summary: Patton is questioning their gender and goes to Janus for help.
trigger warnings: sympathetic janus, please let me know if i need to add anything
word count: 520
a/n: day eleven of pride month! today’s prompt was ‘question’. this was a lot of fun for me to write tbh, enby!patton is my favourite ok.
ao3
"Hey, Jan?" Patton asked, peaking his head around his flatmates door. Peaking... her head around Janus' door? Patton wasn't entirely sure, and it was annoying... him to no end.
"Yeah, Pat?" Janus said, pushing away from his desk and twisting his chair around to face him.
Patton slowly stepped into the room and sat down on Janus bed, taking in a deep breath. "I have a question."
Janus raised an eyebrow. "And that is...?"
"You..." Patton fiddled with his fingers. "You used to be a girl, right? And now you're not?"
Patton tried his best not to focus on the discomfort that flashes across Janus' face, and how his shoulders seemed to stiffen up. "Yes, I am transgender, if that's what you mean."
"Yeah." Patton glanced around the room, trying to avoid Janus' eyes. "How did you know?"
Janus was silent for a moment. "I don't know. I never really felt like a girl. One day I realised how much being seen as a girl made me uncomfortable. It took years to figure everything out, though."
Patton nodded, beginning to stand up. "Okay. Okay, yeah." He- She- They? They had a lot to think about.
"Out of curiosity, why are you asking me this?" Janus asked.
Patton froze for a second, before slowly sitting back down. "I... I don't think I'm a guy," she said, still refusing to look Janus in the eye.
"Oh," Janus hummed. "Would you prefer she/her pronouns? If he/him doesn't quite fit?"
Patton tapped her leg. "I don't know. Maybe? I... don't really feel like a girl either, though. Like, when I think of gender it's just... like, what is even the point, you know? I don't... There doesn't seem to be a difference. And I really hate he/him, but she/her isn't... much better." It felt nice, to get everything that had been bugging her out, but... thinking about everything again just made him even more confused.
Janus scooted closer on his chair. "Have you considered that you may be nonbinary?"
Patton blinked. "What's that?"
"It's an umbrella term for those existing outside the gender binary," Janus explained. "People who don't strictly identify as male or female."
Patton frowned. "You can... do that?"
"You can do anything you want, Patton." Janus smiled. "There are more specific labels, of course, but generally speaking nonbinary also works as a label itself."
A small smile crept onto Patton's face. "That... That sounds nice. So... what pronouns am I meant to use, then? Because neither he nor she is... good."
"A lot of nonbinary people use they/them, but, of course, it's entirely up to you," Janus said. "You can use gendered pronouns if you prefer, or neopronouns if you find some that fit."
Huh. That was... "They/them sounds nice," they said. "Could you... use those for me, now?"
Janus nodded. "Of course. Let me know if that changes, yeah?"
"Yeah." Patton grinned. "Thank you, Janus."
"It's all good, Pat."
They'd still have to think about this. They imagined that they'd have to think about it a lot. But, this was at least a start.
Pointless Pining (makes for the best love stories)
Ao3
Summary: Sure, Roman could tell aur squishes that au was in love with them. There was even a fairly good chance they’d return the sentiment! But there was also a chance (however small) that they would say no, and well... Roman didn’t want to take that risk.
Content: Mutual pining, oblivious pining so oblivious it’s ridiculous (but true!), swearing, referencing making out, running away from family events to avoid said family, confessions, kissing (not on the lips); everyone’s non-binary except andy who’s male (cis or trans, reader’s choice), aro!roman, implied aro!logan + aro!remy
Pairings: QPR rolosleep, romo anxton (ts shorts anxiety [Andy] x Patton)
Notes: For easy reference, Roman’s pronoun set is au/aur/aurs/aurself (based off of the periodic table element name for gold, not the term for alternate universes), Logan’s is ja/java/jav/javs/javaself (based off the coding language, not coffee), and Patton’s is dai/dais/daiself
Also! this fic is dedicated to my wonderful qpps, @lo-gayn and @bitchy-sleep ! i adore them with all my heart, even if I wasn’t very helpful with the getting-together part of our relationship. this one’s for you, loves <3
~
Roman had an amazing, spectacular, flawless plan.
“This is a horrible idea, dude.”
Some people just refused to understand aur brilliance.
“You know, this is why I don’t talk to you.” Roman said matter-of-factly, ignoring Andy rolling his eyes as au compared two dresses in aur mirror. “Now just tell me which red goes better with my eyes.”
“How would I know? Unlike some people, I don’t spend all day looking into them.” Andy huffed, reclined out on Roman’s bed. “I don’t even know why you’re asking me for help with your clearly doomed plan.”
“I’m asking you because it’s you or Patton, and dai’ll just ignore my dress question and focus on the reason for the dress instead, and you know what dai will say then.”
“To get over yourself and stop ending up in fanfic-esque situations with your squishes because you’re a hopeless pining mess who refuses to open your eyes to the reality that they want to be your partners as much as you want to be theirs?”
Roman turned from the mirror, frowning at Andy. “Well dai wouldn’t say it so rudely.”
Andy just shrugged. “It’s the truth. The sooner you accept it, the sooner I can stop dealing with this bullshit.”
A gasp of faux offense sounded in the doorway, and Roman groaned at the same time Andy perked up, pushing himself into a better sitting position.
“Language!” Patton scolded, though dais words had no heat to them as dai smiled and joined Andy on the bed. Well, joined Andy on his lap, a move that the punk didn’t argue, even as his cheeks turned a rather vibrant shade of red.
“Sorry, Pat.” Andy mumbled as Patton innocently wrapped dais arms around the back of his neck and leaned against his chest. Roman rolled aur eyes. Andy could act as intimidating and tough as he wanted, but as soon as Patton was within eyesight, he melted.
“It’s no problem, an-dorable.” Patton said. Andy just blushed harder and Roman sniggered, amused. That was the wrong thing to do, however, as it drew Patton’s attention onto aur and aur dresses. “Oh, those are some nice outfits, Ro. What’s the special occasion?”
“None! Nothing!” Roman said hastily, quickly moving over to aur closet and tossing the two options back in haphazardly. Two weeks au had kept this a secret, and au refused to be found out now. “Just… showing off some of my wardrobe to Andy.”
Roman didn’t need to be facing Patton to know dai didn’t believe that, and au could practically hear the frown in dais tone as dai responded, “Are you sure? Those are some of your favorite dresses, you don’t normally take them out without a reason.”
“And I had a reason! Showing them off to Andy!” Roman defended, looking at Andy slightly desperately. “Right, Andy?”
Instead of providing Roman with the save au needed, however, Andy glanced at Patton before shaking his head. “Au’s got a date.”
Patton’s eyes lit up at the actual answer, distracted enough by it to not notice the rather violent motion Roman made at Andy. Andy seemed unconcerned and unthreatened, only smirking rather self-satisfiedly at the gesture.
“You finally asked them out?” Patton said excitedly, continuing on before Roman could continue, “This is great, Roro! You should definitely go with the scarlet dress, then- it’s just perfect for a first date-”
“It’s not a date!” Roman interrupted, stopping Patton’s words immediately.
Dai blinked twice, looking confused. “But Andy said it was.”
“Sometimes Andy lies.” Roman muttered.
“Not this time.” Andy spoke up, ignoring Roman’s glare. “I don’t care what you want to call it, dude, but it’s very clearly a date.”
“Those were some pretty nice dresses you were considering Roman.” Patton added. “Not really what you’d wear out casually.”
