Re-Purposed AU Incorrect Quotes
Huggy Wuggy: [texting] CALL 911!
Doey [texting] WHY?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT'S THE DEAL?!
Doey: [still texting, five minutes later] HELLO?! [no response, he calls:] ANSWER ME, WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
Huggy Wuggy: [on the call] We're good, nevermind.
Doey: What happened?! What was going on?
Huggy Wuggy: It doesn't matter, we're fine.
Doey: It DOES matter! What made you send a message like that?!
Huggy Wuggy: [pull out to show Huggy standing on top of a large, dead Bron]
Aislinn: Guys, if I don’t need to know the scary numbers, please do not tell me the scary numbers.
Aislinn: Doctor, you have taken advantage of the kids, and you are going to the special hell. Reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theater.
[Later, as a potential pre-mortem one-liner]
Aislinn: The special hell, Doctor.
Doey: If you put a milkshake in one yard and cracked open a cold one in another which yard would the boys go to?
Huggy Wuggy: Schrodinger’s boys.
Doey: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?
CatNap/Theodore: [with the gravitas of a professor] As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
Aislinn: [as she's walking by] Mind you, ALL of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.
DogDay/Lucas: Why are we lying on the ground in the driveway?
Doey: You got knocked out so I laid down next to you so everyone would think we were just chilling.
Doey: [as little, multi-colored Wuggies are running around him in circles] You are all very tiny...an' cute…[kids WHOOSH past him again]...but you are so rowdy…
Yellow Wuggy/Bui: [out of breath but so energized] I got ZOOMIES! WILL NEVER CEASE!
Doey: [waits for the kids' next pass and gently snags them, lifting them up off the ground]
Yellow Wuggy/Bui: [little legs kicking for a bit] I-I’m gonna--- [Runs out of energy right there, falling asleep in Doey's hands.]
Doey: [throwing open the door to Huggy's room] WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF— [Huggy Wuggy is very clearly sprawled on his bed, limbs all over the place as he lies facedown.] Oh no. You’re depressed. [grabs Huggy's arm, lifting his hand off of the bed and letting it drop] Uh, okay, c’mon. [picks up the other toy in a bridal carry] We’re gonna go get some ice cream and chicken nuggies. And yes, you can have the toy before the chicken nuggies—
Huggy Wuggy: [stunned by the fact that he’s been picked up] I-I don’t need the—
DogDay/Lucas: Why were you trying to go so fast?! Where were you even going?!
Aislinn: Don’t say that, Theo.
CatNap/Theodore: Oh, sorry. Not Hell. Mexico.
DogDay/Lucas: [after finding Huggy, visibly swaying and slurring his words] A-Are you drunk?
Huggy Wuggy: [staring off into space as he answers] Yeah, very.
Huggy Wuggy: [with a dead inside expression] I don’t have any soul left to be crushed.
Aislinn: [on the phone to a friend] How do you get Play Dough out of…well, it’s kinda everywhere. Let’s start with carpets.
Doey: [from the other room] I'm sorry!
Aislinn: [after something relatively minor and embarrassing] I’m done. I’m done. Goodbye veneer of class and dignity, it was nice knowing you.
Huggy Wuggy: [in his bed, whispering so he doesn’t wake up the others] Stupid birds chirping at four in the morning. The sun isn’t rising yet, you hellspawn. Go back to your nests.
Huggy Wuggy: [after tearing his way through multiple little feral Critters and a few bigger ones] On a scale from one to ten I am at biblical violence.
Aislinn: Alright, Doey, remember, we have to be quiet.
Doey: Ninja mode activated.
Aislinn: I’m running on two hours of sleep, just spent six minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking about how I don’t really know it all that well.
DogDay/Lucas: Okay, but if you die you have to get “I should’ve listened to Lucas” carved into your tombstone.
Huggy Wuggy: [to Aislinn, after an outing] I mean, I didn’t break anything, I didn’t bite anyone, and I didn’t get lost. Aren’t you proud of me?
Aislinn: [grinning quietly] Yes, I am, you goof. C’mere.
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [clearly in a cranky mood] Wanna take a nap!
Huggy Wuggy: You wanna take a nap?
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [crawls into Huggy's lap] Gonna take a nap here!
Huggy Wuggy: [he is just endlessly amused at this] Okay, take a nap right there.
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [curls up, snuggles in] G'night…
Huggy Wuggy: Why are you following me?
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: I'll always follow you around!
Huggy Wuggy: I see. But you know, sometimes people wanna be alone. [whirls around with a pleading face] So wait for me back where you were, okay?!
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [you can see his brain circling, circling...] Got it!
