Turns to total collapse
Lilette Suarez x fem! reader
Warnings: age regression, anxiety, tantrums & crying
“Nights when one broken glass turns to total collapse
Just know this too shall pass
I'm tellin' you now, tellin' you now”
- w.c.: 2.2k
Now with summer in full swing since SATs were done and dusted, Lilette was somehow way more anxious and irritable than before, for just about anything under the sun. “Good morning.” You said softly, she grunted.
“Here, eat this sandwich.” You handed it to her while she was staring into space in the direction of the TV after she’d refused lunch three hours ago saying she wasn’t hungry. She huffed and laid on her side, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders.
“Lil, talk to me.”
“I’m fine.” She grumbled, “Let me nap.”
“No, we’re not doing this again today. We’re one week into summer break and you have been doing nothing except—”
“Yeah, maybe that’s what I want. I should get used to doing nothing in case I get my SAT score and see that that’s what I’m destined to be doing because it’s going to be embarrassing.”
“Lilette, you know that’s not true.” You said, fighting the overwhelming urge to sigh.
“It is, I suck. I look at the questions and I blank,”
“Babe, it’s an important exam. I get that feeling. You’re not alone.”
She grumbled quietly, obviously displeased.
You however, continued, “That’s already done. And you did do your best, we studied together everyday for hours, reading, writing and reviewing. The practice papers proved it.”
Lilette sighed heavily.
“Lil? Don’t let that take over your mind. You took charge of whatever you could control in those tests. Now you need to do that again, don’t let that drive you crazy. You worked hard, it’s time to do what you want and relax, have some fun. Anything, but sitting and staring and letting your mind wander back to the past. Because here you are, you’re here. You’re not there, in those classrooms. You are here, you are home. You are free. And I’m right here with you.”
“…It’s hard.” She admitted, “I don’t even try to think about it and it just happens.”
“That is why, we need to do things. So that it doesn’t have the time to brood over history that we cannot change.”
“You’re right, I just—”
“I know, baby. I know. Stakes are high, but you know you’ve worked so hard for whatever score you get. You just need to remember that.”
She looked at you, eyes watery as her lips were pursed together. “Hey…” You scooted closer to her, brushing your thumb over her cheek, “It’s okay, everything is okay. Trust me.”
She gulped, “I just need to nap this off.”
You nodded, “Okay. Yeah, you take your nap. Hm? Rest up.”
As expected, when she woke up, she was regressed. Lilette came up behind you, poking your back to get your attention. You turned around and saw her looking at you, big doe eyes, slightly messy hair and a floppy Ikea stuffed bear in one arm. “Yes, baby?”
“Are you making dinner?” She asked.
“Sure am.”
“What are you making?” Lilette inched closer, her eyes curious.
“We are having some rice, and chicken. And veggies.”
“Chicken tenders?” She asked hopefully.
“Yes, chicken tenders.” You chuckled.
She smiled, “Okay. Can I watch TV, please?”
“Absolutely. You go ahead, I’ll be right with you.”
It took a lot of shit for Lilette to involuntarily regress. You’ve seen this plenty of times over the last six or so months when SAT revisions were going on. She never believed in herself enough that she could do well. You believed in her though, because you didn’t see things the way she saw them. You saw them the way you would. The way things were…she was way above average grades-wise, even the top 3 scorers in a couple of classes. Still, even when her scores have made their way to that standard in all her classes, she wasn’t satisfied. She was in fact, terrified. And you knew why. Her mother. Her mother’s always been her main source of pressure and stress and all things…not good. That woman’s made her fair share of questionable choices and more often than not squabbling if not straight up arguing with Lilette. So many nights, she’d run off into the night and sit in a swing at the park near her apartment, calling you on the phone. But she never talked, yet…eventually. She breaks, she weeps, quiet, trying to hold back. But even if she was able to, that suppressed emotion shows up in other ways.
Six months ago, Lilette’s relationship with her mother was drastically different than it was today. Even just a month ago. Both of them were trying, but sometimes her mom still had the natural tendency of saying or doing certain things that would piss or set Lilette off. And honestly, you had the same reaction to that woman.
“You think you’re good enough to get out of this town?” Her mom sneered, “Show me. Prove it, don’t just say you’re working hard.”
What the hell?
“You are still hardly ever home. How do you even see me sitting at this damn table every night after a day of school and a shift at the diner until 2a.m., studying. Then I go to bed, I nap, for three or four hours and go to school. I repeat that. Every weekday, I study all day on Sunday, I work Saturday morning. So I deserve Saturday afternoon off.”
“I’m just saying that—”
“Oh, saying. Prove it, prove to me that you are actually going to change. Showing up to the play was one thing. It’s going to hell of a lot more than sitting in that chair for two hours to prove that you are ready to be my mother.”
“Vanessa.” You glared at her, “Stop. Stop picking a fight with her about everything. You are the adult here, and that doesn’t mean you’re always right.”
“Watch your mouth, mamita.” Vanessa scoffed.
“You better watch yourself because I can take you out. I was raised to protect myself and you need to be put in your place. Lilette earns an income while going to school full time and balancing extracurriculars. And you? You’re working the same hours she is, yet you don’t have the time to stop and see how hard she’s been working. For a better future?”
The ding of the oven snapped you back into the present. You got the tray of chicken tenders out of the oven and put some in Lilette’s bowl along with some rice. You were sure she wouldn’t want any vegetables at the moment so you gave her a fruit pouch to go with her meal. “Here you go, sweetie.”
She giggled, looking up at you briefly, “Thank you~”
“Be careful, it’s hot. Don’t hold it yet.” You warned. She slid off the couch to sit on the floor next to the coffee table, “Okay.”
“You eat too?”
“Yes, sweetie. I know, I will.”
