#ned jones

[riverdaleremix]

[distant-rose]

Hi! I know you’re taking a break from LP, but I keep seeing mentions of an in the works story about Ned falling out of a tree. I was wondering if you had any of that written and if you would be willing to share what you have? If you’d rather keep it to yourself, I totally understand. I’m just really curious. Thanks and you’re a great person!

Hi there, love.

First, I want to apologize. I know you sent this last week and it took me forever to answer and this is mainly due to the fact I pushed everything off because I was taking the MPRE (Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam) on Friday, which is the first step to taking the Bar Exam. I was focused on prepping for that and while prepping for that, I pushed everything to the aside and therefore was playing catchup all of this week with both my work and my schoolwork, so I’m just starting to actually come back to Tumblr more seriously today aside from the occasional shitpost. So, thank you for being so patient.

I’m such an asshole and I’ve already shared the majority of what I’ve written on that story and you can find it here: [LINK]

I don’t know when I’m going to get back to writing that story or when I’m going to go back to writing Little Pirates. I’ve admittedly been more focused on a new project, which is called Earth-6828 and it’s a Next Gen Marvel Universe shindig that @justanotherwannabeclassic​ and I have been cooking up. It’s a lot of fun and I think people who like the LP universe would love it, particularly our LeBeaus because they’re just as dumpster fire-y as the Jones, possibly more so. I only make one type of female character and those are loose canon brunettes with green eyes and a penchant for taking things that don’t belong to them. Except Bekka is an amazing baker and make things explode just by touching them, which might give her an edge over Beth.

However, I can tell you more about the incident and even give you a more behind the scenes inspiration for it and why it’s a part of the Little Pirates canon. Little Pirates is essentially a series of snapshots of the Jones Family as they face…rather mundane problems in a world that’s fantastical and kinda bring human moments to series that predominately focuses on the supernatural. Emma and Killian’s lives focus mainly on magical problems. Most of their issues deal with fairytales and legends and myths, but they’re prepared for that. I think they might be shortsighted to more mundane hazards and issues, such as falling off swing sets and trees and car accidents and normal accidents that happen to normal people. So, this story was basically formulated on the idea that they’re so prepared for the supernatural to happen that such a normal accident throws them off guard. 

This story is actually inspired by my mom. Most things in Little Pirates are reflective pieces of my own childhood and admittedly each child is a facet of my own personality, though Wes is probably the closest to baby Ro. Baby Ro was a feral bastard child and she grew into a feral bastard person. However, when I was very, very, very little, my mother was in a car accident and broke her neck. I don’t remember this incident but there’s plenty of photographic evidence of my mother wearing a halo. However, what I do remember is going to an amusement park and wanting my mother to go one of the roller coasters with me and her telling me she couldn’t and Baby Ro was VERY distressed by this. 

Which is what I think a small child would focus on. Not on the fact that he nearly lost his life falling out of a tree, but rather, he’s no longer able to do normal things kids his age do like go on rollercoasters. I actually planned on Ned waking up and the doctor telling him that he’s lucky to alive and that he wasn’t paralyzed and that he’ll be able to do normal kids things, except roller coasters. And that’s what he latches onto, the fact he can’t go on roller coasters with his older siblings and he has a meltdown about it. Which would, of course, piss his parents off because “kid, you nearly died! Who cares about roller coasters when you almost died!”

Anyway, I’m so sorry I haven’t done much with that story and I haven’t done a lot with Little Pirates in awhile. There’s so much going on behind the scenes and I need you to just be patient with me as I navigate the minefield that is my life.

 Thank you for understanding.

[magicalhistoryofknoxcounty]

@rinscribbles take on Ned Jones! We’re loving the plaid flannel. Listen.

[distant-rose-archive-blog]

Hey Rose! I was wondering who the Little Pirates favorite siblings are (not including Henry) and why. Thanks! I love all of your series but Little Pirates is my favorite. :)

Hi darling~ Thank you so much for reading the series. It legit does lift my heart every time someone sends me love in my ask box. I’m always stunned that people actually read the bloody thing and can follow it considering how much I jump around the timeline.

You just made me cringe because Henry is like the default answer to all of them. I’m not sure if you’ve read any of the ridiculous and numerous meta posts I make, but the siblings’ relationships are…rocky and interesting. There’s a lot of infighting between Harrison, Wes and Beth and poor Neddy, because he’s so much younger than everyone is, is kinda just seen perpetually as The Baby™ so no one really takes him seriously and he’s not nearly as close, I guess, as the three tend to be despite said infighting.