Huggy Wuggy: Good kid. [gets up to leave, only for Corcra to continue to follow him, whirls back around now very angry and frustrated] DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! [grabs Corcra and forcibly brings the little Wuggy to a hiding spot, plunking him down and continuing:] You wait here! I'll be back soon! [stomps off, more quietly to himself as he goes:] He could be eaten!
Baba Chops: And who are these losers?
Doey: [reaching over to cover the Critter kids' eyes] Ouch.
Lil'CatNap: [after having been separated from Doey] Doey!
Doey: Kid! [IMMEDIATELY RACES OVER AND PICKS HIM UP] Where were you, I was so worried...don’t you ever run away from me again, young man! [Bitty CatNap's giggling, Doey hugs the little purple kitten] I’m so glad you’re okay...
DogDay: It’s okay, Aislinn, we have faith in you.
Aislinn: [genuinely confused] Why?
Aislinn: [a bit breathlessly] I’m just having a lot of anxiety, y'know?
Doey: [immediate concern] What’s wrong?
Aislinn: Nothing really, this is just how life is for me.
Doey: [quietly scoots over and gives her a hug]
Aislinn: [in a rare moment] Shit.
Doey: Watch your language.
Aislinn: I was. You should've heard what I was thinking.
[DogDay is talking to Doey, gets a tap on his shoulder and turns around to see Huggy and Theo all standing there with completely serious looks on their faces, covered in mud.]
CatNap/Theodore: A fifty three, my brother, in the absence of your watchful guidance we appear to be covered in mud.
Huggy Wuggy: [like he’s beseeching some all-knowing sage] Help us, brother, what can we do?
DogDay/Lucas: [guys, he is so done] Have you tried, not being covered in mud? [turns back to Doey, is talking for a few minutes before there’s another tap on his shoulder, turns back to Huggy and Theo, both of whom look like they just hurriedly went under the garden hose]
Huggy Wuggy: Okay, so the good news is we’re not covered in mud anymore.
[Doey is on the ground, dying. DogDay just stares at the both of them.]
The Prototype: [to a slightly monsterfied Doey] And that leaves you, all alone.
Doey: [struggling against the liquid nitrogen and saw pinning him in place] YOU KILLED MY FRIENDS!!
The Prototype: [briefly turns off the nitrogen] Yes, your friends, let’s talk about them. They didn’t have to be there.
The Prototype: You could have taken them somewhere else in the factory. Instead you stayed here, where it was dangerous. You left them there. And they could have run, but they stayed for you.
Doey: I WAS TRYING TO HELP THEM!!
The Prototype: So you were, and look at these results! You see, all of this, is your fault. [is about to pull the lever and restart the nitrogen, cue a GrabPack hand slamming down and forcing him to withdraw]
Aislinn: [had been standing above and overheard the whole thing] What makes you think YOU CAN TREAT HIM LIKE THAT?!
Doey: [at the Wuggies] So, you think you can just tilt your heads and I'll give you whatever you want? Because you're absolutely right. [Starts baby-talking] You want snacks? You want my soul? You want my undying loyalty? You got it, lil' guys!
Doey: If you were offered $50,000, but the person you hate gets $100,000, would you take it?
Huggy Wuggy: Of course. Why wouldn’t I want $150,000?
Doey: [doing the math] Huggy, no---
Black Wuggy/Dubh: [while having to be stopped from shenanigans] YOUR ILL-CONSIDERED ALLEGIANCE FORFEITS YOUR RIGHT TO DIGNITY!!!
[In Playtime, the group is semi-scavenging for parts/food, Aislinn wanders a bit further away. We suddenly hear a loud screech, Huggy, DogDay, and Doey all looking up as Aislinn comes sprinting back around the corner.]
Aislinn: WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING YET?!
[And here comes a horde of feral Critters right on her heels, everyone bolts.]
Aislinn: You know you gotta re-evaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'.
Doey: [to Huggy Wuggy] Hey, no judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Huggy Wuggy: The eagles won last night.
Aislinn: Oh, did you watch the game last night? [Turns around, instant 8O]
Huggy Wuggy: [covered in loose blood and scratches] What game?
Gray Wuggy/Liath: [trying something new] At first it was unpleasant, ‘cause my brain didn’t know what was going on.
[Aislinn and Corcra working on a puzzle]
Aislinn: ...It's a lot to take in, so don't worry if you---.
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [sudden realization] Ah! AHHHHHHH!
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: So this! [Points to a spot] And this! [Points at another spot] Make it do this!
Aislinn: [starting to smile] Yeah?
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: And you do this to get that---!
