Hi everyone!! I went to my doctors appointment yesterday! I got to see my son and he’s so perfect, I can already see he has my nose! I got to see his tiny feet and his hands and he was moving so much! The sonographer tried to get a picture of his face but he was playing peekaboo which was so funny, but his little face is absolutely perfect, everything about him is perfect.
Unfortunately I have to go for an emergency ultrasound on Tuesday because they believe that they saw that I’m already dilating, and it’s far too early for that to be happening. I hope and pray that they just saw things wrong, and if by some awful chance it is happening, then hopefully they can fix it and stop it and I can carry him to term and deliver the very happy, bouncy baby that I saw in my ultrasound.
I’m terrified and it seems like every time one problem stops I’m faced with another and I don’t want to lose my son. I’m trying not to get upset or worked up about it because I don’t want him to be upset and I know he can feel it.
If you pray or believe in anything, please pray for my son and me, if you don’t pray or if you don’t believe in anything, please just have hope or something that my son is going to be okay.
Thank you for reading and I love you all!!!
Below the cut is a picture of my Abel, the newest member of our little internet family!! 💕💕
Soooooo… My last post from November, if everyone remembers, I have the tendency to make very quick, very rash decisions, so me and pookie boy are back together and yes, we’re engaged again. (I went off on his ass first and foremost though, he didn’t have it easy coming back).
As of right now, everything with Pookie Boy is actually amazing!
I’m pregnant! 6 weeks on Monday! I’ve never been happier in my entire life! Not sure if it was noticeable by the constant Dad!Idol fics or the random throw-ins of reader! Getting pregnant in almost every fic, but, it’s always been a dream of mine to be a mom and it’s finally happening!
Work on the other hand absolutely fucking SUCKS! I’ve never been more stressed in a job in my entire life, and at this point, I feel that my safety in the workplace is at an all time low. I’ve never dealt with people who actually get angry with me for being pregnant and having morning sickness. I’ve never dealt with people telling me that I shouldn’t be feeling sick or tired right now because I’m so early in my pregnancy (and sadly it’s women telling me this). A quick google search would show them that the early stages of pregnancy are by far the hardest because my hormones are absolutely fucked and my body is literally going through so much right now to support my pregnancy.
I went to higher management, and the only thing that did was make things worse and now I’m full on panicking which isn’t good for me or the pregnancy right now.
I’m trying to find another job which is really hard, trying to get into a place that has healthcare benefits, but I have to stay in this shit job until I do find another place.
It sucks that I should be the happiest I’ve ever been right now, but instead I’m insanely stressed about my fucking job.
There’s way more that’s happening, but just writing about it gets me so worked up and thinking about it makes me want to cry.
Anywho, that’s my little update! I hope everyone has been well and staying healthy and safe and happy. I love you all!!
I know it’s been FOREVER since I posted last, and no, I swear I haven’t forgotten my page and I haven’t forgotten SKZ (I still love k-pop and it’s my mission to get my boyfriend to love at least ONE song)
Life has been crazy hectic and stressful lately. I got a new car (now I have double car payments on top of my credit cards), my job cut overtime (which I was kind if dependent on to pay said bills), and now they’re coming after our break times which means I don’t have time to eat or nap during any of my breaks (which makes for a very grumpy, irritable Nana)
On the flip side; life has also been very nice outside of work. Me and boyfriend (POOKIE!!) are 3 months strong, and this relationship is so SO SOOOO much better than the one I was in around this time last year. I feel safe, I feel loved, I have a voice and I can use it without worrying that he’ll go crazy. We went to a haunted house with my sisters, we carved pumpkins with his brother, his sister in law and his niece, his mom loves me and took me to bingo (I fucking LOVE bingo) on a night that he was working. We have our very first vacation together this weekend (ONLY 2 MORE DAYS IM SO EXCITED)!!
Am I writing a self indulgent Sunghoon fic series??? Yes. Will I post it? Idk probably. Is it relatable? I hope not for anyone else! Will it be good? Idk probably not, but I’ve been thinking of this plot for 3 days straight. Should I post it??? Or at least post the first chapter?
My Scoone crossed the rainbow bridge today. We didn’t just lose any old cat, we lost our best friend, our little buddy, our gaming partner, our comfort kitty when we were crying, our movie watching pal, our end of bed stealer at bed time. We lost our blue eyed little guy. It’s hard, but we find happiness in knowing that we got to love him and be loved by him for 14 amazing years, and today we had to be his voice to make the hardest choice to let him go. He isn’t in pain anymore, he isn’t suffering anymore, he doesn’t have to hide or be scared anymore. He is at peace, and I’m hoping that wherever he is, that our old pal Cuppycake came running to greet him and welcome him so he isn’t alone. I hope he knows that he’s loved so much and that our love for him crosses over to wherever he is that he can still feel it.
HELLO EVERYONE!!! UPDATE ON THE PREGNANCY BELOW THE CUT, ITS LONG!
It’s been a while, a bitch been going through some shit and so has my little guy, but we’re totally okay now!! Abel is strong!! I had seizures every time I would eat for like 2 weeks straight, which is actually quite traumatic and scary and terrifying. It sucks to be pregnant and always hungry and also scared to eat. Oof. (No doctor knows what caused it, and even though it has stopped for the time being, no one is sure whether it’ll start again, and if it does they want me to see a neurologist to get a brain scan while it’s happening. Absolutely nuts.)
