As the sound of the alarm going off pulled her out of her dreams, 20 year old Susan Pevensie groaned. She’d always been an early bird, but she’d had so much trouble waking up lately. Nevertheless, she tossed the blankets aside and got up to turn the beeping off. She made her bed and picked out an outfit before the day before she left her room to see if her suite mates needed the shower. However, it appeared that they all were gone.
Still, Su didn’t mind. They were a nice bunch, she supposed. And she tried to be kind and friendly to them as she was to everyone, but they all knew that she was a last minute addition to their suite because the girl they’d originally had ended up not returning to school this year. Susan supposed she should just be grateful that they’d given her the single room and didn’t ask her to share with any of them.
After taking her shower, getting dressed, doing her hair and make up, and brushing her teeth the young woman sighed. She didn’t have class until that evening, so there were several hours of unclaimed time she needed to fill. Sitting alone in her room was not an option, but she didn’t feel up to eating either. Su could call her family, she supposed. Talk to her brothers and sister and check in on them. But she wasn’t sure she could hide the exhaustion in her voice. Making them worry about her was not something she wanted.
Finally, Susan smiled as she felt her heart being called away. She knew just where to go. Once she’d gathered her keys and put everything she’d need for later into her bag, she left the room and made her way across campus to the music department.
The piano was the one comfort she had left. Without words, she could find a way to express herself. And express herself in a way that would not leave anyone worrying about her. Susan dropped her bag next to the bench of the Grand piano on the stage. Settling herself down, she found that she felt better already. Her slender fingers soon began to dance over the keys as her bright soprano voice sang out.
“There’s a song that’s inside of my soul It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again I’m awake in the infinite cold But you sing to me over and over and over again So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you’re my only hope Sing to me of the song of the stars Of your galaxy dancing and laughing And laughing again When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again And I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you’re my only hope I give you my destiny I’m giving you all of me I want your symphony singing in all that I am At the top of my lungs I’m giving it back And I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you’re my only hope”
The chill of the winter air nipped at one’s nose and lungs with a kind of fierceness. In a way, it almost made the blood speed up and slow simultaneously. One certainly did feel more alive when jarred by the cold than soothed by the heat. And yet, one man barely noticed it. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and gave a desperate sigh. Lowering his sword, he moved off to the side away from his comrades and toward the numbing solitude he’d grown used to.
“Alvaro!” A voice called form the distance, but coming ever closer as the owner moved toward him. “Alvaro, wait!”
Stopping, the Knight dutifully bowed his head. “I’m sorry, my King. But my heart is not in training today. The whole day long, a sense of fear has filled me that I cannot shake.”
“I understand, my friend.” Tirian replied, laying a hand on the Half Wood-God’s shoulder. “Have you any news of Susan?”
“No.” Alvaro lamented. “After they last caught Princess Alyssa down there, and seeing how excited Su was getting, the Healers had to appeal to High King Peter, or else lock the doors and windows to everyone. Any stress, they say, can be most grievous to Susan and the child both. It devastates them all as much as I to be kept from her, but Peter had no choice but to explicitly ban anyone from going to Susan until she gives birth. None of us want to lose either of them anymore than we wish to see an innocent in need of help be turned away because the ward is locked down.”
“I know. Lucy told me this morning. She’s not taking it well either.” Tirian sighed. He was worried for his beloved, his friend, and the large family around them. “It’s been, what, four months now?”
“Five.” The Knight corrected.
For as long as he lived, he’d never be able to forget that terrible day. He had told his wife she looked pale. He’d told her to rest and let her sister and brothers cover for her. But Susan, stubborn and determined Susan, would not slow down. And then, before anyone knew it, some time had gone by without anyone seeing her. After a frantic search, Alvaro himself found his young bride in her study, faint and nearly unconscious on the floor in a small pool of blood. Quickly and carefully as he could, he’d scooped her up and carried her to the Healers. He’d gotten her there just in time they’d told him. Any later, and the child would not have made it. They had been forced to confine Susan to her bed there, however, and kept everyone from her. Even himself.