Aislinn: [excitement sure is infectious] Yeah, yeah?!
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: SO THEN TO SOLVE IT YOU DO THIS!
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: I KNEW IT!! I knew, I knew!
Aislinn: [swings the kiddo around, grinning like a loon] You did!
Doey: Hey! Nobody’s cuter than our kids!
DogDay/Lucas: Doey, I agree, but I think we might be a bit biased…
Doey: Well, if I could take out somebody else’s eyes and put them in my sockets I would but to me they’re adorable. [picks up the Critters and the Wuggies] Lookit these faces and tell me they’re not adorable!
DogDay/Lucas: They absolutely are. [to the little ones] Hey, kids.
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: [as Lil'CatNap waves] Hi.
CatNap/Theodore: Truly, setting his coat on fire was an accident. He should be grateful that I put it out by throwing him into the lake.
Doey: So, Huggy, can you tell everyone how good I am?
Doey: [flustered doughman] Because you like me, iunno…
Huggy Wuggy: Well, yeah, I do, I just wanna know why you want me to tell everyone.
Doey: Well, sometimes it feels good to have someone just sing your praises, I dunno. I mean, everybody’s not a big strong ox like you. [he starts to slump, mumbling:] Emotionally sometimes some of us it gets to us, okay, an’ we need to hear something good about ourselves to feel okay…
Huggy Wuggy: Okay, fine. [draws himself up with dramatic gravitas and declares:] You have GOOD ARMS.
Doey: [He kind of just stares before his eyes go all sparkly and he gets a big grin on his face.] You mean it?!
Huggy Wuggy: I mean it. An’ I don’t mean it to be mean, I mean it to mean it. So there. [grabs Doey and starts to give him a noogie]
CatNap/Theodore: God gave me chronic depression because if my ambitions went unchecked, I would have bested him in hand-to-hand combat.
Huggy Wuggy: I’m sending good vibes your way. They’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Doey: …That is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
Doey: [to the others, after they accidentally walk within range of a beehive, offering them refuge] C’mere, I’ll protect you. Besides I’ve been stuck so many times by stuff I’m immune. GO AHEAD AND STING ME, BEES! IT DOES NOTHING!
Aislinn: [running over to Theo] We have a problem…!
CatNap/Theodore: [barely missing a beat] Alright, you get the body bag, and meet me out back. I know a good stretch of land no one will think to check.
Aislinn: Uh, what do you think emergency means?
CatNap/Theodore: [comes over with a shovel, putting a hand on Aislinn's shoulder] It doesn’t matter. No one will ever know.
Huggy Wuggy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
DogDay/Lucas: Wait, wasn’t Doey with you?
Doey: ...In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
Huggy Wuggy: [as the Wuggies and Critters are running around] Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet. SHUT UP! ONE OF YOU IS GONNA FALL DOWN AND DIE AND I’M NOT CLEANING IT UP!
Dr. Harley Sawyer: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then may God strike me down where I stand.
Dr. Harley Sawyer: [smug snake mode] Nice try. Next time, give it your A-game.
Aislinn: [while in a very dangerous situation with Huggy, DogDay, and the Wuggies, gets an idea] Hey, you guys know how I sometimes have really good ideas?
DogDay/Lucas: [as Huggy nods] Yeah?
Aislinn: [handing the Wuggies to Huggy] I'm sorry. [Runs out from cover] HEY LOOK AT ME I'M A TARGET!!!
Huggy Wuggy: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!
Huggy Wuggy: Mercy is the mark of a great man. [punts what's left of Harley's brain] Guess I'm just a good man. [smacks it against the wall] Well, I'm all right.
Doey: [genuine concern] What's wrong, Huggy? You tired?
Huggy Wuggy: Mmhmm, pr'bly…
Doey: You need a one way ticket to Sleepytime Junction?
Huggy Wuggy: Huh? [Doey giggles] Doey…
Doey: [softly singing] Somebody’s takin’ a train to Sleepytime Junction…
Huggy Wuggy: [muffled because he’s pressing his face into the table] Doey, go away…
Doey: [still singing softly] Somebody is so tired he can barely function…
Doey: [still soft] So he’s hoppin’ on that train to Sleepytime Junction…
Huggy Wuggy: [half laughing, half despairing] I hate you so much…
Doey: [soft] Somebody’s takin’ a train to Sleepytime Junction...[RAMPS UP THE VOLUME] ALL ABOOAARD, CRIES THE ENGINEER, SLEEPYTIME JUNCTION IS SO NEAR!~
Huggy Wuggy: WHY RIGHT INTO MY EAR YOU SUCK I HATE YOU SO MUCH….!