Roman sighed and glanced back at the dresses au had crammed back into aur closet. “Then maybe I’m just being too dramatic in my choice in attire.” Au mumbled to aurself, trying not to feel too disheartened. Au did like wearing those dresses, and any excuse to do so was one au’d always jump at. It’s not like au wanted Logan and Remy to see aur wearing one of them. Not in particular, anyways. That would be silly and blackmail material, and despite aur sibling’s sweet exterior dai was more than willing to work with blackmail.
Shaking aur head to focus back on the issue at hand, Roman once more faced Andy and Patton. “One of Logan’s relatives is having a birthday dinner, and Logan invited me and Remy to come and stop java from being forced to only interact with jav family for two hours. It’s not a date, just friends helping friends.”
“Ja literally invited both of you to dinner at a fancy restaurant for the express purpose of spending the night talking and dining with you two.” Andy said, repeating the same thing he had said only a few minutes ago, albeit then with more swearing. “It’s a date.”
“I have to agree with Andy here, Ro.” Patton said, once more smiling excitedly.
“You always agree with Andy.”
Patton waved dais hand dismissively. “You were clearly picking out date clothes to go out to dinner with your squishes. It’s a date.”
Roman sighed, moving over to aur desk. Au almost slumped into the chair before deciding the queer choice was to hop on top of the desk and sit there. “Just because it meets the criteria of a date doesn’t make it one.”
“If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck-”
“-then maybe you’re just shit at identifying waterfowl.” Roman cut Andy off, ignoring Patton’s reprimand of ‘language!’. “Besides, dates are for people in love with each other. One-sided pining doesn’t count.”
At that statement, Roman was met with twin stares of disbelief.
“Really, Roman, I thought you would’ve gotten over this by now.” Patton said after a moment, tone lightly scolding.
“My pining…?”
“Your belief that it’s one-sided.” Patton corrected. “It’s very obvious, I’m not sure how you’re still missing it.”
“Just because you guys think it’s obvious-”
“Logan has literally told you ja’d be open to being in a QPR with you.” Andy cut aur off, disbelief now mixing with frustration. “How much more obvious do you need?”
Roman looked away, focusing on a wall. “It was late when ja said that, I’m sure ja didn’t mean it.”
Andy scoffed. “It was four in the afternoon.”
“That’s… kinda late.” Roman said, well aware aur tone wasn’t quite as confident as it needed to convince Patton and Andy to drop the matter. “And that’s just Logan, nothing about Remy.”
“He is literally always flirting with you.”
“Remy flirts with everyone.”
Patton shook dais head. “Remy only really flirts with two people, Ro, and she’s made out with one of them plenty of times.”
“Logan and Remy’s snogging is purely platonic.” Roman dismissed, wrinkling aur nose even as au said ‘snogging.’ Au wasn’t a fan of the word, but au preferred it to some of the other more creative terms au could’ve gone for.
Au left out the part where au was fairly certain it wasn’t purely platonic. There was only so long you could try and live in someone’s lap before one emotion or the other got wrapped into the mix, in Roman’s opinion.
“You’re really just going to ignore all of the evidence they like you back.” Andy said slowly, as if hoping that Roman would correct him.
But all Roman did was smile at him and cheerfully say, “Yep!”
Andy tossed his hands up into the air, flopping backwards on the bed, Patton giggling as dai fell over with him. “I give up. You’re impossible and refuse to listen to any and all logic.
“I listen to Logan!” Roman defended in amusement. “Ja’s the only one I know with a fully functioning braincell, after all.”
“And yet, you refuse to listen to Logan when ja says ja wants to be your partner.”
“Technically, ja just said ja’d be alright with the idea of it, not that ja wanted things to be that way.” Roman corrected, slipping off aur desk and moving towards aur dresser. “There’s a difference.”
“You know, you don’t have to have Logan confess to you first.” Patton pointed out, snuggling dais head against Andy’s shoulder. “Sometimes you just have to read the signs and make your move!”
Roman chuckled. “Patton, you asked Andy out within a day of knowing him. Your advice hardly applies here.”
Patton pouted. “I think it applies here!”
“You’re just refusing to read the signs, Roman.” Andy added, wrapping a hand around Patton’s back and kissing dais forehead. “It worked out pretty fucking well for Patton, after all.”
Roman didn’t respond immediately, waiting for Patton’s ‘language!’ exclamation, only to find it not coming, Patton much more distracted by curling against Andy’s chest. Roman smiled a bit at that. “Well, I am Jared, 19.”
“You’re embarrassing yourself, that’s what you are.” Andy replied. Roman bit back a ‘when do I not’ and focused on shifting through the clothes in aur dresser. Only a moment passed before Andy asked, “What’re you doing?”
“Picking my outfit for tonight.” Roman answered, pulling out a pair of aur black jeans, one of the pairs that hadn’t faded to grey yet. Au dropped it on top of aur dresser and moved on to finding a shirt.
Shuffling on the bed indicated to Roman that Andy and Patton must have sat up, likely to try and see what clothing pieces au was choosing. They didn’t say anything, however, until Roman pulled out two shirts and turned back towards them, displaying aur choices. “Which one do you think goes better with my eyes?”
Patton frowned. “From fancy dresses to jeans and t-shirts? That’s a pretty steep de-escalation, Ro.”
Roman shrugged. “Well, if you guys thought the fancy dresses were for a special date, I don’t want Logan and Remy to feel I’ve made any false assumptions as to our relationship and the purpose of tonight’s outing.” Au said, smirking at the look of shock and annoyance on Patton’s and Andy’s faces, respectively. “So. Which one goes better with my eyes?”
“You’re a moron.” Andy told aur before nodding his head at the shirt in Roman’s left hand. “That one.”
“Thank you!” Roman responded, turning back towards aur dresser and dropping the one Andy had indicated back into the drawer, putting the white tank top covered in sparkly golden dots of varying sizes with the jeans.
Andy groaned. “You know this is a date, no matter how hard you try to sabotage it, right?”
“Nope!” Roman replied, scooping up aur choice in outfit and snagging aur red hoodie off the floor before heading towards the hallway. “I’m going to get changed. If you two are still here when I get back, I’m going to raid Patton’s stash of hidden cookies and give them to Logan’s family.”
Patton squinted at aur. “You don’t know where my stash of cookies is. They’re hidden.”
Roman chuckled as au stepped out of the room, heading towards the bathroom. “If you say so, Pat.” Au called over aur shoulder, confident in aur belief that Andy and Patton would be gone before au had even changed aur shirt.
After all, there was only so much needling Roman could take, especially when it was in relation to aur squishes. Aur squishes who didn’t like aur back, Patton and Andy’s opinions aside and ignored. Roman might be aro, but au was still the expert on love, and au knew in-love people when au saw them. Logan and Remy loved Roman as a friend, and that was it.
And if Roman was wrong, well… it wasn’t like au was ever going to confess anyways.
~
Roman arrived at the Sanders household ten minutes early, having walked from aur house with the intent to hitch a ride with the family to the dinner. The driveway had a couple more cars in it than usual, and the out-of-state license plates some of them had confirmed Roman’s suspicions they were Logan’s visiting relatives’ vehicles.
Au didn’t bother with the door, cutting across the yard to the side of the house and slipping down and through the low-set basement window that had been left open for this exact purpose. Though the window was more commonly used as a way to escape the house, Roman and Remy often helping to pull Logan out so that they could go star-gazing when they all should’ve been sleeping, it served the purpose of avoiding strangers and prying questions equally well.