Alvaro understood, of course. Any chance of Susan getting worked up put she and their unborn child at risk of harm. And that was a risk he was not willing to take. No matter how agonizing it was to be parted from her, no matter how he missed her joyful smile in the night and waking up to her beautiful face, he would not endanger them at any cost. He knew that, from the times that AJ and Lucy had been able to sneak in to her chamber, she missed him as well and was counting the days till they could be together again. But still, these five months were by no means easy for him. The fear and worry all but ate the Knight alive.
“I thank Aslan that her confinement shouldn’t last much longer now.” Alvaro added.
“Yes, Lu did tell me that she was told any day this week.” The King smiled. “Just think of that, brother. Any day now, you shall have your wife back, and a babe as well!”
The Half Wood-God couldn’t help but grin. How he loved the sound of that! Having Susan close to him again would be the greatest joy in and of itself, but to finally have their child in their arms... “Yes. I can hardly wait.”
Before Tirian could answer, though, the sound of heavy hooves reached their ears. Upon turning, the two men saw a young Centauress racing toward them. She had an urgent look on her face, and sweat on her flanks.
“My King.” She said, bowing to Tirian “Forgive my intrusion. But I’ve been sent to bring Sir Alvaro to the hospital wing at once.”
The man’s heart plummeted. “Susan?” Alvaro demanded urgently.
“Yes, my Lord. The Queen has gone into labor.”
Alvaro looked suddenly to his friend, but the pleading in his eyes need not be there. For Tirian nodded and beamed. “Go to her.”
Not needing any other nudging, the Knight bounded off toward the castle as fast as his legs could carry him. Finally, after five long months he’d be able to look upon his dear wife’s face again! And they would at last meet their child! His mind full of joy as it was could not prevent the fear that still clung to his heart. Alvaro and his escort made their way to the ward where Susan lay in silence.
“You’ll have to wait out here, my Lord.” The Centauress told him as they arrived outside the great oak doors of the hospital. “Someone will fetch you after it is done.”
Disappointed, the man nodded. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to hold Susan’s hand and help her through this. Had they not kept the two of them apart enough already? No one had stopped him when he’d married her! No one told him to wait outside every night from the moment they’d wed until she’d fallen ill! No one had stopped him from being with her in the first place! But now, when she needed him most, Alvaro couldn’t be there...
When the door opened to admit his escort, he craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse of her pale skin or dark hair, but she wasn’t to be found. Then, the giant oaken barrier closed, keeping him still away. All the anxious husband and expectant father could do now was wait and pray. Alvaro passed the first hour or two pacing ceaselessly in front of the ward.
But then, once hour after hour had ticked by with no news, the Wood-God felt a terrible dread worse than anything he’d ever felt before tear at his very core. He’d watched the doors open and close. Watched Healer after Healer come out and rush past him only to go rushing back in without a word. He’d heard the terrible, gut wrenching screams, and knew they could only be coming from Susan. No matter how he tried to get any bit of information, a single word, Alvaro remained in the dark.
Time, as it is wont to do in such circumstances, seemed to slow even further. Minutes felt like decades, and hours like centuries. When one day stretched into two, it felt like a millennium. Alvaro’s suffocating terror only deepened when the doors stopped opening despite the shrieks of pain just getting louder.
Sleep did not come to him that entire night. Not even the smallest respite from his pacing did the Knight grant himself. How could he sleep or rest when his beloved bride was in such agony? ‘Please, Aslan, help her.’ Alvaro begged. ‘Help her. Get her through this. Get them both through this.’
Just when the man thought he could bear it no longer, the great door at last creaked open and a figure approached him. A Fauness, with her arms held close to her chest. “Sir Alvaro?” She called.
Racing over so quickly his head began to spin, Alvaro forgot his weariness at once. He stopped before them, his eyes expectant, but his voice too tired to function.
