#nelke writes

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one of my cullen pov chapters is titled "Not Enough Man Without The Rot" and i just

sometimes i scream

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.nelkenbabe writing masterlist.

Ivy & Twine

Post-Trespasser/Multi-Wardenverse (ongoing, 168,169 words) Amaryll Lavellan x Cullen Rutherford Amaryll Lavellan x Josephine Montilyet main elements: slow burn, bisexual yearning, a redemption arc for cullen, corruption arc for someone else ('tis a secret), crises of identity, and merrill hunting down a serial killer in kirkwall

Throne

Ivy & Twine universe, alternate timeline (completed, 6,774 words) Amaryll Lavellan x Thom Rainier main elements: fluff and smut, friends to lovers

Of Snow and Smoke

Ivy & Twine universe, set at the beginning of DA:I (completed, 5,079 words) main elements: Amaryll and Cassandra rivalry, Amaryll and Solas developing friendship, mourning and funeral rites

Days of Dust

Ivy & Twine universe, set during DA:I (completed, 1,225 words) main elements: Amaryll and Solas developing friendship

His Warmth

Fenris x Garrett Hawke (completed, 1,486) main elements: Huddle for Warmth, fluff

Everybody Deserves A Second Chance, He Said

Inquisitor x Blackwall (completed, 3,920 words) main elements: Rainier pardon, Hurt/Comfort

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I swear Cullen and his mabari are some of my favorite things to write about

The mabari in the corner made a sound somewhere between a snort and a snore, but did crack a disinterested eye open when Cullen shifted a few things on his desk around to make space. He moved to have his thigh against the desk for balance, then he opened the box. He was greeted by something he did not expect. Laid on a gold-colored velvet was a cane. The handle was masterfully sculpted and smoothed, the metal reflecting what little light came through the tower’s slim windows. A mabari’s head, snout opened in a vicious snarl. The bottom of the cane had a protective casing of the same iron material, and the red wood itself was sanded, smoothed and lacquered to perfection. By instinct, Cullen reached out his hand to touch it. Through his thick leather glove he could not feel much, but holding it, the cane had a sturdy quality to it. A good girth, a luxurious weight that would lend good support to its user. A strange gift. Cullen was torn between appreciation for the clearly well-crafted item, and how odd it was that someone might think he need it. A pang of shame surged through him at the thought. Shame that he had not been able to hide his failings well enough. If someone with the money to buy this had seen him struggle to walk… Cullen weighed the cane in his hands. A snout pushed itself into his vision, the mabari now having woken up enough to inspect the new thing in his living space. Cullen held the cane towards him, allowing the dog to sniff it thoroughly. When the nose reached the handle, Cullen couldn’t help but tell his dog “Look, it’s you,” and feel very silly for it. The mabari’s interest softened Cullen’s resolve a little, and he found himself willing to give it a try under the watchful gaze of his companion. The cane had a good height, just enough to support Cullen without having to over-extend his arm or bend down. The handle fit nicely into his hand, and the clank of it on stone was somewhat satisfying. Nevertheless it felt a little strange. As if he were pretending to be someone else. “What do you think?” he asked the dog. “Do I look ridiculous to you?”

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Ivy & Twine WIP: Compromising Situations

In which Amaryll is a huge flirt as per usual, but it kinda backfires on her and Cullen both

A bright chime rang through the room. His gaze immediately whipped to Lavellan’s nightstand, where her communication crystal lay on a stack of books and gave off a soft, pulsing glow. Cullen didn’t see her move until she was already almost on top of him. He was still looking at the blinking crystal when from the corner of his right eye, Lavellan slid into his field of view. She turned and brought her thigh over his stretched-out legs, left arm put up against the stone wall above the headboard for balance. When Cullen’s surprised gaze found hers, he could see by the glimmer in her eyes that the reaching-over was supposed to be casual, playful. But as her position shifted closer to her straddling his lap, she seemed to realize the exact same second as he that this was somewhat… compromising. Time slowed. And with an anxious quiver in his chest he watched Lavellan’s gaze drop down to his mouth, her eyelashes fluttering, and her lips parted ever so slightly in what looked like surprise. But then, with a quickness, her gaze snapped back up to his, she exhaled, and moved her head as she reached for the crystal. Cullen’s gaze helplessly slid down her cheek and along her jawline, to the bit of skin exposed above the collar of her tunic. Before he could even take another breath, she was off him and with her feet on the ground, slipping the chain attached to the crystal over her head and turning to face him. If not for the carefully constructed mien she wore, he would have believed to have imagined it all. “Dorian,” she said cheerfully, though her expression was vacant, distracted. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Are you missing me, dearest?” Cullen heard Dorian’s voice and the back and forth between them as if through water, the rush of blood in his ears the loudest sound in the room. He still felt the impression of Lavellan’s thighs to either side of his and resisted the urge to press his hands there to preserve the sensation. It could have been nothing, a fleeting illusion. But he couldn’t convince himself of that when Lavellan was still holding his gaze as if she were just as incapable of tearing her stare from him as he was from her, when her chest was rising and falling in the same pace in which his dizzying heart beat came. “And how is the Commander?” he finally heard Dorian ask. Lavellan’s brown, down-turned eyes widened for a moment, and Cullen’s heart jumped to the base of his throat. It felt like a bolt of lightning passed between them in the liminal space between acknowledgment and denial. “I can never be sure with him, you know how stoic he is,” she said without missing a beat, the lie leaving her lips as easily as drawing a breath. But her expression and voice grew softer when she continued, the affection in it a caress on Cullen’s cheek. “But he seems better lately. People see him around Skyhold more. We’ve played a few games of chess. Looks like he is finally getting a bit of a break.”