Roman landed well, rocking on aur feet slightly to keep aur balance as au glanced around, looking for aur friends. The basement was a small affair, with one side taken up with Logan’s bed, dresser and desk, and the other with a bathroom and an old washing machine that no longer washed clothes but did occasionally hold the elements of Logan’s various experiments. That made it easy to spot Logan, who was sitting on jav bed and reading, so absorbed in jav book that ja didn’t notice Roman’s entrance.
This gave Roman the perfect opportunity to be gay without java noticing.
Because Logan, of course, had already changed for the dinner; jav regular nerdy t-shirt and jeans had been replaced with a simple, knee-length dark blue dress, the top half layered with white lace that outlined constellations across Logan’s chest. Jav hair was held in a loose ponytail by a silver ribbon, and matching star clips held back jav bangs. Ja looked gorgeous, and in that moment Roman wanted nothing more than to kiss jav forehead.
But then Logan looked up from jav book and the moment was over.
Ja spotted Roman quickly, offering aur a smile as ja slipped jav bookmark into place and put jav book to the side. “Hello, Roman!”
Roman smiled back, trying to push aur thoughts away. “Heya, specs. How you doing?”
“I’m alright.” Logan answered. “My relatives still remember the elephant toothpaste incident from last year, so they’re wary of coming down here and bothering me.”
Roman chuckled at the memory of said incident. Despite requesting that ja be allowed to spend jav birthday as ja wanted, Logan’s parents had called jav relatives down for the day and planned a party around them being there. So Logan threw some water, soap, yeast, and hydrogen peroxide into a box and set the concoction up to make a mess of the stairs leading to jav room as soon as someone opened the door.
Ja had escaped out the window after that, where Roman and Remy had been waiting for java to join them. The three of them had spent the day wandering the town, avoiding Logan’s searching family and doing whatever caught their attention. They had ended the day with the greasiest food from the cheapest fast-food joint they could find, eating it on top of the long-closed arcade and admiring the view of their town at dusk.
Logan had been grounded for two weeks afterwards, but ja always held that it was worth it for what had been the best birthday of jav life.
Roman was pulled out of aur recollections by the sound of a door opening. Looking up, however, Roman realized it wasn’t the door to the basement, but instead the bathroom door.
A second later and Remy emerged, dressed almost opposingly to Logan’s style and yet still looking just as stunning. Like Roman, he was wearing jeans, but hers were torn up and well-worn. He was also wearing a black crop top, a fishnet shirt doing a poor job of covering up the rest of her upper body, not that Remy seemed to care. His jacket was slung over her back, his sunglasses were resting in her messy brown-and-pink hair, and his easy confidence in her look were only adding to the rising blush Roman was trying to fight off.
“Finally decided to join us, babes?” Remy teased, seemingly oblivious to Roman’s gay panic.
Roman cleared aur throat and tried to be oblivious to it too. “Excuse you, I’m ten minutes early.”
“Yeah, but I’ve already been here for hours.” Remy complained, dropping down next to Logan on the bed dramatically. “And I’ve only had one cutie to gaze at the entire time! Not that ja isn’t certainly a very gorgeous cutie-”
“Remy’s been helping me ensure no one tries to bother me before I’m stuck at a table with them.” Logan explained, cutting Remy off and ignoring his pout. “She’s been here since my first relative showed up around one.”
“Over four hours of just you two chilling down here?” Roman confirmed, smirking as au did so. “Wonder how you spent that time.”
Logan frowned at Roman in disappointment. “I mostly spent it reading and ignoring the annoyance.”
“Mostly?” Roman repeated, smirk growing at the light blush that entered Logan’s cheeks.
“Well I couldn’t exactly be reading for every single second of those hours-”
“What Lolo means is that I’m not as annoying as ja pretends I am.” Remy cut in, throwing an arm over Logan’s shoulders and leaning against java. “And that I have very nice lips.”
Logan’s blush turned a deeper red as ja swatted at Remy, pushing her off of java. “You are as annoying as I say you are, and you’re a bitch.”
“But you still kissed meeeeee.”
“I will shove you.”
“Ah, come on, you know you love me-”
Roman didn’t bother trying to stifle aur laugh as Logan made good on jav claim.
Remy, for his part, didn’t seem put out, only looking up at Logan from her new position on the floor, slowly shaking his head as she said, “Cold, Lo, cold.”
“I do run a temperature lower than the average human, though I do not see how that could be relevant here.”
Remy pushed himself up, climbing back onto the bed and immediately slotting herself against Logan’s side, resting his head on jav shoulder and wrapping her arms around jav waist. “Because if you don’t have me warming you up, you could freeze! So you really can’t keep shoving me off of you.”
“That’s illogical.” Logan pointed out with a roll of jav eyes, but ja made no move to get Remy off of java.
Roman tried to find the best, least awkward way to stand, considering au was near the middle of the room and the only other people in it were cuddling. A small part of aur considered joining them on the bed, maybe even leaning against Logan aurself and joining the cuddles, but the possibility of it being weird or disruptive to the nice little thing Logan and Remy already had was too high to risk, so au remained rocking on aur heels, glancing at aur watch and wondering how close they were to go time.
The door at the top of the stairs opening and Logan’s mother yelling down about how they were about to leave and Logan needed to get upstairs answered Roman’s question for aur.
“Remy, please let go of me.”
Remy made an unhappy humming noise and didn’t move.
Logan sighed. “I can’t get up if you don’t let go of me.”
“Then don’t get up.” Remy murmured back, clearly content to skip out on the dinner and spend the evening with just Logan instead. It was a sentiment Roman seconded, if only in aur mind.
“I don’t want to be grounded again.” Logan replied.
Remy sighed, sounding greatly annoyed, but he finally did as Logan asked, letting java go and standing up. “Can I at least hold your hand?”
Logan stood up after her, only taking a second to think before ja nodded and offered Remy one of jav hands. Remy smiled brightly, taking the proffered hand and nearly pulling Logan towards the door.
He was stopped by Logan’s refusal to move too far, turning back towards Roman instead and holding out jav other hand.
“Coming?” Logan said simply, and after a moment that stretched longer than it probably should have, Roman nodded, hesitantly taking Logan’s hand. Logan’s fingers wrapped tightly around aur own, the gesture warm and sweet, even if Roman only had a moment to appreciate it before Remy was once more tugging on Logan, now dragging both java and Roman along with her up the stairs.
Roman allowed aurself to be pulled along, using that time to try and decide if au should ignore the warmth blooming in aur chest or savor it.
~
Dinner went just about exactly how Roman had expected it to go. Logan’s relatives tried to talk to java, aur and Remy deflected their questions away, the relatives asked them questions instead, Logan helped deflect those, jav relatives moved back to trying to question java, the cycle went on until they were halfway through dessert. Roman was just thankful most of the relatives allowed themselves to be deterred from their interrogation-style inquiries.
There were some positives as well. The three of them had secured one of the table’s corners, Logan seated between Remy and Roman to further block javaself off from jav family. In that arrangement, it was easy for them to duck over and talk to each other, keeping their conversation separate from the rest of the table’s.
And that was how they had spent most of the dinner, talking amongst themselves, trying to muffle their laughs as Logan made particularly scathing remarks about jav more despised relatives and they discussed where they’d all prefer to be. When their food arrived, they traded bites of their meals with each other, using the opportunity to mock each other’s taste with grins on their faces. That particular activity got some of Logan’s relatives looking at them funny, but Roman just shrugged it off as none of them knowing what having genuine fun with one’s friends looked like.
