my favorite thing about splatoon is that all of the idol characters are quirky little freaks in their own right
incredible professionals, wonderful performers, and talented musicians; also, weirdos and losers.
the squid sisters? actually cousins! they’re secret agents and it’s the worst-kept secret in the world, only kept under wraps because inklings are kinda dumb / nobody really cares that much. one might think that callie is the weirdgirl of the two, but marie is just as much of a dorkus. she carries around a parasol that she bought at a prop store because she thinks it makes her look mysterious. bonus round: they have special code names for the cheap tactics they pull out during turf wars.
Callie: You know that trick where you can toss a Sprinkler at the end of a battle to ink a bit more turf? What did we call that again?
Marie: LAST DAY OF SUMMERRRRRRRRR! You've really gotta draw out the "R" on that last word.)
off the hook? just some lesbians who are really really good at music! marina is so overbearingly in love with pearl that initial splat2 Nintendo of America localizations made her a snarky Marie Lite, since her initial japanese dialogue was like 98% mooning over pearl. this was gradually corrected during subsequent patches, which confused a lot of people who weren’t in-the-know. also, she canonically collects yuri comics. pearl is the oldest idol (she’s probably about 30 by now), has comical amounts of money, can spit bars at the drop of a hat, and possesses a voice so powerful that it’s literally classified as a weapon, yet she also eats mayo straight from the jar and enjoys having to chew her orange juice. she once told marina that she loves her on LIVE TELEVISON.
(additional note: marina is an enemy of the state who makes weapons of mass destruction. much like the squid sisters being secret agents, everyone knows and nobody cares.)
deep cut? actual, literal criminals! they tried to murder a child over garbage! we forgive them for it because they were super funny about it, and the kid kicked their asses anyway. (who would win, three grown adults or one teen and a fish wearing pants?) shiver thinks she’s frigid and intimidating but she literally busted out an ojousama laugh during her character intro, and also fumbled her smoke bomb exit and blew herself up. frye talks like an old man because she was raised by her grandfather, is always squatting, and is probably the only dangerous member of the group, but she makes stupid decisions and invalidates her own threat level (permanent debuff: is kinda dumb). big man should be their leader, by all rights, since he’s already the head of his clan, but he’s lowkey a little scared of them and lets them beat him up despite being like three times their size. in the end they’re all kinda lame and are the type to resort to petty crime just for kicks. like, imagine checking the news and finding out that your city’s most famous idol group was arrested for loitering outside of a convenience store.
(supplemental lore implies that these three are supposed to subvert a grand catastrophe, which seems to be the direction that splatoon raiders is taking. god help us all if that’s the case.)
tl;dr the idols are so silly and I love them. there’s no real idol worship in this universe because they’re all too stupid to put onto a pedestal and everyone knows it.
