This is my crack swap fic for @justatraveller for the @narutocrackswap
I chose the Common Ships, Crack Prompt with ItaNaru for the pairing. The prompt was: Oh, you are a hot fireman but you had to rescue me from a ladder while Im wearing a pink tutu, and my siblings are making fun of me
Summary: How his apartment went ablaze would forever be a debatable topic of conversation.
I do hope you enjoy this fic! I had tried both Naruto and Sasuke and Itachi and Naruto and latter worked out better for the prompt. I also have some strange Modern AU crack headcanons for Uchihas and how they deal with one another and tried to incorporate some of that into this fic.
How his apartment went ablaze would forever be a debatable topic of conversation. One could blame his father for insisting all Uchihas have a hefty supply of steel wool, nine volt batteries, matches, and lighters to keep with the long family tradition of knowing how to ignite a fire regardless if one needed to or not. Uchihas of the past could light fires by breathing alone, his father often said when called out on his pyromaniac tendencies.
Deidara had been lurking around his apartment the past few days too. Itachi had seen the tell-tale signs of clay, confetti, bits of granite, and the distinct smell of napalm since last Wednesday. So far there were no signs that an actual bomb had been built and given that the apartment only burning and not exploding there was good reason to doubt his friend (and sometimes foe) of being involved.
Another possible scenario: that one friend of his, who shall not be named for various reasons not limited to accidentally catching Sasuke's hair on fire last Christmas with flammable hair paint, had stopped over and left some paint out.
Or he simply could have forgotten to turn off his stove when he made tea this afternoon.
It hardly mattered by the time Itachi had realized there was a fire and had managed to get out onto the teeny little balcony and sidle a few apartments to the left of him by climbing over the rails. Itachi felt it more convenient and simpler to blame Sasuke and be done with it. It was always Sasuke's fault. That was the role a younger sibling had. And by doing so, it helped ease the humiliation of hearing Sasuke's laughter from somewhere in the crowd below. All in all, the situation could be worse. Itachi had invested in a few fire-proof safes to keep his most valuable things in. Although, it was unfortunate the he was still wearing his powder pink tutu and was probably giving everyone on the street a show, but this outfit was by far his favorite and what he wore whenever he practiced. Despite Sasuke's raucous laughter at least this would come out unscathed.
The color complimented his skin perfectly and offset his black nail polish (the fact that seeing his eldest son in a powder pink tutu was known to set his father into a life crisis, spent questioning every life choice he had ever made was an additional bonus).
And it was definitely Sasuke's fault because, it wasn't enough that Itachi Uchiha, child prodigy, winner of three ballet awards, stellar student, and all around badass had to shimmy out of his apartment window in a sad attempt to reach the fire escape, but the little shit had the nerve to find it amusing.
Itachi paused and looked ahead of him. He had one more rail to climb over. He easily threw one leg over and then another with a certain amount of grace and speed rarely seen in someone desperately trying to escape an apartment fire. It was as if all his years spent practicing ballet had prepared him for this moment.
If he kept going, he could make it out of this mess with little to no damage. Or that had been his plan. He paused when he the fire escape. Now that he had a closer look, he could tell the fire escape had never been properly repaired. Instead, a thin, sketchy looking ladder hung down, stopping short of about ten feet from the ground. It would have to do. Fires spread quickly, and he didn't have the time to think of another option. Going back the way he came would be an awful mistake, but to make sure, he spared his apartment one last glance before watching as the window blew out.
“Hey, Itachi, I can see your ass from here! Seriously? Green underwear underneath pink? Wait until I send a pic to mother,” a pause followed by more laughter, “and everyone in my contact list!”
His eyes slid down at Sasuke's smug face, and Itachi smirked. He could handle their mother. She had long grown used to his eccentric behavior. In fact, she'd most likely laugh it off and then show their father the picture. Maybe something good would come out of this fire after all. Still, a slight was a slight. Sasuke had better laugh it up now while he had the chance. A quick, simple phone call made to 'his friend' would forever wipe that self-satisfied grin off of Sasuke's mouth.
Itachi situation himself to face away from the crowd as best he could and started down the ladder. It wasn't often when he found himself in a situation where he had the disadvantage to Sasuke, and it was definitely a situation worth rectifying at a later date. But all things considered, he was rather relieved his little brother was safely on the ground while his apartment was ablaze. Aside from the rather awkward and disheartening conversation he would mostly likely have with his mother, if anyone or anything was going to take Sasuke down, it was going to be him and him alone. And fire be damned, he would scale down the building if he had to, to make sure he lived long enough to enact his revenge.
“I'm going to tell father how many people are gathered around and to prepare the papers in the will!” Sasuke called up to him again.
This time Itachi did glare down at his brother, turning his head and body harder than he intended. Father seemed to always be looking for some reason to cut his 'creative eldest child' out of the will. Flashing everyone within in a ten-mile radius might actually work this time. When he got down to the bottom, if he managed to not break any bones on that last jump he'd probably have to take, he was going to immediately destroy Sasuke's phone. Number one rule of engagement: destroy all evidence and deny it ever happened. Second rule: follow up with a solid plan to make both his parents' phones (and everyone is Sasuke's contacts) mysteriously disappear.
Grunting, he took a step down only to hear a loud tearing sound.
Itachi stopped pulling and glanced downwards. His outfit was caught on a thick nail sticking out of one of the ladder rungs and worst of all, it had a rip right in the middle of his thigh. This situation couldn't get more irritating. A tear in the seam could easily be fixed, but the outfit was ruined now. He pulled away, deciding that a bigger hole wouldn't make much difference only to have the nail rip upwards until it got caught on the thick material covering his waist. After a few more tugs and getting nowhere, Itachi took his right hand off the ladder only to have it sway and creak. Another awful sound and a shudder made him grab back on and hold still.
He took a moment, even though he knew he didn't really have extra time to dwaddle and inhaled a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Vaguely, in the distance, he could hear fire engines zipping down the street. Finally. He might get out of this without any broken bones. Then Sasuke could gloat over his humiliation before Itachi strangled him. If they managed to make it to him on time because the idea of flinging himself off the ladder in order to get free was starting to appeal to him.
A fireman down below barked a few orders, and one jumped on the ladder of the fire truck and began riding up until the ladder stopped about a foot away from Itachi's. The man grabbed a hold of the bottom rung, testing the soundness of the shabby ladder Itachi was on, before he began to climb up, stopping once he was a couple rungs down. He lifted his mask, “Hang in tight, okay!” and then finished up the last couple rungs.
His breath caught in his throat once the man was only a mere foot away. It took him a few seconds to catch onto the fact that he was gawking. Despite the man's dirt-smudged face, his sparkling smile and gorgeous blue eyes almost prompted Itachi to let go of the rung. He could only watch as the man climbed up next to him and quickly ripped the fabric from the nail, freeing him. Okay, Itachi immediately clarified that thought to: The hottest firefighter, in a strange orange suit and super human strength. He craned his head to the left. Were those yellow flames across the coat?
Something in the back of his mind poked and prodded at the familiarity of the man in front of him, but the idea of being carried down was enough to push those thoughts away.
Prying his eyes away, Itachi sighed and resigned himself to the rather unfortunate fate of being carried like a small child from the fourth story, while wearing his skimpy dance gear, by what he could only describe as the hottest angel he had ever laid eyes on.
All because he got caught on the damned ladder.
“C'mon. Let's get you outta here.” The firefighter managed to maneuver himself so that Itachi had half a view of his back. “It'll be easier for you if I carry you down piggy back.”
That wouldn't do at all. Not only would everyone below get a closer and fuller view of his ass, but Itachi did not want to give Sasuke the satisfaction of having more ammunition. “No.” His reasons were his own. He didn't need to explain himself.
Hot Fireman sighed and shook his head. “Always so stubborn. Fine, have it your way.”
Itachi wasn't sure what Mr. Too Hot for His Own Good meant by that, and before he could ask, strong arms held him tight and lifted him up. He compensated for the movement by wrapping his arms and legs around the broad shoulders and waist in front of him. This was better. As Itachi clung onto the fireman, he had to believe that. It felt like being cocooned and held by a warm, golden god. And each step down felt incredibly satisfying. He tried looking to his right and left. Up and down, anywhere but right in front of him. It would be rude to stare too much, especially since staring only made his brain think of highly inappropriate matters.
The fact that his nether regions were more solid than they should be could be ignored or at the very least blamed on the friction between them. Then the hot fireman chuckled.
“Is that a pack of lifesavers in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” Hot and Sexy (his official name now as far as Itachi was concerned) said, much to Itachi's horror.
His eyes widened. Itachi could feel them actually grow and stay that way for a mortifying ten seconds before he managed to snort indignantly. “Lifesavers? Is that the best description you can come up with?” Well, that certainly hadn't been what he intended to say. But still the words had come out and now he had no choice but to go with it. “A roll of lifesavers hardly describes the bulge in my pants,” he finished with a dignified turn of his head.
“Have you ever seen the really big kind?” Hot and Sexy asked with a shit-eating grin on his face.
Itachi would give the man the benefit of the doubt and assume this was his way of trying to put others at ease. “... yes, but that's not the point. I—”
“Then roll with that, alright.” The grin faded and those pretty blue eyes looked serious. “We're almost to my ladder and I don't want you moving around too much, alright?”
Itachi let out a frustrated grunt. It made sense to stay still and let this man do his job, but that had nothing to do with him talking as far as he was concerned. “I can easily not move and—” Then Hot and Sexy slipped and came down hard on his knee. Itachi saw the wince of pain, though Hot and Sexy's arms were still securely wrapped around him, somehow keeping him from hitting against the rungs. He immediately retracted his thought. Okay, maybe he needed to keep his mouth shut.
“Don't you dare fall, you asshole. Mom'll never forgive me if you go splat all over the sidewalk, and dad will somehow use it as an excuse to cut me from the will!”