BUT!! My Abel and I are troopers! We are chugging right along. I am now 17 weeks, almost 18, and in 2 more weeks I get my last ultrasound, I’ll see him on the screen and the next time I’ll see him is when I have him!!
My bump is bumping, I’m starting to feel him move which is absolutely amazing. He loves when I eat and when I’m driving and I sing k-pop songs to him. (He’s gonna be an actual baby Stay, I can feel it… literally.)
Yesterday was the first time I actually felt him through my belly, which was a big oh my gosh moment. I scared the hell out of my mom (whoopsies) because I gasped so loud she thought something was wrong. Nope, he just poked my hand which was so so so just awesome. Totally awesome. I can’t wait for him to get bigger so I can feel that more often.
Since he’s going to be born some time in September (the calendar says the 15th but we shall see), he gets to partake (and by partake I just mean looking adorable and wearing cute little clothes because he’ll only be 0-3 months) in Halloween, Turkey Day (the milk is going to be delicious, iykwim) and Christmas (the milk is going to be even tastier, iykwim).
I’ve been looking at little outfits for those moments and since I love including everyone that is still here, I’m gonna post some of the outfits just to see what everyone thinks. And also when I get my ultrasound done, I’ll post a picture of it on here as well (obviously not including my name and my doctors office) but, just so everyone can see the newest addition to the family (because you all are still my family and I love you all so much!)
Halloween
Turkey Day
Christmas
Can’t buy them yet though because I don’t know if he’s gonna be a plump baby or if he’s gonna be tiny. But I can’t wait!!!
So to start off, I have this hormonal problem where my body for some reason gets boils everywhere and anywhere from the neck down. Now, for those of you who have the same issue or have gone through the same thing, I’m praying for you. For those who don’t know, it hurts… so bad.
The past week I’ve been suffering with a boil right at the edge of my ribcage and underneath my boob(my boobs are rather large, which doesn’t make things any better). The first half of the week, it was bearable, it was sore, but not too bad.
Fast forward to today, and it has swollen on the top to the size of a dollar coin, and underneath the skin, it’s swollen to the size of a ping pong ball, and the bruising has expanded the size of a tennis ball. It HURTS. My boobs are constantly rubbing against it, and at this point, the top layer if skin has literally been chaffed off from the constant friction of both my boobs and my bra when I have to wear one.
If I was at my old job, I would have called out, but alas, I just started a new job, I’m on 90 day probation, so I’m scared to call out. So I go in. I am in TEARS as I leave my house, but I don’t want to lose my job, so I pull aside my crew leader (love her so much, she’s amazing) at the start of the night and ask her if I can be on light work. She agreed.
Fast forward an hour into the shift, my back hurts from trying to stand a certain way to relieve some pressure, but I am in so much pain that once I go out on break, I full on cry like a baby in my car. Like, hyperventilating, sobbing, blubbering, I’m a mess. I call my mom, I’m crying to her, don’t know how she understands a thing I’m saying, but she tells me to do what I think I have to do to not be in pain.
SO
I go in, not even finishing my break, I find my crew leader, still crying btw, and I ask if I can talk to her in the office. She agrees, and I get to the office, and I tell her that it’s really bad, I can’t take it.
Now, the cool thing about my job is that we have a medical office and first responders literally ON SITE, they just be working there as normal people until there’s a medical emergency.
So she calls the first responders and the two sweetest, loveliest ladies come up to the office, and they’re trying to calm me down first. It doesn’t work but A+ for maximum effort.
They’re contemplating whether to send me home or not because it is my 90 days (and in their defense, a lot of people bullshit being hurt to try to go home early). So they ask to see it, and lemme tell you, the audible gasps that left all 3 women’s mouths, that shit had me feeling like I was about to die on the spot. (Turns out they were just genuinely shocked and concerned that I came into work, and this was when I still had a bandaid on over it.)
So they take me down to the medical office, and they carefully take the bandaid off, and again, the GASP when they saw the big picture. They were so apologetic even though it wasn’t even their fault, and they were trying to figure out what to do because they didn’t want to touch it or hurt me more. They ended up just putting ointment on it and then gauzing me up like I’ve been shot, but I love them all for how kind they were.
They were offering to drive me home and everything and they told me not to worry about the 90 day thing right now and to just focus on fixing my problem and going to the doctor as soon as possible to get checked because my boil is definitely infected and they don’t want me to go into septic shock.
They even walked me out to my car and made sure I was okay with driving before going back inside.
Like, this job is amazing! Not the work, all work sucks a majority of the time; but the people that I work with genuinely care. I’ve only been there a week and everyone greets me with a smile and they just all care about one another.
I might be in severe pain and on the brink of sepsis, but the people at my job care and that makes my heart feel good. I have to go to the doctors tomorrow though, so not excited for that at all. :(
Anybody who walks past my car at night when I’m writing probably thinks that some poor person is about to receive the most strongly worded text message…
But nah, I’m just writing Seungmin fic. I’m already at 1.2k words ☺️☺️
