#tw gaslighting

[rafesbabydollsblog]

[miser-of-miscellaneous]

Reincarnation by Itoko (Idoll_itk)

[valentinesxoxo]

⋮ ⌗ ┆❨ tamsy makes you fall in love with him.. ❩

the house was unusually quiet that morning, the only sounds coming from the rhythmic ticking of the clock mounted above the stove and the soft creak of wooden floorboards beneath tamsy's feet.

golden sunlight filtered through the curtains, stretching across the kitchen counter where every ingredient had already been laid out with almost obsessive precision.

a block of softened butter rested beside two bowls of sugar, one white and one brown, while fresh eggs, a bottle of vanilla extract, flour, baking soda, salt, and a bag of dark chocolate chips sat neatly arranged in a perfect line.

anyone walking into the kitchen would've thought he was simply in the mood to bake. there wasn't a hint of haste in his movements as he tied an apron around his waist, rolled up his sleeves, and picked up a large ceramic bowl. the butter slid inside first, followed by generous scoops of both sugars.

he worked them together with a wooden spoon until the mixture transformed into something pale, creamy, and impossibly smooth, pausing every so often to scrape the sides of the bowl with practiced patience.

there wasn't a single rushed movement. he enjoyed the process, not because he cared about baking itself, but because perfection mattered. if he was going to give you something, it had to be flawless.

one egg cracked cleanly against the rim of the bowl before slipping into the mixture, then another. he poured in a careful splash of vanilla, and the warm, comforting scent immediately filled the kitchen, wrapping itself around him like an old memory.

he sifted the flour into a separate bowl, adding baking soda and a small pinch of salt before whisking the dry ingredients together until they were light and even. slowly, he folded them into the butter mixture, stirring in steady circles until the dough came together into a soft, velvety consistency without a single lump.

finally, he reached for the chocolate chips, letting them tumble into the bowl with a pleasant rattle before gently folding them throughout the dough. every scoop looked perfect, every chip evenly distributed.

he tilted his head slightly as he admired the mixture, humming under his breath. it looked exactly like any ordinary cookie dough. just warm, sweet, innocent, just as he intended.

his eyes drifted toward the doorway, lingering there for several quiet seconds.

no footsteps, no voices, satisfied that he was alone, he reached into the inside pocket of the coat hanging over the back of a nearby chair and withdrew a tiny glass vial, barely larger than his thumb. the liquid inside was crystal clear, so transparent it almost disappeared against the sunlight pouring through the window.

it looked like water, looked harmless, and ordinary. a slow smile curved across his lips as he uncorked it with practiced ease, holding it carefully above the bowl. three tiny drops slipped into the dough.

they vanished the instant they touched it, leaving no shimmer, no scent, no discoloration—nothing that would ever make someone question what they were eating. without missing a beat, he picked up the spoon again and stirred.

he did it slowly, thoroughly, methodically. he folded the dough over itself again and again until every trace of the potion had become inseparable from the butter, sugar, and vanilla. only after he was certain there wasn't the slightest remnant left did he set the spoon down.

"perfect."

the word came out as little more than a murmur, almost swallowed by the quiet of the kitchen. he slipped the now-empty vial back into his pocket as though it had never existed.

he lined a baking tray with fresh parchment paper before scooping rounded portions of dough into neat rows, carefully leaving enough space for each cookie to spread while baking.

they were almost identical in size, each one gently shaped with the back of the spoon before he pressed a few extra chocolate chips into the tops. it was a small detail, but it made them look homemade in the best possible way.

the tray disappeared into the oven, and within minutes the apartment began to fill with the rich scent of butter melting into sugar, warm vanilla curling through the air, and chocolate slowly softening beneath the heat. tamsy rested one elbow against the counter while he waited, his expression unreadable as the timer counted down.

when the soft ring finally echoed through the kitchen, he opened the oven and was greeted by a wave of comforting warmth. the cookies had turned a beautiful golden brown around the edges while the centers remained soft, the chocolate still glossy enough to glisten in the light.

he transferred each one onto a cooling rack with surprising care, allowing them to rest until they were just cool enough to handle but still warm enough to feel freshly baked.

once they had cooled, he arranged them neatly inside a cream-colored pastry box lined with delicate parchment paper, stacking them carefully so not a single cookie would break. he tied the lid shut with a pale ribbon before slipping a small folded note beneath it in tidy handwriting.

"thought you'd like these. figured i'd try baking for once." — t

there was no confession, no flirting, nothing that would raise suspicion.

it looked like a simple gift from someone who'd spent an afternoon trying something new. he smiled quietly to himself as he admired the finished box, brushing an invisible speck of flour from the ribbon before making his way to your door.

he left it there without knocking, setting it down gently so it wouldn't tip over, then walked away as though he'd simply completed another errand. there was no need to see your reaction.

because he already knew how the story would unfold.

later that afternoon, you returned home tired from the day, nearly walking past the small box waiting outside your apartment until the cream-colored ribbon caught your eye. you bent down with quiet curiosity, recognizing tamsy's handwriting almost immediately.

