Pegging war?
When War finds the anonymous letter with this most heinous request, he is so taken back his eyebrows vanish into his hairline. The usually stoic warrior is at a loss for words. Dave, witnessing his protector's discomfort, decides to intervene. He drafts a response on War’s behalf:
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"Dear Enthusiastic Admirer,
Your proposal has been received with...surprise. Unfortunately, War's calendar is as crowded as a demon horde in Vulgrim’s discount soul store: monster slaying by morning, apocalypse preventing by afternoon and sword-sharpening yoga at night.
In response to your intriguing request, War has handpicked a unique token: a demon pet rock from the shadowiest corners of the underworld, affectionately known as "Grimstone." Its glare is so intense, it's rumoured to have once made a demon lord apologise for bumping into it. But fear not! Should Grimstone's demeanour grow too intense, simply utter "Respect" thrice under the full moon—a small concession to ensure your continued, uh, safety.
It's harmless, mostly, but its glare is a gentle reminder that even the mightiest warriors appreciate a bit of personal space. We hope you understand and can direct your, let's say, "enthusiasm," elsewhere.
Cheers!
Dave (& War who’s currently teaching Grimstone not to chew on reality's fabric).
P.S. "Boundaries for Dummies" is included for your leisure reading.
















