Legends about a neighborhood menace
It had been his 4th time coming back from hell
they didn't even want him down there
he was still wearing his same fit
the dirt on his grave was loose
cause they knew he was coming back
there's no eternal peace for him
goddamn, what he even do?
everyone got scars from him
he nearly died from lung cancer
and he pulled the tar out his own lungs
and gave his enemies some
when he was young he was shooting birds
he was doing that shit just for comfort
if he hurt you, it wasn't over for you
that just meant you was marked
he parked his car in handicapped spots
cause even the cops were scared to tell him not to
the say he used to go to the graveyards
because that's where he buried all the stars
he never had a car himself
he would just borrow all our cars
he's a devil I shouldn't mention
he would command the mic to listen to him
no one missed him first time he was gone
there wasn't anyone who missed church the following Sunday
he'll find you, motherfucker
I heard a sucker told me "oh he's just lonely"
He was an only child because he made it so
I heard he had a twin he snuffed out in the womb
that twin was born with stab wounds
he made his own womb a tomb
He wouldn't sleep in his room
he'd sleep in the apartment commons
just to see if someone he didn't like would come in
I heard he robbed a store
and they said "have a nice day, sir"
and he killed them anyways
I heard that when he prays
because God don't want to help him
I heard Satan sold his soul to him
he stole an angel's wings
and sold them to the pawn shop
I heard he could command the clocks to stop
because he knew he was gonna mop the floor with these fools
and they'd all have the same time of death
I heard his first breath was someone's last
he'd do something bad just to feel good
he was too cool for the golden rule
he'd buy you a pool just to drown you in it
he'd build you up bit by bit
just to rip it all away from you
he'd rob for the adrenaline
not cause he was needing money
he thought it was funny when someone was begging for their life
that he'd make appointments at the graveyard
and he'd tell them how many holes to dig
I heard he made a wig his own hair
when he was there, anywhere
you'd taste death in the air
the grim reaper wears oven mitts handling him
second time he died he fried the citizens of hell
that's why they kicked him out
I heard he kicked angel's off Jacob's ladder
just so he could go up and ask God, what's the matter?
I heard he battered his fried chicken with liquid gold
I heard he'd chop wood with death threats
I heard he hasn't met his father yet
but that's because his dad fleed country
when he saw what his son was gonna be
his momma died in childbirth
cause she said he hurt coming out
and his evil smile caused her to doubt
he takes the long route through the hood
because he wanted to snuff out what was good
I heard he got his shoes from the grim reaper
mugged him first time he picked him up
I heard he commands a cup to be filled
he's never poured nothing himself
I heard he never asked for help
he would just pull out his belt
I heard he made a war pelt
out of people's fits he stole
I heard the whole world sighed first time he died
and when he came back it cried
the ride back from his first stay in prison
was quick, and they said "good riddance"
cause he leaves no witness
it was just long enough to give a warning
he didn't wake up in the morning
because the sun was scared of him
and it was always a new moon when he was out
When they created the word doom
was just describing being somewhere with him when he was in a mood
he wasn't rude, he just chewed through holy bibles
I heard he was never burned by hellfire
because they was scared to touch him
I heard he was never stumbling when he drank
the liquor could never possess him
I heard when he wrote in someone's book
I heard that Everytime he died
he'd wind back up at the house of who killed him
he just likes people having that thought
and the rot could never touch him
not even the scavangers wanted to eat him
I heard he's got the same gravestone
he just calls his grave his vacation home
we don't even bother holding funerals for him
he robbed a hardies just for a frisco burger
and he'd bite through caramel Werther's
just to feel the hurt blur
but he'd call himself a burgler
because he'd rob people of their minds
kick them out their own homes
I heard he roams the street at night
just looking for cigarettes to light
I heard the bright ones here
fear him so bad they left town
I heard the ground rejects his feet
I heard he's the only one the devil won't keep
He keeps his victim's soul
I looked into his eyes one time
and saw a bottomless hole
there's no goal to his life other to create strife
I heard he murdered his wife
I seen him one time smoking his opp's pack
he said it was the only thing that would make him kick back
I heard the taxman won't see him
I heard the census man don't count him
I heard him call jail an overnight stay
because they pray for him to go away
I heard he makes the skies weep
because they wouldn't keep him neither
I heard the devil's kinder than him
he sold someone out for one piece of silver
29 less than an other Judas
I heard he's the rudest man in town
but no one said that until he was in the ground
I heard around that the pound once thought about putting him down
cause he was just such a mad dog
I heard he'd sleep with his eyes open
hoping to catch a motherfucker lacking
everyone starts acting different when he walked in
family cookouts became genocides
I heard he gets ride from the devil himself
I heard the liquor store let's him grab whatever he wants
and the clubs have an unlimited tab for him
I heard every ring on his fingers
were just gifts from his victim before he delivered them to their God
He acknowledged that God existed
Just because he pissed him off
I heard lightning struck him 6 times
I heard the sun don't shine on him
he don't even catch a shadow
He doesn't even smoke tobacco
it just knows to burn when he's around
I heard he frowned before he smiled
and I heard he makes all the dogs howl
I heard a scowl from him is less scary than a smile
and he'll follow you for a mile
that sense of being watched?
that's because you thought you lost him
I heard he only wears his victim's clothes
never owned a shirt of his own
I heard his eyes never saw daylight
only the night, and even that was too bright
I heard he was born under an unlucky star
the gore he's made could fill a football arena
and you haven't seen him on a Monday
on a Sunday he prays for non-existence
he was sent to Buddha, but removed at Buddha's insistence
last Christmas he stole all the gifts
and left everyone with his murder lists
I heard his hissed at snakes
and his scowl makes eggs break
I heard his daughter says "I don't have a father"
I heard he can't even drink water
I heard the clouds refuse to rain on him
I heard the snow avoids him
the ice doesn't let him slip
and the stars seem to dip
he was neither a crip nor a blood
he did every just because
when they heard the buzz, both parties invited him over to see him
those parts of those gangs don't exist no more
I heard the earth was sore from him hurting its back
I heard he reversed global warming
I heard he saved the environment by killing enough people that it was equivalent to 20 million trees
I heard no where will let him be
I heard he's waiting for Jesus to come back
just so he can plan an attack
I heard he was Satan's general
one time he murdered a teacher in class
just so they'd let him pass
he'd been expelled from so many schools
they made a rule about not letting him in
just because they were scared of retribution
he calls killing people "restitution reunions"
because he's assuming he's killed someone you know"
I heard they buried him in a steel coffin once
he broke through that shit with Ease, using his grilled teeth
I heard he doesn't breath, he inhales CO2, and exhales CO2
Everyone rues the day he was born
he was so bad, all the pastors were forewarned
he doesn't need porn, he don't beat his meat
when he's riled up he looks for someone to eat
I heard the heat of hell coming off his skin
was enough to make a man believe in God
I heard a lot and I hear a lot too
if you don't believe me, it'll happen to you
he only kept me alive cause he liked how I hype him up
but he said the moment I stopped he'd pop me
he's the only descendant of cain still left
and the way I see it, why did God give him breath?
why hasn't he left this mortal plain?
is it because we need someone to blame for pain?
this is all a game to him
nothing could make him tame
he will always remain just the same
I better get out of here before I'm a (goner)