"...he baked?" you mutter.

the question left your lips with a small laugh as you carried the box inside before placing it carefully on the kitchen table.

the moment you untied the ribbon and lifted the lid, the smell of warm vanilla and rich chocolate drifted into the room, making your stomach rumble despite having eaten earlier.

the cookies looked almost too pretty to touch, each one perfectly golden with melted chocolate peeking through the surface. smiling to yourself, you picked one up while it was still faintly warm and took a bite. the edges gave way with a gentle crunch before the center melted against your tongue, soft and buttery with just the right amount of sweetness.

"wow.." you blinked in surprise before taking another bite. "these are amazing."

one cookie became two. two became four. before the evening was over, the box sat empty beside you, reduced to little more than scattered crumbs and the neatly folded note resting underneath.

the following morning, something felt different. not wrong, just unfamiliar.

before you'd even gotten out of bed, your thoughts drifted toward tamsy for no reason at all. you wondered if he'd always enjoyed baking. if he'd been proud of the cookies. whether he was awake already or still asleep somewhere, completely unaware that you'd eaten every last one.

the thoughts lingered longer than they should have, returning throughout the day no matter how many times you tried to focus on something else. when someone happened to mention his name in passing, you found yourself listening a little more carefully than usual.

by the time you spotted him across the room later that afternoon, your heartbeat stumbled so suddenly that you instinctively looked away, confused by the warmth spreading across your cheeks.

you laughed it off as embarrassment, convincing yourself you'd simply been caught staring.

the days that followed only deepened the feeling until it became impossible to ignore.

his smile seemed brighter than anyone else's. his voice lingered in your thoughts long after conversations ended. every small act of kindness replayed itself over and over in your mind, each memory becoming sweeter than the last.

without realizing it, you started searching for him whenever you entered a room, hoping he'd be there. if he brushed your shoulder while walking past, your heart fluttered.

if he complimented you, you carried those words with you for the rest of the day. it felt so natural that you never questioned it. you simply convinced yourself that somewhere along the way, you'd fallen hopelessly in love with him. meanwhile, tamsy noticed every little change with quiet satisfaction.

the way your eyes softened whenever they met his. the way you smiled before he even spoke. the way you trusted him more with every passing day. it wasn't the potion that made him powerful—it was what the potion allowed him to become.

the center of your attention, the person whose words mattered most.

nearly two weeks after you'd finished the cookies, tamsy found you sitting alone beneath the shade of a tree, absentmindedly looking at the nature. he approached with the same easy smile he always wore, hands tucked comfortably into his pockets as though this were any ordinary conversation.

"mind if i join you?"

you looked up, your face brightening the instant you saw him, and without thinking you shifted over to make room.

"of course."

the two of you sat together for a while, talking about nothing in particular until the conversation settled into a comfortable silence. finally, he turned his head toward you, his expression almost impossibly gentle.

"i've been wondering about something," he said softly. you stopped zoning out, giving him your full attention. "about what?" he smiled. "would you like to go out with me?"

your answer escaped your lips before doubt could even form. "i'd love to."

there wasn't even a second of hesitation.

tamsy's smile widened ever so slightly as he reached over and intertwined his fingers with yours. you saw it as the beginning of a relationship. he saw it as the final piece clicking perfectly into place.

from that day forward, every suggestion he made felt reasonable. every explanation sounded believable. every reassurance wrapped around your heart like a comforting blanket. when others questioned him, you defended him without thinking.

when he asked something of you, saying yes felt effortless. he never had to raise his voice or force your hand. the potion had done exactly what he wanted—it hadn't stolen your mind, it had made your love for him feel so genuine that every choice you made seemed like your own.

and that was exactly how tamsy preferred it.

because the sweetest kind of control, was the kind you never realized you were giving away.

[frankitineedrehab]

Hear me out on Dennis' first ever relationship completely fucking him up. (+ hucklerabbot later)

(it was supposed to be a short idea but it snowballed into this idk what happened)

(hurt/comfort | tw: gaslighting, sa/rape/non-con)

During his second year of med school, Dennis meets a boy, falls in love, and is miraculously loved back. 

It's great. He is euphoric. It's his first serious relationship ever, his first relationship with a man, and the first good thing that's happened to him since he left home. Sure, he still doesn't have any friends, but at least he has a boyfriend, so he is not complaining. 

He moves in with him pretty quickly, which is convienient. His boyfriend has his own apartment: he offered Dennis to come live with him when he found out about his difficult situation, and Dennis is beyond grateful. Not having to worry about whether he'll have a roof or not over his head at night is a big weight off his chest. 

