I wish more male characters like River Ward and Peeta Mellark are starred as the main characters. They are so rare I NEED MORE. Most of the main male characters are tough in a way or another. Softness almost always has to be hidden under some masks, to be earned, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their relationships with women (romantic or not). Not saying River and Peeta aren't tough in the way they survive their worlds. It's quite the opposite. But I'm looking at that peculiar awkwardness that stems from their authenticity and refusal to play games. They are out there irl but why can't we put more effort into creating them in art
Initially I was aiming to write a V/River story. Now I really don't know what I am writing anymore, but I'm having a lot of fun! I got an idea for a prologue today, which got me very excited, but also I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to execute it very well (? it's always the case isn't it, when I thought it's a good idea it'd turn out terrible). Anyway, I've also been re-writing and editing chapter 1 since FOREVER now and here's a tiny snapshot of it:
V jolted awake to the vibration of her agent, drenched in sweat. She'd barely slept, unable to recall the last time she checked the time while she was awake in her bed. And she’d slept badly, trapped in dreams of the security guard from Ho-Oh, the face of him blown open by a bullet fired from V’s pistol. His face was a distorted shape, dark crimson spilling out of the hole the shot had opened. But the gun wasn’t held by V but a stranger, whose face she couldn’t recall now, and the guard screamed and screamed at V while she, without saying a word, watched it happen.
Variance of an image. Nothing new, only that the face of the guard was usually another man or woman who she refused to think of, floating mid-air after her in an edgeless dark space, wet crimson painted over the face. It never touched her, but never quite stopped screaming.
Panting, she dragged in a few breaths, gulped down the cup of water by her bed, then checked her agent for the message that woke her. It was 5:26a.m.
I did it. Published my first one shot (idk if i will ever publish more things because man, this is tiring, all the editing. Immense respect for all the writers, ao3 or not). I kept finding things I wanna improve, spending too much time changing and changing things, even at the last minute. Now I really wanna move on. Do something else like actually playing the game and making some fun VPs. Accept that I wont ever get this one shot to perfect because there's no such a thing.
im so happy I actually finished one thing. And Im so happy that my V finally has a nickname now. I might make a tumblr post about it because there's a few VPs i took for the theme, which I absolutely adore. But for now, for the curious minds who know me on ao3 and do want to know what her nickname is... feel free to pay my profile a visit <3
Here's a quick bio of my blorbo if you want to know a bit about her:
Name: Valerie Van der Meer
Life path: Corpo
She has a family history that she never tells anyone, and it shaped her into someone full of contradictions.
Her last name (Van der Meer) is from her father. In Dutch it means "from the lake".
She inherited her middle name from her mother, Shigemura, along with some other things she wishes she hadn't.
She's talented at reading people but terrible at looking inward.
If she smiles at you, better just ask her what she wants.
Johnny likes to point out that she's sly and manipulative, but she believes she's just a mirror that shows people who they really are.
She's ambitious. But really, she doesn't believe she can, or should, have a quiet life.
Trained by Arasaka, she's disciplined and determined. She'll do everything to get what she wants.
She believes loyalty is dangerous.
Best skill: disguise
Second best skill: stealth
Her ship is with River Ward, someone who happened to become her mirror. Falling in love with him means she'll have to start looking into who she really is.
That's about it for now. I don't know yet how her journey will end or if she'll ever be willing to accept who she is. There are still many questions that keep me awake at night because I don't have answers. I'll probably share more about her in other forms of writing here and there, but feel free to ask if you're curious to know more. 🖤🖤🖤
Tag people/mutuals you want to get to know better!
Thanks for the tag, @fiannans <3
Reading: i'm reading many things at once (and I'm mega slow in reading):
Nomral People by Sally Rooney
In the Woods by Tana French
Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
I'm also very very slowly reading fics on AO3 too. (By slow i meant probably no more than 1k words a day lol.)
Last Series: Reacher a few months ago. Haven't gotten past the second episode... don't think i'll ever finish it.
Last Movie: Watched Fantastic Four last week. Wasn't my fav movie but I do relate to the parenthood theme very much. It was heart wrenching watching Sue hold the baby. Also, the visual idea was so cool with the old-fashioned 60s TVs, cars, music record, robots and dress code, while having all the futuristic high tech.
Last Song: Dream On by Aerosmith
Sweet or Salty: Salty. I don't like sweet...
Tea or Coffee: Tea or decaf depending on which one is offered to me cuz i'm lazy.
Working on: I haven't done many VPs lately, because I'm trying to focus more on reading and writing. I write whatever comes to my mind and I'm way too chaotic when it comes to that. I started writing an epilogue for example, though my second chapter is still unfinished :D
No-pressure tagging @queen-rhaenys-opress @shimmer-like-agirl @ghostoffuturespast @dalishward @luvwich @wanderingaldecaldo @proxy-galaxy @samovia and anyone else who feels like doing it!
It's been fun putting my feeling for V into words (my feelings really need some outlet) but sometimes I feel down when I just... don't know how, or when I just write something down and read it again and don't like it. The idea that at some point in my life, when I move on from the game, there will be no trace of it left. That she will be gone. That i will forget all about it. That I won't even notice when it happens. That makes me sad.
