#negative;;

[orangetintedglasses]

( just havin' a good ol'-- )

[dis--parity]

ugh

i really do feel bad for not being here, but... there’s a lot going on in life right now that’s just been keeping me right the fuck down y’know?

i’m feeling lonely as hell, i’m wasting my mornings, i’m going into an exam tomorrow that i am NOT prepared for at all and that’s just weighing and weighing on my mental state and just. i really just don’t give a shit about much any more y’know? i know it’s a bad mindset to have but i honestly don’t care if i don’t do well in my course because i’m just not passionate about it any more. like i’m gonna see it through no matter what ‘cause y’know in for a penny and whatever but like. i just don’t care

all i wanna do is focus on my job and my writing and talking and plotting with you guys because that’s what i like and that’s what i’m passionate about i fuckin hate this academia shit y’know? ugh.

[tricksheart]

You know, sometimes I am glad that I live in a rural area ( well it’s a city but not like a metropolis or anything like that ) part of my state ( although my state is close to Canada than most others ). I can’t imagine living in where the chaos is right now. Stay safe my fellow STATES mutuals and non-mutuals.

[lilithmagne]

// I feel myself get sucked day by day in an abyss of uncertainty. I'm not sure if I can be here anymore to roleplay, but I'll do my best. This hobby has become a chore and it doesn't feel very fun to me anymore. It may be the quarantine, it may be the sudden changes that happen in my life... At this point, it might be anything that's affecting my ability to enjoy writing. I'm not yet sure if I want to throw in the towel yet, but I feel I'm not far from doing it.

I will try to not leave, but I think I need some time to assess my own joy when doing this hobby.

[bard-dadsquared]

Today’s a real hating myself and my mental illness day.

[sirhys-moved]

[ Guess who’s been crying all day because their sister’s boyfriend acted like they didn’t exist right to their face. Again. ]

[ceruleansirius]

not gonna lie

when i look at all the blogs i set up in good spirits of ‘yeah, this’ll take off’, i feel... mixed.

none of them have ever taken off, let’s be clear, but i used to at least have some people who would perform some semblance of interaction. there’s a reason there’s nothing on these blogs for days at a time, though. no one interacts. all rps are dropped. i’m always left behind.

it makes me question what the point is. what’s the point in setting up a muse and writing droves to tell people about them? the point of trying to get them out there and trying to start things? what’s the point when everyone leaves anyway?

it’s made me doubt my writing, it’s made me doubt that people even like me. something i thought i was good at; character design/development and creative writing has become something swarmed with doubt because i’m always dropped. i’m reluctant to even try anymore.

i understand that life gets in the way and muses change but i wish i was at least given some warning instead of just being left to wait for days or weeks or months for a reply that’s not gonna come.

it makes it hard to talk to people. it makes it hard to look at these blogs and feel anything but mild pain.

why does everything i do fall flat on its fucking face?