#my cocoon

[fade-away-girl]

Welcome to my world, my imagination, and my creative space... my cocoon.

I'm here to share my life and my moods. To anyone listening...

If you're looking for a place to share the best of this world, welcome.

[mathematikerin-freyja]

My cocoon!

[fade-away-girl]

I feel empty, as empty as a bag of chips—I think I could have found a better metaphor. I fill this emptiness by buying things, tons of things, that partially and, above all, temporarily fill the void.

I really wonder if my thoughts will ever interest anyone. But I tell myself that if a teen/young adult's journal could interest thousands of people, then why not mine—my thoughts? I'm talking about Kurt Cobain's journal, just in case...

I feel like the biggest fraud in the world, but also like a misunderstood person. Sure, all I do is complain, but it's way easier to do it here than in real life... At worst, here, who's reading me? Who's going to say anything to me?

Thank you for your attention.

[akagicyrusl0vr69]

I love my cocoon #my cocoon

[inkwells-posts]

Nap timeeee :)))

Sometimes it’s very inconvenient and annoying to deal with chronic fatigue/ hypersomnia, but it’s hard to be upset at yourself when you’re just a snuggly fellow, all balled up for hibernation.

[betterlovers]

It was easier to disappear like a cloud behind the moon

And I know I'm gonna wanna feel that to the end

If you could, wouldn't you?

Now I'm hangin' right here in the air, spinnin' 'round in my cocoon

And I found that there was some kind of comfort there

That got me through

I will not say anything, yeah, I will not say anything, yeah

[tastemygayrainbow]

just made a cozy little nest on my bed who's going to take one for the team and cuddle with me

[littleredding]

taking a deep breath... for the first time in years.

Well, here I am. I officially belong to Redding, California.

I love my apartment. I've been quite the homebody since I have arrived. I've been cooking every night, eating leftovers for lunch, bananas for breakfast, etc. I have noticed a transformation in myself to the point where my current self is almost unrecognizable from my Austin self. I like being home. I like waking up, taking it easy, doing laundry, running errands, making the apartment more "homey" - cooking good meals, and then getting good sleep.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say I'm recovering from the last seven years of my life.

Actually, I know that's what I am doing.

Ever since I moved out on my own at the young age of nineteen, I have been going - going - going. I am quite the social butterfly. I'd rather be out with my friends having drinks, going to movies, going downtown, going to restaurants, than sitting at home and relaxing. The only time I ever cracked a good book (which, there have been several, don't get me wrong) was when I was finally in bed at night and reading to put myself to sleep. Most of the time that was around two o'clock in the morning.

During the day I'd be dedicating myself fully to the job I loved which was crawling with people I loved. I was pushing to do better, be better, move up, meet new people, go in and work extra shifts - and the list goes on.

Now I am here. I feel the deep desire to rest. I just want to stop. I want to be home and rebuild myself. It was made clear to me a couple days ago that that is why I am here in Redding for these nine months. I am here to attend this amazing school, see new perspectives, learn so much about scripture, worship, healing, counseling, and then take that back with me to Austin. I am here to be refilled because I am completely empty. I am bone dry. I want to soak. I want to breathe in this culture that is so polar opposite of the one I was previously immersed.

So, that is why I am finding myself staying at home and revelling in alone time. At first, I felt guilty. "Why am I not going to that get together?" "Why do I not have a desire to go out and be uber social?" "Why am I sitting here reading and drinking coffee and not out at a restaurant with a bunch of people?"Then, I realized that we are all here on different paths with similar surroundings at Bethel. Just because my time here might not look like the majority of other peoples, I have the peace in knowing that I am here to be rebuilt and for some reason, He wants me in a cocoon while I do that. Redding is my cocoon. I am hiding in what He has created for me for nine months, only to come out and be more whole and more beautiful that I have ever been before.

I can't wait.

Christi