Things are good. He still doesn't really have any friends, but it's fine. He is fine. He is doing great in school, a star student, and he's got his boyfriend to go home to: he just misses his family, but there's nothing he can do about that, so better not to dwell on it. 

He has his first... experiences. His parents would be horrified if they knew, but they aren't talking to him anyway. He has always been too scared to try, scared of their judgement, their reactions, their punishment; but now he is free. He can do whatever he wants. So his boyfriend teaches him, and it's good, Dennis likes it. He doesn't really have anything to compare it to, but his boyfriend is happy when Dennis does as he is told, so it's okay. 

Med school is difficult, but fun. Challenging. He lacks the confidence to strike a conversation with anybody, so he spends most days just sitting quietly in his corner, but he is doing great. He still hasn't met his boyfriend's friends, but he keeps saying he'll introduce them soon, so hopefully he'll make some new connections. He'd like having other people to talk to.

Time passes. He tried calling his parents at one point, because, well. He missed them. But they never picked up. He is ashamed of how he cried after that, but at least his boyfriend held him through it, which is nice. It's nice having that sort of comfort. His boyfriend is nice. He likes Dennis a lot. He loves him.

He tells him all he time, how much he loves him. Tells him in the morning, at random times during the day, during sex. Dennis doesn't like sex that much, to be honest. It often lingers between okay and painful, and he does enjoy the closeness with his boyfriend, but most of the time he doesn't even come. Truthfully, most of the time he is not in the mood at all; but he likes seeing his boyfriend happy, and if for it to happen he has to be uncomfortable for a while, well, it's a price he can pay.

He makes friends. It's great. A group of students who live together in a tall building nearby. They all come from other states: there is a blonde girl from Tennessee, a boy from Illinois, a girl with heterochromia from New York and another guy from Nebraska, just like him. He tried to get his boyfriend to meet them, but he didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about the idea, so he never brought it up again.

He has been feeling a bit down lately. He misses home. Misses his brothers, even if it probably isn't reciprocated. He talked about it to his boyfriend, which always cheers him up. He always knows what to say to make him feel better. And sure, the sex after wasn't as nice, but again, he only wanted to make Dennis feel better, even if Dennis didn't like it that much, so the thought is appreciated.

He doesn't talk with his friends as much anymore. Not that they were ever that close, but his boyfriend always got annoyed when he mentioned wanting to hang out with them, and Dennis really didn't want to fight, so he just stopped seeing them. His boyfriend is already on edge these days, plagued with something that is not Dennis' business, and he doesn't need Dennis to bother him on top of that.

He is starting to get more uncomfortable with the sex thing. His boyfriend likes it, a lot, but he just can't get into it. He has tried telling him, but he says it's normal, he just has to get used to it. It's already been a few months, and Dennis wonders when it will finally click for him too. 

Med school is great. He likes being busy. He is starting to spend most of his time studying at the public library near home. It's easier to focus there: he loves his boyfriend, but when he decides he wants to do things and Dennis confesses to him that he really isn't feeling up for it, he always gets mad, so Dennis ends up indulging him anyway. The library allows him to actually focus and get the work done, so it's become a bit of a shelter, even if that feels too extreme to say.

So. They got into a fight. It's Dennis' fault, really. His boyfriend just wanted to spend some time together, and Dennis hasn't paid much attention to him these last few days. And he is right: he is already being generous by allowing Dennis to live with him for free, he deserves to get what he wants once in a while. Even if it hurts. Even if Dennis doesn't really want to.

Things are okay. His boyfriend took him out for dinner a couple of times this week, and it almost feels like it did back when they first started dating. Dennis should enjoy it more, probably, but there's this uneasiness he can't shake off. They're out together now, and he likes the place, the atmosphere is great, but he is feeling a bit sick and he is not in the mood for... anything, later. Once they're back home, he suggests going straight to sleep, but his boyfriend frowns and asks him why he is being difficult. Dennis apologizes, and as he takes off his clothes, a sudden urge to throw up creeps up on him.

He has the feeling that something is wrong, but his boyfriend keeps saying it's normal. It's the way things are supposed to be. Dennis is living under his roof, eating his food, so he owes it to him to be available whenever he needs it. It's the way relationships work. Dennis would like to talk to someone else about it, but he doesn't really have friends he can turn to.

For their anniversary, his boyfriend bought him a golden bracelet. Dennis doesn't wear jewelry: he could never afford it, and back at the farm it simply wasn't practical. But it looks expensive, and the words 'I love you' are carved into it. Dennis appreciates the gift, though he is a bit scared of accidentally losing it or damaging it.

He is starting to think that maybe relationships aren't for him. He doesn't want to have to do this anymore. He hates sex, he feels gross and dirty all the time, it hurts, and when he tells his boyfriend that it hurts, he always answers that he just has to hold on until he comes, it's okay, just a little more. Dennis doesn't want to go a little more. Most of the time he just wants to curl into himself and cry. But his boyfriend doesn't stop, and he doesn't have the money to afford a place of his own, so he takes it. It feels like he's being torn apart, but that's just the way things are.