I wrote A LOT so I’m putting it under the cut:

Harrison: Probably Neddy because he causes him the least amount of headaches and respects Harrison’s more introverted tendencies since Neddy himself is a bit reserved. They aren’t necessarily the closest, but they have the most understanding of each other, but as said before, Neddy is probably Harrison’s default favorite since Henry is out of the running. Henry IS his favorite sibling though. They have a very strong bond, which I actually will feature more in the future because I haven’t but it’s so just so important to Harrison’s development because Harrison’s relationships with his parents are a bit complex emotionally, not because Emma and Killian are terrible parents but because of how Harrison views them and who they are to the community and then comparing who he is to community by comparison. A lot of anxiety, self-imposed pressure, self-loathing and insecurity there and for the most part, because he’s so reserved, he doesn’t talk about it with anyone but Henry who completely understands. So it’s hard for me to just completely disqualify Henry from the running, but since we are, Neddy because Harrison has never had to arrest him and doesn’t have to haul him out of trouble constantly like he does with Wes and Beth, who are just mischievous and very wild spirits. Though his relationships with Beth and Wes do get better. Wes and Harrison kinda have a better understanding of each other when they reach their 20s. It honestly takes Wes becoming a father to his daughter Gina to make Wes understand Harrison. Harrison does A LOT of damage control for that to happen though. Beth and Harrison also get closer mainly out of concern for Wes, whose life kinda gets crazy, and because Harrison was the only person to really accept Jim into the family without some reservations. Harrison is without a doubt the Michael Bluth of this family, except without the dead wife. Nas and him have a long life together as husband and wife and therapist and patient. Ha.

Wes: This is really hard because Wes’s relationships with his siblings are so complex. I could write an entire thesis on the Harrison and Wes relationship. There’s just so much resentment and jealousy towards Harrison from Wes who views his older brother as “the perfect one.” Granted, they get along better when they’re older - like in their mid-twenties when Harrison does legit pull Wes’s ass out of the fire and helps him get his life back together without asking anything in return. So, their relationship really doesn’t have a lot of positives until their like 20s and still it’s kinda tentative at best. Wes and Beth have very similar personalities and have clashed more in their lives then they’ve gotten along. They did kinda hate each other as kids and that’s mainly because Wes viciously picked on his sister mainly out of frustration to Killian’s kinda blatant favoritism towards Beth (and yes, she is undeniably his favorite. Parents do have favorites, and it’s just the unfortunate truth of the matter. Parents deny it, Killian denies it until he’s blue in the face but Beth definitely receives A LOT of favorable treatment from their father.) HOWEVER, during their teenage years, Wes and Beth are very close and kinda team up a lot because they both are kinda in that “rebel without a cause” stage, enjoy going to parties and sneaking cigarettes. However, towards their mid-twenties, they have a huge falling out because Beth *spoiler alert* gets rid of her magic to try and save the woman she loves (this fails but it’s beside the point). Wes sees this as an act of self-violence and an abomination because he sees magic as elemental to who they are, which is a view that Beth does not share.  Their relationship never quite recovers from this. Wes and Neddy…they’re okay. Like they don’t have a lot of the same interests. Wes is more into magic and music while Neddy is more into sports and being a nerd. Wes honestly kinda ignored Neddy for the most part growing up unless he needed him for something. So, this question is really hard because once again, the only sibling Wes views in the most positive light is Henry because Henry understood that Wes was acting out mainly because of his jealousy towards his siblings, his own negative self-image and how he’s just trapped in the role of “the bad kid” which he isn’t really. He’s got some darkness to him, but I wouldn’t just write him off as the bad kid because he does put his heart in the right place most of the time. So you just made my life difficult with this question. I would have to say that from ages 1 - 12, Wes had no preferred sibling, 13 - 24 probably Beth because they had their party hard stage together and 25+ probably Harrison.

Beth: Probably a tie between Harrison and Neddy. I kinda explained the relationship Beth has with Wes above. They do party together in their teens, but he never holds the favorite spot with her mainly because she does remember how much he kinda tormented her as a kid and never really forgot it. As mentioned previously, Harrison bails both of them out a lot over the course of their lives. Harrison has kinda always been Beth’s teddy bear protector and though he’s the most nonviolent out of them, he does actually throw Beth’s asshole ex (Benny the one who broke up with her when she thought she was pregnant) over a fence after overhearing him talk shit about his sister. Beth yelled at him for this but always appreciated it. And as mentioned previously, they get closer to each other after the huge falling out between Wes and Beth and out of concern for their brother whose 20s are best described as “NOT OKAY.” She appreciates him a lot but mainly when she’s older. Now moving onto Neddy and Beth…If you have been reading A Once and Future Thing, Beth mentions her family a lot and the sibling she mentions the most is Neddy. Neddy and Beth are very close, which is ironic because Beth was the most resistant to the idea of having a younger sibling. She hated the very idea, but from the moment he could crawl, but he just followed her around constantly. He thought she was the coolest for being alway to fight the boys. He’s always been her biggest supporter outside of Killian and Jim. 

