The door to the apartment slammed open, shaking the pictures on the walls and making Otabek jump as he brushed his teeth. He knew without looking that Yuri had returned from his run, and seemingly hadn’t worked off the mood that he had been in since the night before.
They had been living together for three years. There was a quiet rhythm between them that drummed through their lives and made every day a little better. Chores were completed without the need for nagging on either end, food preparation was always a joint activity, and they trained with each other in quiet support and mutual understanding. Bad days were resolved with junk food and video games, good days were celebrated with cooking elaborate meals and teasing each other straight through the process. They had traditions and schedules, fights and friendly cuddles, and basically filled the void in each other’s lives without an extreme amount of effort. Their coexistence was easy in a way that everyone had said it wouldn’t be, and both of them were a little smug about it.
Until recently.
It had started at Skate Canada where they were both assigned during the Grand Prix run. They shared a hotel room to cut the cost of travel and spent their time on and off the ice within a comfortable distance of each other. Their rhythm existed even outside of their apartment, and Otabek had felt a sense of peace because of it.
Then a reporter had asked the question that had been asked behind whispered hands for at least a year. Bold and brass, she shoved a microphone in Yuri’s face and asked how long he had been dating his best friend. Startled Yuri hadn’t answered the question, scowling at the reporter as he stormed away to the locker room.
Two days had gone by since they had returned to St. Petersburg. The plane ride home had been tortuously silent and every moment since had been offbeat and out of whack. Otabek could feel the lingering of something heavy, but couldn’t find the words to chase it away. Eying his own reflection briefly, he dropped his tooth brush back in the holder and prepared to face whatever Yuri was about to throw his way.
Yuri paced across the living room. He had run for almost two hours, but his body was as keyed up as it was when he left. The thoughts that had been in his mind, all the memories swirling together in a confusing tornado, were beginning to break his sanity. Otabek was the person he would talk to in these situations, but this time it was Otabek that was leaving him off balance.
The words that started the tornado were simple. How long have you been dating Otabek Altin? He remembered the question as if it was still being asked, and every time he replayed the moment in his mind, his heart gave a definitive squeeze. He wasn’t dating Otabek Altin, but he wanted to, and that realization knocked him completely off of his feet. Growling at his own stupidity, Yuri continued to pace, silently pulled at the end of his own ponytail as he tried to calm the anxious hum vibrating through him.
Even in angered motion, Yuri was beautiful. Otabek had always thought so, but it hadn’t been until the past year that he allowed that thought to reach the front of his mind. When he had finally met Yuri, on that faithful day in Barcelona, he knew immediately that Yuri needed a friend. He didn’t need someone to love him the way Yuuri and Victor loved each other, Yuri needed someone he could count on without any ulterior motive. So, Otabek had carefully boxed up all those feelings, putting walls around his heart so that he could fulfill the role. And he had been, without question, for more than four years. In moments like these though, when Yuri was full of raw emotion, those feelings began to leak from the overfilled confines of the hidden parts of Otabek’s heart.
“You!” Yuri yelled, pointing a finger at Otabek. He didn’t mean to sound angry, but he still hadn’t learned to control his overzealous ways of expressing affection. “Look, I need to talk to you, but…” lowering his voice from its current shout volume, Yuri sighed, “I don’t know where to start.”
Staying safely at the end of the hallway, Otabek swallowed hard before nodding. “How about telling me why you have been avoiding me since Canada?” He saw the blush wash over Yuri’s face and felt the dread land in his stomach. If Yuri told him now that he didn’t have feelings like that for him, Otabek was positive that he could make himself forget that he had always loved Yuri. He was also positive that he was completely lying to himself.
“I… uh…” Yuri’s words faltered as his anger deflated. The truth was he didn’t know why he was avoiding Otabek. Normally when a reporter said something stupid, they would spend an hour laughing it off and then move on. This time Yuri couldn’t laugh it off and for a day or two he pretended he didn’t know why. Yesterday, however, he had taken to the internet, googling himself and Otabek together out of an insane need to do something potentially self-destructive. What he had found had left him with a lot of questions.
Clearing his throat, he finally faced Otabek. “That reporter asked me how long we’ve been dating. But we’re not… you know… dating.” The carpet was more fascinating than Yuri gave it credit for, and he acknowledged this as he stared down at it to hide his own awkwardness.
Otabek didn’t say anything. The pit in his stomach felt like it was opening wider, sucking in every hopeful thought he had ever possessed. He would have never pushed Yuri into a relationship, and had long ago accepted the fact that Yuri may not ever want a relationship with him or anyone else for that matter. Even with the shift in their relationship over the past few months, physically and emotionally bringing them closer than they had ever been, Otabek had still suppressed his hope. Leaning against the wall of the hallway, watching Yuri shuffle patterns into the carpet with his toe, Otabek knew that his denial had been broken. He loved Yuri, and he was about to sacrifice his own heart because of it. “I-”
“Are you in love with me?” Yuri snapped his head up, challenge burning in his eyes. Why he couldn’t have a conversation about feelings without sounding ready for a fist fight was beyond his comprehension, and he continued to glare at Otabek, daring him to answer. “Don’t lie to me. If all these internet psychologists are full of crap and you aren’t in love with me, just tell me. Then I can stop wishing it was true and we can go back to normal.” Shocked by his own admission, Yuri clamped a hand over his mouth feeling his heartbeat thud loudly in his ears.
It took Otabek’s brain a second to catch up. “You want me…” Otabek stopped to take a shaky breath. “Do you want me to be in love with you?” He felt the threat of tears and bit the inside of his cheek to steady himself. His stomach dropped as he watched Yuri begin to shake his head, but his breath stopped when the shake became a nod. Yuri’s own eyes were filling with tears, the pink on his cheeks darkening to an embarrassed red.
Then Otabek was moving. He reached the back of the couch and vaulted over top of it, throwing himself at Yuri and dragging him into a hard hug. Unknowing which one of them was shaking, Otabek pulled back and laced his fingers around Yuri’s wrist to pull the hand away from Yuri’s face.
“Do you love me?” Yuri still had an edge to his question, brows furrowed and eyes laser focused on Otabek’s face. They had been this close before, but Yuri had never felt it the way he was now. The tornado dissipated in his mind, and all that was left was the truth. He loved his best friend. He loved Otabek Altin.
“Damnit, Yuri,” Otabek reached up to touch Yuri’s cheek, wiping away a falling tear with his thumb. “I love you. Best friend and more.” Realizing he was the one who was shaking, Otabek took a steadying breath trying to calm himself down from the rush of the moment.
“I love you too,” Yuri almost laughed as the pressure released in his chest. Placing a hand on Otabek’s hip, Yuri lifted his own hand to caress Otabek’s cheek. “Are you going to kiss me or not?” Yuri lifted an eyebrow, presenting the question with a hint of mocking.
Relief swept over Otabek as he studied Yuri’s lop-sided smile. Teasingly, he shook his head. Otabek laughed as Yuri growled, grabbing Yuri’s face with both of his hands and guiding him into a kiss which was filled with all of Otabek’s renewed hope for the future.