fic here: [x]

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Wayhaven WIP:

While hanging out in the living room, Nate once again encourages the Detective to put more effort into the improvement of her and Rebecca’s relationship. Unfortunately, he has to learn that goodwill is not all it takes. Set sometime during Book 2

"It's fine," Erin said casually, but with an undercurrent of finality.

Nate peered at her, slightly discomforted by the way she closed off ever so slowly. The silence didn't feel as amiable as before. Concerned that his words hadn’t been taken as intended, he decided to venture forth once more. Perhaps his tone hadn’t been well-meaning enough.

"I hope you two will continue to improve your relationship. I know the distance may seem insurmountable at times, but your mother loves you very much."

The reaction was so instantaneous that Nate almost flinched. Erin tensed under his arm, her blood pressure spiked, and a distinct scent of stress suddenly wafted off the detective. It took a moment to taste it on his tongue and identify not only anger, but fear, and in that moment Erin had already pushed herself off the couch. 

For two long seconds she simply stood there facing him, facial muscles frozen, her chest expanding and deflating at a rapid pace. Her lips opened, something on the verge of falling out, something crucial. Then she pressed them back together.

"I better get going," Erin finally said in a tone that was all-too-reminiscent of Adam, and Nate’s face fell.

Because with Adam, his clipped responses never meant the end of anything but the conversation. Regardless of how often they would disagree on something, his and Nate’s friendship remained untouched. There was a security there that he had thought he had with the detective as well, until now. And the sense of her potentially slipping through his fingers had a slick fear gliding through his belly, constricted his throat.

He rose from the couch slowly, smoothly, while Erin darted over to the table to grab her bag. She had trouble expressing her feelings, she’d told him so. But now she didn’t seem to trust him enough to meet his eye, and this hurt most of all.

“Erin,” he called out softly once her fingers clenched around the deep red strap of her leather satchel.

He could hear the way her heart skipped a beat, indicating that she’d heard him. She turned in a tightly controlled whirl, a strained smile on her lips that reminded him of Rebecca.

Talk to me. Tell me what I’ve done wrong.

“It was nice,” Erin said, voice softer than the stiffness in her stance would suggest. “Thanks for hanging out with me, Nate. I’ll see you soon.”

And then, with a deep inhale that she would not release, Erin started towards the door to leave the living room, pulling the mobile phone from the pocket of her jeans. 

I can tell you of the love you will share. Of a love so strong it may survive eternities. Of comfort. Of passion. Of truth.

Nate finally started to feel his limbs again. He couldn’t let her walk out on this note. Couldn’t bear to spend a day or more apart wondering if he’d irreversibly broken what they’d been building. If she would ever look at him with precious candidness again.

Just as Erin had exited the living room, he heard her exhale and sped after her.

“Erin, wait!” 

Look at me. 

She turned, the expression in her eyes weary and knuckles pale where her hand clenched over her phone. But she did return his gaze.

“I-” Nate’s mouth grew dry before he composed himself. “I didn’t mean to overstep. Your relationship with Rebecca is yours alone. As someone who cares for both of you, I simply meant to offer some support. Forgive me. I didn’t know this was such a sensitive topic for you.”

To his absolute relief, the air around the detective immediately lost some of its acidic tasting static. Her shoulders dropped immediately, her head tilted back, and her breath and pulse both slowed. She gave a short nod. Averted her eyes. Hesitated. Focused her gaze back on him.

“I don’t like talking to you guys about Rebecca,” Erin said, speaking in a slow and measured manner. 

Nate had noticed this way of speaking a few times now, and suspected she adopted it when she wanted to express herself with the utmost accuracy. 

This can be salvaged.

With renewed hope, Nate stepped closer, a warm, careful smile playing about his lips.