He opened his mouth to say something to Sasuke when Hot and Sexy stopped and looked down before yelling,
“Sasuke, don't be a fucking dick! You're distracting us!” Hot and Sexy growled down at Sasuke.
Sasuke? How in the hell did this guy know his brother? The earlier comment came to mind as well. Itachi squirmed, feeling his tutu pull tight against his groin, only compounding his problem. That voice had sounded familiar.
And that yell... the loud orange outfit, the flames those pretty blue eyes...
Then it clicked, instantly like a little door in his mind opened up and flooded his brain with memories of a small blond-haired kid running around the playground with Sasuke. The same kid coming over after school for snacks and occasionally pulling on Itachi's hair to get his attention. Sasuke had had a best friend in grade school that had moved out of the country in fourth grade. His brother had used Skype and Facebook to keep in touch, but Itachi had not thought about or seen Naruto in years. But Itachi remembered now how fond he had been of him.
Itachi sharply looked up at the firefighter, not even able to call him by the dubbed name anymore. To do so somehow seemed... sleazy. This was awkward and bit embarrassing. “Naruto?” he quietly asked.
Naruto only gave Itachi a confused look before something must have rattled in his head. “You didn't recognize me, did you?”
“I—” He hadn't recognized Naruto. And how could he have? The last time Itachi had seen Naruto, he was ten-years-old, missing a couple bottom baby teeth, and was barely taller than four feet. Puberty had been very kind to this man. Had there been more than six years difference, he might have been inclined to feel a little dirty about his reaction to being carried by Naruto.
Itachi stayed quiet as they descended the ladder, trying to think of a way to wipe that disappointed look off Naruto's face. Nothing came to mind outside of addressing the elephant in the room so to speak. He cleared his throat and looked away. “We can pretend the lifesaver conversation never happened or forget that this is somehow turning me on.” The cat was out of the bag, and there would no denying the bulge in his pants anyway. The only recourse Itachi had at this point was to play this off as his bad and hope Naruto accepted the apology.
Naruto's frowned. He grew thoughtful for a moment before a grin broke out across his face, soon followed by a slightly devious chuckle. Gently Naruto moved them from the rickety crappy ladder to the nice stable big one. Then he stopped. Itachi wasn't sure why they had stopped moving, but it didn't matter. Not when clear blue eyes stared back at him followed by a wink and a grin.
“Are you fucking kidding me? No deal.” Naruto whistled and took step after step own the ladder, seemingly fueled by whatever it was his brain had latched onto. They were moving much faster now. Too fast almost. “There's no way I can forget this. Sorry but not sorry.” Then Naruto lifted Itachi down onto the fire truck. “Don't worry, though, I won't say a word of this to Sasuke,” he said with another wink and a nudge to Itachi's crotch. “But I am going to take you out to dinner. Thursday night at six work for you? I'll pick you up ten till, alright?”
Somehow that was only mildly comforting, though he appreciated the sentiment. Normally, he'd consider that a plus for him, but using Naruto to get back at Sasuke felt wrong. Itachi felt a blanket wrap around him, and before he knew it, EMT workers swarmed around him, taking his vitals and giving him some oxygen. His eyes blinked quickly while his brain try to catch up. How did this escalate to dinner and to him somehow agreeing without saying a word. Well, he could say no.
Or he could leave it be and think on it more. Itachi would have plenty of time today. He'd need to go to the hospital and get checked out, no doubt. He already knew that and everything else seemed fine for now. Sparing Naruto another glance, Itachi watched as he leaned over the fire truck and talked to Sasuke. Only bits and pieces of their conversation could be heard over all the others talking. But he was fairly certain he heard Naruto tell Sasuke about taking him out on a date.
Sasuke scowled, before some bickering ensued, followed by a somewhat crabby, “Fine, do whatever you want, idiot. And thanks for not letting him fall and break his back,” before storming off to glower.
That brought a smile to Itachi's face. He had managed to make it out alive, and it seemed like it wouldn't take long for everything to return to normal. After he enacted both of his rules of engagement of course.
Naruto's arm wrapped around his and lifted him up to stand. After a couple shaky steps, Itachi managed to right himself. He stepped down and let himself be led from the fire truck and towards the waiting ambulance, his thoughts cycling back to this coming Thursday and the warm arm intertwined with his. For once he felt grateful for the extra assistance, a nice distraction from all the people gawking at him as they walked by. His eyes moved up at Naruto's, noting how odd it was to look up slightly instead of down. The sassy, knowing smile he received in return made him look away, and his face felt suspiciously warm.
I went with the common ship Itachi/Naruto, and the prompt Character B's new neighbour is strange, although the man's strange fascination with noodles is bizarrely attractive.
This prompt just jumped at me immediately, so I had to go with it. XD Had a lot of fun writing it, hope it's in some way what you imagined. ;)
(Posted on AO3 as well)
Itachi was browsing the various variants of rice lining the supermarket shelves in front of him, not sure which one he should buy, when he heard an excited yelp next to him. Curiosity got the better of him, and he peered to the side to see what the commotion was all about.
A man, a couple of years younger than him by the look of it, was standing in front of the shelf next to the rice, eyes big and sparkling blue as he reached for one of the cups of instant noodles. Itachi felt his eyebrow draw up in surprise as the man with the bright blond hair and the big grin pulled the cup out and pressed it to his chest, looking immensely pleased with his find.
"Beautiful, beautiful ramen," the man muttered to himself as he cradled the cup.
Itachi wasn't sure if he should laugh, or maybe call for someone, because he didn't think normal people got this invested in cup ramen. Was there any institutions nearby the blond could've escaped from?
The man seemed to notice Itachi looking at him, because the next moment he was turning towards him, that big grin now aimed directly at Itachi. Itachi stopped breathing for a moment. That smile was literally breath-taking. He didn't think he'd ever seen someone smile at him with this unabashed joy on their face, and he was pretty sure that smile could save lives, or maybe even create world peace.
"I can't believe they stock Mamee Chef! The Curry Laksa Flavour has won The Ramen Rater's Top Ten Instant Noodle Cups Of All Time list two years in a row, but I've never found it in a store before!"
It took Itachi a moment to realise that not only was the blond man talking to him, about ramen no less, but what he was saying was supposedly meant to make sense.
The man seemed to see Itachi's silence as his cue to keep talking. "I've wanted to try all the top ten ones, but most of them are from other countries, so I haven't been able to find them yet, but there are so many different kinds here, I love this store! Look! They have Mama too, and that's a Thai brand. This is so great; I need to get one of each."
Somewhere along his tirade the blond man seemingly forgot about Itachi as he turned back to the ramen, pushing a substantial amount of them into his cart before he vanished down the aisle, leaving Itachi completely baffled.
He shook his head and kept shopping, only realising when he got home that he had completely forgotten about the rice he was supposed to buy. He made noodle soup for dinner instead.
***
Summer was going on full force, and the next day found Itachi escaping to his balcony in hope that he might catch a hint of a breeze to cool him down. His AC unit had apparently died while he was at work, and no one would be able to come in and fix it until tomorrow, so his living room was currently a death trap.
He'd grabbed a book, and was sitting in one of the reclining deck chairs his mother had insisted he needed to have, reading, as he noticed the sound.
He ignored it at first. He lived in the city, there was bound to be all kinds of weird noises around.
Then it got louder. He couldn't quite place it, it sounded like… slurping?
He looked up from his book, peering over the edge of the railing to the neighbouring balcony. He'd never had much trouble with his neighbours before, but the girl living next door had just moved out, and he hadn't met the new tenant yet, so he had no idea just who'd ended up living there.
The first thing he saw was golden blond hair sparkling in the sun. He pushed the sunglasses perched on top of his head back over his eyes to shield them.
There was a guy sitting on the balcony right next to his, and the noise was definitely coming from him. What the hell was the guy up to?
Itachi shifted enough in his seat so he could see more than just the top of a blond head, and was surprised to note that he recognised the man sitting there, and maybe that sound made perfect sense now.
The guy from the supermarket was sitting with one of the ramen cups from yesterday (or at least Itachi guessed it was), slurping down broth and noodles, loudly.
Normally Itachi would find the sound more than annoying, but somehow he wasn't too bothered by it as he watched lips purse around the strands of noodle, plump and pink and shiny with broth.
It was kind of fascinating how the guy's eyes closed in apparent joy every time he pulled more noodles into his mouth. He looked like a kid at Christmas, and it was rather endearing.
Itachi forgot about his book as he watched the man finish his meal. He had no idea just what was so fascinating, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. If it was the fact that the ramen seemed to make the man so utterly happy, or how his tongue would sometimes poke out to catch a drop of broth from a plump bottom lip, Itachi didn't know, but he was captivated.
With a final slurp the blond tipped the cup back and gulped down the rest of the broth, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand as he finished. The cup was placed on the railing where it balanced precariously next to the blond as he leaned over the edge, peering down at the street several stories down. His blond hair was a golden halo in the sunlight, framing tan skin. He was gorgeous, and Itachi was reminded just how painfully single he was.
Itachi was trying to convince himself that maybe it was time to look another way, because this was bordering on creepy, but before he could do so his neighbour turned, and blue eyes locked on him. Itachi tried to act cool, hoping the sunglasses were dark enough that the other wouldn't know that he was staring.
"Hey! You're that guy from the supermarket!" the man exclaimed, forgoing his place hanging over the railing to head towards the side facing Itachi's balcony. In the process he elbowed the empty cup, and it fell over the edge, lost to the streets where it'd probably end up rotting away in a gutter. The man didn't even notice as he stretched a strong arm over the railing. Itachi recognised the gesture, and pushed up from his chair, leaning over as well, so their hands met in the middle of the space between their balconies.
"I'm Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki!" the man said with a grin as they shook hands. Naruto's hand was soft and warm, and Itachi didn't really want to let go.
"Itachi Uchiha," he replied, pushing his sunglasses back on top of his head, wincing when they caught in his long hair. He'd probably have to detangle them out later, but that would make him look supremely idiotic, so he just left them for now.
