Hurts More Than Just a Memory
AO3
(logan’s birthday fic!!)
Summary:
Logan's got a lot of memories.
Not all of them are good.
(tws for unsympathetic patton, misgendering, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, memory alteration, arguing, ask to tag for anything else!!)
Logan cursed. That was quite out of character for them, but seeing as they had been trying to clear out Thomas’s long term memory and had actually done... this, they felt that it was warranted.
Thomas’s long term memory needed to be cleared out once per year, so that he could get rid of memories that he didn’t need and recover the ones that he did. As Thomas’s brain, it was Logan’s job to do this.
Usually, Patton helped them, because they both shared the concept of memories- Patton usually foresaw the more sentimental and nostalgic side, while they were in charge of the memory itself- but since the Moral side was currently out in the imagination with everyone else, they had to do it alone.
Which wasn’t pleasant.
The way that Long Term worked was most accurately depicted in the movie Inside Out, except the memories weren’t conveniently color-coded, were far heavier and the shelves were more like the kind you would find in a bowling alley. The way the movie showed it was also heavily simplified- not only was there Thomas’s Long Term, but each of the sides as well.
They had a library, of sorts, but with the same shelves as Thomas’s space, and each of them had their own shelves. Everyone’s memories could only be touched or viewed by the person that they belonged to, but because cataloging them was Logan’s (and up till recently Patton’s) job, they had access to everything.
So obviously they ended up fucking it up.
They had nearly finished organizing their own shelf, the final shelf they had to do, but they had reached up to rub their aching shoulder and one of the memories (a particularly heavy one, judging by the thud it made when it hit the ground) slipped out of their grasp and rolled away from them. They had chased after it and had of course forgotten about the other ones they were holding, which of course fell to the ground, rolling in the same direction. (They really wished that they had fixed the slight angle of the floor at that moment.)
They ran down the aisle, losing sight of them as they rolled under Virgil’s shelf and towards the clearing.
And froze as they realized where they were.
The viewing room.
They cursed every small inconvenience that caused them to be standing in that doorway, watching as the grey, faded memories teetered on the edge of the podium, about to fall into the dusty old pipe that would broadcast them throughout the mind palace. Because today couldn’t get any worse.
They stepped closer.
Wrong choice.
The last thing they heard was the orbs crashing into the pipe, and then everything went black.
*
Curiosity ran down the hallway that connected Fear's room to everyone else's. They were visibly smaller, almost a child, and instead of their usual outfit, they were wearing an oversized blue sweater, jeans, and a giant lab coat that dragged along the floor behind them. They were looking back at someone, laughing slightly as they burst through the door.
“Hi Fear! You’re not gonna believe what happened!”
Fear looked down from where he was sitting on a shelf, a small smile on his face as he listened to Curiosity ramble.
“Lies told me and Creativity that we could eat bugs and then we searched it online and the computer said that we could so Creativity made bug candy but then I tried to eat it but the bug was alive so I spat the bug out and the other Creativity screamed so Lies screamed so I screamed and then Joy smashed the bug with a broom because he doesn’t like spiders and so I took a closer look at the spider guts and now I have a pot full of spider guts!”
“...Nice! Please don’t show me!”
Curiosity giggled and climbed onto the desk, nearly falling as they sat on the shelf next to Fear. “You’re really cool, Spooks! You’re my favorite brother!”
“Thanks, Asteroid.” He shrugged and hid his smile behind his hoodie paws.
The two creativities ran in, matching shocked looks on their faces as they made various noises of protest, “We thought we were your favorite brothers!”
“Great, it’s Thing One and Thing Two.”
The two Creativities dissolved into an argument about who was Thing One and who was Thing Two, and as Fear broke up the argument by saying that Green was Thing One and Red was Thing Two, (because stupid, immature humor came before butterflies and rainbows, apparently) Curiosity grinned. There was no place they would rather be.
*
Curiosity huddled under their blanket, tears spilling down their face as they listened to the argument happening outside.
“You can’t stay here, Fear. Listen, I’m sorry, but Thomas needs to be good, and your Paranoia doesn’t help him. Neither do Lies or Green! You’re making him...you’re making him a b̪͇̣̘̳̝̎͜ḁ̡̻̘ͦ͆ͅd͑͏̝̙̥̻̝͎ ̫͓͖͇ͣ̔̆̚͠p̻͎̯̙̖̾ͯ̍͢e̡̘̲̳͕̊̿rͤ͏̙̗̙̰̰s̵̻̙̒ͣö̥̞̬̲́̉̐̒͠n̻̥̺͉̦͍͍̒̐͌͘!”
“Joy, please! I can help them, we can help them get better! And what about your “Good Sides”? This will destroy Curio, you know they spend all of their time with Lies! And Red loves his brother! You’re just being s̆ͬ͗͑҉̘̣͖̮̬̮̥ͅe̛̞̤̩ͪ̄̄l̮͙̜̟̮̯̗̋͞f̷̞̘͚̥̭ͣ͊į̙̠̦̥̳̟̎͐ͫ̈́s̖̣͍͎̠͛ͯ͌͡ḧ̯̙̖̘ͪ͛ͬ͜ !”