“May I ask why?” he asked, low, so the rest of Unit Bravo wouldn’t overhear too much.

It took Erin a while to reply. She simply looked at him, the same as she had after jumping off the couch, as if she were measuring how well he’d take her thoughts. Previously, he must have left her wanting. This time, he hoped she would reconsider.

“Because,” she began, “I feel like you guys think my issues with Rebecca just come from her lying about her job, and that’s not true. I don’t wanna put myself on a pedestal, but I think I handled myself well enough when I found out about the supernatural world.”

Nate choked his instinct to jump in and validate, lest the interruption cause Erin to break off. And sure enough, the more she talked, the more the tension in her jaw eased.

“My issue is that after I learned about everything, she told me we’d work on our relationship. No more lies or secrets, as long as it wasn’t something classified or whatever. But everything else I learn about supernaturals, or the Agency, I still learn by complete accident while everything is already going down the drain, and only cause I remember to ask questions. And even then I am sometimes blown off, like how nobody wanted to tell me what Trappers are.”

A pang of guilt hit Nate squarely in the chest when he remembered Adam’s dismissal of her question. He hadn’t even registered it in the moment.

“And then,” Erin continued, picking up the pace, “I learn, basically in a subclause, that my father knew about all this and was also a human liaison for the Agency.”

Her gaze shot up and fixed him with heated intensity, as though willing him to understand the urgency of that revelation. 

“Two months,” she said, voice wavering. “Two months, I barely hear from her, or anyone. Cause you’re all busy, I know. But she couldn’t make time to meet me once and fill me in on things she kept from me as a kid? About our family? 

“Do you realize that you’ve probably had more conversations with her in the last ten years than I had with her between the ages of ten and twenty? I spent more time with neighbors that I’d go to after school than my mother, cause she was never home. I had to teach myself how to cook and forge her signature for report cards and other documents cause she was never home. At age 15 I was running around town until after midnight and got picked up by cops, cause all I had at home was silence. 

“And I was willing to leave all that behind us, cause now I know the reason and Rebecca said we’d work on it. I’m not just holding a petty grudge for the hell of it, Nate. Nothing’s changed. She’s made no effort to fill the blanks. All she’s done is tell me she doesn’t want me to die. And she does this when all of Unit Bravo is around, too, where I have to choose between pretending everything is fine, or having you guys think I’m being a bitch for no reason. I’m sorry. But I think I deserve better.” 

Erin took a deep breath. 

“And I didn’t wanna talk about it because I know you guys love her. I didn’t want to put you in this spot where you could feel like you have to pick a side.”

Something in Nate melted, and before he could stop himself he closed the rest of the distance between them. The fingers of his right hand laced in hers, and he gingerly lifted his left to touch her cheek. She leaned into it as if almost by instinct, and he had to remind himself to breathe. 

She still felt safe around him. That was all he could ever need.

“It’s kind of you to worry about us,” he said gently, and watched the frown on Erin’s face smoothe over. Grimness gave way to grief. “I didn’t realize the situation was so complicated. And I’m sorry all of us weren’t diligent about keeping you in the loop. Believe me, I wanted to. Very much so, in fact.”

A soft, tired laugh escaped Erin that caused a tug in Nate’s chest. But she tipped her head forward and rested it against him.

“Yeah,” it came muffled from somewhere below Nate’s chin, “would have been nice to not feel like I was dropped off the face of the earth right after being mauled by a vampire.”

Nate frowned.

“That was not the intention. R-”

Erin’s head snapped back up.  A chill wound down Nate’s spine when he realized the mistake he had just committed.

“Rebecca said what?” Erin asked sharply. 

A little part of Nate had to almost laugh at how quickly she had pieced his choked off sentence together. And he might have. If he didn’t have the distinct feeling that he had just put himself in the exact situation that Erin had not-so-tactfully tried to avoid in the first place.

“Ah… she said… it would be best to give you space to heal after everything that happened,” he admitted after a few seconds. “To adjust.”

Anger flashed over her face, just for the briefest of seconds. Then she let go of Nate’s hand to raise both of hers to palm her face. A mix between a scoff and a bitter laugh came muffled through her fingers before she inhaled deeply and dropped her hands again.

“Do me a favor, please, going forward,” she said with a slightly ironic undertone, “and don’t ever assume that Rebecca knows what’s best for me.” 

“Done,” Nate replied.

“She really thought that after everything, I wanted radio silence from you guys?” Incredulousness was poured into every word. “The only people who could understand what-... what happened that night? The absolutely insane few weeks I’ve had? All of it, and I was alone afterwards. Without so much as a phone call from Farah. I thought you guys were busy with cleaning up the mess so I didn’t want to be a nuisance. But the longer I didn’t hear anything, the more I thought you had changed your minds about wanting to work with me, cause I was human and too squishy or something. Rebecca has no idea who I am or what I want. What I wanted was to see you.” 