"I just moved in a couple of days ago!" Naruto added, pulling a hand through his messy hair as he draped himself over the railing.
Somehow the next forty-five minutes passed in a blur as Itachi talked to Naruto. Apparently he'd moved here from out of state because of work, so he didn't know the city at all. Itachi had given him some tips to where he should go, and Naruto had given him the same grin he had given his ramen yesterday. Itachi blamed the sun for the heat that rose in his cheeks, but he also knew he was lying to himself.
Naruto was loud, both in voice and in persona. He talked with big arm gestures, and willingly chattered away about himself and his interests, but he also made the effort to learn to know Itachi, listening intently when Itachi talked, and asking questions to know more. Naruto was the sort of person that seemed to draw people in, and Itachi was no exception to that.
He was wondering how long they'd end up talking if his phone hadn't interrupted them. Naruto excused himself and vanished inside as Itachi grabbed the offending piece of electronics from his pocket, and the only reason he didn't snap into it was because it was his brother calling. Sasuke should call himself lucky Itachi liked his baby brother so much.
***
The heat wave finally let go a week later, and even if Itachi's AC unit had been repaired days ago he had found himself spending more time out on the balcony than he had ever since he moved into the apartment two years ago. He didn't often catch Naruto, they both worked, and sometimes he'd couldn't dodge being taken out by Kisame or Deidara, but he ended up talking to Naruto a few more times, and found them all just as entertaining as the first. Naruto wasn't like anyone he had ever met before, and it was kind of refreshing.
Today the rain had drawn in from heavy grey clouds, so hanging out on the balcony wasn't really feasible. Instead he was working on some paperwork he'd brought home from work, at least until a gut wrenching scream made the walls shake. It came from the side of the apartment that bordered on Naruto's, and Itachi didn't hesitate at all as he tore open his front door and rushed to Naruto's. He feared that Naruto had accidentally killed himself or something, because that scream had been loud, even through the walls. Itachi hesitated for a split second, but then he tore open the door, forgoing knocking. If Naruto had hurt himself he wouldn't be able to answer the door anyways.
Luckily it was unlocked, so Itachi rushed inside, through the living room, looking for Naruto, picturing him lying in a pool of his own blood, or worse.
He found him standing in the kitchen, not a drop of blood on him. Nor did he look like he was actually hurt, but he did look to be in utter shock, staring down at the floor, hands held lamely in front of him as if holding something that was no longer there, a pair of chopsticks hanging precariously from the nook between thumb and index finger.
Itachi looked down, and saw the source of Naruto's scream. A porcelain bowl lay on the floor, shattered, its remains flooding around Naruto's feet. He saw a pile of noodles lying in a pool of broth, some pieces of meat, and half of a hardboiled egg. Apparently Naruto's dinner.
Naruto looked up, seemingly only now realising Itachi was in the room at all.
"It was my last pack of noodles," he said, big eyes growing shiny as they started tearing up and then he looked down to the floor again. "It hasn't all touched the floor though, I could just…" he mused with a shaky voice, the chopsticks twitching as if he was preparing to stoop to the floor and eat what he could.
Itachi stopped him before he got that far. He couldn't stand to see Naruto so heartbroken, and even though he should probably think it was weird for someone to be this attached to ramen, it just made Naruto appear even more endearing in his eyes.
"I may have some noodles," he said, hoping he hadn't finished the last of them earlier.
Naruto's face split in a huge grin, and he looked so happy at the thought that he was getting ramen that Itachi's chest tightened a little, and he knew he shouldn't react this much to a smile, but he was starting to realise that Naruto had an effect on him he hadn't really experienced before. He had seriously misjudged Naruto when he first met him in the supermarket. His love of ramen wasn't weird; it was just… how Naruto was about anything. He didn't like things, he loved them. And ramen just happened to be one of those things he loved most of all. Itachi came from a family of stoic personalities, he wasn't used to people expressing their love of anything as freely as Naruto did, and it was a breath of fresh air that Itachi thoroughly appreciated.
Naruto followed after him back into his apartment, chopsticks still in his hand. For once he wasn't talking, just looking around himself curiously.
A sigh of relief left Itachi's lips when he saw the two packs of noodles lying on the top shelf of the cupboard, and he quickly pulled them out and gave them to Naruto. Tan hands wrapped protectively around them as he pressed them close to his chest, much like he had in the supermarket. His eyes were still shiny with tears, and now his bottom lip was quivering. He clenched his eyes shut as if he was just overcome by feelings, and then whispered a soft, "I love you."
Itachi was pretty sure it was directed at the noodles, but a small part of him kind of wished it was directed at him instead.
"Can I really have them?" Naruto asked, looking at Itachi as if he had just saved his life.
Considering Itachi hadn't spent even two dollars on the two packets, it wasn't a big sacrifice for him, but it seemed like Naruto deemed this the most valuable present he had ever gotten, still cradling them close.
When Itachi nodded in confirmation Naruto whooped loudly and rushed back to his apartment, presumably to make a new dinner.
I need to stock up on noodles, Itachi thought to himself.
***
It became apparent to Itachi that he liked Naruto. Most people would probably find this surprising, since they were so different, Naruto loud where Itachi was quiet, Itachi contemplative and Naruto not thinking things through at all, but Itachi like how Naruto made him feel, and he never had cared much what other people thought anyways.
Whenever they met in the hallway they ended up talking for a while, and when the sun was out they met over the railing of their balconies, continuing their talks there. Naruto told him about the trips around the world he had done, all the people he'd met and the places he'd seen, and Itachi offered up stories of his own life, however less exciting they were. Naruto didn't seem to mind, he listened to Itachi, seemingly interested in anything he had to say.
Naruto was easy-going, and always seemed happy, and somehow it was rubbing off on Itachi, and he found himself actually smiling when he was in Naruto's company. He liked Naruto's quirks (he was still amazed how anyone could be this in love with ramen), and he liked his smile, and he liked the way Naruto's eyes lit up when he saw Itachi come out on the balcony, always rushing to hang over the railing, eager to chat.
Since he'd liked Naruto, the only logical step would be to ask him out. He was old enough and secure enough in himself that he wasn't going to go around wondering if and maybe. He had no idea if Naruto was gay or straight or something in-between, but if it turned out that Naruto was indeed straight and not interested in anything beyond a friendship, Itachi didn't think it would affect too much between them, Naruto wasn't the type to let something like that stop him from being friendly with someone.
Naruto's face had lit up in one of his trademark grins when Itachi asked him the next time he saw him, and when Itachi added that he wanted to bring him to a new Japanese restaurant that had just opened up, and that they indeed served ramen, he thought Naruto was going to crawl over the railing and throw himself into his arms.
He didn't, and Itachi was not going to admit to himself that he was slightly disappointed, but he had a date with Naruto planned for the following night, so that disappointment quickly vanished.
***
Back from their date the next night they were standing in the hallway outside of Naruto's apartment. Naruto lifted a hand to his door jamb, but then hesitated, looking up at Itachi, biting down on his bottom lip as if he wanted to say something. Itachi was captivated by those lips, wondering if they still tasted like ramen. Throughout their date he kept finding his gaze drawn there, and he completely blamed Naruto for making noodles seem like the food of gods. He made small moans of happiness when he ate, and his lips was shiny with broth, and Itachi kept finding himself wanting to lean in and lick off that sheen, even though he had a perfectly good bowl of ramen himself.
Itachi had started to find a whole new appreciation for noodles, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to look at them without imagining Naruto with his eyes closed in joy, devouring several bowls, seemingly never tiring.
He took a step closer, a hand lifting to cup Naruto's chin lightly. Naruto's gaze dropped to his lips for a moment, then back up, leaning just a little bit closer, giving Itachi a silent invitation he was more than ready to RSVP yes to.
Itachi leaned in and kissed Naruto. His lips were just as soft as he had expected. He had not been prepared for how warm Naruto would be though, the warmth seeping right into Itachi's fingers where they curved around his jaw, making it exceedingly hard to pull away. He wanted to keep kissing Naruto but he was very aware of the fact that they were standing right in the middle of the hallway. A part of him wanted to invite Naruto back to his apartment to continue, but another part told him that this was only the first date, and he should probably not move too fast.
Reluctantly he pulled back.
"I had a great time, Naruto," he said, and meant it. He found that going on a date with Naruto was much like talking to him at any other point. Naruto laughed a lot, and he smiled a lot, and it made Itachi feel perfectly at ease. He didn't often relax this much around other people, but there was just something about Naruto which made him feeling completely comfortable.
Itachi sighed as he took off his shoes and placed them next to the door, walking barefoot through the apartment to the couch, sinking down on it, head tipping back. His tongue dipped out to trace along his bottom lip, picking up traces of broth still lingering there. He didn't know if it was his own, or Naruto's, but he knew that never before had the taste of ramen made his groin tighten like this before. Broth should not turn him on like it apparently did now.
He had it bad, this much was clear. Sasuke would probably laugh himself silly if he realised his big brother was hopelessly infatuated by a loud blond with an affinity for ramen. Itachi was pretty sure Sasuke would've hated Naruto if he was in Itachi's place. Sasuke never had much patience for loud people. Naruto would probably find a way to turn him over to his side eventually though. Naruto just seemed like he'd have that effect on people.
Itachi peered towards the side of his apartment that was bordering on Naruto's, wishing there wasn't a wall between them at all. That kiss from earlier didn't feel like it was nearly enough, and even though Itachi figured he should take his time he was starting to think that doing so was overrated.
***
When the doorbell suddenly rang Itachi was quick to get to his feet. It was too late for sudden visitors, and a part of him hoped that—
He pulled open the door and saw Naruto standing there, rolling on the balls of his feet, giving him a lopsided grin. In his hand he clutched a pack of chicken flavoured noodles, which he promptly thrust towards Itachi's chest. Itachi grabbed it, glancing down at it, wondering why Naruto found the need to bring him noodles when they'd just gotten home from eating ramen.