It was at the end of dinner, when Logan’s family was waiting on the bill and discussing what to do with the rest of the evening, when Logan excused javaself to go to the bathroom. Ja patted Roman’s and Remy’s shoulders as ja stood, clearly wanting to make sure they didn’t forget the plan.
Roman knew au certainly hadn’t, and a glance at Remy’s smirk proved she hadn’t either.
A couple of minutes after Logan’s departure from the table, Roman feigned interest in aur phone, acting as though au had gotten a text. Au then stood up, thanking the collective Sanders for inviting aur to dinner and explaining that aur ride was there and it was time for aur to head home. Au brushed off their confusion at thinking they were the ones taking aur home easily, and slipped away from the table before they could figure out something was amiss.
Au smiled when au found Logan in the lobby, looking only slightly worried over the idea that one of jav relatives might catch java trying to get out of any more family interaction time. Ja smiled when ja saw Roman, however. “Took you long enough.”
“I believe it was you who said if I left too soon after you they’d be suspicious.” Roman replied, matching jav smile. “Why, miss me?”
“Always.” Logan said almost immediately, and Roman fought off a blush at the single word. Au and Logan were close friends, and had been like that for a while. Cheesy lines like that were relatively common between the two of them; it didn’t mean anything else.
Roman cleared aur throat. “Do you want to step outside? Remy might take a bit, depending on whether or not he decides to make a scene, and I don’t want to be too close if that happens, do you?”
Logan chuckled. “Certainly not.” Ja replied, moving towards the double doors of the restaurant and holding one of them open for Roman.
Stepping outside, Roman took in a deep breath of the cool evening air, preferring it to the overwhelming smell of various foods that had wafted throughout the entire restaurant. Logan came to stand beside aur only a second later, and Roman directed them both to the side of the restaurant, where they could wait discreetly for Remy to join them.
“So,” Roman started, not wanting to spend the entire time waiting in silence, “scale of one to ten, how has your evening been so far?”
Logan considered the question for a moment before responding, “An eight, I’d say.”
Roman’s eyes widened a bit. “That’s pretty high, all things considered.”
Logan shrugged. “Being around my relatives is always an atrocious affair, but having you and Remy around helped a lot. It was much more manageable with you two.” Logan glanced at Roman for a moment, expression unreadable, before focusing jav gaze back out on the parking lot in front of them. “I always enjoy being around you.”
“We’re around each other a lot.” Roman pointed out quietly. Au wasn’t sure what point au was trying to prove, but au wasn’t quite sure what point Logan was going for either.
“I suppose so.” Logan murmured, though it sounded more like a filler phrase than anything else. Silence stretched between them after that, and Roman didn’t feel like au should break it.
It was eventually broken for aur by Remy sprinting out of the restaurant, spinning on his heel as she got outside, stopping when he saw Logan and Roman.
“Hey, darlings! We gotta go!” She called out, grabbing their attention as he gestured for them to come join her. “Unless you want this whole plan to go down the drain, anyways!”
“I knew he should’ve snuck out before me.” Logan said, shaking jav head even as ja smiled and started to run after Remy, Roman right behind java.
Remy didn’t start moving again until Logan and Roman were close, close enough that he could grab their hands. As soon as she had them, he took off again, weaving between the cars fast enough to hopefully throw off anyone who might be at the restaurant entrance now, trying to spot them.
Soon enough they were out of the restaurant’s parking lot and on the sidewalk, racing down it as fast as they could. Remy still held their hands, her grip tight and warm, while he constantly checked around them, looking for something or another. Suddenly, she skidded to a stop in front of an alleyway.
“You guys want to see something awesome?” Remy asked, glancing between the two of them as he asked.
Roman fought off the urge to respond ‘I already do’ as au looked at Remy, flushed from the running but grinning as well, looking a wild sort of beautiful. “I’d love to.”
“I certainly don’t have a better way to spend my time.” Logan said.
Remy’s grin only grew. “Great.” She said, right before starting to run again, pulling them into the alleyway. They allowed themselves to be led as he ducked between different alleys and slipped between spaces Roman felt they weren’t meant to slip through, only letting go of Remy’s hands when she released them, coming to a stop in a small, unusual clearing.
The spot Remy had finally stopped on was a ledge of cracked and jagged concrete, the broken concrete spreading out in a circle to fill the small area they were in, most of the space around them walled off by buildings built right next to each other and rusty chain link fences. Crumbling dirt sloped down against the concrete, making a small crater within the border of damaged rock.
In the center of it all was a pond. It wasn’t very large, the crater itself only being three or four yards wide across, but it was well-sized. The surface of the water was pretty with the sunset colours playing across it, but it was clear enough for the group to see down into it. The dirt in the pool was awkwardly packed, leaving it deep in some spots and shallow in others, but amongst the layers Roman could just make out little creatures swimming about.
“I stumbled into this place a couple of days ago when I was bored and wandering.” Remy explained while Roman and Logan leaned closer to the pond, both interested in the animals moving within it. “I think there was some construction mishap that made the crater, and they were too lazy to do anything to fix it, so they left it as was. Over time, it collected rainwater, and-”
“Are these tadpoles?” Logan interrupted, looking up from the pond to meet Remy’s eyes instead.
A broad smile broke across Remy’s face. “Far as I can tell, yep. Saw a few fully grown lads hopping around yesterday, too, though I don’t know if we’ll see them today.”
Logan smiled at that, jav grin somehow bigger than Remy’s as ja quickly turned back towards the pond, leaning even closer to look down at the tadpoles. “Wonderful.” Ja said, under jav breath, looking completely absorbed by the animals.
Roman forced aurself to stop admiring Logan and go back to watching the tadpoles before au was caught, but in aur opinion, the former view was much more incredible than the latter- and the tadpoles were pretty incredible.
“Tonight just gets better and better, huh?” Roman said, the comment technically directed towards both Logan and Remy, but given that Remy seemed to have become distracted with one of the fences, only Logan really heard it.
“Indeed.” Logan agreed, glancing away from the pond to look at Roman. Ja was still smiling brightly, jav entire face lit up and expression excited and happy. Roman couldn’t help but smile back, though aurs was softer, a product of Logan’s excitement, not aur own.
“You look lovely.” Roman said, out of the blue, not entirely sure why au had spoken. It was true, yes, but Roman tried to mostly internalize those thoughts. “Your, uh, your dress, I mean. It’s very lovely- you wear it very… lovelily.”
Logan laughed softly, a beautiful sound that Roman was absolutely in love with (almost as much as au was in love with Logan). “Thank you.” Ja finally said, with a small smile that seemed even more meaningful than the grin ja had been wearing a moment ago. “You wear your outfit very nicely as well.”
If Roman hadn’t been blushing earlier, au certainly was now. “Thanks.” Au mumbled, glancing back out at the pond to avoid Logan’s gaze. Au had the distinct feeling that if au looked too long au might say things they would both inevitably regret.
“My entire family thinks we’re together, you know.” Logan commented idely, ignoring the way Roman jerked at jav words. “Or me and Remy are together. Or you and Remy are together and I’m just third-wheeling. They’re too uptight to accept polyamory’s existence or it being valid, but if I did I think they’d assume we’re all together.”
Roman forced a laugh. “Amatonormativity’s wild.”
“It is.” Logan said, but it was offhanded. “Though I admit, all their conversing on the subject around, and sometimes to, me has… confused me a bit.”