Neddy: Beth is his favorite. We’ve kinda covered Neddy’s relationships with his sibs when discussing the other siblings but I will expound upon his feelings. I keep talking about Henry, but I will only do so here to say that Henry and Neddy aren’t as close to each other as Henry is to the others. I didn’t talk about Henry in Beth’s section, but if you’ve read the series prior, you know that Henry is the first adult she goes when she’s in trouble and he’s more like an uncle than a brother. The age gap between Henry and Neddy is a whopping 25 years so Henry is more focused on his life with his daughter than he is with his youngest brother. Neddy is only like a year and a half older than Lucy in this series. So yeah, they love each other but his relationship with Henry is a lot different than the older three. Neddy prefers Beth mainly because she doesn’t treat him like a baby as much as the others do. Like Harrison and Wes do have a habit of just continually seeing him as 5 years old constantly, which is annoying to him. Though Harrison is just as willing to help him out as Beth is. He just sees Beth as this super strong person and that’s mainly because he’s lived his life watching his tiny ass sister hold her own against her much bigger brothers. I mean Wes isn’t nearly as big as Harrison but he’s much taller and wider than Beth who is a stick her entire life. So, he was just always impressed with her. Beth, of course, takes forever to realize this. She kinda doesn’t get it until she sees a project at school for his class called “My Biggest Hero.” And most people wrote about their parents or celebrities or whatever, and Neddy wrote “My biggest hero is my sister because she kicks a lot of butt.” He was like in first grade and this prior to the baseball obsession, but she was really touched by it. And along with Harrison, she would help him practice his swing. When Beth ends up in the Enchanted Forest and no one knows where she is and some people think she’s dead, Neddy never gives up on her and even beats a kid up for implying she’s dead. He does however get mad at her during her revenge stint for just running off without a word, but it’s really emotional when they reunite. She goes to his college baseball game without telling him she’s back and he is just so startled by her appearance that they have to take him out of the game and he immediately leaves the dugout to hug her. He gets benched for it but it was worth it to him.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on these guys and their relationships that I could write an entire book. Ha. Sorry for the word vomit.

[artistic-writer]

“The Little Pirates” - by itrustyoutokillme / @artistic-writer

Fanart to accompany the FANTASTIC fic series of the same name by the fabulously talented @distant-rose  which you can read on her blog or AO3

Absolutely check out her blog/fic because it is one of the best domestic cs fics you will ever find!  I wanted to create a piece of fanart to go with the series, and a i was humbled when i was given permission - and also BIG thanks to Rose for actually putting up with my constant questions about eye colours, face shapes, freckles and being there to hear me vent when we had to redo Wes (who is henceforth known to me as ‘The Glorious Bastard’ because of it lol)

So, if you DO know the LP verse, then i present to you, Harrison, Wes, Beth and Ned...and Black Spot the dog :D

‘The four Jones siblings couldn’t be more different: Harrison was honest and honorable, Wes was cunning and witty, Beth was brazen and flirtatious while Neddy was quiet and focused. Despite their differences, they would fight for one another without question.’

Please like, reblog to share!  Do not claim as your own, and if you do share, make sure you tell people how awesome LP is :D

[distant-rose]

Hello everyone, if you weren’t aware this week is a special week for me! It is the anniversary week for my insane series, Little Pirates. It’s astonishing to me that this series is at 48 installments. That’s right, you read that correctly! There are 48 installments and counting! I have like...*glances at inbox*...at least 6 more stories for this series still in the making that hopefully be out over the course of 2019. It has been a joy to share Harrison, Wes, Beth and Neddy with you for the past two years and hopefully for a little while longer.

In honor of the series’s second anniversary, here is a masterpost fo all of the Little Pirates installments in chronological order with the ages of the participants involved next to it so you know where you are on the timeline. The names in bold are the characters featured in the fic. Please note that the majority of these are on Archive of Our Own but some of them are not because I have a policy of not posting anything under 2.5k on AO3. Also note that a good chunk of these are not on this blog but my old blog which I no longer have access to because I was unfortunate in the fact I used a no longer existing email for that account. However, you are still capable of reading this stories. I will just not receive any notifications if you decide to like or reblog any of them.

Because this is a massive post, I’m going to put it under a cut to keep from annoying anyone. Clean dashes are happy dashes after all.

The Rabbit Died (Henry, 15 | Harrison, in utero)

What’s in a Name (Henry, 15 | Harrison, in utero)

Babies Come with Hats (Henry, 15 | Harrison, newborn)

Skin Contact (Henry, 15 | Harrison, newborn)

The Wolf in the Door (Henry, 16 | Harrison, 6 mos)

Breakfast for Boys (Henry, 16 | Harrison, 8 mos )

Deliberate (Henry, 16 | Harrison, 10 mos | Wes, in utero)

Ginger Tea and Cucumbers (Henry, 18 | Harrison, 3 | Wes, 1 | Beth, in utero)

By the Hook (Henry, 20 | Harrison, 5 | Wes, 3 | Beth, 18 mos )

Skyscraper Jones (Henry, 22 | Harrison, 7 | Wes, 5 | Beth, 3)

Kindergarten Thief (Henry, 23 | Harrison, 7 | Wes, 6 | Beth, 3 | Gideon, 7)

