It’s flaming hot
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It’s flaming hot
Sorry to bother you.
I found out some new information about you today and felt like my heart skipped a beat before it started beating so fast I thought it was going to burst straight out of my chest. It’s crazy how you can spend so much time with someone and truly not know what intentions they have with you, how you can enjoy every second you get with that special person and then find out that what they’ve been saying has been completely different to what they’ve been telling you. If you knew you were never gonna want me from the start why did you even pursue me to begin with? Why did you effortlessly and continuously look so perfect in every lighting, why did you let me open up to you and tell you things I don’t confess to a lot of people, why did you have to fuck me so many times that all I can think about is your body on top of mine not being able to get any closer that it felt like we began to intertwine together.. why did you have to be so perfect in my eyes when I was clearly so out of focus in yours?
Why did I have to fall for someone who decided they don’t want me anymore just when I was starting to imagine all the places and things I’d love for us to experience together? I wanted to take you ice skating and make sure you were all wrapped up in a beanie you would suit so well, one of my fluffy scarves so it may start smelling like me but end up smelling as incredible as you do, I wanted to keep you as toasty as you always are because I know it makes you feel at ease even if this meant rubbing your hands together and blowing warmth into them as I know gloves make them too warm. I wanted to be the one to help you if you were ever feeling down by bringing you salted caramel ice cream, orange scented face masks, cappuccinos you name it as long as it brought a smile to your face because you have the warmest smile.
I was excited to be able to make new memories with you and learn even more of the cute quirks you do but I guess it was more one sided than I thought because now I feel like I bother you when we talk.
2am thoughts.
There are so many things I’ve been too scared to tell you because I’m scared the feelings are only one way but you drive me insane, you’re literally the only thing on my mind every second, every minute, every hour of each day. I just want to talk to you and make sure you’re okay, I want to know what you’ve gotten up to on this glorious day, I want to know every little detail about you so I’d know you like the back of my own palm but I’m too scared, I’m too scared and don’t want to cause any harm because you look happy and that look you suit so well. I love when you’re with me and your eyes are indescribable when they look back into mine, when you’re eyelashes flutter my way I can feel my heart slowly start to melt away, away with all my walls built up with jokes to disguise my true feelings I hide paired with three familiar words, I’ll be fine. I just want you to make an effort with me and let me know how you truly feel, I want you to talk to me and tell me it’s me you want to see.
But I know that you’re with her and it hurts because I want to be the one who is pulling you close in the middle of the night and is waking you up with sleepy kisses, but still it continues to hurt because I know you chose to be with her. It makes my mind constantly wonder what did I do wrong? What does she have that I don’t that made her your choice. I have so much to give and I want to be able to give you anything you ever need because you deserve to be happy, you deserve to wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is smile and feel the warmth coming from your chest full of love towards someone you adore. You deserve to not have to wonder about someone because they will show you day in and day out how much you mean to them, even on the busiest of days where they may be stressed but will still make time to make sure you’re okay, you deserve to have someone who is going to constantly remind you how beautiful you are both inside and outside even if you don’t truly believe it yourself, you deserve someone who will be proud to call you theirs and will scream it from the rooftops and tell every stranger they meet.
No matter how much it may hurt I want you to be happy above anything, even if that means you being happy without me.
Going to have my normal New Years resolution of getting my abs back in time for summer🤞🏼
💀
Started sketching again✍🏼️
Yesterday's outfit compared to today's.. I love how much my fashion style varies
Giving myself motivation to start working out again🙄