#needanoutlet

[darklittlelady-blog]

I need to destroy something. Anything.

[invisalignshine-blog]

The Journey Starts

Okay, so, im not really sure what I'm doing. I wanted to start some kind of journal to document my Invisalign journey. And thats only because i feel like it is the only thing i think about at the moment. 

I started my Invisalign journey 4 days ago. In the past four days i have been amazed at the already noticeable progress, as well as in fits of tears because of the pain, speech impediments, or just plain insecurity about how i look with them in. But everything i read online tells me things will get better.

Im not one to give up on anything, but if my 18-month treatment doesn't get better, i might just get dentures at age 24. 

If you're reading this, you're probably in the same position, or thinking about getting treatment. All i can say so far is, its okay. But ill keep writing about my ups and downs here. And if no-one reads it, at least is therapeutic for me. right?

[junk0fthemind]

Today a crew of 7 of us mixed approximatly 470 bags of grout to pour pump bases at the plant. Each bag individually weighs 50 pounds. Mixing 8 bags at a time with roughly 40 liters of water equals some fucking heavy shit let alone how toxic it is, and messy. Carrying buckets and pushing wheelbarrows all over site today was zero fun... And the pumps have to be heated so its fucking pike 35 degrees when we go to pour the grout into this hole. And fucking negative 15 outside. I'm exhausted. Oh well 5 mor 12 hour shifts to go till I get the fuck outta here..

[time2betransparent-blog]

Not handling my emotions. In need of an outlet.

When my friend John died I was not really eating or sleeping and my mind was moving 5 million miles a minute... Then when I started to eat more normally and sleep more, I was looking for other ways to handle my emotions. The same emotions that I tried extremely hard not to show in public. I constantly tried to hide behind my big smile and stay moving so that I would not think about it.

My emotions were all over the place. The added stress that came with my decisions of taking over his business multiplied those emotions. I dealt with them by drinking heavily on the weekends, getting tattoos, exercising heavily to the point of injury, over eating to the point of sickness and looking for anything to numb the pain or to cause pain to distract myself from it.

Especially during the first six months following Johns death, I would randomly lose control of my emotions and lash out at people. This was not good and made me look like a complete ass in front of my students, family, friends, class mates, committee members and professionals across all industries. I would go on a complete tear and keep going until I felt better or really embarrassed.

Emotional Intelligence and self discipline are very important in this time where we see more tasks, jobs and etc automated. This means that the human touch, clear communication, respect and kindness are crucial and something that are never forgotten.

Finding a healthy outlet is the way to be. I did not do that. This was a very unhealthy path that I ventured down in many different ways from physical health to mental health to social well being.

Consistent exercise multiple times per day is where I was able to find a healthy outlet. It was spread over multiple workouts each day and it kept everything in check. Unfortunately it took me some time to develop this habit again and put it to practice each day like I had before the traumatic passing.