"Uhm, I figured, since you gave me your noodles the other day, I should return them?" Naruto said, hand rubbing the back of his head, gaze flickering away from Itachi as he fidgeted. Itachi saw a tint of red in Naruto's cheeks. It wasn't that hard to read him right now. Or rather, it was extremely easy to read him, and Itachi found that a very charming quality.
"Naruto, do you want to come inside?" he asked, unable to hold back the small smile tugging at his lips when Naruto nodded eagerly and followed him inside the apartment.
The door closed behind them, and for a moment they just looked at each other. Then two things happened simultaneously. The pack of noodles fell to the ground, and Naruto leapt at Itachi, pulling him into a kiss that was as far from the chaste kiss in the hallway earlier.
Naruto tasted richly of ramen, and Itachi knew that the taste of it would forever remind him of Naruto, and he found that he didn't mind that one bit as they made their way to his bedroom.
This was written for the lovely @shherie for the @narutocrackswap !! I chose, not one, not two, but freaking 5 prompts you’ve sent. Because they really have made me really inspired. So, the first 2 are coming today, the other 3 may take a bit of time, but 2 of them are already on the middle of the writing ;) (victorian england for sns, date night for itanaru and geisha au! for sns)
This one is a crack pairing (I’ll let you read on and find out which one (; hehehe) and normal prompt: arranged marriage.
You can read it on Ao3.
I hope you enjoy it, I sure as hell had the time of my life writing it =D
For as long as Naruto could remember he had been in a marriage contract with one of his parent’s friend son. He did not know the boy, nor the friend for that matter, what he looked like, what he was like and why he, a boy himself, had to marry him when he had perfectly good sister(s) that could be marrying the guy. He didn’t even believe in marriage to begin with!
Sure, Karin was a fierce lover of the stronger sex (Karin’s, Kushina’s, Sasuke’s and Kurama’s words, he believes in them) and she was in a very steady relationship with Sasuke, his best friends, and they loved each other very much. Not to mention Karin discovered she was a lesbian very little, taking her out of the deal. And Kurama was… with a shudder, he let go of that thought. He would never wish anyone the misfortune of marrying his oldest sister. He loved her to death, but no one should have to bear that burden.
“Stop thinking why it has to be you, idiot,” Sasuke said while swatting him on the back of his head and then proceeded to try and fix his hair. His mother had given up long ago, as had Karin and grandma Mito. “You know you weren’t supposed to be the one marrying, you just ended up in it because your older sister would kill Obito if they had to be the ones to marry.”
Groaning in pain - Sasuke had a strong hand - and holding himself back from using his hand to massage the tender spot, for he surely would mess up his hair if he did that, he answered the girl. “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just… I don’t even know Shisui. And you, and your ass of a brother or the bastard Obito, nobody, really, has ever even shown me a photo of him.
“He’s much like aniki and Obito, look wise. I would say… Itachi’s beauty, with Obito’s wild hair. And really… Let go… Whatever Obito did to you, you should’ve had already get past it.
“No way! He destroyed Konoha, S’uke! And he used Kyuu to do it! The bastard deserves no forgiveness.” He crossed his arms, which caused Sasuke to get pissed and hit him on the arm, she was trying to deal with his untameable hair. “And stop pulling so much! I don’t want to get bald!” after his shout Sasuke did ease up a bit on the brush. “So, he’s handsome like Itachi but has curly hair like Obito’s? Okay… I’m liking the picture already… Still, why don’t I know him?”
“He stayed with uncle Kagami after the divorce and Obito with auntie Raika. And there’s the thing about the war between Obito and Kurama going on since they were 14 as well. Uncle Kagami and Kushina and Minato could never put them within 10 feet of each other without expecting at least murder, or so Itachi tells me…”
“Still, you could have at least shown me a pic.”
“You’ll see him in a couple of hours.” Sasuke rolled her eyes, dimming his hair ready. “There. That’s the best I can do. Don’t do any sharp movements and your hair should stay properly in place.”
“Is his hair done already, Sasuke?” Kushina asked as she put her head inside the room, looking at them. “Oh, look at my baby boy. He looks so pretty! Great job, Sasuke!”
“It was a hard battle, but I’ve triumphed in the end,” Sasuke said with a serious expression, her arms crossed in front of her.
“Karin! Kurama! Get in here and come see how adorable Naruto looks!” his mother shouted down the corridor.
“Mo-om! I’m not adorable. I’m handsomely rugged!”
“Yeah, whatever you say, sweetie.
“Mooom!”
“Where’s the brat?” he could hear Kurama saying as she approached his bedroom. “Well, dind’t you clean up good?” she smiled as she looked at him with pride, but a sour look took her features. “Why is he getting married to the little fucker’s little brother again?”
“Because mom and dad had agreed with Kagami and Raika that their children would one day marry and Kagami’s father was an asshole – “Language!” – who wrote it down and had it registered it would happen or neither of his grandsons would inherit shit.”
“Karin, Kurama! Language. Honestly, one would think I never taught you any manners,” Kushina said, displeased with her children’s behaviour. It didn’t matter they were all grown up and had their own houses, for her they would always be kids. “But yeah… It is basically it, and the money they are to inherit is no joking matter.”
“So you are selling me?! You bunch of money crazed ladies, how can you do this to poor me!” Naruto sniffled, making a big show of it.
Rolling her eyes, Karin went to stand behind Sasuke, kissing her girlfriend lovingly. “Please, you’re the one getting the money, or part of it.”
“Shisui said since he had to go through it, he might as well give a part of his inheritance to you, you ungrateful idiot,” Sasuke said as she embraced the arms that were holding her.
“Well, it’s not my fault, no one explained me anything!” Naruto narrowed his eyes, pouting.
“We were letting you concentrate on your training. The Olympics are this year and you want to break Phelp’s record, don’t you?” Kurama was the one to answer as she sat down on his old bed, being mindful of her hairdo.
“Yeah, I do. So why are we rushing this again?”
“Because the damn document stated a deadline for wedding to take place and it was by February, 2016, sweetie.” Kushina huffed and looked at her only son with tenderness. “Plus, if this doesn’t work, you two can always get a divorce. Just go, marry him and see if you two like each other.”
“It can’t be as bad as all your other relationships, at least you have that,” Sasuke said with a very amused snort.
“They were not that bad!”
“Please, Naruto. You have a type, and it is not a very good one to you to boot.” It was Kurama’s turn to snort.
“Do not.”
“Yeah, you do. Tall, dark, handsome and brooding.” Karin deadpanned.
“Gaara had red hair! And Kimimaro had white hair.”
“Please, they all were tall, ok, maybe not Gaara, but they all were brooding bastards. Very handsome, sure. But all were the dark, angsty type,” Sasuke stated and began enumerating them. “First there was big brother. And how you were annoying back then. Then we have Neji. Gaara, Kimimaro. You had a damn crush on Kakashi, for Christ’s sake! And let’s not forget about Sai. They are all the traumatized but handsome type that always fuck you up – “Language!” – because you are far too emotional and emotionally invested on them! For once you’re gonna be on a relationship where the guy only has the looks of it.” The three other women in the room nodded sagely to Sasuke’s speech as Naruto’s displeased expression deepened. “Shisui is a sweetheart, he’s emotional and good at expressing his emotions. Really. There’s no losing for you here.”
Naruto sighed and thought about what they were saying. Sasuke did have a point and, if things didn’t work out, he could always file for a divorce as his mom pointed out. Not to mention he would barely be with Shisui for the most part of the year, what with him training like crazy for the games.
“Fine, fine. I’ll shut up about it,” he finally gave in and stood up from the chair. “Just help me get in my groom garb, please.”
“So you are using the traditional Japanese garb, huh?” Kurama asked as her mom, sister and practically other sister went about getting the montsui, the hakama and the haori.
“Yeah, grandpa said he would love to see one of his grandchildren wear his wedding attire,” Karin said with a smile.
“Your grandpa?” Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow. And went to check on her phone that had just buzzed.
“Dad is far more romantic than mom ever was. And more traditionalist as well. I’m surprised he didn’t say anything about the whole ordeal,” Kushina said as she cautiously helped Naruto out of his shirt without messing the hair. “Hmm. Done. Now get out of your pants, boy.”
Groaning, Naruto acquiesced. Karin was just about to help him in the formal black kimono when Sasuke told her to stop. Puzzled, Naruto and Karin turned to look at him quizzically.
“Itachi asked to send a pic of his back to Shisui.”
“What the hell, S’uke!”
“Language!”
“Sorry, mom.” A poignant look was sent his best friend way.
“What? Everybody has a fetish, and his happens to be strong looking backs! You should be glad, really, that he’s not a creep of a fangirl. And proceed with the Kimono, I already sent the picture.”
“Geez, Sasuke, Sakura is not a creep.” Naruto defended his other friend, the one who went slightly ballistic whenever Sasuke was around. It really was only Sasuke. Otherwise she was really sweet.
Snickering, Karin helped her brother into the garb, properly tying it and standing back to appreciate her job. With a nod she cleared the way for her mother to help Naruto with the Hakama. Really, how hopeless he could be?
“Right.” Sasuke disdained. How she could do that without even moving a muscle on her face he couldn’t understand.
“She just go fangirl crazy around you. And around you only. Otherwise she’s a very good friend.”
“As long as she stay the hell away from me, and Karin, I won’t have any problem tonight.” She sighed. “Don’t really know why you invited her to begin with.”
“If I’m getting married, then all my friends have to be there! And she, like everyone else that is not family will only go to the party, so relax!”
“It’s funny how you went from denying the wedding to going for it 100%,” Kurama stated with a smirk as she left the room.
Naruto refused to answer since she wasn’t even there anymore and started to look at himself at the full length mirror his mom had brought to his room earlier that day. He was looking really nice, in his own opinion. And Sasuke had done a great job with his hair, he had to admit. And the kimono fell pretty nicely on his broad shoulders. All in all he really liked what he was seeing.