“So I’m the one who’s being s̆ͬ͗͑҉̘̣͖̮̬̮̥ͅe̛̞̤̩ͪ̄̄l̮͙̜̟̮̯̗̋͞f̷̞̘͚̥̭ͣ͊į̙̠̦̥̳̟̎͐ͫ̈́s̖̣͍͎̠͛ͯ͌͡ḧ̯̙̖̘ͪ͛ͬ͜? At least I’m doing what’s best for T̎ͥ͏͇̬h͉̗̰̲̬̹̽͑̊̉͝ȯ͇̪m̡̭̯̥͒ͫ̽a̤̱͔̜̐̊͞s̛̬̣̲͆͛̎! You’re just m̛̭͍͔͍̈̀o̵̺̩̣̭̹͚̱͂ñ̰̹ͧ͡s̵̟̪̱̟͉͇̦̎t̩̟͔̯̗̥͋̋̽ͭ͝e̲̘͚ͩ̽͟r̵̲̭͚͎̳͋̒͋ !”
“At least I’m not hurting anyone!”
“You’re not hurting anyone? Oh, right, anyone except T̎ͥ͏͇̬h͉̗̰̲̬̹̽͑̊̉͝ȯ͇̪m̡̭̯̥͒ͫ̽a̤̱͔̜̐̊͞s̛̬̣̲͆͛̎ !”
“I’m not hurting T̎ͥ͏͇̬h͉̗̰̲̬̹̽͑̊̉͝ȯ͇̪m̡̭̯̥͒ͫ̽a̤̱͔̜̐̊͞s̛̬̣̲͆͛̎, I’m helping him, you’re just so close-minded that anything you think is bad has to be gotten rid of! You’re the V̡͈̖̮̰͚̥̂ͭi̵̺͎̠͐̓͑ͯl̢̮͉̗͕̽ͮ̌l̿͑͏̺̙̪̗̙a̡͔̮̦̳̤̠͈ͬ͆̄ị͚̳͈̙̻͊̽͘n̜̩͛̀̄ͅ here!”
“I’m the V̡͈̖̮̰͚̥̂ͭi̵̺͎̠͐̓͑ͯl̢̮͉̗͕̽ͮ̌l̿͑͏̺̙̪̗̙a̡͔̮̦̳̤̠͈ͬ͆̄ị͚̳͈̙̻͊̽͘n̜̩͛̀̄ͅ? At least you look the part!”
They breathed out a small sob, curling in closer to the others. They were all in similar states: Lies was curled up next to them, swiping furiously at his tears with his beanie and muttering angrily, quietly enough that Joy and Fear couldn’t hear him. Green and Red were whispering reassurances as they listened to the second-youngest and the oldest tear apart their family.
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It was later that night when Curio heard something. Red had told them that only him, Curio, Lies, and Green knew about the room. But they were all in the room.
So the door shouldn’t be opening.
They stifled a small gasp and slowly, trying to remain in the darkness of the corner, slid under the cabinet, brushing aside all of the fairy lights and blankets they had stored under there. (They were the only one small enough to fit underneath, seeing as the only other one who theoretically could get in presumably didn’t have access to the room.)
They watched in silent horror as the small figure, one who would have been indiscernible if not for the shine that reflected off the lenses of polka-dotted glasses and the faint pale blue aura that surrounded him, crept towards the pile their brothers were sleeping.
They watched as the figure leaned in closer to the sides, placing his hands on each of their foreheads.
They watched as the figure pulled away with four translucent spheres, each of which faintly glowed a bluish-purple color.
They watched as Patton sent to memories where only he and Curio could- Memory Dump. (Turns out, a few years later Inside Out got the right idea, just made it ten times flashier.)
They watched as Green and Lies were taken.
*
“Why am I here? What’s going on? Where’s Lies and Green? Where’s Fear?
“Logic, stop it. You aren’t Curiosity anymore, act like it.”
*
“Just one visit? Please?”
“Logic, I’ve told you time and time again, you can’t visit them! They’ll hurt you, okay? Dark Sides are bad.”
*
“Please, just. Just leave me alone!”
“Come on Logic, you know that you’re not supposed to act like this. Good children do what they’re told, and besides! You wouldn’t want me to leave, would you? At least I listen.”
*
“Moral- Dad. Could you please just use my correct pronouns? Once?”
“Oh, of course! You’re such a cool guy, Logic!”
“I’m not a guy.”
“That’s not the point though! You’re so silly, Lolo!”
*
“I know that we’re getting closer to the other sides, okay Logan? But just remember. I left you with the memories of before for a reason. If you tell anyone else, I’ll take them away. Permanently. Now go bother Virgil.”
*
“Patton? Virgil? Roman? Do you remember what day it is?”
“Oh, Lolo! Is it clearout day today? I’m so sorry, I promised Roman I would go into the Imagination with him today!”
“O-Of course. That’s all that’s happening today. Yes. I’m going to leave now.”
“Wow, he seemed stressed. Are we sure that we aren’t missing anything? November Third isn’t an important day for anyone, right?”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Virgil. Let’s go.”
*
Six sides woke up from being knocked out, four with tears in their eyes. One of the other two was faking.
The other stayed asleep, trying desperately to avoid the conversation that was inevitably going to happen.
