#my littles

[spoozly]

Keep forgetting to post here,,

[gaydexvocaloid]

yuukase wip ^_^

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Midnight Thought Purge:

M's diaper rash will be the death of me. It's been going strong for nearly 6 weeks and nothing we are doing is working. So many doctors appointments and no one can find a solution. Today the dermatologist asked if either me or Hubs has herpes that she could have contacted at birth. Um, no ma'am 😑

The dermatologist also said that it could be my diet, though she thinks that is more of a stretch. She mentioned that I could cut dairy and gluten out of my diet and see if that helps. My head is spinning on that but Hubs shut it down immediately. We both know that opens a dangerous door.

I am slowly getting back into an exercise routine and it is both invigorating and draining. Between exercise and breast feeding my body is doing some serious work. It's taking a lot to keep up with the energy I'm expending.

My core is sore as hell. It feels like someone put my abs through a shredder.

I currently have a love hate relationship with my body. Body image is shit but I am trying to appreciate what it's doing for me and my daughter.

One week post IUD insertion and some heavy bleeding has started. Is it a period? Is it just irregular bleeding? I have no idea. Will probably reach out to my OB tomorrow just to be safe.

I'm next level tired. M's crying has increased dramatically for apparently no reason (though it could be the aforementioned rash) and her nonstop screaming triggers something in me that I can't place. I'm getting better at coping with it but I often feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm gaining a lot of patience in this season.

I love my little bug more than life. I was in tears tonight just thinking about how much she has grown. She doesn't fit as comfortably on my chest anymore because she is so long 😭

Postpartum is hard. Adjusting to motherhood is hard. Realizing that I'm not the same person anymore is hard. I'm learning to deal with the guilt of not enjoying every moment of this phase. After everything I have been through I thought I would love it all. How could I not when this is all I ever longed for? As it turns out I can appreciate the journey while also struggling through the adjustment. Tough realization.

I miss my twins so much. My heart aches for them in new ways. I wish M got to know them. Would they have her blue eyes, just like their daddy? Would they share the adorable fake sneeze that M has? Would they make the same sassy facial expressions? Would they be as captivated when I sang to them? I'll never know but damn I really wish I did.

[smotheredinrelish]

Barbie Coven🧙🏼‍♀️:

Sunday Night Seance 🔮

*my kids are into some witchy shit...

[superbatson]

i should probably also share this that someone posted to twitter bc it's just so stinkin' cute

[lets-get-muddy]

we celebrated my littlest niece’s 1st birthday today 💛 she had sketti and ice cream, her favorites!!

[journeyofbeingafirsttimemom]

I am seriously the luckiest momma in the world to have these two littles in my life, and who call me mama <3 My life is a thousand times better with them in it.