reconnect their stupid phone snail.
