Vertically composed postcard from the Teal-23 Actuality, a splinter reality in which Martian Van Buren (pictured above) strategically murdered Abraham Lincoln’s mother Nancy in her infancy, thereby preventing the Illinois Rail Splitter from ever existing.
Leveraging Lincoln’s unused karma, Van Buren went on to become the 16th president himself, in a strategy known as the Skunk River Redundancy (coincidentally, the name of an under appreciated 1972 Robert Ludlum spy thriller).
FUN FACT: Serving as vice president under Van Buren was none other than Chestburster A. Arthur, the highly despised Rigelian heart worm and RINO Republican - this being a subsidiary reality in which RINO stood for Regulated & Inventoried Necrotic Organism.