“You have a daughter, my Lord.” She told him, holding the bundle in her arms out.
Gasping, the man took great care to cradle and support the tiny mass in his one hand and defaced arm. There, gazing up at him, to his great joy was his wife in miniature. From the black curls, to the round cheeks and full lips, to the pale skin, this little girl was Susan through and through. She was perfect! So tiny and so very flawless! Reaching out a single trembling finger to stroke her cheek, the new father was surprised to see his own eyes staring back up at him. He’d hoped the babe would have her eyes, but somehow, it only made the girl immensely more dear to him. It was love at first sight all over again. This tiny girl had stolen his heart just like her mother had.
A blissful laugh softly escaped Alvaro’s lips as he leaned forward to kiss his daughter’s head for the first time. “And Susan? When can I see her?” He asked.
Instead of a happy voice, a sniffle was his reply. Confused, he looked up from the child’s face. “When can I see her?” He repeated.
“My Lord...” The Fauness began before choking.
“Queen Susan is dying.”
No wound in war, no injury he’d ever had compared to this. Every bit of air and any trace of happiness rushed out of him in one great gulp. Alvaro staggered and had to lean on the Fauness for support. No, it couldn’t be true! It just couldn’t!
“I’m so sorry, my Lord.” She cried. “I don’t think she’ll last an hour.”
An hour! No!
“S-Susan.” The Knight gasped, pushing past her into the ward. If it were true, and he was only to have one hour more with her, no one was going to keep them apart now.
The hospital ward was entirely empty, save for a group of four Healers gathered around one blood stained bed. They tried in vain to clean the floor of the terrible pool as well. Green eyes widened and could not look away. He, who had seen his fair share of blood shed and lost his own hand in war, felt a new sickness fill him.
What had he done?
His mouth opened to ask where he could find her, but no words came forth. Suddenly, a female Dwarf was at his side. “Come with me, my Lord.” She called him urgently. “I’ll take you to the Queen.”
Obviously they had not meant for anyone, least of all him, to see all that blood. No one was to know just how greatly the Gentle had suffered. It took much more strength than it truly should have for Alvaro to turn away and follow the Healer. He could not tear his eyes away from that awful sight.
“She’s here, my Lord.” The Dwarf told him. “The last bed on the left.”
Seeing her outline just in the next room, Alvaro cradled the baby girl closer and all but ran to the bed. But it was only a another blow washing over him. Susan had never looked paler; not even when he found her in the study. Her face seemed almost colorless, but somehow gray at the same time. Her lovely, long black hair had lost any hint of its usual luster and shine. It clung lifelessly to her head, plastered there by sweat. Her eyes were closed and her chest barely rose or fell at all. She truly was at death’s door... And it was all his fault. He’d done this to her. By the Lion’s Mane, Alvaro had killed her!
Silent tears rolling down his face, he carefully stepped closer. “Susan...” He whispered. “Susan, darling, can you hear me?”
It appeared to take a great struggle, but finally, the Queen opened her eyes. “Alv...aro.” Susan weakly gasped. “I... I did it.”
The frailty of her voice and the way she tried so hard to smile just shattered him all the more. Stooping down to press a soft kiss to her lips, the man sniffled as he pulled back. “You did.” His voice broke. “And you did so good.” But even through the breaks and sniffles, his tone held nothing but sincere love.
Now that he was closer and she could see him better, Susan’s delicate brow furrowed. She felt his tears, even if she may have thought it was her own sweat. Plus, she saw the dark shadows under her devoted husband’s eyes. And despite the fact that she was laying there dying, the young woman still thought only of Alvaro. Her good heart struggled for the words to soothe him and make this as easy as she could. But her failing mind just couldn’t obey.
“Is our... Is our...” Su struggled.
“She’s fine.” Alvaro assured her. “She’s beautiful and healthy and perfect.”
“A... A girl...” She replied, forcing a fragile smile.