“Holy shit, Lo, don’t tell me you think you’re allo.”
“Wha- no, no Roman, I’m still aromantic.”
“Oh.” Roman said lamely before frowning. Au was looking at Logan now, but jav expression was once more unreadable to aur. “Then what’s up?”
Logan laughed nervously, taking jav turn as the one awkwardly watching the pond instead of the other. “Do you recall, a few months ago, when I told you I would be amicable to the idea of us entering into a queerplatonic relationship?”
“Would I forget?”
“You have the figurative memory of a goldfish so, yes, you would.”
Roman chuckled. “Alright, you got me there. But, yes, Lo, I remember.” Au answered directly, hoping au just imagined the shake in aur voice.
“When I told you that, it was because I felt I was- so to speak- in possession of equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. I did not mind being your friend, nor would I have minded being your partner, because both made me perfectly happy.”
Roman hummed when Logan paused, trying to show au was paying attention without risking something as embarrassing as a voice break.
“Now, I feel as though I still hold equal platonic and queerplatonic feelings towards you. But I’m… uncertain as to which I should be having. I have always been content with considering us to simply be friends, but the words of my family have forced me to take a closer look at what our relationship is, and I feel as if I must reconsider that view.”
“I’m… not sure I completely follow, Lo.” Roman said hesitantly, trying to crush the unsteady flutter of hope in aur chest. Logan was talking about confusion, not making a confession.
Logan took a deep breath before ja turned from the pond to look directly at Roman. “I believe if our relationship continues as it has, sooner rather than later, I will no longer fully feel content to be your friend alone, and instead wish to also be your… your partner.” Jav gaze dropped down to the ground between the two of them. “That is, if that has not happened already.”
Oh. So it was a confession.
Roman didn’t say anything, feeling speechless and breathless all at once. Logan took the unmoving stare and lack of response poorly. “I apologize if you do not feel the same, I truly do not completely expect you too, I do not want to hurt our friendship with my assumptions-”
“No! Logan, no, I-” Roman paused to take a breath, trying not to focus on Logan’s wide-eyes from aur sudden yell. “Oh, gosh, you’re going to hate me.”
“I find that doubtful.” Logan replied evenly, now tilting jav head on its side in curious bewilderment. “Why do you think I would hate you?”
Roman ran a hand through aur hair, looking away from Logan as au did but turning back towards java when au spoke. “Your feelings are completely requited.”
Logan’s eyes widened again, this time in surprise. “You mean-”
“-And they have been for several months.” Roman added, interrupting Logan.
“Since I told you I would be alright being in a QPR with you?”
“Since, uh, since a couple of weeks before that.”
“Oh. Oh!” Logan said, moving from processing to what Roman could only describe as delight. Ja was smiling again, almost giddily, pressing one hand over jav mouth to try and stifle jav laughter.
“Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased lightly, feeling rather giddy aurself. They had both just admitted they wanted to be the other’s partner, after all, so surely that meant-
“I assure you, I’m not laughing at you, just-” Logan laughed again despite jav words, and when ja leaned forward Roman realized ja had scooted closer to aur, jav forehead landing against Roman’s shoulder as ja laughed in a way that suggested less humor and more joy. Roman’s heart soared. “You’re very cute, Roman.”
Roman grinned like that was the best thing au had ever heard even as aur cheeks flushed crimson. “You’re cuter, angel.”
“Ah, petnames.” Logan said, tone warm and content and happy. “Love, dear, darling…”
“Your love, your dear, your darling.” Roman corrected softly, feeling bold. It immediately paid off as Logan tried to press jav face further into Roman’s shoulder, trying to hide the blush Roman knew was covering jav face. “My cutie.”
“Your cutie.” Logan echoed, sounding lovestruck even in just those two words.
Roman pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s head, smiling growing as Logan giggled. “My cutie, my angel, my beloved, my Logan.”
Logan only giggled more, and Roman beamed, entranced by the sound and more than willing to listen to it for the rest of aur life. “My Roman.” Logan managed to say between jav giggles, oblivious to the bright red flush that had taken over Roman’s face. Au pressed aur head against the top of Logan’s, not necessarily to hide aur blush so much as to be even closer to Logan.
“Please tell me this is what it looks like, because babes, if I have to go one more day watching your sorry asses pine over each other like you’re the only people in the world I’m going to lose it.”
At the sound of Remy’s voice, Roman turned aur head to face her, refusing to remove aur head from on top of Logan’s. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rem, we’re just two bros pressed up against each other like bros do.”
“Ha ha.” Remy dropped down beside the two of them, flicking some rust off of his nails. “I still can’t believe it took you two five months, a frog pond, and me looking away to finally admit you’re queer as hell for each other.”
“The best things take time.” Logan murmured. “Though, I admit, I would have liked to have been doing this five months ago.”
“Well, maybe if you had admitted you wanted to be my partner earlier, we could’ve gotten here sooner.”
Logan lifted jav face from Roman’s shoulder to level a sweet but disappointed expression at aur. “That is exactly what I did.”
“Yeah, but you said you could go either way.” Roman pointed out, tone light and joking. “You should’ve known that wouldn’t be enough confirmation for me.”
Logan let out a small laugh, shaking jav head, but the look in jav eyes was only fond. “You’re an idiot, love.”
Roman just grinned. “Only because you keep hogging our shared braincell.”
“You can’t be trusted with it.” Logan replied, returning jav head to Roman’s shoulder, seemingly content to leave it there for as long as ja could. “But that is alright, my dear. I will keep it safe for you.”
“Thank you, my angel.” Roman responded, trying and failing to ignore how hot aur cheeks were. There was a simplicity and ease in calling Logan aurs that only confirmed to Roman that this- that them- was always meant to be, but that didn’t make aur immune to blushing about it.
“You two are cute.” Remy commented idly, leaning forward to rest her chin on Logan’s shoulder. Logan didn’t react, clearly used to the motion. “Does this make me a house-wrecker, now?”
“I don’t think you can wreck a house that has only just existed with past actions.” Logan stated thoughtfully.
Roman grinned over Logan’s head at Remy, the solid thrum of adrenaline from one successful squish-turned-partner making aur bold. “Can’t wreck a house you’re a part of, either.”
Though Roman knew Remy would never admit it, his cheeks dusted pink at Roman’s suggestion. “Funny, sugar, very funny.”
“I would not necessarily assume that Roman’s suggestion is meant to be humorous.” Logan said, which Roman could tell made Remy only blush more. “I cannot speak for aur, but I will say that I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to being in a partnership with you as well, Remy.”
“Three is my favorite number.” Roman added, wrapping an arm around Logan’s back to grab one of Remy’s hands.
“You two are going to get me confused.” Remy complained, though she squeezed Roman’s hand, using the grip as an excuse to wrap his arm around Logan’s back as well. “I hope you’re ready to deal with the consequences of that.”
“I’d be more than happy to.” Roman assured her, not bothering to stave off a giddy smile at the thought of having two wonderful partners.
“Indeed.” Logan added, shuffling a bit and forcing Remy to lean closer against java. Remy laughed at the action, but didn’t say anything, only leaning forward to kiss Logan’s cheek before settling down against jav side.
“Well, now, that’s just rude.” Roman teased, getting Remy’s attention. “Don’t I get a kiss too?”
Remy grinned. “Anything for you, hun.” He responded, careful to not crush Logan as she leaned over java and kissed Roman’s cheek. He laughed when Roman’s flush immediately renewed itself, even darker this time. “You knew that was coming.”
