#myfuckedupmind

[benvanpuyenbroeck]

"The nightmare of a nuanced man is being forced to acknowledge his own hypocrisy."

-me.... just now

[benvanpuyenbroeck]

'My hands feel empty, beceause they were not ready to let you go when yours allready had'

-My fucked up mind

[benvanpuyenbroeck]

I don't really miss you, but I miss the idea of who you used to be to me.

- My fucked up mind

[benvanpuyenbroeck]

If you truely wanted to keep going on as friends, then why am I the one who's walking alobg carrying the conversation?'

- My fucked up mind

[benvanpuyenbroeck]

'And now it feels like you have become everything you wern't'

- my messed up brain

[ohyay-bpd]

FP: You're like one of my best friends in the world.

Me: Awh! You too!

BPD: "one of"

BPD: "friends"

Me:

BPD:

BPD: "one of"

BPD: "friends"

BPD: Yeah, they probably hate you...

[behindthesedeadeyes]

Apology

There's a secret you buried underneath your tears and shouts It's called an apology But it's buried deep Lodged right underneath the hurt and loneliness that piled up faster than your worries The worries that bury the emptiness you feel The worries that sit right under the stress that eats holes in your soul And that stress gushes and sloshes inside of you Filling every crack and crevice you have Even sliding underneath the guilt that's settled right on top of that buried apology But it's so hard to dig that apology up Because that stress, that boiling hot stress Is heated by molten anger Anger that bubbles and pops Fuelled by the frustration and desperation that lies floating in the midst of it all You try to draw yourself a map But end up with a ball of yarn tangled Between your spinning head of questions Your garbled mouth of lies Your crying heart of sadness And your aching toes of exhaustion So each tear Hot on the cheeks but cold on the lips Holds but a fraction of the stew brewing inside you And you try You try so damn hard To dig past the questions and lies Crawl past the anger and sadness Dash through the frustration and desperation Swim through the ocean of stress Run from the worries and fears Sneak through the hurt and loneliness Push through the pounding exhaustion And you try You try so damn hard To get through the impossible obstacle course Just to find that damn apology Because you know she deserves it And he deserves it And they all deserve it And maybe you might even deserve it too But the questions cloud your head The lies confuse your tongue The anger blows smoke through your ears The sadness shatters your heart The frustration chips at your mind The desperation claws at your lungs The stress drowns you in waves The fears trap you in a corner The worries light a fag between your lips The hurt packs a blow to your soul The loneliness rings echoes in your bones And the exhaustion creaks and it moans As you try to find once last ounce of energy To thrust that apology from your lips But all that comes out Are words you regret And the slam of a door

[xemilylhx]

1) what made you start liking the person you like now - no one in my life at the moment *life's a bitch* 2) last thought before bed - please let me survive my shift at work. Then my mind drifted to a mix of Carmilla and eastenders *my mind has it's own imagination* 3) kiss on first date? - anything is possible on the first date but it depends on the person 4) anything you'd like to say to someone? - yes please renew Carmilla now!!! I need Tuesdays and thurdays too be meaningful again 5) favourite colour - aqua blue 6) anyone ever said you have pretty eyes - yes, but not recently, I've been crying since Carmilla ended with no signs of a season 2 renewal vanhal00 questions to me :)