Bruno & Leone are in love. Whether they are in a secret (or possibly even open?) relationship or whether they're just oblivious idiots with a crush, they are very much in love and everyone knows.
Giorno is literally anything but straight.
Same with Mista.
Narancia is giving me high enby or trans girl in denial vibes, but ultimately, I can't say. I just know I very much vibe with Narancia, would invite him to queer kid hangouts for sure.
I don't fucking know about Fugo, could be straight for all I know, but what I do know is that if you insult an LGBTQ person he'll be standing right behind you, fork in hand.
La Squadra are all gay, bi or pan. Risotto is a trans man.
(As always, these are simply based off of vibes, my horrible gaydar, and my crippling need for representation thanks.)
Thank you @hoetaro-kujo for entering my little writing raffle! Hopefully you like this!!!
Summary: You and Mista enter a prank war against Fugo and Narancia.
CW: Nicholas Cage
“Babe?” Mista called from the other room. You shifted in your seat. Your head was still dangling off the edge of the couch as you bookmarked the page of your latest mystery thriller, eventually sitting up.
The world spun a bit as he blood rushed out of your head before you replied. “Yes?” You were a bit hesitant. You weren’t sure if this was going to be one of his sweet and sassy moods, or if he was already scheming for some fun. Either worked for you, even though you were on the shyer side, Mista and the gang made you feel comfortable to be yourself. It also helped that you loved Mista and everything he did.
As you walked to the kitchen to meet him, you tried to smooth down the wrinkles in your hoodie.
“So,” Mista threw a nut into his mouth, “remember THE INCIDENT?” By the way he said it, Mista was definitely hinting at something specific. But with him, there were too many incidents to count.
“When No. 5 got scared and tried to crawl up your-“ Mista cut you off quickly.
“GOD NO!” While that event had been traumatizing, for both of you, it was not the incident he was referring to. Given how he nervously bit his lip, it would seem the incident he was talking about rattled him more emotionally…
“Ya know…” he managed to spit out. He made a few incomprehensible hand gestures and continued, “the one with Narancia and Fugo?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, hinting that you should definitely remember what had happened with them… Simultaneously refusing to give you any more details.
“Oh come on Mista stop being so cheeky and just tell me!” You were getting a little frustrated at this game of his.
But he just batted his eyes at you from across the kitchen, “I thought you liked my butt cheeks…”
“Oh shut up!” you were a little flustered so it took a moment to carefully choose your next guess. “Was it when we walked in on Fugo and Narancia kissing?” You offered.
“Noooo! How many times do I have to tell you, they weren’t kissing! They were just trying to bandage the cuts from where they had stabbed each other! At most it was a brotherly hug.” He was getting frustrated now. Apparently the incident he was talking about was too difficult to physically talk about.
“Ohhhh was it when they, ya know, wrote,” Mista’s eyes bulged terrified that you would say the cursed word, “a certain scary number, all over your clothes?” Mista was shaking from the memory.
It had been a terrifying day for him. He nearly pulled his hair out because he couldn’t find a single article of clothing without a number 4 written all over it in black ink. You had never seen him so stressed, clothes were being thrown all over his room, and lights broke, but his high pitched screams pierced all other noises.
“Yes yes that one!!” Mista was flailing his arms around, so excited that you had guessed correct.
“So now that I’ve won your little game of charades, will you tell me why we’re playing?” You couldn’t help but tease him back. The boy was so outrageous your sarcasm just dripped when he was around.
“Well,” ah there was that glint in his eye. He was already incredibly handsome, but when he was feeling mischievous his eyes were almost radiant. He puffed out his chest a bit and he folded his arms with a certain swagger.
“I have found a way to get revenge.”
“Oh really?” You leaned over the kitchen island looking at him. “And what might that be?” Sure it was probably a little immature to scheme against your teammates, who hopefully weren't eavesdropping from their rooms down the hall. But a little prank war was necessary for morale, no matter how many times Buccellati and Abbacchio insisted it wasn't.
Mista’s face lit up in a maniacal grin, “I’m going to convince Narancia that some fake facts are true!” He was so excited he was practically vibrating.
“Remember how angry Fugo was when Narancia told him the earth was flat? It's like two birds with one stone! Tricking Narancia and pissing off Fugo!” Mista was very proud of his plan. He was practically patting himself on his back.
“I think the next one will be that vaccines don't work! Or that birds are government surveillance drones!” Mista kept prattling on about nonsense conspiracy theories, that Narancia would be very easily convinced were true.
Of course you were very proud of him, and obviously that would be hilarious to watch. But you remembered how terrified he was by their last prank… He needed to do something even worse back to them. Funny for you two to watch of course, but also just a little scarring for the boys.
“That would be hilarious, but maybe you want to do something a little more permanent? Like really screw with their heads and stuff?” Mista scrunched up his eyebrows and looked at you in confusion.
“Just because their last joke was a little… cruel? I think we should be a little edgier with our retaliation strike.” You were a little worried he would think you were taking it a step too far, but after a few more seconds of pondering, his face lit up again.
“Lets do it!” You met his grin with a warm smile. This was going to be a very exciting day.
“So. What do you have in mind?” Mista asked, but the gears were already spinning in your mind.
“Who does Fugo hate most in the world?”
“Always himself, sometimes Narancia…” He stopped to think for a little, “Oh and always Nicholas Cage.”
“Brilliant! Now, what is Narancia’s favorite food?” This was the real clincher. Yes, Narancia was baby, but he was also a baby who carried a switch blade and was super excited to use it.
“Uhhh maybe strawberry cake? Oranges? Chocolates? Really I don't think he would turn down anything sweet.”
“Perfect.” It was all coming together.
~~~~~~~
“I don't think i ever need to see Nicholas Cage’s face again.” Mista complained as he slid down the closed door of Fugo’s room.