“That doesn’t make me prepared!” Roman replied, trying to sound indignant and knowing au was failing horribly. It didn’t help when au impulse shifted over so that au could kiss Remy’s forehead before she could get fully out of range, making it Remy’s turn to blush.
“Oh, that was mean.” Remy mumbled, but given the colour of his face and the slightly strangled way she spoke, Roman got the feeling he didn’t actually mind it much at all.
“Mhmm.” Roman hummed disbelievingly before moving to kiss Logan’s forehead as well, giddy with the knowledge that this was just a thing au could do now.
Logan reacted to Roman’s kiss faster than Roman had expected, leaning up to kiss the tip of aur nose before au could pull away, smiling at Roman. Roman smiled back without a thought. A glance up revealed Remy was smiling softly at the two of them as well, becoming even softer when she caught Roman’s gaze and smiled directly at aur.
Roman reveled in the moment, feeling as though au had never been warmer despite the chill the evening brought with it. With both aur squishes- with both aur partners- held close, Roman felt as if nothing could ever top this moment.
Now all au had to do was make sure Andy and Patton never found out about it.
Summary: All Patton wanted to do was cry. And yet, that was the one thing they knew they shouldn’t do.
So they didn’t.
Warnings: Self-deprecating, bottling up/repressing emotions + reactions to said emotions, making fun of someone’s interests, considering animals to be disgusting, purposeful misgendering, calling someone a ‘special snowflake’, crying
Pairing: QPR Mosleepxiety
Notes: We’ve also got agender!patton, nb + neopronoun using!Remy, and transmale!virgil because You Can’t Stop Me
~~
Patton was having a great week.
Sure, maybe it was only Monday, and it was too early to judge the whole week, but still! They had woken up on the right side of the bed, they had had a good and easy day at work, and now they were hanging out with friends they hadn’t seen in forever. Patton knew this was just going to be the awesome start to an equally awesome week.
At least, that’s what they had thought.
That was before the conversation between the group had turned from various miscellaneous tidbits and topics to Patton’s life in particular. They had all been going around, talking about how their lives had been, so Patton wasn’t surprised the conversation turned directly on them.
They were surprised, however, when their talk of working at a pet store was met with what they almost would have described as disgust. When they spoke of loving to take care of all the animals and how they were always happy to see pets brought in with their owners to shop, most of the group sneered, one going as far as to ask Patton how they put up with having to be around so many animals all day.
Though by then their stomach had started to twist uncomfortably and unhappily, Patton answered truthfully- they thought the animals were cute, and being able to see and interact with so many without having to take on all that responsibility full time made them happy.
More scoffs, a few odd glances, and a quick change of subject was all Patton got in response. The group didn’t even bother to ask about the rest of their life, about whether they had met anyone or their hobbies or anything. They had fully dismissed them and their life for the sake that they liked animals.
And damn did that sting.
Their eyes did, too, after a moment, upset at being ignoring and having their interests mocked pooling together. They bit their tongue, however, and blinked a few times to clear the unwelcomed water from them. Later, when they were home, they could cry; but not here, not while they could still see.
Later turned out to be much later, however, and by the time Patton was home the need to cry had passed, leaving them only feeling hollow and hurting. They dropped their bag by the door, resolving to put it somewhere nicer later, and made their way to the kitchen.
There, they found Remy mixing what was sure to soon become dinner. When dae noticed Patton standing in the doorway, dae smiled at them.
“Heya, sweet cheeks.” Dae greeted. “I see you and your friends really hit it off, huh? You’re back later than I expected- not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. You had fun, yeah?”
Barely a moment of consideration passed before Patton was plastering on a smile. “Yeah, I did.” They lied effortlessly, their words only catching in their throat for a moment. After all, it wasn’t like any of this was a big deal- it was just one bad interaction. Nothing a nice night with their partners couldn’t resolve. They didn’t need to mention it, or do something as silly as cry about it. They’d be fine if they just pretended it didn’t happen.
They’d be fine.
~~
Patton was having a good week.
Yesterday hadn’t been the greatest day ever, yes, but it hadn’t been awful, either! Unpleasantness aside, work had still been good, and relaxing with their partners had been good too. They weren’t ready to write this week off just because of one bad moment at the beginning!
But it seemed that Tuesday was after them as well.
It was around midday when a brash customer came in, looking for a fish for his daughter. None of the options available seemed to appease him, and Patton’s attempts to assist him weren’t helping either.
Being yelled at for not being able to magically add more colourful fish into the store’s stock was bad but not unusual, and Patton bore it with a forced smile and as calm a manner as they could fake. It became harder to uphold the facade when the man, having decided he’d rather yell at a manager, took a closer look at Patton’s name tag, discovering not only their name, but the neatly written out ‘they/them’ pronouns note.
The man made a face of open disgust at that, and Patton tried not to flinch as they pointed him in the direction of their manager. She wasn’t too far away, and even still standing in the fish aisle Patton could hear their conversation.
“-he was being blatantly disrespectful!”
“They were simply informing you of the facts of the matter, sir. While I’m sorry we don’t have what you are looking for, it’s not as if they can-”
“Oh, enough of this ‘they’ bullshit! He’s clearly a boy, albeit a special snowflake of one!”
Patton moved away from the fish aisle after that, hurrying towards the front of the store and away from the conversation. Tears were already stinging at the corners of their eyes, but they brushed them aside impatiently, unwilling to be caught crying in public. And it wasn’t as if they hadn’t been misgendered before! They knew how to deal with it! This shouldn’t be the end of the world when they’ve had to put up with it before!
Before Patton could decide if disappearing into the bathroom and crying for five minutes was a good idea or not, the bell by the door rang, indicating a customer entering. They looked up on instinct, slightly surprised when they recognized the person coming in. Virgil was known to pop in for a visit around lunch time every once in a while; Patton just hadn’t expected him to visit that day.
With one last wipe at their eyes, Patton put on a smile that was only a little realer than the one they had been using for the customer earlier and went to approach him. “Virge!”
Virgil smiled- really smiled, genuinely smiled, unlike Patton- when he saw Patton. “Hey there, Pat.” He greeted as he met Patton, kissing their forehead.
Patton’s smile warmed at the gesture, feeling more real. “Hiya honey. How’s your day been?”
“Wild.” Virgil answered with a smirk. “Some lady made me chase her when she suddenly broke into a run on her way out of the museum. I thought she had stolen something- turns out she just realized she was late to catch her bus.”
“Oh wow.” Patton said, laughing once before saying, worriedly, “But you-”
“I already took my binder off, don’t worry.” Virgil assured them quickly. “It wasn’t that long of a run either. I’m fine.”
Patton let out a little sigh of relief. “Good.”
“Mhmm.” Virgil hummed neutrally. “And you? How’s your day been?”
“It’s been good.” Patton said automatically. It wasn’t a total lie- the day hadn’t been that bad, really, it was just the one interaction that had them on edge, which was hardly enough to make it a ‘bad day.’ Even if it had been, it wasn’t like telling Virgil would help anybody. He would just have to go back to work knowing Patton was upset, and Patton could be stuck knowing they had made Virgil’s day worse.
So they stuck with the half-lie and the half-smile. They could always tell Virgil the truth that night at home, could cry then and be comforted then and deal with it then.
Of course, when night came and the numbness had once more set in, Patton didn’t tell Virgil anything. They didn’t cry either.