Human Coloring Book (Henry, 22 | Harrison, 7 | Wes, 5 | Beth, 3)

The Money Problem (Henry, 22 | Harrison, 7 | Wes, 5 | Beth, 3)

Yo Ho, It’s a Pirate Halloween (Henry, 23 | Harrison, 8 | Wes, 6 | Beth, 4)

The Kraken (Henry, 23 | Harrison, 8 | Wes, 6 | Beth, 4)

Bedside Promises (Henry, 22 | Harrison, 8 | Wes, 6 | Beth, 4 | Neal, 9 | Ruthie, 6)

As Luck Would Have It (Henry, 24 | Harrison, 9 | Wes, 7 | Beth, 5)

Of Children and Understandings (Henry, 24 | Harrison, 9 | Wes, 7 | Beth, 5)

Black Spot (Henry, 24 | Harrison, 9 | Wes, 7 | Beth, 5 | Ned, in utero)

The Fourth Musketeer (Henry, 24 | Harrison, 9 | Wes, 7 | Beth, 5 | Ned, newborn)

Merry Christmas, Darling (Henry, 24 | Harrison, 9 | Wes, 7 | Beth, 5 | Ned, 8 wks)

Emma Swan vs. The Bake Sale (Henry, 25 | Harrison, 10 | Wes, 8 | Beth, 6 | Ned, 6 mos)

Sleepy Time (Henry, 25 | Harrison, 10 | Wes, 8 | Beth, 6 | Ned, 10 mos)

A Hairy Situation (Henry, 27 | Harrison, 12 | Wes, 10 | Beth, 8 | Ned, 2)

The Delilah Affair (Henry, 28 | Harrison, 13 | Wes, 11 | Beth, 9 | Ned, 3)

Ode to Ferris Bueller (Henry, 28 | Harrison, 13 | Wes, 11 | Beth, 9 | Ned, 4)

Father’s Day Special (Henry, 28 | Harrison, 13 | Wes, 11 | Beth, 9 | Ned, 4)

Oreos at One-Thirty (Henry, 29 | Harrison, 14 | Wes, 12 | Beth, 10 | Ned, 4)

Snowbells and Forget-Me-Nots (Henry, 30 | Harrison, 15 | Wes, 13 | Beth, 11 | Ned, 5 | Gideon, 15)

Women’s Things (Henry, 30 | Harrison, 15 | Wes, 13 | Beth, 11 | Ned, 6)

Family Tree (Henry, 30 | Harrison, 15 | Wes, 13 | Beth, 11 | Ned, 6 )

Claus Chaos (Henry, 30 | Harrison, 15 | Wes, 13 | Beth, 11 | Ned, 6 )

The Little Apprentice (Henry, 31 | Harrison, 16 | Wes, 14 | Beth, 12 | Ned, 7)

Sins of the Father (Henry, 31 | Harrison, 16 | Wes, 14 | Beth, 12 | Ned, 7 | Gideon, 16)

Hit Like Aaron Judge (Henry, 31 | Harrison, 16 | Wes, 14 | Beth, 12 | Ned, 7)

The iPhone Approach (Henry, 32 | Harrison, 17 | Wes, 15 | Beth, 13 | Ned, 8 | Nasira, 16)

In the Pursuit of Smoke Rings (Henry, 32 | Harrison, 17 | Wes, 15 | Beth, 13 | Ned, 8 | Gideon, 17 | Bobbi, 17)

Napping (Henry, 34 | Harrison, 19 | Wes, 17 | Beth, 15 | Ned, 9)

Dads Against Daughters Dating (Henry, 34 | Harrison, 19 | Wes, 17 | Beth, 15 | Ned, 10)

No Leg to Stand On Pt. 1 (Henry, 35 | Harrison, 20 | Wes, 18 | Beth, 16 | Ned, 11 | Lucy, 10)

Jim Meet Beth (Henry, 38 | Harrison, 23 | Wes, 21 | Beth, 19 | Ned, 13 | Jim, 27)

Brush (Henry, 38 | Harrison, 23 | Wes, 21 | Beth, 19 | Ned, 14 | Jim, 27)

The Lies We Tell Ourselves (Henry, 38 | Harrison, 23 | Wes, 21 | Beth, 19 | Ned, 14 | Jim, 27)

Snowfall (Henry, 38 | Harrison, 23 | Wes, 21 | Beth, 19 |  Ned, 14 | Gideon, 23)

Cookie Cutters  (Henry, 38 | Harrison, 23 | Wes, 21 | Beth, 19 |  Ned, 14 | Gideon, 23)

The Cracked Mirror (Henry, 39 | Harrison, 24 | Wes, 23 | Beth, 20 | Ned, 15)

No Leg to Stand On  Pt. 2 (Henry, 39 | Harrison, 24 | Wes, 23 | Beth, 20 | Ned, 15 | Benny, 23 | Will, 21)

Partners (Henry, 40 | Harrison, 25 | Wes, 23 | Beth, 21 | Ned, 15 | Jim, 29)

