nerd!vessel would be so fucking happy about the game awards using his song-
I MEAN VESSEL IRL I BET HE IS SO FUCKING HAPPY WHO AM I KIDDING????? I AM THE NERD WHO IS SO EXCITED TO HEAR SLEEP TOKEN IN A GAME AWARDS TRAILER AND I AM SO SO GIDDY ABOUT IT!!!
i wonder why they used rain though? was it a game awards choice? was it vessel? it sounded like it was combined with a game theme as well, i'm so so curious. why not look to windward for a hype trailer? i have so many questions-
thinking of going to MagiQuest with Vessel and getting matching wands and letting him fight all the bosses for me cuz quick time events make me freak out
rough issues with my ptsd today, thinking about 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 instead. not proofread. mentions of ptsd symptoms under the cut.
(it feels like i'm giving you guys a piece of my soul sometimes)
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who is painfully aware of his own body around you. not in a confident way -- more like he's constantly checking himself. am i standing too close? am i blocking the door? am i making things worse? he keeps his hands folded in his lap, fingers worrying at each other, until you're the one who reached out first. when you do, he freezes for half a second before relaxing, like his brain finally caught up with permission.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who is terrified of doing the wrong thing when you shut down. he's read about it. watched videos. taken notes in his head. but when it actually happens, he still feels twelve years old and wildly under qualified. so he does the only thing he's sure won't hurt you -- he stays. sits nearby. keeps his voice low. asks simple questions you can answer or ignore. do you want me here? should i get you water? and if you don't respond, he doesn't panic. he just waits.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who blushes every time you thank him for being patient, because to him it doesn't feel like effort. it feels like second nature. like when he's locked into a game and everything else fades out. you're not a chore. you're the objective. and he'd rather take it slow and do it right than rush and mess it up.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who gets shy about affection but doesn't hide it. he'll hover before sitting next to you, then blurt out, "is this okay?" even though you've been together long enough that you know the answer. you tease him for it. he blushes every single time.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who learns that grounding works much better when it's shared. sitting on the floor with you, back against the couch, naming things you can see -- not like an exercise, but like a game. okay, five things. i'll start. your socks. that weird crack in the wall. the controller i keep forgetting to charge. he smiles when you add one. like that alone means you're coming back.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who falls for you slowly and a little helplessly. not in sweeping declarations -- those scare him. but in small, undeniable ways. the way he saves your preferred seat. the way he texts home safe? every time. the way he says, awkward but sincere, i don't really know what i'm doing, but i want to keep trying -- with you. and somehow, that feels safer than any promise.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who has to earn -- slowly -- that your fear isn't about him, even when it flares in response to closeness. that intimacy can trigger alarms instead of comfort. that progress doesn't look linear. he messes up sometimes. takes withdrawal personally. gets quiet. then feels awful when he realizes you were struggling, not pulling away from him.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who reassures you badly at first, in the most endearing way. not with poetic speeches -- more like, "uh, just so you know, i'm not mad. at all. like. zero percent mad." he'll say it three times in different ways, just in case your brain is looking for loopholes. by the third one, you're smiling despite yourself.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who treats your progress like a shared win. when you do something hard -- stay present, speak up, rest without guilt -- he doesn't make it dramatic. he just grins and says, "hey. look at you. that was really brave." and somehow that feels better than applause.
𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 who makes happiness feel allowed. not fragile. not temporary. just...there. built out of small jokes, careful love, and the quiet confidence that neither of you has to be perfect to be safe together.
reading through your nerd!vessel (absolutely love it btw) and realizing he’s me and i’m him, like we’re about to nerd out together over game lore and animals until we become a positive feedback loop
honestly i fear if nerd!vessel and i were ever in a room together, the minute i start yapping about my hyper fixations and he starts yapping about his, we might create a black hole that swallows up the world as we know it. it would simply be too powerful.
(thank you so much for the love ♥︎ i’m glad you’re here.)