But that was fine. They felt better, already, after all! And Virgil seemed happy, and it was nice to see him happy, and his happiness made Patton happy. There wasn’t any need to cry or bring up the day’s incident. So long as Patton ignored it, everything'd be alright and they’d be happier than ever by tomorrow.
They’d be alright.
~~
Patton was having a fine week.
Monday and Tuesday hadn’t been stellar days, but Patton knew how to work with that. They had still had good moments, of course, and they weren’t one to let two bits of mold ruin a perfect good loaf of bread! Besides, today was their day off, and they were going to make the most of it!
They had started by cleaning the house, putting everything in order, and the resulting neatness of everything alone was enough to lift their spirits. They decided to reward themself, happily adding ‘ice cream :)’ to the bottom of their shopping list before they headed to the store.
They got through the shopping list alright until they got to their added reminder to grab ice cream because, upon arriving in the section for ice cream, they found their favorite flavor of ice cream to be sold out. Completely sold out. Not a pint of it to be found anywhere on the shelf. To add insult to injury, it was a speciality flavor of the brand- which meant Patton couldn’t just pick a different brand with the same flavor.
To their annoyance, Patton realized that tears were trying to poke their way past their eyes, trying to slip down their cheeks unnoticed as if that would make it so that Patton hadn’t ‘really’ started crying. Patton just wiped them away.
It wasn’t like this was anything to cry over, after all. It was just some ice cream being out of stock! They could always just grab their second favorite flavor and that would be just as good. It didn’t make sense for them to be so upset over this, to feel as if the only proper response to the whole matter was to cry. That was just stupid.
Patton kept that in mind as they turned away from the frozen section and headed for the cash registers, no longer in the mood for any ice cream. All they wanted to do was go home, put away their groceries, and take a nice long nap.
Maybe, if they slept long enough, the once more returned numbness that had settled into them would go away and leave them alone. Maybe if it did that, Patton could be okay, could get past the ugliness of the week so far.
(Maybe) They’d be okay.
~~
Patton was having a week.
They had woken up tired, likely the result of their nap from the day before leaving them doing more tossing-and-turning than sleeping. That had also meant they had missed having breakfast with their partners, and while the quick good morning and goodbye kisses each of them had planted on their forehead before leaving had been sweet, Patton still couldn’t help but feel bad they had messed up their usual routine by sleeping in a bit.
The morning seemed to have set the tone for the day, as, so far, they had done little more than lie about the house, occasionally moving where they laid about to give themself the impression of not being completely lazy. That tactic had done little to make them feel better, but they still continued with it, figuring that, if nothing else, a little exercise was better than none at all.
But just as it had every other day of the week so far, that mindset ended up betraying them. Because it was during one of their random treks across the house to a new spot to do nothing in that they stubbed their toe.
The incident alone should have been harmless- Patton was relatively clumsy, they had stubbed their toe countless times before and would likely do so again many times in the future. But as the shock of pain registered with Patton, their reaction was anything but normal.
Almost immediately, they started crying.
Despite the amount of tears that had welled up in their eyes more or less at the moment of impact, only one managed to escape, quickly running down their face and leaving a small trail behind it. It wasn’t much, but it counted. It counted as crying.
Angrily, Patton smeared their hands across their face, wiping all traces of the one escaped tear from their face and forcing the others back as they pressed their palms against their eyes. They couldn’t believe it. After everything they had dealt with that week, that was what they cried over. Stubbing their toe.
Pathetic.
They didn’t remove their hands from their eyes until they were sure the chance of crying was gone, ignoring how their chest ached and how their stomach twisted. They moved to walk again, ignoring the spark of pain from the stubbed toe as they put weight on it. It was just the slightest sting, after all, nothing to baby or fret over or goodness forbid cry over.
Still mentally berating themself, Patton arrived at the couch and promptly flopped down onto it, planning to stay right there for the rest of the day. No more moving about and risking breakdowns over silly stupid things.
Pressing their face into the nearest throw pillow, Patton didn’t even bother trying to lie to themself about tomorrow.
~~
Patton was having a bad week.
There was no point in trying to convince themself that they were just having an off day or moment. By now, the whole week was rotten and Patton was feeling rotten too. It hadn’t helped that they had gotten their partners concerned, both of them clearly worried after finding them on the couch refusing to move. Eventually, Patton folded to their concern, getting up for dinner and the like, but them blaming their original legarthy on tiredness only slightly lessened the worry in both their partners’ expressions.
Work had been nothing special, with no good moments or bad ones, but the day had felt ten times longer to Patton, and by the time they were home all they wanted to do was take a nap and not wake up for many, many days. Despite seeing the light in the kitchen, Patton headed towards the bedroom, taking half a second to kick off their shoes before they sat down on the bed, leaning against the headboard, closing their eyes even though they knew they’d never fall asleep in that position.
“Hey there, sugar.” Patton opened their eyes and tilted their head to find Remy leaning in the doorway, smiling softly at them. Daer tone was gentle, and it didn’t take a genius to guess dae was still worried about Patton. “Tired?”
Patton nodded. “Can we have dinner in here?” They asked, feeling silly even as they asked. It wasn’t like Patton couldn’t move to the table to eat, they just… didn’t want to. Table meant sitting up and sitting apart and trying to uphold decent conversation. Patton just wanted to snuggle up against their partners and try to drown out the cold feeling of melancholy with their warmth.
“Yeah, of course.” Remy agreed readily. “We can eat now, if you want- Virgil called, apparently some paperwork from his false-alarm capture got lost. He said he’s gonna be late home and that we shouldn’t wait up for him.”
It was a simple matter, both what Remy had said and how dae had said it, and it wasn’t an uncommon event either- Virgil’s workplace was horrible with keeping track of paperwork. He had been late home before.
So, of course, Patton immediately wanted to cry about it.
They resisted the urge to wipe at their eyes, knowing that would make Remy suspicious, instead simply pressing their eyes closed to fight back the waterworks as they said, “Okay.”
Despite it being all of two syllables, however, Patton’s voice broke on the word, Remy’s expression drawing into a frown before they had even finished speaking. “Love?” Dae asked, tone terribly gentle, as if speaking too loud might cause Patton to break. Patton let out a watery laugh. These days, they probably would.
“I’m fine.” Patton said, even as their voice broke again, their every word sounding choked. “I’m fine, really, I’m fine, just tired, nothing to worry about, I’m fine,”
Patton didn’t realize Remy had started approaching them until dae was sitting on the bed beside them, taking one of their hands in daer own. “Love?” Remy repeated, a hint of worry seeping into daer tone this time. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Patton answered immediately. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine, just tired, I’m fine, really, just fine,”
“Hun, you’re spiraling.” Remy pointed out gently. Patton shut their mouth immediately, ducking their head as they did so. Remy sighed lightly, running daer hand over Patton’s arm as dae pulled out daer phone. “I’m going to tell Virgil to get home quickly.”
“But his work-”
“Can be taken care of later.” Remy finished for them, tossing daer phone to the side, sure that daer message would be read and heeded. Both hands now free, dae scooted closer to Patton, gently prompting them to lift their head and meet Remy’s searching gaze. “Right now, you’re the priority.”
“I shouldn’t be. I’m fine.” Patton said, emphasizing the last word as if that would make it finally sink in for Remy that they were fine, really, just tired and a little numb but mostly just fine.
“You can say you’re fine as much as you want, darling, but that doesn’t make it true.” Remy responded patiently. “Come on, sweetheart, you know there’s nothing wrong in admitting you’re upset. Let me know what’s bothering you.”