The Question (Henry, 40 | Harrison, 25 | Wes, 23 | Beth, 21 | Ned, 15 

 Will, 22 | Nas, 24 | Gideon, 25 | Bobbi, 25)

The Ring (Henry, 40 | Harrison, 25 | Wes, 23 | Beth, 21 | Ned, 15 | Nasira, 24)

A Once and Future Thing Ch. 1-6 (Henry, 41 | Harrison, 26 | Wes, 24 | Beth, 22 | Ned, 17 | Jim, 30)

A Once and Future Thing Epilogue and Codas I & II (Henry, 43 | Harrison, 28 | Wes, 26 | Beth, 24 | Ned, 19)

Always  (Henry, 44 | Harrison, 29 | Wes, 27 | Beth, 25 | Ned, 20 | Jim, 33)

[distant-rose]

Someone sent me this so I'm sending it to you because it was ridiculously fun: What would the Little Pirates' Pokemon be?

I WAS SEMI-PREPARED FOR THIS QUESTION!

Not that I was expecting it but I THOUGHT about it okay? Like I had their teams picked out like a year ago? When I started playing PoGo for awhile. A lot of my decisions on their teams are based on animals that I relate to their core personalities and what they’re doing during their adventures. So, like I associate bears with Harrison and he spends a lot of his major character arc in Agrabah so his team is like bear and desert Pokemon per example. I don’t like region locking Pokemon so I didn’t put a lot of thought into that, just an FYI. However, please excuse the shittiness of these Pokemon trainer cards. The sprites are kinda awful.

Okay, as started before, I associate Harrison a lot with bears, hence why he has an Ursaring, Pancham and Munchlax. I don’t see Harrison as much of a fighting trainer. He just likes them around for company, so he doesn’t really work to develop them. He sees them more as family/house Pokemon than battlers, hence why his team is a bit underdeveloped. He likes caring for them, not training them. With that being said, his first Pokemon was a Piplup which got a ton of fighting experience because his siblings demanded to battle, so it’s evolved and tough as nails, and now an Empoleon. That Empoleon is fierce has hell and should never be underestimated. It rarely loses battles because it’s so used to being fought by Beth’s Swampert and Wes’s Delphox. He picked up his Garbite and Darmanitan in Agrabah. The Darmanitan is a pain in the ass and constantly wants attention.

I associate Wes a lot with dark Pokemon and foxes, hence why the majority of the Pokemon on here are dark category related. He has two fox Pokemon and they’re Delphox and Zorua. Zorua is his latest addition and was a present from Bobbi. The Delphox was his first Pokemon ever and they were pretty close until the Absol came along.  The Absol was discovered on an adventure between Wes and Gideon, and they both kinda nurtured it back from a terrible state so it’s horribly attached to both of them, with a preference for Wes. The Delphox and the Absol don’t get along well. However, the most pain in the ass Pokemon Wes has is his Crawdaunt, it refuses to stay in its ball and gets very crabby with Wes when he doesn’t train it or use it in battles as much as it wants to. The Greninja and Hydreigon he’s also had for a long time and are often well used in his pranks, especially the Hydreigon, because he needs to get the fuck away.

Who is surprised that Beth has an all-water team? Nobody? Good. She’s a fucking pirate, of course she’s going to have a team that works well with her profession. Her first Pokemon was a Mudkip from her father which has since evolved into a Swampert. He is her most trusted and most powerful Pokemon alongside the Gyarados, which was a present from Henry. She’s been training him since he was a Magikarp. Wes used to make fun of it until it evolved. Though, the Gyarados is a bit of an idiot but he’s her idiot. The Vaporeon is the most spoiled thing there is and is more of a lap pet than a battle Pokemon. The same with the Totodile, which she loves to affectionally insult. She found him with a bucket on his head and took pity on him. The Sharkpedo and the Kingdra she found on her various high seas adventures and she often uses them as scouts when raiding ships.

Ned’s team is such a mixed bag, but it’s a product of his living in and outside of Storybrooke and in the real world. The Blaziken was his first Pokemon and it’s the one he’s closest to. When he was a Torchic, he used to sleep in Ned’s bed and occasionally he still tries to get a cuddle in with Ned, but now he’s too big. The Granbull and the Eevee are from Storybrooke. The Granbull was originally a Snubbull given to him by David and the Eevee is a poor lost soul left in a box outside the police station, and Ned immediately got attached to. He refuses to have him evolve. The Bisharp and Golem were found in New Jersey during college. The Golem is surprisingly really affectionate and it sometimes weirds his girlfriend Hazel out when it begs for a cuddle. The Cubone was given to him as a joke by his baseball teams since Ned is a bone head, but they’re good friends and Ned totally taught the damn thing how to hit baseballs with its bone as a bat.

[distant-rose]

Hey Rose! When do the Little Pirates stop believing in Santa, since it is the holiday season? And how did they find out? I love Little Pirates so much!