He left. They got into a big fight, and Dennis just. He is done. He'd rather be homeless, at this point. At least he is alone. He hates the thought of having to be touched again. He understands, okay? Relationships are like that. A good boyfriend is always ready if needed. But he has decided that if that is what being in a relationship is like, it's better not to be in a relationship at all.

It's fine. He can manage. He was doing okay on his own before his (ex) boyfriend arrived; he can do it again. 

He sells the bracelet. He needs whatever money he can get, after all.

Fourth year of med school. Internal Medicine at PTMC. There is an abandoned wing on the eighth floor of the hospital, and Dennis doesn't have anywhere else to go, so. He hopes nobody finds him. 

First day of the ER rotation is a shit-show. Fireworks in the worst way. He doesn't know if he wants to cry, laugh, throw up or do everything together. But, you know, life goes on. He doesn't have the time to lie down and feel sorry for himself, so he better put on some music and pretend the world doesn't exist for a while.

Santos finds him. She offers him a place to stay. Dennis is pretty sure she likes girls, so he should be safe. He will gladly help around the apartment. He'd rather do that than pay with his body.

Things are good. Trinity is a great roommate. It takes a while before they actually start talking to each other, but once they do, his whole world changes for the better. He has a friend. Like, an actual friend, and Trinity even admitted it out loud once, which is more than great. Also, she is a lesbian, so she definitely will never ask him for sex. That is definitely a plus.

Days pass in the ER, and Dennis is confused. He can't stop thinking about Dr. Robby. Can't stop thinking about him drinking his coffee, him smiling at something funny Dana said, him touching him. 

Dr. Robby touches him a lot. He squeezes his shoulder, guides him with one firm hand on his waist, friendly pats his back when he has done a good job. He has learned to feel on edge whenever someone else's fingers touch his skin, and it hasn't disappeared, but there's something deeper brewing inside him when it's Dr. Robby. There is a part of him that craves it.

He has never felt this way with his ex boyfriend. Maybe in the start: but as time passed, touch became this forced thing he started to resent. He remembers how his ex boyfriend used to tell him how much he wanted to touch him, to feel his skin, his warmth. Dennis never quite understood what he meant, until now. 

He wants those hands on him. Wants them to touch, to explore, to hold. And, what's most surprising, he wants to touch too. Wants to grasp those hands, those shoulders, wants to run his fingers through his hair, wants to wrap his arms around his waist and learn what he feels like. And it scares him. Both being touched and touching, everything feels terrifying.

Does it make him like him? Wanting to touch? Dreaming about it in the nights, thinking about it during the day? But, Dennis thinks, he'd stop if Robby told him to. It feels wrong, somehow, thinking about going further if Robby asked him to stop. Not that there would ever be occasion for that to happen in the first place.

Plus, even if he always covets Dr. Robby's touch, he is not sure he could handle it. Because he doesn't desire just that. He feels it in the way the universe slows down whenever he looks at him, talks to him, thinks about him. What he truly wants is an intimacy that intertwines hearts and emotions. But that always comes with the physical part, right? That's just how it works. And Dennis isn't sure he can do that.

It's unfair, but it is what it is. Dennis is good at surviving without what he wants, barely possessing what he needs: there are a million reasons why they could never happen, so he never even tries to do anything about it.

First year of residency at the Pitt. It's hard, sometimes, especially because Dr. Robby never stops touching him. It makes sense: why would he? There is nothing weird or unusual about it, from his point of view. Worst of all, however, is the fact that they get closer, emotionally speaking. It happens gradually, and they are definitely not best buddies, but they talk talk, from time to time, rarely, which is still more than most can say.

It gets to a point where Dennis switches over to the night shift, because existing near Robby is a sweet torture that is slowly killing him inside.

Except that it gets worse, because Dr. Abbot, too, seems to have the innate talent of growing roots inside his mind. He is different from Robby, though similar in many other ways: he can see why they are such close friends. They compliment each other in a way that feels fulfilling, like that's what they're meant to be.

He doesn't really touch Dennis, not at first. That comes later, after they've morphed into something deeper than simple acquaintances, after Dennis has settled in with the team. He fits right in, the way he did with the day shift, too, and it is weird, having so many people he can talk to, so many people who refer to him as a friend.

Abbot's touches aren't as firm and lingering as Robby's, but they are bolder, somehow. Ruffling his hair, swiftly squeezing the back of his neck, just small hints of something that runs like electric currents down his spine and lights shame and fear up in his veins like the flames of a burning fireplace.

Soon enough he misses seeing Robby so much, too, and he misses his shifts with Trinity, going out for drinks with the others at the end of the day. But he can't let go of Abbot either, and because work is the only dimension where he is able and it's safe to have a part of him and Robby, or at least pretend he does, he starts alternating between night and day.