Patton choked on a sob they just managed to keep down. “It’s stupid.” They said, miserably, still trying and failing to keep the broken tinge out of their voice. “Just small, little, stupid things.”
“It’s not stupid to be upset over small things.” Remy rebuked gently. “Especially when they pile up, which I have a feeling is what’s happening here.”
“I just-” Patton stopped as a sob made its way through their throat, only making them feel worse as they continued, “it was just my friends said animals were stupid, and someone misgendered me on purpose, and then the store was out of my favorite ice cream and I stubbed my toe and all I wanted to do was curl up with you and Virgil and pretend nothing was happening but Virgil was going to be home late and I-”
Patton broke off to sob again, pressing their eyes shut as they did, trying to contain the tears that were fighting to spill. Remy cooed sympathetically as dae moved from cupping Patton’s face to pull them into an embrace instead, guiding Patton’s head to daer shoulder as dae wrapped daer arms around them and held them close.
“I’m just so sick of wanting to cry.” Patton choked out.
“Oh, honey, of course you are.” Remy said understandingly, daer hands running up and down Patton’s back, the motions comforting and grounding. “How much have you been crying, hun? Once a day? You must be so tired-”
“No.” Patton interrupted, shaking their head against Remy’s shoulder. “No crying.”
For a moment, Remy’s hands slowed in their movements, Patton’s words clearly giving Remy pause. “What do you mean, no crying?” When Patton didn’t answer, Remy pushed, “Darling, have you not been crying at all this week?”
“Wanted to.” Patton mumbled. “With my friends and the misgendering. But I didn’t want to cry in public, and by the time I got home I didn’t want to anymore. And then the ice cream and the toe, those were just- just stupid, stupid things to cry over, so I didn’t.”
“Oh, Patton…” Remy said after a moment. Daer voice was much more concerned than it had been a moment ago, and Patton wanted to shrink into themself and disappear for making daem sound like that. But before they could, the sound of a door opening and closing rang out through the household, signalling the arrival of Virgil. He was in the room barely a moment later, worry etched on every inch of his face. When he saw the position Patton and Remy were in, some of the more manic worry fled from his eyes, though most of it still remained.
He approached the bed quietly, stepping lightly as he took a seat besides the two of them. “Hiya, pattycake.” He said softly, one hand coming up to run through their hair. When Patton didn’t respond, he looked towards Remy, searching for answers.
Remy quickly explained the crappy highlights of Patton’s week. “Had they told you about any of that?”
Virgil shook his head, eyes wide. “Of course not! I would’ve told you if they had.”
“I know, honey, don’t worry.” Remy assured him, briefly moving to press a kiss against Virgil’s forehead before once more placing daer chin on top of Patton’s head. “They said they haven’t been crying either.”
Virgil sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Oh, Patton…” He said, tone nearly identical to Remy’s when dae had said the same thing. “You know why you shouldn’t do that, right?”
Patton half-shrugged. “Don’t see any reason not to.” They murmured.
“You’re not giving your emotions an outlet.” Virgil told them, voice gentle. “All of your sadness and frustration and upset… you’re just bottling it up and hoping it’ll go away if you ignore it. But feelings don’t work like that. They’re just building up beneath the surface, hurting you more and more every time you refuse to acknowledge them.”
“I don’t want to acknowledge them.”
“We know, sweetheart.” Remy told them, kissing the top of their head. “We know it’s not fun, especially after you’ve been holding them in so long. But you have to, or things are just going to keep getting worse.”
Patton let out another sob against their will, and though their eyes were still screwed shut, they knew they wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears forever, especially not with Remy and Virgil like this, being so gentle and sweet. “Can I-” They stopped to pull in another breath, hating that it took so much effort just to do that. “Can I cry?”
“Oh, baby, honey, darling… you don’t have to ask permission for that.” Remy said, sounding heartbroken even as they soothed Patton. “Of course you can cry.”
“We’ve got you.” Virgil added as he scooted closer, pressing against Patton’s side even as his fingers continued to comb through their hair. “It’s okay. You can cry.”
So Patton did.
And it hurt, hurt as they shook and sobbed, hurt as their breaths hitched and they moved between breathing and choking, hurt as their tears stained Remy’s shirt and smeared across their face, hurt as they cried a week’s worth of tears and flushed out the ugly pit that had too long settled in the pit of their stomach. It all hurt, and Patton almost wished they hadn’t allowed themself to start crying.
But for as much as it hurt, it couldn’t hurt more than the numbness that had plagued them since Wednesday did, couldn’t hurt more than feeling like everything was something to cry over, couldn’t hurt more than they had been hurting when they had been pretending they were fine.
And with Remy still holding them close and Virgil beginning to hum a senseless but calming tune under his breath, comforting them as they sobbed, likely already planning what to do when Patton was done crying, to keep holding them, to keep comforting them, to remind Patton that they loved them even when they did nothing more than cry, Patton knew that, for as stupid as they had felt, their partners’ had been right.
just a quick lil’ drabble to get me back in that writing flow- prompt ‘spontaneous 3am date’ from @emo-disaster
The biggest annoyance of the phone ringing at three am was the fact that Remy had been busy using the phone. Xe had been in the middle of mercilessly crushing some particularly rude candies when the screen got replaced by that of xir partner’s icon and the option to either accept or decline the call. Of course, Remy accepted.
“Darling, you know I’m always down to hear your pretty voice, but shouldn’t it be resting right about now?” Remy asked right off the bat, ignoring the hypocrisy of the statement.
“I couldn’t sleep.” They answered, and Remy grimaced sympathetically even though xe knew they couldn’t see xir.
“Wifi’s on the fritz.” Patton said. “And Roman’s got the disc collection on loan for a marathon.”
“Sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Anything I can do to ease the pain? I know where Ro-Ro lives if you want me to rescue your collection.”
“I was actually thinking that we could… maybe… go on a date?”
“A date?” Remy repeated. Xe craned xir neck to look at the clock, double checking that it was, in fact, three-twenty-seven am. “Now?”
“Yeah!” Patton confirmed. “I know no where’s really open, but I figure the parks never close-”
“Hate to break it to you doll, but the parks do in fact close.”
Patton paused for a moment, but they pushed on fairly quickly with, “The parks never close when you’re queer and you’re willing to do crime.”
Remy laughed. “I’m sorry, did Mx. taking-soap-from-hotels-is-stealing just suggest we break the law?”
“Well it’s not like we’ll be bothering anybody if we’re there!” Patton said, and though Remy couldn’t see them, xe knew they were pouting. “And it’ll just be a little visit, real fast, and we’ll be able to see the stars so nicely, and- oh- I just really want to stroll through the park hand-in-hand with you right now!”
“Aghhh.” Remy groaned, pulling one of xir pillows over to xirself and pressing xir face into it, trying to hide xir now red cheeks (from who, xe wasn’t exactly sure, but xe was still hiding them). “Honey, you gotta stop being so damn adorable.”
A light laugh. “Would if I could, coffee bean.”
“No you wouldn’t.” Remy argued before xe sighed. “I wouldn’t want you to either.”
“I know.” Patton told xir, tone teasing and amused. “So. Three-forty-five? Meet you by that one tree that looks like a question mark?”
“You really wanna do this, huh?”
“I miss holding your hand. I haven’t done it in all of two days.” Patton whined. “So please come?”
Remy sighed again, but xe was smiling, and xir tone was warm. “It’s a date.”