“Yes.”
Then the Queen’s eyes found the little bundle and a bit of light returned to them. Not even death could kill the devotion and love she held for that little girl she carried for so long. Her arms tried to reach out for the child she’d given hr life for, but they were much too weak to rise. But Alvaro knew what his wife wanted, and he would give it to her. Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Susan. he gently moved her arms and laid their daughter in them, holding his own under them to support her.
When Susan’s eyes saw the face of her child, they filled with tears. “She’s... she has your... your eyes... Name her.... Name her Eleanor... For me?”
Alvaro didn’t, couldn’t, reply. Not at first. Grief and guilt had taken him by the throat and refused to let up.How could he say all he needed to in so short a time? “Su... You can’t leave. You’ve got to fight. Please. You can’t leave us. We need you. Your brothers and sister... Narnia... Eleanor and I... You can’t.”
A look of pain flashed across the Gentle’s face. “I... Alvaro... I...” Swallowing, she then tried to look calm and forced another weak and ghostly smile. “i’m not... I’m not afraid to die... I can die... happy... Because I knew you... Because I gave you... gave you her. I would rather... be the one to die... Not her.”
“We always could have had more children.” Alvaro insisted, shaking his head and pressing on desperately. “But there’s no second chance with you! Susan, I can’t lose you! I can’t. I can’t do this alone. I can’t... Not without you.”
With great difficulty, the woman was able to move the tips of a few fingers along the skin of his arm. “You won’t be alone. I’ll always... I’ll always be with you.”
“No, that’s not good enough! Susan, please, if not for me, do it for our daughter! She needs you! She won’t survive without you!”
The Queen went to answer, but a terrible cough shook her, causing her husband to take the baby back and move away slightly. And though the loss of what little color she’d regained, and the sound of her wheezing breaths terrified the man, it was seeing the blood trickling down from her mouth that sent him over the edge.
No! He wasn’t going to let Susan die like this. Alvaro refused. He refused to be the reason behind her demise. To kill in war as a soldier was one thing, but to kill the love of his life was something entirely different. He was going to save her; his Queen, his wife, mother of his child. No matter what, he’d save her.
Passing little Eleanor to the Healer who’d remained with them, Alvaro took off at full speed. He knew of only one person, one thing, that could save Susan. Her sister. He had to find Lucy.
Out of the hospital and into the castle itself he ran as fast as he could. “Lucy! Lucy! Has anyone seen Lucy?!” Alvaro shouted. Every minute that passed, Su was closer to death. “Lucy! Lucy!”
“Alvaro?” A voice rang out at long last several minutes later.
Whipping around, the Knight all but collapsed for joy. “Lucy! Thank Aslan!”
“What is it? Tirian told me last evening that Su’d gone into labor.” The young Queen asked innocently.
“Lu, have you your healing cordial?”
“It’s in my room. But Peter won’t let me-”
“Lucy, please, you have to bring it to the hospital.”
Her bright and happy face faltered. “Alvaro, what’s going on?”
His own face told it all, but still he forced himself to say it. Lu needed to know. “Lucy, I am begging you on bended knee... Your sister is fading fast. If we don’t hurry... Lu, Susan will die... I am begging you. Save your sister. Save my wife. To hell with what Peter says.”
The young girl’s mouth fell open and her hands flew up to cover it. Eyes like a the ocean flooded with fear, but the girl knew her brother-in-law was right. Peter would understand. He’d have to! He didn’t want to lose Su anymore than they did. Lu nodded and spun on her heels. All it took was a lift of her skirt, and the Valiant was off. Once she was gone, Alvaro in turn raced back to his wife’s side.
The Dwarf still stood by the bed, cradling Eleanor. “Here he is, my Queen.” She suddenly said, laying her hand on Susan’s.
“Alvaro?”
“I’m here, my love. I’m here. Lucy is coming. Lucy will make it better.” Alvaro softly and sweetly reassured her.
