#nathaniel jackson

[blogmoderne]

[blogmoderne]

[blogmoderne]

[ambnille]

The difference a year makes.

As I'm reading my A&P book, I listen to a "Study Music" station on iTunes Radio.  "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift comes on.

Normally, I would hit next.  I like T-Swift, but I can only listen to her every now and then.  Well, I couldn't turn this song off because I started crying halfway through it.  

All I could think about is that Nathan is turning 1 in a few days and how fast this year has went by.  It seemed like my pregnancy flew by when it was happening, and now, I feel like every year is going to be in fast-forward for the rest of my life.  

I know I rarely talk about anything else but him, if I ever do text posts at all. But this little boy has changed my life so much.  I try my best to never say that my life had no meaning before I had him, but I have to admit that things were truly put into perspective when he was born.  Life became about planning around him.  I now worry if we're waiting too long to have another baby because I want him to have someone to play with.  I worry if I should space out my courses or just get them all done at once.  I worry about things that I had no idea or had even thought about before.  

I look at my friends.  They go out.  An early night for them is 2:00 a.m.  And I get that so much.  I do.  That was early for me, too.  But it's not that way anymore.  Late for me is 2:00 a.m.  Sleeping in is 8:00 a.m.  I don't even get invited out anymore because I usually can't stay away for longer than a couple of hours.  And, truth be told, I don't mind it.  I say I miss it, and I do. Change is never simple or clean-cut.  We don't get to choose how life turns out.

So, fuck you, T-Swift.  You made me cry and get all philosophical and shit.

p.s. I'll never be able to quit cursing.

[ambnille]

Nathan is sitting up by himself.

Y'all... My baby... HE'S GROWING TOO FAST.

[ambnille]

Waiting games.

It's been a week since my interview. I haven't heard anything back. I'm still keeping a little bit of optimism, though. My friend mentioned that the director had been gone all week and would be super busy this week. I am also confident that the interview went well. I feel like I left a good impression on her and even got a brief tour of the warehouse. At midnight, Nathan will be 3 months old. He's passed the stage from "newborn" to infant. He gets more and more vocal everyday. We have little "conversations" in which he coos/sings, and I repeat it back to him. He can hold onto a toy now and has started grabbing my hair when I kiss his cheeks. I've officially began the wedding planning process. I have our colors picked out (mint and chocolate) and a general idea of what I want my dress to look like. The process is already becoming annoying. Where's a fairy godmother when a gal needs one?

[ambnille]

Shower, eat, or nap?

I must choose one. This is my life now. We only have 3 days left on the coast. It's crazy that we're moving again so soon, but it's a move I'm happy to make. I'm just so excited about the possibilities Ridgeland holds for us. I'm nervous about packing and moving itself. It just seems like such a daunting task with a newborn. Nathan is officially 2 months old. He goes for his first big round of vaccinations tomorrow. I think I might cry more than him.

[ambnille]

I'm sure you can all guess what he's laying on underneath that dinosaur burp cloth. I've been wanting to post one of these for awhile. But this is when it's sweetest, guys. I have had 2 hours of sleep in the past 21 hours. He has been fussing and fighting sleep for the past 2 hours. He finally got hungry enough to eat again, and within seconds of him latching on, I saw those half-closed eyes. This is when it's the best. I did that, and only I can do it.