Jan 6, 2025
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Nativity Nightmares
In my first role in a nativity play, I played a triangle. Not literally, it wasn’t a nativity play with a ‘geometric shape theme.’ Jesus wasn’t a rhombus. I held the tiny metal instrument and diligently dinged it at the change of every scene. There wasn’t any musicians at the birth of Jesus (but strangely, there was moo-sick when a cow threw up) but, because the nativity storyline has few main characters and I was in a school class of 39 children, peripheral roles had to be rapidly invented by teachers to keep all attending parents happy. I’m sure my dad went into work the following day and proudly announced: ‘My lad played the guy who played the triangle in the nativity.’ My second appearance was as a shepherd, which was fine, until my friend – also a shepherd – got physically sick with stage fright just before showtime. In a panic and with no suitably dressed replacement and no quick re-write, the teacher threw me onto the stage saying I’d have to read the lines of both shepherds as I knew the dialogue between us both. So, I walked on stage and started talking to myself, saying things like: ‘We must go to Bethlehem to find the son of God.’ ‘But I don’t know the way.’ ‘Don’t worry, follow me.’ ‘Okay, I will.’ It was an utter shambles and the audience probably thought the intense heat from the stage lights had got to me and sent me delirious. In my final school nativity, I was given the role of the innkeeper. Mary and Joseph knocked on my door (a sound enhanced by a random glockenspiel player) and I’m sure I had to say: ‘I’m sorry there’s no room at the inn, we’re fully booked. After all, it is Christmas. What the hell were you thinking?’ I then sent them across the stage to the ironically, equally overcrowded stable where 17 pupils were dressed as barnyard animals. Their parents must have been very proud. Merry Christmas one and all.
How To Get Good Seats At The School Nativity Play
I don’t know about you, but I find there’s something oddly exciting about having a small one in Foundation Year at School, as there are a lot of “firsts” happening at this time of life. First day at school… First end of week meltdown… First school nativity’s… One thing I’ve noticed about School Nativity Plays, apart from how they seem to be both amazing, and super cute, is that they are very…
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N is for Nativity #atozchallenge
N is for Nativity #atozchallenge
For the last two years I’ve joined in the #atozchallenge, namely to post every weekday in April using each letter of the alphabet in turn. In 2015 it was places I’d been to, in 2016 it was London themed. This year it is a dictionary of my family, recounting incidents small and large that have taught me lessons down the years, caused me consternation or generally seared themselves into my memory.…
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Letter To The Headmistress
Mrs A Magisson (OBE) Walrus First School Carpenter Road Oxfam OX23 4JQ
Dear Mrs Magisson (OBE and bar) Thank you so much for your invitation to attend my son's Christmas show (in which, I am thrilled to hear, he is playing a child) at the allocated time of 11.00am on Tuesday. Please forgive my ineptitude at not being available at the preferred time of 10.00am. Given recent events in North Korea I would like to assure you, whole-heartedly, that I will clapping with all the vigour and zeal at my disposal especially when the school song is played and especially when you take the stage and remind us how very lucky we are that are children are even allowed to set foot in your school. I would also like to prostrate myself for having the naive temerity to suggest that it might be a legal duty to provide my son with free water whilst at school. I confess to being infiltrated by out-dated socialist thoughts and now embrace (whole-heartedly, nothing half-hearted about this at all, no siree) your diktats (numbers 4 and 11) that "A thirsty child quenches their thirst with knowledge" and "you get what you pay for and free water is clearly toxic when you could be paying £10 a year forit". I very much look forward to seeing what will doubtless be a world beating production. Can I, ever so humbly ask, will it be the same story as last year - the touching one about the baby in the stable? Best wishes Wardrobe Hudson