Feelings #25
12.09.2014
I’m about 5 days away from turning 18, and to be completely honest, it is more daunting than celebratory. The thought of leaving a place that so often is at the core of my unhappiness seems almost unsettling; strangely enough it makes me gloomy. For 12 years, I have been my schools identify. The hell hole is functioning because of me, because of us, and to leave brings me more sadness than relief. Despite obvious reasons, i.e my principle, I love school. I love feeling apart of something that doesn’t quiver at the idea of risk, that doesn’t leave me when I’m heartbroken, but does give me something I’ll retain forever. It’s taught me to be a lady, and treat myself with dignity and honour. I am not afraid of leaving because I feeling unprepared, but because I feel insecure and doubtful.
I can not wait to go out into the world, but more than that, I can not wait to be myself. There are few places that evoke me to become me, but when I’m me, it’s all real. The fear, the insecurities, the liveliness and the doubtfulness is tangible. As of right now, I cling on to as much as I can considering what I’ll have to leave behind, I drain every last moment to enjoy it entirely.
And more than anything, I love everything & everyone. I wish everyone more love than they can handle, embrace your heartbreaks and the tears that come with it. Embrace the idea of being alone and independent.
Embrace your individuality.
Change yourself as much as you want.
Buy clothes that cost too much.
Buy the clothes that don’t cost much.
Change your hair.
Change your man.
Break your own heart.
Be over dramatic.
But lastly, and ever so importantly, love. Love everything too much.
(4.32pm)
Stay Beautiful, beautifuls.