Hi wonderful, I know that this question has been sitting in my inbox for like a week and I’m sure you didn’t think I was going to answer it but the reason it took this long was because I was already planning on a fic in regard to Neddy founding out that Santa doesn’t exist and Wes causing chaos. Therefore, your answer is going to be a 2600 word ficTitle: Claus ChaosSummary: Emma Swan didn’t have a good track record with Christmas as a child, which is why she tends to go all out with the holiday spirit now that she has children. Unfortunately for her, her children aren’t so appreciative of it.Word Count: 2,900+Rating: T+

Emma Swan did not have a good track record with Christmas as a child. Christmas was meant for kids who had families and people who loved them. It wasn’t a holiday for lost girls. Didn’t matter how many donated barbies or dollar store toys she got from the local charities, it didn’t make up for the fact that most of her classmates were home and enjoying the Christmas season with their families while Emma was stuck in foster homes who ignored the holiday more often than not.

Christmas had been a time when she had felt the most alone, which was now why she went out of her way to ensure her kids had the best memories ever. Where her holiday memories were nothing but bad cable and microwaved meals, Emma now baked cookies, decorated trees, risked her neck to hang fairy lights off the roof and Frank Sinatra’s Christmas classics blared in her kitchen nonstop. 

Killian thought Christmas was odd. He didn’t understand they celebrated it, especially when it was a part of a religion virtually none of them followed but he understood Emma’s need for their children to have good memories, especially when their own lives where so dark. Therefore, he indulged her need for crazy Christmas traditions and observations.

Including getting pictures taken with Santa Claus.

The tradition had manifested during her time in New York. According to the fake memories provided by Regina, Emma had taken Henry to the Macy’s Santaland every year to get his photo taken with Santa. It had been something that they had continued to despite recovering their memories in a way to keep some normalcy in their lives. Even when Henry was quite clearly aware that Santa wasn’t real, he had indulged his mother and had even continued to be in the photos well into his late teens in order to keep his little siblings happy.

Now, Henry is grown up and his own Santa Claus traditions with his daughter while Emma was left with two teenagers, a preteen and a six-year old.

Harrison, Wes and Beth were now very much aware of the fact that Santa Claus was not real. They had discovered the truth about Santa roughly seven years ago when Harrison and Wes had made a bet on the existence of Santa. In the middle of the night the three of them had come down in hopes of getting a glimpse of Santa but had only managed to catch her and Killian in the middle of pulling presents out from the storage cabinet under the stairs. Needless to say, it had been it had been a bad year. Harrison still wasn’t over the fact that he had been “repeatedly and systematically lied to for years and would need therapy for the rest of his life.” Those were his words, not hers.

Her kids had a flare for the dramatic. She blamed Killian for this.

Since that incident, they had been less willing than Henry to keep up the guise of Santa for their six-year old brother. In fact, Harrison had sat her down last week with a pro and a con of lying about Santa’s existence. It had been as entertaining as had been worrisome, but she had remained firm in her decision and her son had begrudgingly decided to respect it.

Despite their reservations, they had been relatively good about driving to Portland and taking their annual Christmas photo with Santa. Emma had always been ambivalent on the fact they had given their kids cell phones before high school, as they had a tendency to sit on the couch and stare at them like mindless zombies but right now it was a blessing. All of her kids had their eyeballs glued to their electronic devices as they waited in possibly one of the longest lines that Emma had ever seen for a picture with Santa.

All of them except Wes who was now looking up from his phone with the most cankerous of expressions. He looked like the definition of malcontent and Emma could feel her good luck sliding down the drain.

“We’ve been in this line for over an hour.”

“I’m well aware of that, kiddo.”

“Why are we doing this again?” Wes asked, pocketing his phone and crossing his arms in front of his chest like the moody teenager that he was on the verge of becoming. Emma had a feeling his transformation from chubby cheeked scamp to teenage dirtbag was going to be worse than both of his older brothers combined.

“Because it’s what we do every year,” Emma replied through gritted teeth, starting to lose her patience with the amount of attitude she was receiving at the moment.

“Yeah, but why?”

“Because it’s nice,” she snapped. “And because your little brother is excited.”

Indeed, Neddy had been excited. Meeting Santa was all he had wanted to do for the past three days and he had talked about it nonstop, writing and rewriting lists that he wanted to give to Santa, dealing all of the presents he wanted. It was a cute list but there was no way in hell that kid was getting a rocket launcher. That was just asking for trouble.

The sad part was that a rocket launcher wasn’t the oddest thing her children had ever asked for; highlights included a mind-control helmet, a cursed bracelet, Thor’s Hammer, Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth and a deed of ownership for the Jolly Roger. Thank you, Westley Graham and Elizabeth Alice.

“Cool for Neddy, but I don’t see why I have to do it,” Wes replied, not impressed.

Emma immediately looked down at the boy in question to make sure he wasn’t listening and sure enough, her six-year old was more invested in playing Super Mario than he was in the ever-heating conversation taking place between his mother and brother. The same couldn’t be said for Harrison, who was now watching them with avid interest.

