#my8 rant

[fortheluv0f8me8]

whoa theeerr i kinda forgot about this blog. uhhh. im sorry nobody that cares. i really dont have that shitty stuff going on in life.

its not like im healed or anything..... i dont care that is. bye

[fortheluv0f8me8]

so...i shall talk about it! ha!

recently (27th feb) my fp has tore all contact with me. without a single word. i actually thought that he committed sui(he was on a brink of doing so) but after reaching out to him THROUGH A FRIEND(cuz he wouldnt answer me nor look at my msgs) HE SAID AND I AM QUOTING "i know this is an asshole move but that would be kinda weird to go and apologize and then go back in the void.." motherfucker. i will murder you. fuck you MEAN IT WOULD BE WEIRD TO APOLOGIZE???????? and then he says "ik ivy is probably very scared for me but i cant make myself do that" do you hear this bullshit tree bfdi. literally no words.

all this is so appalling for me because i was so obsessed with him and loved him unconditionally... i thought we were so close.. i was opening ny guts to him! and he saw everything!!!!! and this bitch just does that?? what does he think he is? i know he is no prince like me. he is a garbage peasant that knows so, yet still tries to act higher than that. i know what he is like. but i dont think he ever.. knew me fully? bro i know what is his favorite food colors and numbers! does he know anything besides 1-2 things??????? bro. i need to trash on him with EVERYONE I KNOW🙏 pls this would be so good to do

let me tell you something else. im just garbaging his dms because he doesnt care anymore💛 called him every word possible, counted what i did for him and what he did for me, pointed out our old soft texts and on and on! i dont want to stop. i wont let him leave me. not like that

[fortheluv0f8me8]

OHHH HEYY!!! i forgot this acc exists LOL

well uhhh kinda a lot of shite happened -'_-',

first off i guess my fp has ended. it was like a year or two.... now he has friends outside of me and that makes me so jelly and sad and mad but in the end im actually happy he has someone irl... we dont even talk that much as we did. he has college and allat.......um......im sad..... also he wants to kill himself every two hours and that starts to piss me off so in my mind i go "well then do it. what is stopping you stupid" then i remember i will get very depressed if that would actually happen...so i try...not to say anything bad to him ehhhhhhhhh...

secomd. i REEEAALLY want to come out to my parents and finally be called the name i want to be called. ALREADY GOT MY IRL FRIENDS TO DO SO AND IM SO HAPPY THEY ACCEPTED ME!!!!!!🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ :DD i didnt tell them abt my pronouns but... maybe sometime later heh

i also feel very alone and sad for some reason uhhh tgo everything is kinda okaayyy◡̈ kind a

kay BYYEEE

[fortheluv0f8me8]

anyway umm tpot 21 ..spoiler?? idk its the elimination results and im just pretty sad ok

watched tpot 21☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ i knew tgis was coming but COME OONNNN tree you fucking loser☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ yep i actually cried when i saw that hes eliminated IM HIS BIGGEST FAN SHUT UP ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ had such an amazing week just to see my babygirl get wooshed☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

[fortheluv0f8me8]

heyyy ik nobody cares about me and i didnt come here for any attention. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BLOG LOOLLL. anyway its still like my vent acc or wtv well my life is pretty boring rn.. could even say im kind of depressed and sick!!! i cant get myself to do anything so uhhhhhh yeah my ppl are gonna be without SHIT This year 😜😜 silly face

anyway idk if i mentioned it anywhere but im TRANSMASC and yeaaahhh my dysphoria kinda got worse and im thinking about coming out to my parents(with my amazing overexplanation skills i got the comcept of transness to my mother, shes neutral,idk about my dad tho) maybbee as a new years gift ;;)) hahaa that would be sOOO silly. whaddya think? i think i nnnnnEED that. im so tired of all the fem words in my direction (+ my first language is gender hell for trans ppl)(me included) maybe its for the best....

[fortheluv0f8me8]

ahhhh my beautiful birthday!!! everything is so epic today and i got some cool mf gifts this year(a handmade keychain with two; couple o' thousands of money; 2 STUPID pins made by my bro; A FUCKING ANIMATION WITH ME????; and theres just people i didnt expect to write me today; and A NEW PHONE!! FINALLY)

everything is good and awesome... exept.. for one little thing.....

my fp literally did nothing for me. this is killimg me gghhrrghhrr duddee hey i know you kinda want to kill yourself rn but.. a doodle? pls???? (i know i havent drawn him anything for his bd this year but i was kinda busy with everything at that moment(i did pay it off with just drawing his cool new ocs as little gifts plus theyre fun to draw))

maybe i am asking for too much??? maybe... but a gift from my closest person alive is very important yknoooww....

[fortheluv0f8me8]

um nobody really cares but my birthday is coming up in 4 days but. im sooo unprepared. also Mam fuck you mean i need to pay for food to my FRIENDS and not THEM paying for food on MY birthday??? thats just pure stupidity. akhem next topic is. everyone is asking me what would i prefer(without disclosing that its for the gift) but i can already see its for the mofo gift so i just told mah guys what i want so they will be prepared✌✌ how nice it is to have more that 1 irl BITCH friend(i just hate her very much err...)(tho she did gift me a lotta cool stuff on my bdays..) yeah i still hate her. fuk dat bih

[fortheluv0f8me8]

kinda starting to feel like an awful fucking person... uh.... so my fp has had an awful thing happen to him and it really traumatized him but.. i just cant get myself to care. this is the worst actually. i cant get a word of compassion or support to him, i just domt know what to say...!!!! im the asshole in this situation. i guess. tho he doesnt really ask for help but i see how much he actually needs it and it breaks my soul.