He keeps silently dreaming, revels in the fantasy of something impossible and the nightmare of what that would entail anyway. He hugs himself, and the thought of someone else embracing him roars inside him like a primal need and strikes him with visceral repulsion all the same.

Then, during his second year of residency, he accidentally asks Dr. Robby out. It's the end of the day, he is more tired than he should be, and they are talking like they sometimes happen to do. He thinks maybe they could talk more somewhere else, maybe Dr. Robby would be more comfortable if they talked in a place less filled with chaos and coworkers, so he asks him if he wants to go out for drinks, one of these days. Robby tells him he'll check when he is free, and then he'll get back to him.

It’s only when he tells Trinity about it that she points out that it sounds like he asked him on a date. Embarrassment takes over him, because, asking out his boss, really? Just like that? What will Dr. Robby think of him?

The embarrassment quickly turns into fear and excitement when Dr. Robby tells him he is free that Saturday.

He wants to cancel, to say it's been a misunderstanding, but Trinity won't let him. Go get that old man, she tells him, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of opportunity, and he can't let that go to waste because he is scared of God knows what. So he takes a deep breath, and tells Robby that Saturday works just fine with him.

When, that afternoon, Robby texts him asking him if Abbot can tag along, Dennis stares at the phone confusedly for about five minutes. What is this? What does that mean? It's already bad enough he asked his boss out, and now his other attending is there too? Maybe they want to have A Talk with him, tell him his behavior was inappropriate, that it's better if they forget about the whole thing. Instead he texts back that it's okay, he can come too, and Trinity makes him swear to ask Dr. Robby for an explanation once he gets there.

Turns out, Dr. Robby interpreted the offer the way Dennis first intended it: a friendly meeting. It so happened that Jack (Dr. Robby calls him that, and he said Dennis can too, outside of work) had the day off and also wanted to go out to drink something, so he thought to put the two things together.

When Dennis embarrassingly explains that he erroneously believed it was a date, Jack laughs and proposes to make it a date anyway, the three of them. Dennis agrees almost jokingly, definitely not taking it seriously, ready to leave the embarrassing evening in the past once he gets back home. But it goes surprisingly well and before he realizes it they have planned a second one.

And so it starts.

Sometimes they go out for drinks, sometimes they go to the movies, sometimes they take a walk in a nearby park. At work nothing really changes: they both don't stop touching him, but they don't add to it either, which Dennis is privately grateful for. Handling it as it is is already challenging enough: more touching, with this new layer added to their relationship, would mean heading towards a precise destination, and he isn't sure he could take it.

The first to kiss him is Jack, right at the end of one of their dates, while Robby is there with a hand on his back. It's short and sweet, barely a peck on the lips, but Dennis panics, not for the kiss itself, but because back with his ex boyfriend a kiss meant something more by default and Dennis just isn’t ready, he can’t do that again, can’t feel that again, he can't, he just can't.

Both Robby and Jack apologize immediately for having overstepped, and Dennis feels the guilt and the shame claw at his throat with practiced cruelty. He tells them that there is no need to feel sorry, that he just didn’t want to have sex now, that he tried not to freak out but he couldn't help it. He didn't mean to let them down.

Robby is quick to reassure him, saying that they were not planning to have sex with him, but even if they were, he'd have every right to stop them. Jack nods, as if it's obvious, and adds that he truly only kissed him because he wanted to just kiss him, that he wasn’t expecting or asking for anything further, but in any case, if it makes him uncomfortable, he won’t do it again.

And Dennis, well. He doesn't know what to do with this unusual understanding. He keeps apologizing for his exaggerated reaction, and tries to explain that he knows sex is owed in a relationship, that’s just how it works, he has learned by now, but he is hesitant since last time he didn’t really like it and he is scared at the thought of going through that again. So he wants to wait a bit before making things official, prepare himself mentally. He really wants to make them happy, he just needs a bit of time. He doesn't mean to be annoying.

Robby and Jack look horrified, and they stare at him with a weird kind of fury. Weird because, for some reason, it doesn’t feel directed at him, but it feels like it exists on his behalf. As if he is the one who should be angry, as if he were the one done wrong.

Then they start asking questions. For some reason, as he keeps answering, he gets the feeling that something is not quite right.

That night, when he gets home after a lengthy, heavy conversation, he tentatively asks Trinity if it’s true that sex is not obligatory in a relationship. He feels like a stupid kid asking questions for the first time, and it’s sad how it is not that far from the truth. Trinity asks him what he exactly means by that, already alert (and ready to murder Robby and Abbot). It’s then that Dennis finally tells somebody the whole story with his ex boyfriend.