“Because it’s a family thing and you’re a part of this family whether you like it or not.”

“Henry is a part of this family and he’s not here. Neither is Lucy.”

“Where is Henry?” Neddy piped up, tearing his eyes away from his Nintendo Switch and looking around frantically for his eldest sibling.

“He isn’t here,” she said with a gentle sigh. “Henry is an adult and he can do what he wants, but keep in mind that he was always willing to do this for you guys when you were little.”

“Well, I bet he didn’t have to wait in this big-ass line. We’ve been here for, like, hours and it’s all for no—” “Finish that sentence, you’ll be grounded until you’re thirty-five,” Emma cut him off with hiss.

“Fine!” he snapped, rolling his eyes. “But this sucks and I’m bored.”

“Just play with your phone. Your brothers and sister are doing that and they’re not complaining.”

“My phone is dead,” he replied, scowling. “Can I play with yours?”

“I’m on twenty-percent battery, kid. Sorry. It’s not happening.”

“Well then, can I go to GameStop?”

“Westley, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”“That’s what adults say when they don’t have a real reason for it.”

“You really want to know? Because I know you and I know exactly what’s going to happen if I let you go to GameStop! You’re going to cause some sort of trouble like burning the place down or causing some sort of gamer revolt! I’m sorry, kiddo, but after you made the toilets explode, you’re not leaving my sight, which means you’re not leaving this line!”

“That’s racist, Mom.”

“Okay, one, that’s not remotely racist,” Harrison stated, holding up a finger and rolling his eyes at his youngest brother. “And second, you’re an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot,” Wes snapped. “Don’t tell me that you don’t find all of this stupid.”

“It is,” he conceded, giving his mother an apologetic look before continuing. “But we’re doing this for Neddy, so shut up and stop talking.”

“You stop talking!”

“You don’t make any sense.”

“Oh my god, both of you are dumb,” Beth snapped, looking up from her phone. “I’ve got some major drama going on and I need you to be quiet.”

“You’re twelve. Twelve years-old don’t have drama,” Harrison replied with a roll of his eyes.

“You would be surprised,” Beth replied, sounding closer to sixteen than twelve. She was going to be an even bigger handful than Wes, Emma was calling it now.

“Look, no one cares about sixth grade babies. Give me your phone,” Wes snapped, holding out his hand and gesturing for her to hand over it.

Beth glanced down at his and back at his face, snorting. “No way.”

“Give me your phone.”

“If you try to take my phone from me, not only will I hit you so hard you’ll throw up but I will also shove my phone up your butt so high that I’m going to be able to pull it out of your throat,” she replied with a sweet smile on her face.

Harrison looked between the two of them with a hint of amusement. “I would listen to her, Wes. She has a mean headlock and you’re kind of a wuss.”

“I’m not a wuss,” Wes shouted back defensively while simultaneously taking a step back from his older brother and sister.

“You are so a wuss,” Harrison replied with a snort of amusement. “I beat you all the time.”


“That’s because you’re giant fattyzoid.”

“That’s not a real thing, shit for brains.”

Emma counted to ten under her breath in an attempt to keep from murdering her own children. A few of the mothers who were line were now openly glaring at her kids and she could feel the judgment of every single parent in line. She needed to get them back under control.

“All of you seriously need to knock it off!” she snapped at them, placing her hands on her hips and giving them her patented Angry Mom™ look. “If you don’t quit it, there will be no presents this year.”

Harrison, Wes and Beth all turned to her with their eyebrows raised, clearly not taking her threat seriously. They looked absurdly like Killian.

“Look, I know this is a long line and tempers are flaring up, but you guys got to pull it together. If not for me or for Christmas spirit, at least for your brother.”

“Sorry Mom, that’s not good enough,” Wes replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring at her. “Let me go to GameStop or I’ll pull out the big guns and say the words.”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“She means that she doesn’t negotiate with terrorists,” Beth replied drily. Harrison held up his hand to give her a high five, which she returned enthusiastically. Emma opened her mouth to tell them how ridiculous they were but her youngest piped up with a question.

“What’s a terrorist?” 

“It’s a really mean bad person, bud,” Harrison replied, ruffling his youngest brother’s hair.

“Oh,” Neddy blinks. “Yeah, he is definitely a terrorist.”

“I’m not a terrorist,” Wes scoffs. “I’m a simply freedom fighter against maternal oppression.”

“Maternal oppression,” Emma repeated, staring at him in disbelief. “That’s really what you’re going with.”

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s not happening.”

“Then I’ll say it!” Wes stated, raising his eyebrows at her.

“Don’t you ever dare!” 

As soon as she said the words, she immediately regretted it. It was probably the worst thing she could ever say to Wes in a situation like this. Give him an order and he would find a way to undermine it in a second. The kid honestly had a real thing against authority and a cynical part of her mocked her for being surprised. What had she been expecting from the offspring of a pirate and a former juvenile delinquent?