“Stop looking so smug, brat,” Kurama said as she returned, dressed in a beautiful green dress that complimented her red hair pretty well, and holding her high heels on one hand.
“If I’m looking this good I’m totally allowed to me as smug as I want. And it’s my wedding, so you can’t annoy me. You insufferable b–” a look from Kushina, who was helping him with the haori, made him change his insult ”–git.” He then looked at his sister and his best friend. “Aren’t you too going to change as well?”
“Yeah, just waiting for mom to finish helping you so I can have a look at you,” Karin answered with a smile. “Oh, don’t you look adorable in traditional garb!”
“I’m not adorable! I’m handsome! Or rugged, not adorable!”.
“Honestly, moron, you should’ve gave up already. None of us will ever find you anything but adorable.” Sasuke smirked - smirked! - as she nodded as if she was mentally complimenting herself for such a job well done in getting him to look nice. Naruto groaned at the look she sent him. Of course they had developed telepathy over the years and she was now dominating his thoughts! He narrowed his eyes and started calling her names in his mind, to which she in turn narrowed her eyes and sent promises of suffering and pain in return.
Completely oblivious to the little battle of wills going on with her two youngest children, since Sasuke was already a daughter to her, Kushina stepped back to bask in the sight that was her only boy, all dressed up and ready to get married. She would not cry. Leave the tears to Minato. “You do look very handsome, Naru.” She smiled softly as she embraced him tenderly. “My little boy, all grown up and ready to marry.”
“Mo-om!” Naruto half-heartedly complained as he hugged her back. “Plus, it’s not like we won’t still be living in the same city and he’s moving into my apartment. So no need for tears, okay?”
“Who’s crying, uh?” she said as she very discreetly cleaned the corner of her eye. “Not me surely.” She smiled again, cradling his head in her hands. “You just go and be very happy, do you hear?”
“Yeah, I’ll do my best,” he reassured her with one of his blinding smiles. Just then Minato put his head through the door and smiled at his family.
“Wow, look at you, looking all dashing.”
“Hey dad! Everything’s ready?” Karin asked as she pulled Sasuke along with her to go and dress themselves, pausing just to kiss her father on the cheek and to get his answer.
“Yes. The priest was just being a bit stubborn, really. But everything is ready by the temple. We should leave soon, to avoid any trouble.” He turned to Kushina. “Let’s go get ready, dear.”
“Yeah.” With a last squeeze, she let go of Naruto and left with her husband, leaving Naruto and Kurama alone.
The boy, man really, remained where he was, looking at himself on the mirror. All the nervousness he had felt that morning was now returning full force since he had nothing else to distract himself with.
“Kit.” He heard Kurama calling him by the nickname she only used for him and when they were alone. He always were her favorite sibling and they always had a deeper connection. “C’mere.”
He turned around and went to sit by her side on his old bed. Sighing, he turned to look at her.
“If Shisui ever does anything to hurt you, you come to me and I’ll make him pay, ‘k?”
“Thanks, Kyuu. I’ll let you know, ‘k?
“You do that.” “Sighing she hugged him with one arm. “Why did it have to be that fucker’s brother, huh? If he turns out to be just like Obito, I’m gonna kill him.”
“Speaking of the devil… Would you care to help me on a little revenge plan?”
“After all this time?”
“Always.”
It hadn’t taken them much longer to get ready. Sasuke and Karin also chose to wear something more western, but Kushina and Minato had both chosen an attire close to their origins.
In no time the Uzumaki’s, along with the rest of the families on both sides, were at the Shinto temple waiting room down at the neighborhood Vila Clementino. The only Shinto temple on Brazil was there, after all, so it made sense for the religious ceremony to happen there. And a JP would be there as well to celebrate the civilian marriage. Then and only then would they go to the party venue and party away to celebrate.
But for now, Naruto was concentrating hard on taming down his nervousness. He had already seen Sasuke’s parents as well as his brother and grandfather arriving. And Obito, Kakashi and Rin. Obito, the damn bastard had already married a few years ago with his high school sweetheart, Rin Nohara. And Kakashi, somehow. He still wasn’t sure on how that happened, but Sasuke was looking into it.
Still, the other groom was yet to arrive alongside his father and grandfather, the one responsible for this, really. He knew Raika, Shisui’s mother, had died a couple of years back.
The butterflies in Naruto’s stomach just wouldn’t calm down and he was feeling as if he was ready to race in an important competition, as if he was narrowing down to that important moment just before the shot sounded and he had to dive in the pool and give his all to get there on first place. But honestly, it was just a wedding, he shouldn’t be that nervous. Taking deep breaths, he finally calmed down enough to feel all right again. His family was there, as was his best friend in the whole world, so things would be fine. He just hoped Sasuke hadn’t forgotten the rings.
Again, their strange mental connection proved to be efficient as his best friend smiled calmly and tapped her purse as if to show the rings were there and safe. Kushina and Kagami had agreed that Naruto could be the one to choose the rings since he was not getting to decide anything else. So one day he went to the mall close to his place (could he actually call that gigantic thing called JK Iguatemi a simple mall?), browsed the jewelry stores and found a simple but beautiful pair of rings that he thought would go really well.
Just then a trio entered the place and he finally saw for the first time his groom-to-be.
He felt like he had been sucker punched. Never in his life had he seen such a beautiful human being. And the smile. It surely could light a room with its intensity. Sasuke had been right, Shisui was a looker. Just the right combination of the genes in his family. And he was tall and handsome. But the smile scared away any possibility of dark and broody.
“Naruto, moron, close your mouth, you are close to drooling,” his not very nice best friend whispered as she elbowed him hard on his ribs. How had she gotten there so quickly? “It’s not good for your image if you are drooling like an idiot.”
“Sasuke, you asshole, just because you are my manager and my coach does not give you the right to hit me like that,” he angrily whispered-retorted. “And easy up on the hitting. I want to be able to swim without contorting in pain. And why should I care about my image in here?”
“First, you are a known and upcoming swimmer, paparazzi are bound to find out about your marriage,” she began listing discreetly. “Secondly, you don’t want to look like a fool in front of your husband, do you? We didn’t show a photo of you to him either. So you have to look good.”
“ Oh ,” he said, blinking slowly. “Thanks for that, S’uke,” and smiled his small and beautiful smile. She smiled back and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly, as if saying anytime.
Just then the priest came over and began explaining the ceremony for about 30 minutes. Shisui and Naruto, now sitting side by side, exchanged an awkward hello with shy smiles and then paid attention to the proceedings.
They, along with the families, were led by the shrine maidens to the shrine itself, where all attendees took their place for the purification rite to begin, and all in attendance standing up and bowing to symbolically purify the couple.
The ceremony was quite a beautiful affair that had their parents, and grandparents, with tears in their eyes (with especial notability for Minato crying like a baby). The shinto priest made the announcement of their marriage to the altar just before the ritual of drinking the sake three times, from three different cups, for the bridal couple. Then they read the wedding vows, since both were grooms, in a large voice. It was a simple text given by the temple but of a great beauty. After that was finished they proceed to perform the Tamagushi Hoten – or the presenting of the Sakaki branch, that was a ritual representing the safe ending of the ceremony – being given a branch of the Sakaki tree by the shrine maidens and both of them bowed twice and clapped twice.
Finally they exchanged the rings, that Sasuke, the sneaky bastard, had put in his haori internal pocket earlier. Despite not knowing each other, they both smiled throughout the whole thing taking everything good-heartedly, especially because both Kagami and Minato were bawling their eyes out in a heartfelt cry, for their babies were finally (‘oh no! My baby’) marrying. Before the sake for celebrating their union could be drank, the J.P. brought them the papers they had to sign to complete their wedding, she also said some beautiful words about love (heh!) and how they were now united and a family. Naruto and Shisui had to held back a laugh at that, though, since it was practically like their first date and if the J.P. knew it was an omiai she certainly wouldn’t be as happily talking as she was.
Much to the happiness of Naruto’s paternal grandparents, the celebrating sake was served and they cheered the new couple a happy life. The new couple did trade some amused looks though, their families were acting as if they even knew each and had chosen to get married after a lengthy relationship. Oh well, better go with the flow, they both thought.
After a few more congratulations and pats on the back, they were ushered into a sleek black car in order to proceed to the party venue, where all of their friends were waiting.
“So, hello,” Shisui said with a warm smile and offering his hand. “I’m Shisui.”
Chuckling a bit, Naruto his hand and shook it. “I’m Naruto. Nice to meet ya.”
“There’s something fundamentally wrong in only really exchanging names after your own wedding.”
“Yeah… but what is conventional in any of this, really?” the blond smiled crookedly, turning his body to give all his attention to his newly husband. ‘Now ain’t that strange, calling him that.’ Shisui’s answering smile was doing something funny to his stomach, of that he was sure.
They exchanged a bit of small talk as the car took them to the venue, both smiling slightly as the car moved. When they were arriving, Naruto finally confessed.
“I know I shouldn’t say this, manners and all, but I’m so glad you’re nothing like your brother,” Naruto said.
Shisui laughed, but eyed him quizzically. “You mean Obito? What’s wrong with him?”
Sagely nodding, Naruto crossed his arms, looking very seriously. “That is a long standing history going. It would take too long to explain and we are almost there, so I could tell you about it in the party?
“Ok. I’ll wait.” He smiled a smile that completely enraptured Naruto.
The car finally arrived and they both got out, entering the venue and started greeting the guests and friends that were already there, waiting for them. The line was long and there was much teasing and banter and a good portion of awkwardness, but all in all everybody was smiling and some were even treating the whole thing as a joke.
Soon it was time to take the official pictures with the families, just the parents, just the siblings and the best man/woman and even some with friends. Kurama made sure to put Obito on the edge, so she could afterwards cut him out of those photos, but Rin managed to somehow put him right in the middle for some of the pictures.