By the time he is done, Trinity looks angry, the same anger that glowed in Robby and Jack’s gazes, and again, he doesn't know what to do of it. Her eyes are unexpectedly lucid as she explains to him that no, sex is never owed, not even if he is in a relationship, not even if his boyfriend is letting him live with him, not even if his boyfriend says so. No one should ever force him to have sex, she tells him, and if he tells them to stop, because he doesn't want to continue anymore or because it hurts or just because, the other person has to stop, and if they don’t, it’s rape. Even if that person is his boyfriend.

Hers and Robby and Jack's words echo loudly in his head, and Dennis has to sit with that for a minute.

It takes him a while to let it sink in. Let it burn on him. And when it does, it pushes way too many things up. Anger, confusion, shame, grief for something that was taken from him. He looks at the mirror and he feels dirty and used. Looks at this body and thinks of it as skin to be abused. And he shouldn't, because it isn't normal, it never was.

But he does feel like it, and he is hurt, so deeply hurt it touches a desperation inside him that scares him, and he stares at himself and wonders how he can ever get past that, how he can ever trust someone so deeply again. Because he trusted him, trusted him to love him, trusted him to teach him, trusted him to take care of him, and all he got was resentment for everything and himself instead.

Because he let that happen. He was so fucking naïve, and he let that happen. And he knows it rationally isn't his fault, and Trinity keeps telling him, every time he doubts. But it's so hard not to look back and think about how obvious it was, how he should have left earlier, how he should have never even talked to him at all. But he did, and shit happened, and now he is here. He is the one paying for it, not him.

Now thinking about having sex with Robby and Jack makes him want to throw up, and he hates it, because he wants Robby and Jack. He wants to touch them, wants them to touch him. But something ugly lives inside him, it was put there by malicious hands, and he can't get rid of it, no matter how hard he tries.

And he tells Robby and Jack, shakily. Angrily. Furious with the world, with his ex, with himself. He tells them that he isn't sure he can ever do it, he isn't sure he can ever bring himself to touch and be touched again, that they shouldn't waste their time waiting, because he might never be able to give them himself, not in that way, not in the way they deserve. They should leave, because he can't give them that.

But they don't leave. They hold his hands, like they've done countless times before, and reassure him that they are never, ever going to ask him to do something he doesn't want to. They are never going to ask him to do anything at all. That they love him for who he is, for his kindness, his altruism, for his bright mind and wonderful heart. That it isn't his body that they want, but him. Just him. In any way he feels comfortable with.

And so it continues.

They keep going on dates. Out for drinks, to the movies, a walk in the nearby park. The first time they come over to Dennis' apartment, Trinity is there. She doesn't stay with them in the living room, but she is in the kitchen, door wide open, silent, but clearly watching. Making sure it stays what it has to stay. That hands stay where they have to stay.

They don't stop touching him, but they still don't add to it, and he is still grateful for it. Grateful that it's just like it was before, just like it always was between them. Enough, not too much. Just what he needs to feel normal.

Dennis kisses Robby and Jack for the first time right at the end of one of their dates, much like Jack did a couple of months before. He closes his eyes, presses his lips against Robby's first, just because he stood closer, and then Jack, and it's tender and quick and nervous in a way that buzzes between his bones.

When he pulls back, both of them are looking at him with such love it makes him want to cry. They say goodnight, part ways, and when he is home, he sobs in Trinity's arms, seeks shelter in her embrace, and some of the tears scream from the chambers of his mind that now they're going to want more, they'll ask for more, while others flow with something akin to hope because maybe he can have it, some sort of happiness with them, he can kiss them, he can hold them, he can be held, maybe. Maybe.

Days pass like this. They fall into a rhythm. He opens up slowly, gradually, and he never touches touches, but. He kisses them, and they kiss him, and sometimes they form a cuddle pile on Robby's couch, and he laughs against Jake's shoulders, and Robby rests his head on his lap, and it's nice, real nice.

He looks at them sometimes, and he wants. He still hates that he wants, a little bit. Hates that it feels so abnormal and wrong still. But it's there, and he'll untangle the mess around it, carefully, with time, because he wants to, because it's his right. Because he wants to touch, wants to feel, and one day he'll be able to welcome it and to seek it, one day he'll let his naked body be held again and it will be worshipped, not pried open.

Not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next year. Maybe never.

It would be okay. If it ended up being never, it would be okay. He'd still be loved. He'd deserve to be loved. Trinity tells him, keeps telling him, over and over. She has become more vocal with it, now. With her affections. She is still Trinity, of course, but she isn't as afraid to say it as she was before, even if it's wrapped in sarcasm and jokes.

So, it would be fine. But he'll try, because he wants. Because Robby and Jack don't expect anything. They have showed him that they don't. That they love him. And that love isn't meant to feel uncomfortable or unclean. That with time, arms around him can build a blanket instead of a cage, and he can just lie beneath it and soak it in, breathe it in, with his clothes still on and with his eyes safely closed.

He'll try. He'll try.

