Super long personal post, im sorry im not sorry. you dont have to read it .....
THIS IS A REALLY LONG POST AND I AM SORRY. I JUST NEED THIS .AMENDS.
So Id say I was in a mentally abusive relationship for about four years with my 'high school sweetheart'. I had lost my best friend because of him and it has eaten away at me ever since. A couple months ago I sent her a letter, and guess what, she replied back!! It took awhile but she was also preggers with her second baby in bumfuck nowhere Alaska haha anywhooo.... WE talked and it was awesome and Im still sad I lost all that time but I made my amends with myself and have to come peace with that and now were on a good note and cant wait till I can see her and her two beautiful babies!!!
There was one other thing really eating at me though and ive finally had the balls to do it.
So how things ended with this BOY was that he started seeing a girl who was our friend behind my back. I knew something was up the whole time but needed proof because I was a stupid little girl and he fucked up my head to think he was the fucking bees knees. So things ended really bad and with me an emotional wreck. I said a lot of mean and nasty things about her pretty much anything imaginable right? Thats what little stupid girls do. Years later I look back at those moments and i am completely embarrassed with myself.
I was horrible and it could've even been considered to the point of bullying. I was just really hurt that I lost someone i thought was a friend and pretty much my whole life was crumbling around me with no one to catch me because I had lost all my support systems because of that asshat!! He had broke my down so hard that I didn't even know how to cope or deal with anything. Things were a little rocky for awhile and I was a wee bit reckless.
Until I got together with my boyfriend, my true and only soul mate <3 Our breakup was still pretty fresh and I had many wounds that needed to heal but he accepted me for all of them and helped me heal more than I could ever have imagined<3 I had thought that the whole time I was with asshat I was head over heals in love going to marry this kid someday. (Looking back at it HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA that is fucking hilarious) I thought what we had was love.... It wasn't, it was some little boy trying to make his insecurities go away by taking mine and leaving me weak.
Today though I am stronger than I have ever been ! I still have my self doubt and my insecurities come to re surface every now and again but everyday I grow stronger and am learning to love myself again. I am also making amends with those who deserve it as trying to help myself heal.
I messaged the girl today .... That took the most courage ever, but i did it =] ! I felt so bad and can only imagine how bad it made her feel. They are still together so I am sorry about that too. I wanted to let her know that I am a strong women but he made me weak. I took out my aggression on her when he deserved it all. She only knew what he told her, she had stopped talking to me. I can only imagine the things he had told her and lies about me. He was the problem not her or I. She deserves that though. I feel like 100 million times better and I don't care if she rejects it or responds I just want her to see that.
We are women and we are strong !! We should build each other up !! God knows men have been trying to wear us down for too damn long!! Love thyself and each other ladies and screw the asshats!!