Su’s mouth fell open, and for a moment, Alvaro thought that she was going to protest. Say that her lovely little Lu couldn’t see her like this. But silence was all that answered. And those sky blue eyes closed once more, too weak to fight any longer.
But his careful gaze never left her. Never blinked. He had to make sure that nothing changed for the worse before Lucy got there. But with baited breath he waited. What was taking so long! He’d told Lucy time was of the essence! Susan needed the Juice of the Fire-flower now! In his mind, the Wood-God silently urged the girl on faster.
Finally, the soft clicking of shoes on the floor announced Lucy’s arrival. “Alvaro!”
“Back here!” He called. “Hurry!” Susan’s breaths had grown weaker and shallower by the second. He could literally feel the life leaving her body.
Lucy’s face, red and worried, appeared next to him; glass vial in hand. The girl was already in the process of unstoppering it when her eyes finally fell on her beloved sister. Breath hitching in her throat, the youngest Pevensie froze.
Never in all her life and all her battles had Lucy seen anything so awful and traumatizing. This had to be a dream! Not Su. Not her Susan! When Alvaro told her that she was dying, Lucy had never imagined this...
“Lucy!” Alvaro yelled desperately, feeling his wife’s grip on his hand slacken. “Hurry!”
Shaking herself, Lu ran forward and Alvaro opened Susan’s mouth and titled her head back. Though one drop was all she needed, just to be sure, Lucy gave more. Peter could admonish her later. Right now, she needed to know that Susan was going to be ok. Finally, she pulled her quaking hand back and closed the vial.
Lucy and Alvaro both knew that it would take a short time to see if the cordial had come in time. But that did not mean that the wait was any less anguished for them. Every single second was still fraught with fear and worry. Had Lucy gotten there in time? Was she going to make it? Were her injuries and blood loss too severe for even the Fire-flower to heal? Would the two of them have to explain to the rest of the family, to Narnia, and eventually to Eleanor, why Susan’s laughter and tender heart would never bless them again? Even the newborn seemed to sense the tenseness in the room and began to cry softly. Lucy held her arms out for the child and was comforted by her closeness.
But then, sweet relief! A soft gasp resounded in the echoing silence. Then a bought of coughing. And much to the joy of the little group, Susan’s eyes fluttered open, her color and strength back to normal. Alvaro jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly as he wept. Every inch of her his lips could reach, he kissed. And the Queen clung just as forcefully to him. Her delicate and tender hands stroked his face, his hair, his back; shushing him softly. When at last he pulled back and their eyes locked, Alvaro kissed Susan roughly.
“Lu.” Susan called softly once they’d parted and he moved over slightly to make some room on the bed. “Thank you.”
Lucy, who was much to overcome to speak, just nodded and held the baby out to her sister. And as Susan cradled her daughter in her arms for the first time, both Lucy and the Healer left to allow Susan, Alvaro, and their child some privacy. The Healer would go on to tell the others that Susan would live. And Lucy would seek out Tirian’s arms for comfort to cope with the terrible sight she’d seen. But as for the new parents, they were just glad to be together again with the new life they’d fought so hard for.
Omg, I hate myself. These drabbles I'm working on for Susan are killing me. Then I make the mistake of going back and reading old drabbles I wrote for her. And there are literal actual tears. I'm going to get murdered for this long one.
“See her as she flies Golden sails across the skies Close enough to touch But careful if you try Though she looks As warm as gold The moon’s A harsh mistress The moon Can be so cold… The moon’s A harsh mistress She’s hard to call Your own…”
“Tears of hope Run down my skin Tears for you That will not dry They magnify The one within And let the outside Slowly die… Ohhh Remember when it rained I felt the ground And looked up high And called your name Ohhh Remember when it rained In the water I remain…”
“You wanna run away Run away And you say that It can’t be so You wanna look away Look away But you stay Cause it’s all so close When you stand up And hold out your hand In the face of what I don’t understand My reason to be brave…”