It took a while but after they were done with the official photos Kushina and Kagami pushed the boys to cut the cake – grandma Mito was demanding her cake, even if it was only going to be served after the dinner – and Naruto was even able to pull a little prank on Sasuke involving the icing, which almost got him castrated then and there.
Finally it was time for the first valse, Mikoto, Karin and Kushina demanded that it happened, since it was the first wedding in the family for their generation. They began dancing to the sound of a beautiful valse, smiling contentedly all the while. It was time, at last, to get to know each other.
“I must admit, I’m really curious about this hatred towards Obito.” Shisui said as they twirled around the dance floor for the valse. “I love my brother and I know he can be an asshole sometimes, but still… And I do want to be able to keep a good relationship with him now that I’m back in Brazil.”
Nodding very seriously and arranging his grip on Shisui’s hand, Naruto said, “Well, he destroyed Konoha and he used Kyuubi to do it.”
“Konoha?” A brow raised in questioning as a quick smile formed. “And Kyuubi?”
“That’s how I call Kurama sometimes… When I was little and I broke my ankle, she would get out of her way to entertain me. So one day Karin and I made about nine ponytails on her hair. And grandpa had just told us the story about how the Kyuubi no Kitsune had defeated Orochimaru, so I began calling her that. Karin didn’t like it very much so she never bothers, but up ‘till today I still call Kurama either Kyuubi or just Kyuu.”
“Ah, I see. That’s sweet. I normally call Obito Tobi, though. But I think because he was being very mentally challenged and Tobi seemed to fit.” The blond snickered to that new information. “But you still haven’t told me about Konoha.”
“My beautiful Konoha.” Naruto’s eyes sparkled as he spoke, a far away look on his face. “I was seven when I wanted to be an architect. So my grandpa and Madara would come over ours and they helped me build this little model… ok not little, but a model still of a village. I had had a dream about it and I may have been influenced by the manga Ashura, the one that was a ninja, with flashy jutsus and the village hidden in the forest, and his awesome but broody rival Indra–”
“No way you also read it! Man, I loved that manga, that is… up ‘til the point where the author ruined the end in the name of ships. No closure whatsoever.”
“Shut up! You also read it! This is so absolutely awesome and finally I can talk about it without being told I’m childish!”
“Sasuke was an ass with you as Itachi used to nag me about it?” Shisui pouted. And if that was not the cutest thing Naruto had seen, he did not know what it was.
“Sasuke is an ass and always will be, but! Please tell me you hated Ashura with that fan service side character who I refuse to name!”
“Please, the homo in Ashura and Indra was far too strong for any other pairing have any possibility of happening. Can’t believe Pishimoto sold out like that… Anyway, Konoha…”
“Yes, my darling Konoha. As I was saying Konoha was a model I was doing with Grandpa and Madara. It took us month to finish building it. We made the little streets and the buildings and Madara–”
“My granduncle Madara?”
“Yep, the one.”
“How can you like that brooding evil man?”
“I think he’s a sweetheart, if not completely misunderstood.” He snorted in indignation.
“Yeah, right…” the brunet said raising his eyebrows, not believing a word of it.
“Anyway… The three of us were very into it. Ok, I admit, I may have hindered the work more than helped, what with my awesome coordination skills that seemed to be non-existing up ‘til I was ten… But! We made trees, forests and parks and Madara even made an incredible mountain at one side of the village and I asked him to carve some faces on it, cos you know, he’s really good at it.”
“Faces?”
“Yep! Madara sculpted for me everybody’s face there. At least all the adults, so it did end up having quite a lot of people, a bit too much if you think about it actually. And there were a lot of them. No Obito though, Kyuu never let me. But somehow even Kakashi ended there. Like what the hell? He had no business being there… Anyway. At some point, before Madara got to make my dad’s face, he went on a trip.
“It did get dad very bummed though.” He continued to tell the story as they changed their hands positions, with Shisui’s resting on Naruto’s shoulders loosely and Naruto’s on Shisui’s waist. “Mom told me he was whining about his son not liking him enough to have his face on the wall and she told me ‘ Naru, daddy would like very much if you could put his face on Konoha’s wall as well. ’ And I, the very bratty child that I was, said that dad had to earn his face on the wall, which led to dad bribing me for a whole month. But I had already asked Madara to carve it.”
“So you enjoyed a whole month of being completely spoiled?”
“Absolutely! It got me in a bit of trouble afterwards, but mom did find it a very clever prank. So, it took us three around six to eight months to finish the whole thing, and just before the end we put grandma Tsunade’s face there as well cos I really wanted to annoy grandpa Jiraiya who was being, well he is, really, a big bastard. When it was finally done it took about a quarter of my room in size and Madara and grandpa Hashi would come and play with me as well as S’uke. She would bring Mr. Rowry and act like it was Godzilla and I had this little figurines I got from that from dad during the month being spoiled and we would spend whole afternoons playing.” Naruto smiled brightly as he remembered.
“That seems really cool, but where does Obito enter in all of this?”
“You know dad was Obito’s thesis supervisor or something like this, right?” After the nod confirming he went back to telling the story. “And because of that, he, Kakashi and Rin would always come over to talk with dad. However, Kurama and Obito never really liked each other, in fact, they always hated each other.”
“I do remember they fighting when I lived here, but I really don’t remember why they fought so hard.”
“I once asked Kurama why, but she would just look away and mumble… So I don’t know either… Maybe if we get them drunk enough…”
“Yeah, I thought of it, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Rin keep a tight leash on him at all times… though… He seems to be going to the bathroom quite a lot tonight…”
Laughing quite evilly, Naruto nodded, with a manic face.
“Ok… You somehow have something to do with it, right?”
“Muahahaha, yes. Yes, I do.”
“Please tell me you didn’t poison my brother. I do love him, somehow,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
“Nah, just a harmless prank. I even got Kyuu to help me with it. Ok, I’ll admit, it is a bit harsher than all the others. But it’s a special occasion!”
“And what, pray tell, is it?”
“Well, this time Kyuu put a tiny bit of laxative in his drink,” cue to snickering, “but just a bit.”
“I don’t even want to know what you did to him already… Just please continue on to the story.”
“Okay, so. One day Obito was over and he and Kurama started arguing, no idea about what, I just know they were down the corridor, and for some reason, they entered my room. Kyuu walking with her back to my village, and Obito was poking her, right in front of her. So he kept pushing and she kept backpedaling and with a last hard poke he made Kyuu lose her balance and she ended up smashing a few buildings with her foot and she finally fell on top of Konoha. Me, the poor emotional boy that I was, went completely hysterical and Kyuu, even though she was hurt, managed to untangle herself from the ruins of the village to comfort me, all the time apologizing. Obito, the ass, never once apologized for the demise of my darling Konoha. Of course my wailing caught everybody’s attention, which led to people scolding them both and Obito was, on my request, thrown out of the house.”
“So your hatred comes from that?”
“He never apologized! I normally don’t hold grudges, like Kyuu and sometimes Karin, but he didn’t apologize, not even once! And there was also the fact about grandpa Hashi and Madara falling out and I kinda blamed it on Obito… I know now it was just a coincidence it happened the same day, but I believed it was because Konoha was in shambles that they stopped talking and that Madara didn’t come over anymore.”
Laughing wholeheartedly at the explanation, Shisui stopped their dancing to catch his breath a little. “That was one hell of a story.” He chuckled some more. “Ok, If I get Tobi to apologize, can you tune down the hate a bit so he can come and visit me, us?
Naruto narrowed his eyes, contemplating. On one hand there would be no more pranks, and they were always hilarious, because Obtio never saw they coming. On the other hand, it would probably make Shisui smile and he had to admit he was already a sucker for that smile.
“Fine. But only if he apologizes to Kyuu too.”
“Ok, I can do that. Apologies to you both. Done deal.”
Naruto beamed at him and suggested that they should go and grab some drinks, he was very thirsty after so much talking.
All this exchange was done in between wild gestures and extreme expression on them both while still holding on to each other as they danced for much longer than the initial valse, much to the fun and merriment of everyone watching them. It seemed as if they were getting along just fine. Perfectly fine.
“Oh, look at them, all smiling and getting along so well! Do you think they’ll fall in love?” Kushina gushed while looking the newlyweds.
“It is a it early to tell, but they so seem to be getting along perfectly.” Mikoto said with a dreamy sigh.
“At least Shisui is not a socially constipated like Naruto’s exes.” Sasuke quipped in in between the last sips of the drink Karin had brought her, who had gone to get another.
“I take offence on that, little sister,” Itachi retorted as he sat down by the table the families were at, having heard loud and clearly Sasuke’s comment.
“What do you mean, Itachi?” Minato, who had recovered from his emotional breakdown at seeing his baby getting married, asked not quite understanding the comment.
“I, unlike all the other exes, was not and never will be socially retarded.”
“Yeah, just emotionally constipated.” Sasuke jabbed, ignoring the look of pure shock coming from both Minato and Fugaku.
“You two dated?!” They shouted at the same time.
“I think for about half a year?, Right, Miki?”
“Yeah, and Naru was 16, if I’m not mistaken, Kushi.”
“Bu-but-but you were 21, Itachi! What were you thinking!” Fugaku spoke outraged. Minato, the poor sob, couldn’t even properly think anymore, and Kushina knew all along?
“I was thinking Naruto was hot as hell and was willing. But it was very brief and awkward and ended up pretty fast, so no harm done, really.” Itachi answered nonchalantly and accepted the drink his fianceé had just brought him. “Thank you, darling.”
“Oh God,” Naruto groaned as he tried to hide behind Shisui.
“What is it?” Shisui asked, amused. “And I don’t think you can hide behind me properly when you are taller than me, Naruto.”
Groaning again, the blond rested his head on Shisui’s shoulder blades, holding on his kimono. “The guy with long white hair over there, by the food, is a ex of mine.”
