Oh my god, the Three Muskateers AU is giving me life I need RICHJAKE HCS FOR IT
ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE DUDE
The SQUIP decides that, in order to kidnap Jeremy and become King of France™, he needs to get rid of the Musketeers one by one, so he tells Rich “Get rid of the jock, I’ll deal with blondie and the prince’s favorite”
So Rich’s original plan was to set him on fire, until the SQUIP was like “no, that’ll leave too much evidence, just. Drop him in a river or something, I don’t know, it’ll less of an issue.”
So Rich seduces lures Jake away from the group by pretending to be Michael, only to knock him out, chain him to an anvil, and drag him to a bridge over a river
(All the meanwhile he’s thinking of how much muscle this guy’s got on him, probably enough to bench him, and the thought only makes him blush)
So when Jake finally wakes up Rich dissolves into his Villainous Speech of Triumph: “Thorry, handthome, but your dayth of muthketeering are over!”
And the first thing Jake says is “Your lisp is adorable”
“wait what”
[Sudden smooth cello music is sudden]
“yOUR CHAINS OF LOVE" -”
So the duet happens (and Rich somehow manages to shatter the moon with his singing), and the two of them are happily cuddling
And then Jake plummets
So Rich catches the chain he’s on, ties it to the bridge, and slides down to meet him again “Hurry babe, your friend? Michael? He’th in peril!”
“Uh, no, he’s in the musketeers?”
“NO I MEAN HE’TH IN DANGER”
So after the two get Jake free (which involves crashing into Brooke and her rowboat), Rich gives them directions to where Michael is and tells them about the SQUIPs plan at the opera
Jake just smiles a little as he says thanks, and he turns around before he leaves with Brooke. “Oh, and by the way -”
Jake just kind of leans forward and gives him a kiss
“ - Your lisp isn’t the only adorable thing about you.”
So Jake rows off with Brooke, leaving a blushing Rich on the shore whispering “oh my god, I am totally bi.”
So once the two reconvene at the opera, they’re so happy to see each other Rich flings himself at Jake and they get a spinning hug
(The rest of the cast is too busy smooching to realize their doing it too)