“Good.” She said, a little grouchily.
“Eat up, you silly girl.” You guffawed, returning to the kitchen to get your food before joining her. But when you turned around, she wasn’t there. “Lil?”
She popped out from the room when you bent down to pick up her bowl from the coffee table. “Here, mama.”
“Oh, there you are.” You tilted your head, “Go pick out your show on my laptop, baby.”
“Already diddddd.” She said dramatically.
“Very well then.” You nudged her playfully. Lilette tapped the spacebar and her cartoons started playing. You told her to eat her food, she listened and did so. You weren’t as amused as she was by the cartoons, but you found yourself smiling or chuckling whenever she did. Why? She just looked so happy and adorable. Sometimes you just wanted to squish her out of pure cuteness. Well, and you did at times, then she’d giggle. And squeal, pouting to convince you not to tickle her.
“Yes, bebé?” You bit back a chuckle seeing her stare at you like she wanted to say someone or ask something. Then a frown appeared on her face, she turned back to her food and ate a spoonful.
“¿Qué pasa?” You asked.
She grabbed onto her spoon, shaking her head.
“Dime.” Your voice went softer, “Sweetie, please talk to me. I’m here to help you.”
As her lip wobbled, tears fell from her eyes. “No sé.” Lilette sniffled. God the way she sounded? It just shattered your heart into pieces. You scooched closer and wrapped your arms around her, kissing her head, “It’s okay. It’s okay, baby. You’re safe here, it’s just you and me.”
Sometimes…you never clearly know what triggers the tears. Because you don’t know what goes through her mind, you don’t 100% know how her day’s been like. Even little things that she experiences in her day that don’t seem significant, that don’t trigger an upset emotion in her? They can creep up on her and snowball into this.
“Did mami hurt you?” You asked dreadfully.
She hiccuped, you rubbed her back. Her body stiffened. Well, shit. That would be a yes. Then she just started bawling. Your heart hurt hearing her like that. “¿Donde?”
She wouldn’t tell you, so you took it upon yourself to check the usual spots. And it didn’t even take you a minute to find it: her shoulder. You couldn’t take it and sighed. “Dame la comida.”
She handed you the food, her food. You wound up feeding it to her after she seemed to have calmed down. “¿Quieres jugo de manzana? ¿O naranja?” You licked your chapped lips, it stings a little bit.
“No.”
“¿No? ¿Agua?”
“No.” Lilette insisted, beginning to become slightly agitated.
“Okay, alright.” You maintained the soft tone, continuing to feed her the food while she sulkily ate every spoonful of it and watched her cartoons in the meantime. You put her bowl in the sink then ate your dinner in silence next to her. Lilette only looked at you once then turned her head back to the TV. By the time you returned to the couch, Lilette was laying down across it with her head propped up by a cushion. You let her be, and in the meantime, you grabbed your laptop, settled down in the armchair to do some work.
Sometime had passed before you felt her poking your arm to get your attention. You looked away from your laptop and at her. “Yes, baby?”
She avoided your eyes, chewing on her lower lips like she was nervous or shy. “Can we snuggle? Please?”
“Of course we can, sweetie.” You shut your laptop, stood up and left it on the armchair. Lilette sat up to make space for you and you slid in next to her. Once you sat down, she’d snuggled up by your side and naturally your arms were wrapped around her. “I’m okay.” She muttered, “…sorry.”
You hummed, “Everything’s okay, I got you. You just needed a minute.”
Lilette nodded, nuzzling closer, “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, sweetheart.” You smooched her head, making her squeal and giggle.
“I love youuuu.” She dragged out the word, giggling adorably.
“I love you too, Lil. So very much.”
“Hehe.” She looked at you with a mischievous smile, “Can we make a pillow fort?”
“Hmmm.”
“Please, mama?” She pleaded, “It will be funnnn.”
“Glad to see you in a better mood.” You squeezed her tight, “Okay, let’s build a pillow fort.”
She squealed, and laughed, rushing to the bedroom to gather pillows and blankets and beloved toys. You helped her with the pile, then you two built the fort in no time. Automatically, she laid her head in your lap, playing with your hands and the bracelets on your wrists.
“Hi, sweet girl.”
“Hi~” Lilette beamed, “I like your bracelets, mama.”
“Thank you, baby. I do too.”
“Can I have one?” She asked quietly.
“Sure! Which one?” You let her pick, and she carefully analysed each bead and charm, feeling them with her fingers. When she’d picked one out, you slid that off your wrist and onto hers.
“Thank youuu.”
“It’s nothing, baby.”
“Noooo, is everything. You always make my day good.” She pouted.
“You’re so sweet.”
She smiled, playing with your hands again before she kissed the back of one, “You are the besttttttt mama ever.”
You sniffled, “Glad to hear that.” You laughed a little, trying not to cry. You had no idea those words would mean that much to you. “You are the best girl ever, Lil.”
“No, you.” She poked your hand.
“You.” You retorted.
“Nooo—” Before she could finish disagreeing, you peppered kisses all over her face and jokingly bit her cheek.
“I love you most. I win.”
She gasped, “Heeeey.” Grabbing your cheeks with both hands, “No fair, mama. You surprised me.”
“Sure did. I think it was pretty good, don’t you think?”
She agreed grumpily, “Yes. You don’t yell at me when I don’t get A’s. You listen to me, to what I want.”
“I’ll always listen, cariño.” You declared, “I promise.” Holding out your pinkie for a pinkie promise.
She nodded, “I know, mama.”
“Good.” You sighed contently, “Never ever, ever forget that. ¿Claro?”
“Si.”
🏷️ Tag list: @arandomeee @ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128
💬A/N: Two fics in a day? Who am I🥸 excuse the probably incorrect Spanish bc I haven’t done my lessons in 3 months💀