(ty everybody, it was supposed to be a short idea but this happened)

[makingsenseofwhathappened]

Being told your pain is real but irrelevant is not support. Unfortunately, this kind of response is why so many people stay silent. If you are considering next steps in a situation like this, this might be a helpful resource.

[1-wonder-1]

I call this one “Dr. Abel-decides-to-gaslight-Ragatha-instead-of-just-telling-her-he’s-basically- in-a-costume-because-he-thinks-it’ll-make-him-more-trustworthy-somehow-and-because-he-generally-sucks”

Yeah idk if this is one of my best comics and I’m very tired atm so I’m sure I’ve made some mistake that I’m missing, but I had to get me thoughts across ;-; as soon as I watched episode 7 I sat down and did the sketches for this because I HAD to channel that energy somewhere

Also, side note, but I hope I depicted the fainting alright—I have fainted before myself but obviously I couldn’t see what it looked like while it was happening 😭💔 As always please let me know if anything is egregiously inaccurate:,3

If you’re confused you can read a bit more about ep 7 in the au here!

And as always the au masterpost is here :D

[angelyuji]

You got any yandere robert ideas as well or no.

hey friend!!! its been a hot second huh... but ohhhh do i have ideas 😈

i can think of many different scenerios so im just gonna yap

cw // noncon, kidnapping, stalking, workplace harassment, power imbalance, toxic/yandere behavior, toxic workplace environment, mentions of gaslighting and manipulation

robert x criminal!reader where its like the toxic moment at the beginning of the game except you and also he's turned on torturing you and he basically just keeps you in his apartment "for your own good" and also "for the peace of society" and definitely not cuz he wants your cookie so bad he doesnt give af if you're into it

robert x reg!reader where he's just super anxious and nervous about you out in the world especially since he's not working as mechaman and convincing you to let him move in with you and slowly isolating you from everyone you care about and basically keeping you trapped with him but its okay!!! cuz he's the love of your life and you don't need anyone else but him!!

robert x reg!reader where he sometimes (constantly) tasks the z-team to keep an eye on you and they're like "you're a weird guy, robert" but who cares and blazer is a little weirded out but he's the only one that can control the z-team so... sucks to be you ig :P

robert x z-team!reader where its basically like visi x reader except its robert so he invites you over to his apartment, gets you drunk, sleeps with you and basically says "hey, i'm basically ur boss and unless you want to lose your future...." dsf;jshdf;;doj and it doesn't really matter if you snitch to blazer cuz she's like "damn that sucks but robert's all we got so im gonna let you try again. did that really happen or would you like to keep your position on the team?"

also also!!!! robert x sdn!reader where its kinda the same thing as the one before except its "hey that sucks but it's either you stay quiet and go along with it or you get fired"

adding onto the two before, robert getting handsy with you in the break room when no one's around heheuifa;foiejs im soooo in love with him

robert doesn't seem like the kidnapping type tho unless its that one scenerio but also... idk he doesn't really have the best living situation for a kidnapping lol

he's also the type to apologize while nonconing you too like he's apologizing and wiping your tears and kissing you like a true yearner

o;hafo;p'pwehoifjs he's very sweet tho as a bf/partner even if ur not that willing, he's willing to wait till you've completely broken down and accepted him! he's literally mecha-man, a goddamn superhero!!! he knows how to wait <3

he's not the type to be mean to you in fact he's soooo enamoured with you, he could genuinely never be mean to you but he will gaslight you and manipulate you but in a sweet way!!

[wishful-thinking-is-dumb]

Can I request platonic yandere simon Riley x fake willing reader

Like the reader tries to gain their trust so they lower their guard down. When the opportunity arrives the reader escape and made it far but the problem is simon is catching up and then the reader hides from them which they are playing hide and seek

The ending will be up to yours if the reader is caught or not

I requested this i want thriller or suspense 🙂

Of course bb. Enjoy <33

Platonic Yandere Simon Riley - Escape?

You played nice for months, playing along with him, making him trust you little by little. You were smart the first couple of times he let you out of your room, not making a run for it when he left the front door unlocked as a test a couple of days in a row.

You knew he had cameras everywhere, you memorized where they were and if there were any blind spots as discreetly as you possibly could. But could you really outsmart a man who spent years as an operative? You always would second guess yourself when he would stare at you.

One night when he’s out with his friends, drinking. You thought it would be a perfect time to escape. He didn’t lock you in your room this time. You decide to go through the front door, barefoot, since he didn’t give you any shoes. It was a deliberate way to deter you from running.

You run fast, not down the main road, he would see you. You don’t care as the alarm blares. It would only be seconds before he checks his phone. You know that he has connected the security system to his phone. You make it to the end of the driveway, and you feel the camera at the end of the driveway follow you, he's controlling it remotely. 

The alarms fade as you get farther away, your feet pitter pattering on the concrete, you round the corner and your heart beats out of your chest. A tall fence is in your way. There is a gate, but it needs a code to open. 

