To my Prince Charming
I am so sorry darling.
I forgot who you are and also how much I love you.
I took you for granted.
I won't let this happen again.
I'm so sorry for ignoring you, being mean and bitchy, talking down on you, not being grateful, telling you off for everything, not trusting you, hating on you, blaming you for everything and so much more.
I didn't let you near me, I was cold and dismissive.
You tried to be there for me, you tried to be everything I needed. But darling when I am depressed, it's not that easy to put on a smiling face.
So I thought about things that (almost) always make me feel better when I am in a bad mood:
any kind of sports (running, ball games, fitness, whatever)
cooking
going out (movies, game hall, zoo,...)
jokes (simple as that)
shopping
doing something I've never done before
Moreover... I thought about it that you said I didn't change at all for you... here's a list of things I changed
I'm so much more respectful with you. I always used to talk down on my boyfriends like they were just annoying and only good when I needed them. I never had a good word to say about them.
I love you. Simple as that. I never loved anyone as much as I love you. You're my one and only. The last one. After you comes no one.
Another huge change for me: I never talked about anything. Especially feelings and stuff. With you I feel like an open book since you know more about me than anyone else (maybe except my family, but there are things they don't know but you do)
I stopped being rough with you. I stopped hitting you just for fun.
I stopped being overobsessive about food
I stopped drinking when I recognized me being drunk was a burden on you when you tried to look after your brother
I used to make people love me then throw them away
Usually I hate it when people talk too much. I cut them off or just nod and yawn.
I do trust you. I know it's never enough but you're on of the very few persons in my life I really trust with most things.
I am actually putting effort in this. I am fighting for our relationship. I'm trying and trying and trying. I won't give up on us.
never ever would I have degraded myself for a guy. For you I did. I swallowed my pride and begged you to stay... I ran after you. I cried in front of you. I apologized.
So while we're about listing things... here's a few things I love about you:
your eyes (!!!) when you look at me like you use to, not with this dismissive, arrogant look but with love and gentleness in your eyes...
your lips... they're so soft, perfekt for kissing... honestly you're the best kisser I ever met
your teeth... your smile...
your tongue... you're a master of tongue games
your beard... it's unusually soft and makes you look so rawr
your super soft cheeks, I just love to rub my face against yours.
your perfectly shaped nose
your hair, even if you keep on complaining about it.. it's so soft and you know how to style it
the moles in your face and the one close to your hip bones
your unbelievably strong arms - I still remember how you carried me into my bed on our house warming party. And how you helped me down from the kitchen counter in my flat.
Your chest and how you love it when I lick across it.
Your navel and your tummy. It's just perfect. I love to lay my hands onto your hips and pull you closer.
Your muscular shoulders and your broad back.
your neck, remember when we made each other hickeys but didn't kiss yet... and it just smells like you there. Save and good and sexy.
Your hands, so soft and caring. There are so many pictures in my head.... your hand around a glass of vodka you're offering me, your clenched fist behind my hands when you got angry at Finn, how you squeeze my hand twice, cuz it means I love you. How we intertwine our fingers. How you caress my cheek. How you hold my hands, my hips, how you fondle my head. My face in your hands when you comfort me. Your fingers tracing my lips. How you're wearing our engagement ring
Your feet, standing on the steps up to the first floor at the university while you're wishing me a nice Christmas and telling me to call you. Your feet walking next to me, telling me to go out with Matze, my feet on yours outside of Chris' flat, your feet running next to me, then in front of me, your feet in the slippers you brought to my flat, your feet in black leather shoes.
Your legs, they're not too thin darling. They're just perfect like the rest of you.
your toes. they're funny and I love them.
your lap. Omg I love to sit on your lap. It makes me feel save.
Your voice, it's so manly and rawr, still soothing and convincing
Oh and much more important... your personality and how you act around me.
I know I told you this a hundred times... but the savest place on earth is in your arms. I love lying on your chest and listening to your heartbeat. Its so calming.
You're my protector, you always look after me, making sure I'm doing well. I know when it comes to it you will be there to protect me from anything that could harm me
You talk to me for hours if neccessary
You always try to understand and empathise with me
You're keeping me sane, when I'm starting to be obsessive about food and exercise
You're always willing to compromise
You did actually change for the better
You're so charming, I remember you in an apron, preparing a delicious meal for me. I remember a bathtub with a hundred small candles, a little Christmas tree in my flat, dates and blueberries in your hands, flowers for Valentine's day, a photobook of our relationship, a ring that was way too expensive...
Did you recognize how we understand each other perfectly without talking? How we can read in each others faces
I love how we share so many things we love, we tend to forget about it
You accept all the animals I have and care for... you're the best Papi Julez could ever have
I think it's awesome how we grew together and overcame bad times
I'm always trying to make you proud and if I manage it it makes me so damn happy you can't believe it
if I make you laugh it's like an A-grade to me
Falling asleep in your arms and waking up next to you is the best thing ever.
We're a powercouple.
We help each other, calm each other, sooth each other, make each other laugh and smile
I love our small moments...
I see myself sitting on your lap
hugged from behind
slow dancing
cuddling on the couch
next to you with your hand on my leg
your hand on my hip in a university course
the two of us on a christmas market
playing billard in feichten
taking selfies
walking Julie
talking endlessly during a car ride
stopping at Burger King on our way to Hungary
having a cute dinner in my flat
giving each other massages
flooding your brother's flat
your riding lessons, I was so proud
how you hugged me after I feel of my horse on that race
I still see you taking photos of me and Eldo
I see me taking photos of you all the time til you get annoyed
waking up next to each other with a smile on our face
sitting on your pool enjoying the sun
I can see myself licking ice cream from your lips
...and chocolate sauce from your hips
I remember how we sat in my trunk eating homemade sandwiches
how we made this beauty day at home with cucumber and stuff
showering together
how you were the perfect gentleman at my brother's wedding
your birthday when i fell asleep on your lap in the kitchen
feeding you beer on the balkony
having breakfast on the balkony
searching for easter eggs
going to the movies with me getting scared all the time
going running together.
That first time you accompanied me on the bike
me riding Eldo and you on the bike
the first time I cooked for you...I was so nervous
our food challenge at the China restaurant
I still hear you say ….
„Good morning beautiful“
„cute little dimples“
„you can do anything with this girl“
„she's awesome“
„you are the most beautiful girl in the world“
„You can do this“
„You looked hot today“
„Thank you for this weekend“
„That tasted great“
„You're the most important thing to me“
„hey you can actually be funny“
„okay here you're right“
„leave my girl alone“
„we can make it“
„you're stronger than that“
„hey Mausi“
„Schatzi“
„will you engage with me?“
„our children...“
„our house...“
„never will I let you go“
„you'll be the one who breaks up“
„Mine“
„Yours“
„I love you“
„Goodbye“
We share so many good memories. Why are you throwing this away...
Schnucki, ich liebe dich...