“Oh?”
“Have to find Sasuke to know what’s going on,” he mumbled, eyeing suspiciously the rest of the place. Then he spotted a few someones that made him groan in despair.
Not being able to contain his smile, Shisui asked, “Now what?”
“Apparently, all of my exes decided to show up! What the hell!”
“Did you invite them?”
“Only ‘Tachi and Gaara, the rest I can guarantee it wasn’t my doing!
“I was wondering about that… Itachi never said why the two of you broke up.”
“Oh…” He bashfully scratching his neck. “Itachi was not really into getting in a relationship and I got too emotionally involved and–”
“And he has the emotion range of a spoon,” they both snickered.
“Yeah, that. And there was this once when we were making out and being all sneaky about it, we didn’t want Dad to catch us, so we had to keep changing rooms, gah, so annoying.”
“Itachi should’ve moved out a long time ago.”
“Please, auntie will only let him and Sasuke move out when they marry…”
“Speaking of moving, I went with ‘Tachi over your place to leave some boxes with my stuff over there.”
“Yeah, Karin told me about it.” He smiled a dazzling smile. “It makes sense for us to live together and try and know each other.” A softer smile took place and he inhaled greatly to continue his tale. “Anyways, so, there we were, trying to not get caught by dad when we enter the guest room.” A pause for dramatic effect. “Grandpa Hashi and Madara were totally doing it. No idea why they couldn’t do it at their own places, but still. It was shocking, and mildly disturbing and we couldn’t look at each other without thinking about it.”
Shisui burst out laughing at the imagery, doubling over and holding his stomach, not being able to hold the tears the laughing caused.
“I’m so glad my pain can be used for your entertainment.” Naruto deadpanned.
“Please, how can you tell me this and not expect me to die of laughter?” Shisui finally answered after finally calming down, still taking deep breaths to try and calm his breath, but failing miserably at times.
“Yeah yeah, you had your fun, now lets eat cos I’m starving.” Naruto grumpily said as he dragged Shisui with him to one of the food tables, where Kimimaro was not anymore, he checked. Despite his apparent displeasure, he was beaming inside due to the way they were getting along so well and had similar humor and how sweet Shisui was. His heart would beat like crazy every time they touched, or gazed at each other or when Shisui laughed.
He never was much a believer of love at first sight, crush at first sight hell yeah, but. He had this feeling that they would work out great, just had to give themselves a bit of time, not that would be easy with the Olympics coming and up and Sasuke working him like a slave, but still. He had a very good feeling about this.
“So, you’ve mentioned your exes being here?” it was stated as more of a question rather than an affirmative.
“Yep. Gaara still a good friend and ‘Tachi is ‘Tachi, can’t not invite him. But the rest… Ugh. I think Neji is here cos his my mom’s best friend son?”
“I thought the best friend was my father?”
“Ah, no. Dad’s best friend. No idea why Kimimaro is here though…” Naruto narrowed his eyes, contemplating.” Let’s ask S’uke about it!” he exclaimed, brightening up. “She’s bound to know.”
“After food?”
“After food.”
“Care to give me a piece of that? Forgot to grab it.”
“Joey doesn’t share food!” Naruto very dramatically shouted, with a pained expression on his face.
And once again Shisui burst out laughing, not caring at all with all the weirded out looks he was getting. Naruto was already addicted to his husband’s laughter.
—
not exactly TBC, but I do plan on adding some stuff to this beauty here
This was written for the lovely @shherie for the @narutocrackswap !! I chose, not one, not two, but freaking 5 prompts you’ve sent. Because they really have made me really inspired. So, the first 2 are coming today, the other 3 may take a bit of time, but 2 of them are already on the middle of the writing ;) (victorian england for sns, date night for itanaru and geisha au! for sns)
Anyways, this one in particular is for the common ship: SasuNaru/NaruSasu and the crack prompt: Sasuke as hokage.
You can read it on Ao3.
Hope you enjoy =)
“It’s your fault!” Naruto petulantly said with a pout. “If you hadn’t made me angry we wouldn’t have made this mess!
“We? No. It’s your mess and your fault! And this is my chair!” Sasuke said with a pout (no! Uchiha’s don’t pout; Nii-san said so) as well, pushing Naruto from the Hokage chair and sitting on it. “If you hadn’t started acting like a child you wouldn’t be in trouble.”
“Nu-uh! It’s our mess and it’s us who are in trouble. Daddy is gonna kill you when he sees you stained his chair! And his documents. And I’m not a child!”
“You stained it! And he made me Hokage for the day. So if I say it’s your fault, then it’s your fault! So you’ll be the one to take the blame because you were the one who spilled all the ink.”
While the two children discussed who would be in trouble with the Hokage, poor ANBU agent Neko watched in dismay as the two made an even bigger mess by fighting, spilling more ink on top of official documents and the Hokage’s precious chair (no human being should like a chair so much. What in Kami’s name had they put there to make it so coveted?), that was soon becoming a favourite for the two little demons.
“Boys, please, let’s just calm down and be reasonable.” The ANBU attempted to calm them with soothing gestures.
Sasuke and Naruto stopped their little wrestling match – who would think to use proper taijutsu when your idiotic best friend didn’t listen to you? – only to glare at the frazzled ANBU.
“I don’t need to be reasonable. I’m the Hokage!-” “For the day!” “-shh, Naruto! I’m the Hokage and you can’t give me orders!” hissed the black-haired demon while glaring the best Uchiha glare that he could (Nii-san had said it was a thing, the Uchiha glare). Which in all honesty wasn’t very effective, given the baby-face and the overall adorable look that Sasuke had going on. It was composed of the much too big for him Hokage hat and the Yondaime’s cloak that trailed after him.
Groaning in frustration and cursing to all heavens to have been conned into babysitting by the Hokage and Kakashi-sempai, Tenzo counted to ten to calm down and to be able to think of a proper way to reign in the two demons disguised as children without risking the wrath of Itachi-kohai, Mikoto-san or Kushina-sama.
“A good Hokage is always reasonable and treat their subordinates with respect!” Naruto shouted while crossing his tiny arms and glaring at his friend. “Daddy said so!” He turned his face to the other direction in an attempt to ignore Sasuke.
“Well, he made me the Hokage and not you! So your point is moot, usuratonkachi!”
“Stop using complicated words, Bakasuke!”
“Only if you stop being an idiot!”
“I’ll show you who’s the idiot, you, you… Meanie!” and he launched himself at his best friend, bumping into the table and making the ink port upturn and leak all over the documents, once again.
Fretting for his life (and his sanity!) as never before, Tenzo leaped to the table and got the ink pot to its rightful position and tried to clean as much as he could from the mess. It was so bad some of the ink even got to his pristine mask and he was forced to take it off, showing he’s pained expression to the world (to the hell with protocol, when dealing with the devil’s spawns there was no protocol!) He would deal with one problem at a time, his foremost fear being the anger resulting from the ink mess.
Once he had salvaged as much as he could, he took the ink pot away, now safely covered, and put it inside a cabinet on the office. There wasn’t much he could do for the documents, but it was time to try and save the chair, or whatever could be saved. Ignoring the rolling and fighting children, he used a mild water jutsu to try and clean the ink away. It worked, for the most part, but the fabric would forever be stained. He just hoped it would be dry by the time the Hokage (“I’m the Hokage!” “Only for today, teme!” ‘What were these children and how the hell could they read his mind?’) got back.
Taking a deep breath and steeling himself for all the trouble he knew would come his way, Tenzo turned to the two monster and in a very precise rendition of a scary movie face, with his wide and as if death had come to collect them, spoke, “Now, you two little brats listen to me!”
Naruto and Sasuke froze where they were – Naruto underneath Sasuke, trying to bite his arm off and pulling the duck-butt hair, “It’s not like a duck-butt!” “Uh-hu! It is! Shisui-nii said so!” “Nu-uh!”, and Sasuke trying to push Naruto face off his arm and pulling the blond’s mop. “Not a mop!” “That’s not normal hair!” “Yes, it is! Mama combed it this morning!”
They made the mistake of looking at Tenzo’s face. Both boys screamed in a very high pitch (Tenzo was sure they could break glass with that scream, and wouldn’t his troubles be even greater?) letting go of one another and scrambling to get as far away from the maskless ANBU as they could.
Never in their young lives had they seen such a scary face – not counting that one time a drunken Shikaku had made the mistake to call Kushina red hot Habanero and she had got so livid and scary, that the boys had had nightmares for a week. Or the time Mikoto caught Obito teaching the two of them to call Itachi a little fucker. They still couldn’t mention about that time without whimpering.
“You will behave or else!” Tenzou used his mokuton to pick each boy up, a good two feet of the ground and held them down (up) and away from each other. “Am I clear?
“Yes!” the children shouted, stiffening to try and look and behaved as possible, which was no easy feat given that they were trapped in wood.
“Good,” the ANBU said, squinting his eyes for good measure.
Just then the door opened to reveal the Yondaime and his wife returning from the meeting they were attending. With one quick look at the scene, Kushina gave a little fake smile and said sweetly, “Now, what’s going on here, Yamato?”
“It’s Tenzo, dear,” Minato quipped.
“And who is talking to you, dear?” The fake smile, now a bit bigger was directed at the Hokage, who wisely shut up and let Kushina deal with things. “Again, Yamato, what’s going on here?”
The poor man gulped and released his jutsu, very carefully putting the children down. He had forgotten to equate Uzumaki-sama into the mess. “The children were, uh, eh, being a bit rowdy.”
“And that is enough to trap them in a-”
“What happened to my chair?” The wave of killing intent that flooded the room would have brought the mightiest of Kages to their knees, whimpering.
“IT WAS HIS FAULT!” Naruto and Sasuke shouted at the same time, pointing to one another. Dealing with angry Minato was preferable any day to a livid Kushina. Meanwhile, Tenzo was stupefied at the children's behavior, had they no sense of danger whatsoever? “HE’S THE ONE WHO STARTED IT!”