“Fuck..” You mumble, going right, surely the fence couldn't go all the way around the property, right? You are proven wrong after five minutes of running along the fence. Each second that ticks by is a second that he gets closer home, and it's starting to make you paranoid. 

You have only one option left, and that is to climb the fence. You come to a halt, wondering how you are going to attempt to climb the surface. It barely has anything to grab onto. Sweat pours down your face, hands trembling with adrenaline as you look for a tree to climb instead. 

You find a sturdy tree close to the fence after looking through the dark forest, every noise makes you jump. You haven’t heard his truck come yet, you still have time. 

You use your adrenaline fueled fear to scale the tree, carefully shimmying down a branch that hangs over the wall. If you fall, you could break a bone. You gasp as you push yourself to sit on top of the wall, terrified of falling. You hear his truck coming up the road, he got here fast. You take panicked breaths, You carefully maneuver over so you are hanging by your arms, you drop down. The landing wasn't graceful, but it didn’t hurt that much. 

You stumble into the trees, trying to not freak out as you hear two car doors slam. Did he come back with another person..? You hear them call out for you. Simon and the other person are weirdly calm, like they know they don’t need to panic. And that freaks you out. 

Did you really think you could escape him? He’s tracked down terrorists, using just the skin on his back. Do you really think he couldn’t follow you?

“Y/N? Y/N? I’m not mad, I should’ve made the fence higher, please come here!” He calls out, he knows you aren’t within the fence anymore, he has way too many cameras. 

You hear the second voice as you skitter across the forest floor, the branches and rocks cutting your feet. You don’t care, you need to get away. 

“Come on, kiddo! It’s too cold out for this!” The second man calls out, now closer. Your heart is in your throat. You hide behind a tree as you hear their boots cracking the sticks that they step on as they follow your trail. 

You curl into a ball at the trunk of the tree you're hiding behind. Hands over your ears as you try not to hyperventilate too loud. You can hear them talking to each other, they have flash lights. 

“You sure she went this way, Si? She couldn't have made it over the fence.” The Scottish one comments, looking around in the under bush, unaware of how close you really are. He shines his light on the tree you're hiding behind, but it passes to another tree. 

“Y/n’s slippery, just like their old man.” Simon comments, referring to himself. The Scottish man lets out a little huff of laughter and they continue to call out for you. 

“Y/n!” Simon calls out, they are close. “It’s too far to get to town on your own, come back inside and we can talk about this!” He yells into the dark forest canopy, only able to see what he shines his flashlight on. 

“Well, Y/n ain’t running anymore. Can’t hear them.” The Scottish man murmurs to his friend. Simon nods in agreement. His light flashes over your tree again, they definitely know where you are. 

“Y/n.” Simon says slowly, the tone of voice he uses when he's disappointed in you. Leaves are crushed under foot as he walks to the tree. You stop breathing as he looks around the tree to find you. 

“Fuck.. look what you did to yourself.. Your feet are bleeding.” He kneels down in front of you, watching you as you battle with the urge to run. He's putting the blame on you for running, hurting yourself when he’s the one who never had proper footwear for you, when he kidnapped you. 

“Aw… Poor kid.” The Scottish man rounds the other side of the tree, taking off his jacket to wrap it around you. You’re not shivering from the cold though. You are from fear. Simon is gonna lock you in your room for god knows how long. You're scared of what he’s going to do to you. 

“Come on, up we get.” Simon huffs as he picks you up, you tense up and you start to cry. You don’t want to go back into that house, you don’t want to be trapped in there with him. He rubs your back as you sob into his shoulder. 

“It’s fine Y/n. I knew you were gonna try something. I’m not mad at you. I didn’t think it would take you so long.” He comments as he walks through the under bush with his friend following behind. 

“It’s… ok to be scared, but I gotta put the ankle monitor on you now, you get it?” This only makes you cry harder. “I’ll fix up your feet. They’re gonna be really sore later.” He scolds you lightly, but it sounds really intimidating from your perspective.   

He carries you back onto the road, his truck parked outside the gate. It's still running. He puts you in the passenger seat, telling his friend, Johnny to get in the back while he drives up to the house. You sob into Johnny's jacket, the sounds are grating compared to the silence inside the car. 

He drives the truck through the gate, making sure you don’t see the code he punches into the keypad. Once the gate is open he drives up to the house. He parks right by the front door. 

“Alright, let's clean those feet up, Y/n. They look painful.” He gets out of the car, Johnny gets out of the backseat at the same time. Simon walks around the front of the car to the passengers side and he picks you up out of the car and he takes you into the house. 

Johnny goes into the kitchen and fills up a metal bowl of lukewarm water to help warm up and clean your feet. Simon sits you down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. He pats your head, wiping tears off of your face. 

“It's gonna be ok, I promise.”