Her son’s eyes burned with defiance as he squared his shoulders and looked around at all the families surrounding them. There was a determined set to his jaw that was entirely too similar to Killian’s for Emma to handle. He gave her an evil smirk before he opened his mouth and all hell broke lose.

“I just don’t understand why you’re wasting everyone’s time, Mom,” he shouted as loudly as he could. “It’s not like Santa actually exists.”

The reaction was instantaneous. The small children surrounding them burst into tears, clinging to their parents’ legs. Emma’s ears felt like they were splitting from all the noise. It felt like they were being barraged with a batting ram made of sound.

“Santa isn’t real?” A little girl shrieked.


“Nooooooo!” Another kid cried, falling on his knees and cradling his head.

“It cannot be true! Mommy how could you!”

Emma watched in horror as one child curled into the ball and beat his fists against the floor, his face turning red. His mother bent down to try and placate him, but to no avail; he just continued to scream. She looked up at Emma with a murderous look. If looks could kill, she would have been eviscerated.

Every parent was glaring at her and she couldn’t say she blamed them.

Her own child looked ready to cry himself. Neddy’s brilliant blue eyes were wide and his lip was trembling. She was going to murder Wes.

“Is it true?” he asked in a quivering voice.

“Neddy, kid, don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to upset you,” she said in soothing tone.

“I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to them!” he said stubbornly, gesturing at Harrison and Beth. “You could be lying to me and you always say lying is wrong.”

They exchanged a look, extremely uncomfortable with the chain of events while Wes looked positively gleeful with the absolute chaos he had wrought.

“Ummm…” Harrison looked to Emma for help, unsure of how to proceed but there was little she could say to help him. She hadn’t necessarily handled their discovery of the truth well at all. 

She could still hear Beth’s angry screaming.

Correction, she wasn’t hearing her daughter screaming. She was hearing some other girl having a meltdown because her kid is a kind of dick.

“He’s real, I mean records show that Saint Nicholas was a real person and that he was from, I think, Norway? Anyway, he helped some young women out with their dowry, I think?”

“The key term there is was, Neddy,” Wes said with a smirk. “He’s saying Santa did exist but doesn’t anymore. Therefore, I’m right.”

“Stop talking,” Emma hissed, pulling his ear. “You’re so grounded that you’re probably never going to see natural sunlight again.”

“Ouch, ouch, ouch! Mom! Stop! You’re hurting me!”

“I’m not listening to you anyway,” Neddy said, glaring at his older brother. “You’re a liar.”

“When have I lied ever to you?” Wes asked in outrage.

“When don’t you is the question I would be asking,” Beth replied with a snort.

“You told me I was adopted and Mom and Dad weren’t my real parents!” Neddy shouted, shaking a tiny fist at him.

“Oh…I forgot about that but trust me when I say Santa isn’t real. It’s just Mom and Dad trying to trick you.”

“Neddy Bug, listen to me,” Beth said, placing both hands on her younger brother’s shoulders. “Mom’s right. Wes is a jerk and is trying to make you sad. Santa is…as real as you want him to be. As long as you choose to believe…”

Neddy looked back and forth between Beth and Harrison. As mad as Emma is at Wes, she’s incredibly proud of her other two children for being so good with their younger brother. She had honestly expected Beth to play along with her brother’s scheme.

“He’s not real, isn’t he?” Neddy asked quietly.

“No, but it’s fun to pretend isn’t it?” Emma said softly, releasing Wes in order to crouch down in front of her youngest.

“Yeah, I guess…” he replied, sounding sure. “If Santa’s not real then, who are we going to see?”

“Some weirdo the mall is paying to let little kids crawl on his lap,” Wes replied, only to receive a jab in the gut from Harrison.

“Look, if you don’t want to do this then we don’t have to do this. We’ll just go to Mrs. Field’s and get some cookies and then go back home. It’s just…I didn’t have much going up, okay? I didn’t have a lot of presents or cookies or Christmas stuff. I never got to see Santa or take photos with him and I just wanted you guys to have everything I missed out on….”

Neddy frowned. “You really had no presents?”

“No presents,” Emma confirmed with a small sad smile.

“You really like Santa, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“We’ll meet him then.”

“Are you kidding me? Seriously, Neddy, you still want to do the weird Santa picture?”

“Yeah, because it makes Mom happy,” Neddy answered simply, shrugging his shoulders.

“You have absolutely got to be kidding!” Wes repeated, shaking his head.

“How does it feel to sacrifice your freedom and get grounded in a ploy to not get the Santa photo and still have to take it?” Beth smirked.

“Shut up.”

It was the last photo with Santa Claus her family ever took but it became one of Emma’s most treasured memories because despite the fact that he no longer believed in Santa Claus and Wes had literally ruined Christmas for him, Neddy did something just for her and that was something she cherished even more than the misshaped clay bowl he had made for her as a gift.

She put the photo next to the bowl on the mantle in the living room and smiled at it every time she saw it thereafter.