Doey: Ah, no, it’s not your problem. If you burden your friends then soon you won’t have any.
Aislinn: ...Y'know, that's actually what friends are for, believe it or not.
Huggy Wuggy: [about various happenings in Playtime] I have a question, for God…[takes a deep breath and screams to the heavens] WHY?!!!
Dr. Harley Sawyer: Pathetic. Whimpering, mewling, useless.
Aislinn: [she is beaten up and done with your shit, doc] I know you are but what am I?
Dr. Harley Sawyer:...What?
CatNap/Theodore: Earth to Lucas, are your feet wet? Can you see the pyramids?
DogDay/Lucas: [nonplussed staring]
CatNap/Theodore: Because you are standing knee-deep in de Nile.
Dr. Harley Sawyer: You just made the last mistake of your life.
Aislinn: [hearing some of the feral toys in another room] I tell you, there sure is some kind of a party going on over here, just not sure that it’s the kind of party I wanna be invited to.
Huggy Wuggy: You... have a face.
Kissy Missy: Yes. Yes, I do.
Huggy Wuggy: I mean, a nice face. You have a very nice face.
Kissy Missy: Thanks, I think?
Huggy Wuggy: Please accept my attempts to give you a compliment. I don't know what I'm doing.
Huggy Wuggy: Please, Doey. After everything we went through together. You can't do this.
Huggy Wuggy: I'm begging you. Don't do it.
Doey: It has to be done. [placing a draw-4 card] Uno.
Aislinn: I’m just a little rundown, that’s all.
Doey: [he recognizes the code word for ‘sad’] Hey, it’s okay! I have emotional jumper cables! I’ll boost you. Just attach like so… [and he wraps his arms around her shoulders, pulling her in for a warm, bracing hug]
Aislinn: [processing what in the heck is happening here, before:] Doey, this is a hug.
Aislinn: [trying and failing not to smile] …Thank you.
Doey: [extra squeeze] I’ll take that as a yes.
CatNap/Theodore: [talking to any of the others] Just because I give you crap doesn't mean I hate you. If I hated you, I wouldn't talk to you at all.
CatNap/Theodore: [to the group] Everything around you turns into a disaster. So, obviously, I'm coming with you.
Aislinn: Hey, Theo, if you ever want---
CatNap/Theodore: I would rather bleed out on the floor than talk about my feelings, thank you.
DogDay/Lucas: I promised Aislinn we wouldn’t be doing anything stupid!
CatNap/Theodore: Now why would you lie to her like that?
DogDay/Lucas: Opinions on pulp in orange juice?
Kissy Missy: I don’t mind pulp.
Aislinn: If I wanted to chew, I’d just eat an orange.
Doey: I love my fruit sludge.
DogDay/Lucas: Why do you all love pulp so much. It feels like you’re drinking guts.
Huggy Wuggy: I like my enemies the way I like my juice. Beaten into PULP.
CatNap/Theo: I don't like orange juice.
Aislinn: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
CatNap/Theodore: You need to stop.
Black Wuggy/Dubh: What are you gonna do with that big bat? Gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.
Aislinn: My autobiography will be exactly three chapters worth of the phrase ‘I should have thought this through’ typed over and over and over.
Aislinn: [rating pain] I feel like I got hit by a car, but not a big car. Maybe like a small one, like a Beetle. I feel like I got hit by a Beetle.
Purple Wuggy/Corcra: I know what drawing is. You think something, and then you draw a line around your think.
Black Wuggy/Dubh: Can I have candy?
Huggy Wuggy: What did Aislinn say?
Huggy Wuggy: So why would I let you?
Black Wuggy/Dubh: She's not the boss of you.
Huggy Wuggy: [internally] It's a trap.
Huggy Wuggy: [singing] Hey, how you doin’, well I’m doin’ just fine, I lied, I’m dead inside.~
Aislinn: I didn’t think I’d get the chance to give you this. Good job!
Huggy Wuggy: You’re giving me a sticker?
Aislinn: Not just any sticker, it’s a sticker of a cat saying ‘Me-Wow’.
Huggy Wuggy:...I’m not five…
Aislinn: Fine, I’ll take it back.
Huggy Wuggy: Hey, I earned this, back off!
Huggy Wuggy: Has anyone stopped to wonder how we’re still alive?
CatNap/Theodore: All the time.
DogDay/Lucas: By all likelihood, I know I shouldn’t be.
Aislinn: [to the Prototype] Not my kids, you bastard.
Huggy Wuggy: If anyone gives you trouble, just smack 'em.
Huggy Wuggy: You know, politely.