Need Some Advice || Self Para
Mike knew he couldn’t have left it to the next morning. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway, not with all the thoughts that were rushing around in his head. He couldn’t keep track of them, couldn’t slow them down, couldn’t figure them out. He was falling underneath everything again, he couldn’t keep up with it all. It was too much. He knew it was late, but everyone was still up, they’d been texting him ten minutes ago. He felt terrible for getting Johnny so worried, and was in turn, a little pissed at him for telling Charlie, but he knew the boy meant well. Mike knew that Johnny knew him better than anyone else, and that Johnny would have suspected that there was something wrong. The more he tried to clear his head, the worse it got. He sat back on his bed, his head tilted back against the wall, his eyes forced shut against the rushing ideas that were almost causing pain in his head. That was when his phone started to ring, and he jumped. Charlie’s name flashed across the screen and he sighed, trying to compose himself before he unlocked the phone and held it up to his ear, “Hey, Charlie.”
“Mike. What’s going on?” Charlie’s voice echoed through his phone, the obvious concern almost forcing him to the brink of tears. He paused for a minute, before quietly asking, “Charlie, am I on speaker?” He heard her sigh and click a button on the phone, before turning and calling out for Dan and Johnny to get out of the room. Having the phone on speaker was a habit in their house, they didn’t ever try to hide conversations from each other, but this was one that Mike wasn’t willing to have with anyone else. Not yet. “Okay, it’s off. You sober?” She asked, and Mike could have sworn he could hear her frown. “Yeah, I’m sober. Fuck.” He paused again, almost starting to speak, before Charlie had cut him off;
“Okay, I know this is serious. What’s goin’ on in that tortured head of yours, Mikey?”
“Everything. Everything’s wrong. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to come home.”
“Is this trouble with your new girlfriend?”
“Sort of. I don’t know.”
“Alright, I’m gonna need more than that. Start from the beginning.”
“That’s a lot of stuff.”
“I’ve got time. You know that.”
Mike took a deep breath, nodding although he knew she couldn’t see him. It was only a few seconds later that he launched into a full explanation, "Well, I met Avenly on my first day here. They had some sort of lockdown, apparently there was a gunman on campus, and they paired us up. I thought she was funny, I thought she was beautiful, it was a good day. Then she texted me a few days later and we had a movie night. But something happened and it didn't work out so well, so I walked her home and the next time we were with each other was a camping trip the school planned - we got paired up again. We spent the whole weekend together and it was amazing. There's just - something about her. She's perfect. And after that we went out to dinner and then we made everything official, and we decided to take another weekend and go camping, back to the same place. I told her I loved her and she said it back, and then this is where everything starts to fuck up."
Mike sighed, wondering if he should tell Charlie everything. He decided that he should, knowing he could trust her with absolutely anything, "She went out to a party and something happened, and she got hurt. But she deals with things in.. a really bad way." Charlie interrupted him with one simple sentence, spoke urgently, and full of concern, “What d’you mean, Mike?” He didn’t know what to say. He knew Charlie wouldn’t react badly in any way, but he felt terrible for breaking his promise in the first place. "Shit, I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone this. Uh - she.. She hurts herself." He knew Charlie would understand exactly what he meant and he heard his aunt give a small, sad sigh, "I'm sorry." Mike shook his head, still fully aware that she wouldn’t see the action, but it didn’t matter, "It's okay. Well, it's not okay. But you know what I mean. And she came back to her room and she cut her arms up pretty badly, but she called me and I went over and I kicked the door down and damn, Charlie, I was so fucking scared that she was going to die, that I was going to lose her. I tried my best to hold it all together and to bandage up her arms and make everything okay again, but it wasn't! The school planned another trip, to Chicago this time, and we got paired up. But we had a fight on the train, and a terrible row in the hotel room. It was my fault, I should never have been such a smartass about the whole situation, but I did. After we came back, I made another stupid fucking decision."
"Mike, what did you do?"
"I went looking for the guy who attacked her and I gave him a taste of his own medicine - don't tell me I was wrong, I know that I am, I've got three fractured ribs to prove I'm an idiot, but I had to do something! Every time I close my eyes, I see her lying on that bathroom floor, I see all of those cuts she made on her own arms, and I see all of the bruises that someone else left on her skin. I was just so angry about it, I don't ever want to see her like that again. We had another blazing row about the fight and she walked away. I went to her dorm the next night to see that she was okay but she was drunk and it just - it didn't end up well again. She.. She locked herself in the bathroom again, but it was worse. There was so much blood, I had to persuade her to go to the hospital for stitches. Then, a couple days ago, some fucking asshole kissed her, and she's always blaming herself, always saying that I deserve better than her. But I don't want anyone else. Charlie, I love her. I want to help her, but I don't know what to do. I'm scared that there's going to be a night where something happens and she won't call me and I'll lose her. I feel like she’s shutting me out, I’m totally fucking useless to her! But I can’t let go, I don’t want to. I don’t think I can cope without her anymore, Charlie.” Mike hadn’t even realised he’d started to cry until he’d stopped speaking, and he heard Charlie sigh quietly. He took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm himself back down as she began to speak again.
“Why didn’t you call me sooner? You gotta stop letting stuff build up on you, kid, we all know where that gets you. I can’t help you fix all of this over the phone. You’re coming home. You’re bringing her with you. What did you say her name was? Avenly? You need a break, if the two of you want this to work - and it's so obvious that you do, you have to get away from everyone else. You can fix all your shit while you’re here. I’ll fix something in the morning.” Charlie’s words caused Mike to give a huge sigh of relief, and he was finally able to slow his breathing down until it was almost normal. “Thank you, Charlie. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.” Charlie have a quiet laugh, “It’s okay, Mike. You’re gonna work it all out, you know that, right? We’ll see you soon.” Mike nodded, feeling like a huge weight had just been lifted from his chest. He mumbled a goodbye before hanging the phone up and lying down flat on his back, giving another sigh of relief. He was going home. Finally.