“Boys.” One word. Just one word from Kushina-sama had quieted and calmed them down. ('How did she do it?') “What happened?”
Gulping, Naruto took a step closer to his mother, bowing his head and trying to look as meek as possible. “Bakasuke was being a bad Hokage and I had to show him how things have to be done.”
“If I was a bad Hokage, Yondi-sama wouldn’t have put me in charge for the day!”
“Daddy made a mistake, you are very bad at it! And unrea.. unrea…”
“Unreasonable, idiot.”
“Yes, that!. And stop calling me idiot, teme!”
With fond exasperation, Kushina kneeled in front of the children and with a sweet smile, put a hand on each of their heads. “Boys. Apologize to each other. Now.”
“Sorry,” they both mumbled.
“Good, now, how did the documents got so messy?”
“Don’t forget my chair! Look at it!”
“Geez, Minato, it’s just a bit darker, relax, will you?”
“But, my chair!” And with a look, the might Hokage went on whimpering about his chair in silence.
Tenzo, taking the chance to escape while the biggest threats were distracted, attempted to escape the office.
“Not so fast, Yamato. You still have some answering to do.” Kushina’s sweet and fake smile should be declared a fearful weapon.
Gulping and praying to all deities, Tenzo prepared for his doom.
Here’s my contribution the the @narutocrackswap. The story is for @vo-dcc and I’ve chosen the crack prompt: “Quick, help me hide this body!” for NaruSasu.
I’m not so sure if it’s crack-y enough, but I hope you’ll like it. The story is all SFW, though there is a slightly inappropriate amount of alcohol mentioned.
Summary: The things that can go wrong if you celebrate the inauguration of new jounins while someone else would rather just sleep. (Slightly altered future.)
Word count: 1′818
Startling awake, Sasuke was momentarily surprised about the lack of noise, no rustling leaves or animal sounds; instead he was faced by the darkness of a room. The only source of light was the dim glow seeping in around the curtains. It was clearly dark outside but the moonlight still managed to be unusually bright.
More snow. That was the most logic conclusion, it must have snowed while he was sleeping and the white surface of the snow was reflecting the moonlight and whatever stray light came from the houses.
Still, that has not been what woke him up. Another flash of light combined with a buzzing sound, now that was different. Why wasn’t he surprised that Naruto left his phone behind, again.
This better be important. The mission he’d just returned from that afternoon had been long and tiring and he wanted to sleep, preferably in a bed somewhere inside.
Quick, help me hide this body!
Sasuke stared. He’d finally rolled over and picked up the annoying little device that had woken him and had sat up to read the message. Admittedly that was not what he expected when he’d opened it up. It had been sent to Naruto’s phone from Konohamaru’s number, the raven wasn’t fooled. He knew exactly that the one who sent it wasn’t the third’s grandson, but the blond moron that probably left his phone behind on purpose, just so he had a means to reach him.
Taking a deep breath ready to sigh, Sasuke was out of bed before he even started to exhale.
His assumption about the weather had been right and while he was asleep Knoha had turned from lightly powdered with snow into a world of black shadows and the eerie white of thick, moonlit snow. The streets were empty by now, inns and restaurants closed. It was long past midnight on a week’s night, so most people were asleep.
Stopping on a roof in the district Sasuke had calculated he would most likely find the person he was looking for, he stilled completely and listened only to be interrupted by another buzz coming from his pocket.
Sasuke, where are you? This is an emergency!
Yeah right. He held back another sigh. If this would be a true emergency he wouldn’t have been woken up by Naruto’s phone but a whole bunch of ANBU agents.
Then he heard it, a yelp followed by a whisper that was everything but quiet. Found you.
Not far from the academy he finally sensed the two ANBU agents currently on guard duty and when he knew he was within their fields of view he dropped to the ground, giving a few quick hand signals and waited for the two presences to disappear.
---
“No, don’t touch him!”
“But…”
“We’re just making it worse.”
“How did this even happen?”
“Great ninjas we are.”
“Shut up, no one expected him to be there.”
“I don’t think he can be saved.”
“That’s why you shouldn’t touch him!”
“Let’s just wait for back up, please.”
“I don’t wanna tell the kids…”
“Care to explain what you are doing?” A deep voice spoke, carrying calm authority and the six figures of more or less grown men, clad in Konoha’s typical jounin gear minus one wearing the Hokage’s robes, all flinched, one of them even let out a squeak of surprise.
“G-ghost!”
It was the youngest looking member of the party that had stammered out the word, Naruto couldn’t blame him. Standing before their little party was a tall, lithe figure, clad in black and white ANBU gear, the visible skin was so light it blended in equally well with the colour of the snow and the ink black hair melted into the shadows around. The figure didn’t look cold, nor had he heard a sound of movement. Even now the only thing that really stood out was the expressionless face of a fox bearing blood red markings and the scarf around its neck the same colour of red.
“Shh!” The shushing hiss most likely turned out to be louder than the voice before and Naruto lunged to grab the ANBU’s hand and pulled him right down to the ground and into the little huddle they’d formed behind the tree in front of the academy.
Even behind the mask, Sasuke could smell the booze and he would bet that all of them were inebriated to some degree. “Explain, now.” The tone of his voice was rivalling the temperature around them.
Naruto answered with another pull and dragged him closer, his arm was now pressed up to the freezing fabric of white and red robes and the –frankly– silly hat bumped the side of his mask.
“We killed him.” The blond pointed to the empty space between the tree and the entrance of the academy. Sasuke sent him a side glance, but for the benefit of the doubt, he took a closer look. It had been snowing a lot and who knew how long these drunkards had already been here. The snow had covered all the paths, making it safe to assume that most of it had fallen after anyone had business to do here, so it hadn’t been cleared off the paths yet. There were a few irregularities, some were already covered again and it looked like the children had played in the sparse layer of snow that was already present during the day. There were also distinct tracks of larger, heavier boots that seemed pretty fresh and they concentrated around…
“Please tell me you’re not talking about the snowman.”
But that statement was fairly rhethorical. He could see the shuriken and a kunai lodged into what seemed to have been chest and head now lying separately on the ground.
“You dragged me out of bed, because you ‘killed’ a snowman.”
“He snuck up on us! We just reacted! The children must have made him and we destroyed him!” The blond sounded positively devastated.
“You’re drunk.”
“Please help us. We have to fix this mess. Please?” It should have been impossible for a grown man to look as innocent and helpless, not to mention that he was the Hokage and thus considered the most powerful shinobi in this village. And he was drunk, very much so apparently.
Sasuke cursed himself for not just staying in bed and ignoring the message, trusting that in case of a real emergency he’d have the ANBU agents to come and get him.
“Just put him back together?” He finally offered, his voice slightly strained, not quite managing the complete indifference he usually showed.
“We tried, but what about the evidence?” The rest of the group nodded and Sasuke had a sudden urge to smack his own face, but willed to keep his calm.
“You mean the whole pathways you guys trampled into the snow that can most likely be traced back to wherever you had your drinks prior to being kicked out due to the late hour?” No, not getting frustrated, getting frustrated won’t help, he told himself. “Naruto,” he wasn’t even bothering to try and be formal, despite being in uniform, “making it snow is a blood limit and both you and I are aware that this specific talent is most likely extinct and certainly not found in Konoha.”
“I know! But you’re supposed to be smart! I bet you can think up a new jutsu and –“
“No.”
This seemed to have shut him up effectively and caused him to look even more miserable. The raven was also aware that the other five jounin were now just staring at them.
He sighed. “Fine, okay. How about you put this one back together and then you make another one. If there’s two of them tomorrow, the kids will be surprised and probably more interested in how the new one looks and wondering about who made it. So it won’t be that big of a deal that their old snowman will most likely look slightly different and lack the layer of snow it should have on top. It would also explain why there are footprints all over without making it look like the evidence of a badly covered up crime.”
For a good while he was greeted with silence until: “Genius!”
“Why didn’t we think of that?”
“Most likely because you’re drunk.” Sasuke supplied drily.
All six of the men set into motion, led by the Hokage himself, starting to roll up snow and carefully gathering the murdered snowman back together, while the ANBU stayed in the shadows of the tree and crossed his arms. It was ridiculous, he was tired and starting to get cold, but somehow the corners of his mouth twitched.
While the jounin made work to lift the giant balls of snow they created on top of each other, Naruto shuffled over to him and a moment later he felt cool, but soft fabric slip over his arms and looked down to see the robes being clasped together in front of his chest.
“Can’t have the captain freezing, can I?” The flushed face shot him a cheeky grin and he skipped back to the others.
“Hn.”
Fifteen minutes later finally had the two snowmen standing, the new one was well over two meters tall, one of the jounin had another one on his shoulders to create the face. And the smaller one still had the weapons lodged into chest and… forehead. Well at least their aim wasn’t all too bad, even in a drunken state.
Walking over the ANBU saved them from the slightly trickier task of safely dislodging the weapons in their drunken states and wiggled them out without causing the compressed snow to fall apart. Then he slipped off a glove and gathered a bit of loose snow to press over the holes and melting it into the rest with the little body heat that was left in his hands. When he stepped back, the scarring had vanished.
“Alright, time to go home and sleep it off, before you cause another disaster.” He was met with a few yawns, but no complaints and watched them disperse after tired goodbyes. Everyone but the blond that still stood there, looking slightly less inebriated, despite his stupidly wide grin.
He picked up his hat and with a smooth throw placed it on top of the large snowman’s head that fittingly sported three whisker like lines on each side of his face.
“Figures that you’d try making a statue of yourself.” Voice still flat, Sasuke stepped forward as well and tugged the red scarf from his neck, swinging it up and around the snowman’s non-existent neck. And when he stepped back, he bumped into a solid chest and a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him.
“Time to get you to bed, too. I already relieved your guards of their duty.” A few quickly formed seals later they were gone, too.