“Too bad you’re looking at him right now,” you snickered as you held up a print of him in front of your face. You were pretty proud of your handiwork. There was not an inch of Fugo’s room that was not covered in Nicholas Cage’s face. Mista had even wrapped his pencils and books with the wrapping paper you had custom printed. You were down about 50 Euros, but it was a small price to pay when you saw Fugo’s reaction to this masterpiece.
The clock struck 12 and you heard the ridge door open in the kitchen. Aaaaand here he was. Right on time.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” His scream was muffled by the door, but evidently he had seen Nicholas Cage’s face duct taped on his sandwich too. You quickly pulled Mista into Fugo’s closet so you could have prime seats of the impending meltdown.
Fugo’s footsteps were heavy as he pounded his way down to his room. You had to cover Mista’s mouth to keep him from snickering and giving away your position. Then there it was, the fateful turn of the doorknob.
You peered through a crack in the door and saw a look of pure terror spread across Fugo’s face as he saw even his bed covered in Nicholas Cage’s face. He took a shaky breath and tore back the comforter to see that Nicholas Cage was IN his bed too. His breath was coming in fast bursts as he spun around the room. He spun again. And then again, before releasing an unearthly howl.
“MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Mista couldn't contain his laughter anymore and cackled his ass off as he sprinted out of the closet and down the hall before Fugo could catch him.
~~~~~~~
“Are you ready for this responsibility Number Five?” Mista held the little Sex Pistol up to his face. The poor little guy was crying tears of joy, he was never chosen for anything and now he was given one of the greatest responsibilities: to help Mista prank Narancia.
Number Five gave a small mumble of affirmation and an enthusiastic nod of his head. All amidst happy tears. Mista gave him a piece of salami before cutting a little hole in the orange for Number Five to hide in. He carefully stuck the skin back over Number Five’s little hole, and placed the bait on the kitchen counter.
You sat at the table watching and waiting for everything to go down. Sure, you were the mastermind of this operation but you weren't foolish enough to get caught. You had to preserve your spot as everyone’s friend in the gang.
“Oi Narancia!” Mista called the boy playing video games in the other room.
“Yeah?”
“I just got some oranges, do you want one?” Mista was awful at hiding his plan. He was snickering so badly he had to cover his face with his hand. But those big brown eyes always gave his mischief away.
Luckily Narancia was too preoccupied with the thought of food to notice. He promptly paused his game, and strolled into the kitchen. You knew he would pull out the biggest and juiciest orange so you just waited.
He started to peel it, then paused when he heard a small whimper coming from the orange.
“Ow!” A brief look of confusion passed over Narancia’s face. He must have figured it wasn't real.
“It hurts!” There it was that little voice again. Narancia’s eyes shot open in confusion. He held the orange farther away from his body as he turned to Mista.
“Oranges don't have feelings, right?” Narancia was hesitant in asking his question.
“Well,” Mista paused trying to sell his character, “I did see this documentary that said plants can feel pain. Especially trees when they’re being cut down.” Narancia just stared at the little orange cupped in his hands.
“Please don't peel my skin! It hurts!!” This time Narancia was sure he heard a voice. While scared that his food was talking, it was pretty damn cool that he had made a scientific discovery. Narancia was so expressive, all of his thoughts played out on his face like a little show.
He sprinted away, hopefully to find Fugo.
Once he was gone, Mista keeled over you in a fit of laughter.
“Ya know babe,” Mista pulled you against him in a tight hug, “that was pretty brilliant.” He placed a gentle kiss on your lips and held you tight. At least until the other boys figured it out.
Hello I love your writing and you can ignore this if you want but can I please get Bucci gang comforting a sad reader??🥺 I haven’t been doing too well recently so I just need some love. Thank you so much!!!💗💗
A/N:I hope you're feeling better and if not I hope this helps.
Bruno-
He can read people like a Disney book, so he will know right away your feeling down. He will stop his work immediately to ask what’s wrong. He will tentatively listen to you as you tell him why you're sad. The night will then be all yours. Whatever you want he will get and expect a surprise date the next day too and not just any date an all day date.
Giorno-
He just knows. Will find you and ask what’s wrong. Will be by your side the remainder of the day. Will do everything he can to make you feel special. So prepare to be pampered. In house spa day by him and just flowers everywhere. He’s got the face masks and a bath with a bath bomb and scented candles ready and lit for you to enjoy.
Abbachio-
Not the best at cheering people up but he doesn’t like to see you not smile. He will get the reason why you're sad out of you and will listen very carefully. Will ask you to put on shoes and a light jacket. Won’t tell you where you’re going. But he will take you on a nice evening stroll to allow you to clear your head. He does that when he’s sad so he figured it would help you.
Mista-
You Are sad! No not acceptable to him. He’s not exactly sure what to do other than hug you. He’s very much a physical affection kind of person so expect cuddles. Probably make you your favorite dish for dinner. Or just ask you if you want to go get ice cream down the street.
Fugo-
He’s a man of episodes so he will now as soon as he sees you that you're feeling down. This man will desperately do what he can to make you happy. He will listen and give you excellent advice. Then proceeds to give you one of his hoodies and have a relaxing evening eating sweets and watching your favorite tv series or movies.
Narancia-
Despite being the most energetic he will calm down to ask what’s wrong. He will listen and once you're done he’s gonna disappear for a few hours. Afte those hours he’ll come and get you and show you he made a blanket fort with popcorn and your favorite movie. If you're still sad he will make you smile but either a pillow fight or tickle fight.
Trish-
She will sense something is off and once you tell her your sad prepare yourself for a pamper day. Going shopping and eating out for lunch and dinner. Buying sweets and makeup. She would probably pamper you as well like giorno with a bonus of painting your nails.
