#negative 11

[ultsurvivor-blog]

its less than 30 mins till my bday

i wаs hуреd abоut it but nоw i just wаnt tо diе

[ultsurvivor-blog]

my BIGGЕST breakdown еver

[ultsurvivor-blog]

me, while having like 2 pеоple who considеr mе friеnds and dоing NОTHING for evеryone: hey wheres my attention

[ultsurvivor-blog]

good morning everyone 🌻

im in a great state of depression mixed with repressed anger and being plain upset so i just sobbed and kicked a wall and i think i damaged my toe but i just went back to bed after that

[izru]

me: -gets in a really negative mood that could affect others- me: -ISOLATES SELF-

[izru]

me: -only copes with distracting self w/ ocs n talking- motivation to rp and draw: -GONE- social energy / social skills: -GONE- energy in general: -GONE- me: -that one meme of mr krabs-

[lesbixch]

honestly why cant i just turn off my brain and not have to Think 

ive gone thru 3 or 4 major moodswings today, like im saying from ecstatic and excited to bitter and nauseous over how much i hate myself, literally i think thts what causes my nausea, extreme disgust over myself and all this negativity makes me honest to god nauseous,  and then empty for a few mins when i went outside, and i saw the sunset and i was happy, and it ended in 2 mins and i got negative again, im so sick of these moodswings and feeling either Extreme Emotions (tm) or completely Hollow and Purposeless, like i have no bones or organs or anything, its just a little stomach fluid and thats it, thats everything in my body, i have Nothing on the inside

anyway whatever. i guess the shittiest is that i know i can to a large degree control my mood swings to an extent where i need to keep myself positive and disrupt negative cyclical thinking and stop intrusive thoughts and shit, but the main problem is that it requires too much effort. its sooo hard even tho i know i can probably deal w it if i tried lmao

.

ok i took a break from writing this bc it was Exhasuting and then i made a mistake on twit and i laughed and then i felt like i fucked up and i needed to die Right Now and i kept laughing and thats why im still so fucked over by my emotions time and time again

ok im gettign dizyy sp the nausea should come any min so bye 4 now

[crazy-eight]

*feels crippling depression*

*eats 97 oreos*

i'm still empty but at least my stomach isn't