Erin paused, holding her breath again for a long moment. Then she added, voice small and just barely above a whisper: “I-... I wanted to see you, Nate.”

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*shrugs* (nsfw wip)

Thom tore from her after what felt like minutes, and Amaryll’s lips followed the movement as if to catch him again. His breathing was ragged, heat radiating from his body same as it must’ve from hers. “My lady-” he began, his tone apologetic, only to be interrupted by her hand on his lips. “Fuck me.” He made to protest, and like it was nothing, Amaryll slipped three of her fingers in his mouth. Thom stilled immediately, eyes visibly wide even in the dim light. His next breath out was strained, all air leaving his lungs until it had to burn, no doubt. She didn’t move. Then, she saw his nostrils flare, and with a shivering thrill up Amaryll’s spine, she felt him suck. A moan rumbled around her fingers, underneath her in his chest, and she moved her legs to straddle his stomach, lowered herself down to kiss him right below his ear.

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anyways i finally settled on what cullen names his mabari in my fic.

for context: cullen is having trouble walking but is too stubborn to use the cane he was gifted. so the mabari will often walk by his hip to help stabilize/balance him

“Have you decided on a name?” Cole asked out of nowhere. The mabari perked up, turning his eyes on Cullen with curiosity. “Huh? Oh. I… have a few I am considering.” “Names are important,” Cole said. “Anyone could tell you that. Amaryll could.” I don’t care about what she might have to say to me. The mabari yipped as if to add to the conversation, and Cullen sighed. The pounding in his head subsided a little. “I am usually better at making decisions,” he admitted as they walked on. “It’s not only your decision. You aren’t picking your name.” “You have a point there, Cole. If I can make a suggestion, then,” Cullen said with a glance at the attentive mabari and a small smirk, “how about Devon?” The mabari let off a derisive snort. “Alright, alright,” Cullen laughed with a pat on his head, and even Cole gave a broad, bright smile. Cullen rattled off a few more names, from serious to silly, all to varying reactions from the dog. But it was only when they arrived back at the tower that Cullen thought of one he truly liked. “Shepherd,” he said, and watched the mabari’s amber eyes figuratively start to glow. “Because you always make sure to steer me where I need to go.” “Shepherd,” Cole repeated quietly. “Shepherd.” The mabari began jumping on the spot, around the two men, then circling where he stood before running off into the tower. He came back before Cullen managed to enter himself, with a sock in his maw, and dropped it in front of the Commander’s boots. “Thank… you?” Cullen said doubtfully. “Sweet Maker, I don’t even know where you got this from. Is it not one of mine? Did you get this from the barracks?” Shepherd only continued wagging his but and giving open-mouthed pants. “That’s… very considerate of you.” A short bark, then Shepherd picked the sock back up and ran inside, presumably to hide his treasure once again. Where, Cullen wasn’t sure he even wanted to know.

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I was tagged by @galaxywhale and funnily enough I've actually been writing for the first time in a while - lost in the post-Trespasser Cullen x Amell Sauce once again. Thank you for tagging me, Emily ♥️♥️

I'm curious if and what you guys are working at @isayashai @nabulsi

"I don't know why I came," Cullen said thickly. "I don't know what I was expecting."

"Perhaps you simply wished to see me." Everett's voice was so flat and genuine that Cullen felt almost dumb-struck by the suggestion. He felt Everett's thumb gently stroking over his cheek. "It needn't be more complicated than that."

Cullen swallowed down the anxiety sitting in his throat.

Maybe you can allow yourself this. Without guilt. Without shame.

A wave of relief washed over him as he recalled Amary'll voice, the sense of settlement within himself he left her quarters with last night. The muscles in his shoulders unclenched themselves, and Cullen allowed himself for the first time tonight to actually meet Everett's eyes, calmly and with intent.

They were cooler in the dim light of his room, with moonlight gently reaching through the window. Dark and still like the surface of the pond Cullen sought refuge at as a child. Long, downturned lashes framed Everett's brown eyes, casting shadows beside his uneven, bended nose.

With a steady breath out he relaxed further and could tell that something in Everett's face softened as well. He didn't smile, Cullen felt like he had never seen him smile, but something about his expression...

"I did want to see you."

"Then I am ever glad you came."

A pause, tentative and careful, then Everett bridged the gap between them and leaned in. Just before their lips connected, the mage held off, just a little. A quiet question. And Cullen, to his own mild embarrassment, answered by nodding instead of just leaning into the man on his lap. The quick breath that met his lips indicated a silent chuckle from Everett, and with renewed determination, Cullen closed the distance between himself and the other man, kissing him.